~backflips away~

Craigslist room for rent goes sour.

I was in the process of joining the military, simply waiting for the date to enter service. “It would take at least a month, but no more than a year.” Apartment lease had expired, no month-to-month payment option. Looking for some short-term housing. I was single, worked 2 part time jobs, & had cash in savings. I’m quiet, flexible, simple needs. Just needed the simplest of accommodations. I went to Craig’s List.

Met with a woman who advertised a room for rent. We’ll call her “Jill”. Jill was 20something, single, and came from a wealthy family who bought her this small 3 bedroom house, gave her a nice car, paid her bills. Jill didn’t like to work, she just “sold her art”. She made awful graphic art fan fiction on her PC, probably never sold anything but was completely obsessed with her own work and would talk about it constantly. Jill had pets. So. Many. Pets. Like 20 cats, 4 dogs, a room of birds out of their cages, and several acquariums. A bit weird/slightly skewed version of reality, but seemed nice, had a room available and price was okay. I would pay a flat rate for rent and utilities, provide my own food, and come and go as I please. Neither of us ever signed anything, just details via text and email.

She benefited from my moving in as I had transferred my cable internet connection to her house. Got the modem hooked up and used my own wireless router and let her use it for free. I also have carpentry experience so I helper her repair some door frames and some wood trim in addition to patching up some drywall. Helped her out a lot, all while requesting nothing in return. The first week was nice.

Things fell apart rapidly after that. She became manipulative, started making financial demands. The electric bill was high, I needed to pay “my part”. She had bought enough groceries for both of us without informing me, but now that milk had soured and bread molded I needed to pay for “wasted groceries”. Old busted up door knob on the side of the house broke off while taking out trash, so I needed to buy a new one. Etc…

Individually these didn’t bother me much, but there was a pattern. After just weeks, living expenses had tripled the agreed upon amount. I told her that this couldn’t happen anymore. I would pay the agreed upon amount and buy my own food. Period. This settled things…for a week.

Got back from work. In my room my guitar was gone, and in its place, a bill. A bill from a plumber who had installed a toilet. “My bathroom” needed some work done. Jill had “lost all trust” that I would fulfill “financial obligations” after I “freaked out about money before.” My guitar was hostage, locked in her bedroom until I paid for her toilet upgrade. She literally added a padlock to her bedroom door.

Time to get out. I told her I was moving out the next day (a friend already offered me his guest-room). She could keep the guitar (it was a $100 pawn shop guitar). I wasn’t going to pay to fix her house anymore.

Upon packing things came the modem discussion. She was taking an online class since she now had an internet connection. She would get her own connection “in a few days”. I was angry with her but not yet vengeful. I agreed to let her use it until my connection got transferred.

A week later, called Jill the day before the cable transfer. She said she would drop off the equipment, oddly, only while I was at work. I texted a reminder, “please don’t forget to drop off modem”, and she responded, “left it in a bag outside your front door”. Weird, but whatever. I get home that night. No bag. No modem. I text, “did you leave it at the right house? can’t find it”, she responds, “yes”.

Cable got installed, still no modem. It’ll cost me if I don’t turn in the old one. Now I’m vengeful. She’s extorted money, I’ve been nothing but helpful and considerate, she’s stolen my things, now she’s probably lying and stealing more things - which will cost even more money.

Jill took a pottery class on Thursdays, out of the house for 2 hours. Her front door had a combination keypad for entry instead of keys. She claimed she would change the combo when I left, but probably didn’t know how to do that. Waited until after the time she left. Drove past. No one home. Parked a block away, walked to front door, entered the code. Still works. Straight to her bedroom. Not padlocked anymore. Look, there’s my router and modem, right where they shouldn’t be because they’re in a bag outside my friend’s place. Weird. Grab my modem & router, grab my guitar, insert a spare old burned admin copy of Win'98 into her cdrom, boot to CD, set it to work formatting her hard drive. She can complete Win'98 installation later, complained about Vista anyway. Probably won’t be able to retrieve her “art” and homework.

