~abuse mention

It’s definitely a positive thing that all these sexual predators in Hollywood are getting outed, but I hope we’re also prepared to make the connection between these allegations and exactly why so many former child stars end up dead or institutionalised before they turn 30. These are not unconnected phenomena. Like, I realise the whole “former child star meltdown” meme is a comedy goldmine, but maybe some awareness of what we’re really laughing at?

Guess Who’s Still Breathin’

Hey guys, it’s Richie. I wanna start off by saying that I’m okay, just a little achy and bruised, but I’ve got Dr K to fix me up ;)

In all seriousness though, I’m sorry for making you guys worry or for scaring anyone, I don’t ever wanna do that. To you or the Losers. You’re all like my family now and I don’t wanna upset my family. 

I bet you’re all wondering what happened so…here’s the gist of it.

Every thanksgiving I cook for myself, usually Wentworth isn’t home and when he is he’ll go out drinking with his work buddies and not come home. That usually leaves Mom and I alone in the house, and we never talk so technically I’m on my own for Thanksgiving. But this year his buddies cancelled on him so good ol’ Went was home and ready to bother me every god damn second. He was in a crappy mood the moment he walked in, even interrupted me cooking my sick chicken nuggets?? Asshole. 

Anyway, getting off topic…Eddie’s given me pain medication so I’m probably gonna start going in and out a little, so appreciate me whilst I can still make some sort of sense!

I’d been texting Eddie all day, like always, and Went kind of kept looking at me and trying to read over my shoulder every once in a while, which he never does. He then asked me if I knew anything about a rumour he had heard from one of his friends. I said no, because it’s true. Why would I? Apparently a kid from the Aladdin had seen Eddie and I kiss when I got off my shift last week and he told his Dad…who told mine. Wentworth kept asking if it was true, and when I didn’t say anything, he noticed Eddie’s messages light up my phone and he just…flipped.

I don’t remember much, it’s kind of a blur, but I remember my face starting to hurt and that I was on the ground. He kept yelling shit at me, that he wasn’t having a fag for a son, that I need to grow up and find a woman, that Eddie was a queer, that I wasn’t allowed to see him again. He actually said ‘You’re not my son’. And then just stormed off to the living room so his fat ass could watch TV and drink beer. I remember blindly going upstairs, dickhead broke my glasses so they cut my eye and nose up a little, and then collapsing on the bed before Bev texted me. 

From then until now I kind of remember bits and pieces, just a lot of crying, which is embarrassing. I remember Mike carrying me to the car, and Ben driving us to Eddie’s and Bev whispering things into my ear to calm me down but I just…couldn’t? And I don’t cry, everyone will tell you that. 

But now I’m at Eddie’s, with him watching me type this like a hawk, whilst Bev and Ben and Mike are talking in the corner of the room. Stan and Bill are downstairs with Eddie’s mom and aunt’s and I wish I could see the look on their faces right now xD But Eddie says I can’t move, and that I need to stay still otherwise I’ll ruin the bandage over my eye.

Oh, in terms of injuries, it’s not that bad! My arm is kinda bruised, I think Wentworth grabbed me? And there’s a few cuts on my nose from my glasses breaking, and there’s a pretty knarly bruise over my left eye but that’ll look cool so it’s fine! 

(Eddie just tutted at me, sorry babe.)

But YEAH, I’m okay guys. I’ve seen all the messages and I’m super grateful you’re all wanting to fight Wentworth for me xD But I don’t want anyone going near him or that god forsaken house right now, hell no. 

I don’t know what’s going to happen in terms of living arrangements…Eds is making me stay here for the night so he can take care of me when the pain starts to come back, but after that…who knows. I’ll probably just go home because I know Wentworth is going away for a couple weeks in the morning, and Mom will still be in her room so there’s no awkward confrontation!

Thanks again, you guys. I love you all, and don’t worry about me, okay? Worry about Stan and Bill making small talk with the Kaspbrak women. Worry about Bev because she can’t stop crying and worry about Ben because his sweater is going to be soaked with tears. Worry about Mike who was super low on gas when he got here and might have to call someone to tow his car home. And worry for Eddie, because he’s gotta share a bed with lanky, smelly old me. 

Love you all, peace.

- Richie

ice cream au part seven; matt

other parts here

Neil’s mom is tiny. She is probably an inch shorter than Neil, which means that Matt towers a foot and a half over her, but she looks at him like she’s planning the best way to take him down anyways. Matt tries not to fidget too much under her stare, but she’s really, really intimidating.

Beside him, Neil is holding a full cup of frappe to his cheek, an apology for the blooming bruise below his left eye. In his defense, Matt hadn’t expected Neil to just sacrifice his face in order to land a jab at his throat. He feels terrible about it, and based on the way Neil’s mom’s eyes narrow, he wonders if he’s also going to die for it.

There is chilling, knife-sharp steel in her voice. “Who’s this?”

“This is Matt,” Neil says, pressing a little closer. “From work.”

Neil’s mom pointedly shifts her gaze from the frappe cup to Matt’s gear bag. Her arms cross, which is maybe a good thing since it means Matt would have a little more time to dodge an attempted murder. “I didn’t realize this is what you were doing at Palmetto.”

“It isn’t - we went boxing after. I texted you.” Neil fidgets with the strap of his own duffle and seems to shrink into himself. “I had fun,” he adds after a moment of hesitation, and Matt has the sudden urge to whisk him away and maybe bury him in blankets.

His mom stares them down. Matt can she the striation of muscles along the back of her hands, the way she tightens her jaw. He knows that there’s something kinda weird going on with Neil, and he really hopes that it isn’t abuse because otherwise he’s going to have to punch Neil’s mom. For a moment she looks like she’s going to yell at them, but it passes and stiffly, she turns to Matt and says, “It’s good to meet you.”

Neil relaxes against Matt’s side.

“Nice to meet you too,” Matt tells her brightly, trying not to wince because this is so horribly awkward. “I promise that I would never, ever, intentionally hurt Neil. In fact, I will probably kill a man for him. Or woman,” he adds, which is partly a threat and partly because he wants to be fair.

Neil makes a little noise, and Matt turns to see him looking back with a deeply flattered expression. Matt doesn’t even know why he’s surprised, since both he and Dan have basically said the same thing at least three other times.

Neil’s mom is still for a moment, looking at Matt consideringly and also probably staring into his soul, before finally saying, “I will be holding you to that.” She moves out of the way so Neil and Matt can come into the apartment and briskly walks to the small kitchen’s freezer, where she pulls out an actual, proper ice pack.

“You can leave your stuff here,” Neil says, tugging off his shoes with a shy smile.

And - well, Matt doesn’t know if his mom was serious, but he definitely was.

i like that they didn’t shy away from frank being kind of a strict father

like, him grabbing frank jr’s face on the boat? okay probably not A+ parenting, but i don’t get the impression frank has ever hit his children or really verbally or physically harmed them. he may grab them and point a finger in their face, and no, that isn’t necessarily the RIGHT thing to do, but he is by nature a bit of a disciplinarian.

and it’s ingrained in frank to not tolerate poor behavior, by that i mean frank jr using a slur/saying frank goes to war only to kill an endless stream of bin ladens is something frank Will Not Tolerate.

it’s the kind of old fashioned parenting behavior that i kind of grew up with, tbh, and i have older parents who come from a time that franks character was originally spawned in. like if i acted up or did something shitty, i got soap in the mouth, i got a smack on the butt, or my sisters and mines greatest fear ‘Mom Threatening to Get the Wooden Spoon™’. (we never got hit with it, the fear of the spoon was enough.)

and you know i don’t begrudge my parents for being rough with me at times. the thing is this- like frank hugging zach after threatening him, like frank putting an arm around jr. after grabbing his chin, the love far outweighed the occasional 'I WILL GET THE SPOON’.

IDK i’m not seeing many people talk about this, and yes it was kind of shocking and maybe not a Good thing for a parent to do but. it was honest, and it didn’t make me doubt franks love. and i don’t believe his kids doubted that love either.

my mom saw my self harm scars instead of asking me if something’s bothering me she makes me feel worse. She screamed at me told my dad about it and she said that every time she sees my self harm scars she is going to remind me of what i did. I’m trying to recover and be happy and she makes everything worse :( i really don’t want to be reminded of what stupid things i did i fucking hate her for that. She didn’t even try to help me she just started screaming at me !! i feel like crying

anonymous asked:

So it looks like you were spot-on about the toxicity of Peridot and Lapis's relationship. Do you have any thoughts about the events that transpired in Raising the Barn? What do you think is going to happen to Peri and Lapis's relationship from here?

I just reblogged the post that I think you’re referring to, here. However, I did miss one crucial element that we saw play out so painfully in Raising the Barn.

My problem is that I was only looking at Lapis, and not paying enough attention to Peridot. Peri seemed so settled, so happy on Earth, that it was easy to brush over her behavior around Lapis. But, with Raising the Barn, it’s clear that there was more going on there. Because Lapis’s behavior, though understandable, was not okay. And apparently she’s been mistreating Peridot for some time.