Back in my car within 5 minutes, at my friend’s place 10 minutes later. Jill’s pottery class still had another hour. I texted, “finally found the modem, bag must’ve blown into the bushes! Thanks for dropping it off! :D” I love to imagine whatever flurry of emotions she must have experienced at that moment…

Called me in a frantic rage 30 minutes later. “YOU STOLE FROM ME!!!” “What?? Jill…What are you talking about?” “YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND STOLE FROM ME!!!” “Wait…someone broke into the house?? I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about that… What did they take?” Her remarkable psychological gymnast skills. Walks right up to the ledge of almost admitting that she lied to me and stole my things (after-all, such an admission was required for her version of events to make any sense at all) and then psychologically-backflips away. She couldn’t do it. Her story was not compatible with reality. All she could muster was rage and empty threats and that phone call was the last time I ever heard from her. Honestly, at that point the stuff and the money involved was worth less to me than the fact that she had so much rage but couldn’t do anything about it. It brought me a little joy. The strangest part is that she never mentioned her computer at all…

anonymous asked:

I am jealous of your hair drawing skills!! Teach me your ways Cin Sensei!!!

aahHH tHANK U….. u were probably joking but heres a mini tutorial of my mystical ways for u!!! :’))))

so first what i do is just !! decide where my hair is gonna be, what it looks like in general!! lots of curves!!

then i divide it in “sections” to give it volume: i find that parallel lines look very flat, so i try to make more… triangles? i start from a corner and take my line to another edge like so!

then its literally just! add tiny lines following the flow to give it that good good hair texture!!

and ta-daaah! youve got hair

Backflips are Impractical

Context: The party consists of a barbarian, a cleric, a paladin, a rogue, a wizard, and a monk with a coffin in his back. Our first dungeon, just about to wrap it up after fighting 2 evil chests. I, the monk, decide I wanna get rid of the third evil chest before we go.

Me: I wanna just stab the chest

DM: roll to hit

Me: *hits, then is first in initiative and hits two more times.*

Me: okay and I wanna backflip away to the group

Me: *rolls a natural one*

Barbarian OOC: That’s exactly what I was hoping would happen

Dm: You try to do a cool backflip but land on your back and the plot armor coffin and you’re stuck like a flipped turtle. You take a -3 to pride

The barbarian then reluctantly finishes it off while I try to get upright again

Consider Matt x Lotor

So, after reading this post, @lioness-voltron and I talked about possibilities, especially considering this video, and we came up with this idea.

So, if Lotor is a villain, and he kidnapped Matt, imagine this…

  • Lotor kidnaps Matt Holt, hoping to get information about Earth, since it’s the home of the paladins, and he could leverage that information to defeat them. He hopes that it will improve his status if he can come up with a successful strategy.
  • Matt, however, isn’t really into the idea of being used like this, so he just starts messing with him instead.
  • Lotor: “You will tell me all about your home, Earthling.”
    Matt: “Earth? Earth is a nightmare planet. If you set foot on the surface, you die. Kids learn how to survive by stepping on objects. We call it The Floor is Lava.”
  • Lotor: “Tell me about your leaders.”
    Matt: “We don’t have leaders. We all obey these fuzzy insects called bumblebees. They’re pretty good at giving us directions. And honey.”
  • Lotor: “What are your weaknesses?”
    Matt: “Humans die if you backflip away from them. And it really hurts us if you whistle.”
  • When Lotor whistles experimentally, Matt pretends to be in agonizing pain.
  • Matt: “We have something called a 5 second rule where if you drop something, you only have 5 seconds to retrieve it or it’s as good as gone.”
    Lotor: “Your planet sounds dangerous.”
  • He just keeps coming up with increasingly more ridiculous things, offering 100% wrong information. He is coping with his whole imprisonment by making himself laugh. 
  • Matt also tosses in something just to mess with Lotor when he notices that no one else is allowed to interrogate him. “I should warn you. Humans secrete a toxin that makes you fall in love with them if you spend too much time around them. You need to be careful.”
  • Lotor is pretty sure he’s lying, and he laughs it off.
  • Until one night, he wakes up after a dream that leaves him questioning things. “I think… I think I have been affected by the human’s toxin.”
  • He storms up to Matt, shouting, “How does one reverse the effects of your toxins, human?”
    Matt just grins. “Oh, that? I was just messing with you. Humans don’t do that.” Then, he laughs. “Are you really in love with me? Geez, I must be cuter than I thought.”
Are You Drunk?

Pairing: Peter X Reader
Warnings: Language, Underage Drinking
A/N: Here’s another Peter one :D This is from a prompts list - “Are you drunk?” & “I think I’m in love with [him], and I’m terrified.”

-

“This is stupid,” Peter muttered to Ned as they walked up to Liz’s house party. It was already in full swing, and he didn’t doubt that some partiers were already drunk, if Liz had brought alcohol. “If you hadn’t blurted out that I knew Spider-Man, we wouldn’t have to be here!”

“Come on man, Y/N will be here,” Ned teased, causing Peter to roll his eyes. “You got the suit, right?”

Keep reading

When people still say that Mikasa freaking Ackerman would be “nothing” without Eren…that her entire character is somehow totally nonexistent without him…

Like… ???

You’ve seen episodes 7 and 8, right? As in, the episodes where Mikasa thinks Eren’s dead and spends only like four or five minutes being torn up about it, and then finds the will to fight and survive, even in the face of impossible odds??? And then proceeds to go about her badass business as usual to help get everyone and herself out of a doomed situation?????

Example:

Wow, as you can see she’s totally incapacitated.

Totally only cares about Eren. Clearly has no interest in caring for anyone else. (Like Armin ^^^^^^)

(Or Sasha.)

Completely illogical and overemotional. So useless, right????

WRONG. YOU’RE W R O N G. THAT WAS SARCASM, ASSHOLES.

IN SHORT: YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT. MIKASA IS AWESOME. GOODBYE.

*backflips away from your bullshit*

so i have a theory about Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance that I need to share. In mission 1-1, as soon as you gain control of Raiden, there is a cat walking around the beach in Abkhazia that you start on. This cat is immune to all attacks: it simply backflips away whenever you swing at it. Its cute and silly.

However, this is not the last that you see of this cat. Later, Raiden is disabled temporarily as one of the Winds of Destruction, Monsoon, explains his meme-based philosophy with him. During this segment, you are put in a first person view and can only move the camera. If you move the camera at the right time, you can see the same cat walk into frame towards one of Monsoon’s men, who bends down to pet it.

“Haha, funny easter egg” you say. You are but a fool. 

First of all, to appear here, this cat has traveled from Abkhazia to Denver, Colorado. There is no way a normal cat could make this trip on its own. Furthermore, immediately prior to this cat’s reemergence, Monsoon says something that clues us in on what is really going on:

“We are all pawns, controlled by something greater: Memes. The DNA of the soul.”

A simpleton may think that Monsoon is referring to Dawkins’ “meme theory,” which was also referenced heavily in previous installments of the series. I am no fool. What Monsoon is instead referring to is the colloquial definition of meme: the funny internet jokes that we all love to pass around. And what, mind you, is the most prominent form of meme?

Cats.

What Monsoon is really conveying to us, whether he knows it or not, is that no one involved in the series is in control of their actions. Rather than the driving force being Big Boss, or Solid Snake, or Raiden, or the Patriots, or Armstrong, it is that cat, the lord of memes. Though we will never know how, this cat is in control of the entire series, and made a trip from Abkhazia to Denver simply to taunt us. Every character we know and love from the Metal Gear franchise is simply a pawn to this cat, the meme cat, who is powerful enough to dodge the blows of the most advanced cyborg ninja in the world. 

anonymous asked:

vital question: do the robins in your batcanon wear the booty shorts or nah

Haha, nah! Just very tight pants. The first Robin costume was a modified trapeze costume, so there were probably bright colors and bare arms and maybe a bit too much sparkle, but not a lot of teenage boy legs. Early Dick Grayson aesthetics like:

And then Bruce would have modified it further to involve actual body armor and minimal bared skin and proper gloves and LOOK if you would just WEAR A COWL you would leave A LOT LESS FORENSIC EVIDENCE everywhere you fucking go HAIR EVERYWHERE and Bruce is just so irritable about the whole fucking thing WEAR A HAIRNET YOU AWFUL CHILD DON’T JUST BACKFLIP AWAY FROM ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU put on some real fucking boots you’re going to get tetanus i don’t care if you can’t grip things with your feet, that’s not what feet are for oh my god just wear black you’re a fucking technicolor target right now what did i ever do to deserve this

(alfred sips tea in the distance)

and the first thing Dick does when he moves out is get a more practical fucking costume and grow his hair out and it’s like a double whammy of irritating the shit out of Bruce and all future Robins must live in the brightly-colored shadow of the costume Dick refused to give up