What I forgot to account for was how the Crystal Gems originally treated Peridot. In episodes like Back to the Barn and Too Far, the CGs punish Peridot for failing to abide by rules she neither knows nor understands. Peri is literally an alien, but they expect her to conform to the social norms and behaviors of Earth gems right away. It’s an impossible expectation.

However, instead of objecting, Peridot apparently learns that it’s okay for people to punish you when you break their secret rules. Peri eventually comes around to the value of Earth, and learns how to treat others with respect, but the CGs never apologize for the way they treated her.

And what happens next, unfortunately, is that Peridot starts living with a gem who has secret rules of her own. Except Lapis’s “rules” aren’t the CG’s basic values. They’re deeply personal triggers that Lapis never explains to Peridot, but ones that she apparently punishes Peri for anyway. And while it’s perfectly fine for Lapis to have those triggers, and to want them respected, that doesn’t excuse how she hurts Peridot.

Look, this is “The Great and Loveable Peridot” we’re talking about. Nanefua may be Mayor of Beach City, but Peridot is Mayor of Snark City. She doesn’t back down from her ideas, or from her own positive opinion of herself. Her key, character-defining moment was calling Yellow Diamond a clod.

And yet, when it comes to Lapis, we see Peridot walking on eggshells. She apologizes as soon as it looks like Lapis is getting angry. Peri agrees that Steven will miss her, because she’s “a very precious gem”, but then turns around and tells Pumpkin that what they want doesn’t matter. That only Lapis matters.

It’s not just that Lapis has been selfish, or that she has made Peridot do so much of the emotional labor in their relationship. Peridot operates by rules, by learned behavior. If this is how she treats Lapis, it’s because she learned that this is how you’re supposed to treat Lapis.

Now, some of that, she probably picked up from Steven, who has his own issues excusing Lapis’s hurtful actions. But some she could only have learned from Lapis herself, who would have either lashed out or shut down or simply left when Peridot did the “wrong” thing—all behavior we saw from Lapis in Barn Mates, before Steven forced her to accept Peridot anyway.

We know Lapis has issues with power and control, after the mirror and Malachite. But to the extent that she was trying not to control Peridot, she failed. She didn’t order Peri around, of course. We know that Lapis went along with all of Peri’s plans and activities. But in her passivity, she made Peridot do all the work. And in her reluctance to confront her own traumas, she forced Peridot to dance around sore spots without knowing what or why. The end result was Peridot literally bending over backwards to keep Lapis happy.

Now, it makes all the sense in the world that Lapis would be ready to leave as soon as she hears that the Diamonds are personally angry. As far as she’s concerned, the Earth isn’t safe, and the life here (represented by her crops) will just have to fend for itself. Given who she is, and what she’s been through, that’s what we’d expect her to do.

And it’s no surprise that Peridot wants to stay and fight for Earth. She stood up to Yellow Diamond already, because she sees not just the beauty here, but the real value of our living planet to a Homeworld that’s in a desperate resource crisis. Again, this is an understandable choice.

But for their disagreement to play out the way it did, that requires more than just a failure to talk things through. Both of them expected that, when it was time to make an important decision, Lapis would be the one to decide. Lapis would be in control. That’s not a healthy relationship. And it’s no surprise to see it collapse in this crisis.

Both Lapis and Peridot learned toxic and unhealthy ways of interacting with others. Lapis took the helplessness she’d suffered in the mirror and inflicted it on Jasper and, in a different way, on Peridot. Meanwhile, Peridot took the dangerous lessons she learned from the Crystal Gems and put herself in the same situation again with Lapis. The result was the break-up we saw in Raising the Barn.

As far as what the future holds for the two of them, well, it’s hard to say.

A lot of it depends on how much work Lapis is willing to do, and how much she’s willing to actually confront her own traumas and her own toxic behavior. Because she needs to heal, not just retire to a comfortable stasis. Healing won’t be comfortable, and it won’t be easy. But if she’s willing to put in some very hard work, she can do it.

Peridot, meanwhile, needs to learn that it’s not okay for people to impose arbitrary rules on her behavior. If they can’t explain what she needs to do, and why she needs to do it, it’s not fair to punish her when she does the wrong thing. It would be a big help if the Crystal Gems (especially Amethyst) would actually apologize to her. Back to the Kindergarten was important, but it wasn’t enough, in my opinion.

And if that all happens, will Lapis Lazuli and Peridot have a future together, on the show? I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s something that’s left open-ended to some degree. However it’s settled on the show, we may have to tell our own stories to see the endings we prefer. Or the beginnings and the middles. Every part can be changed. Every part will need to be changed.

It would be wonderful if Steven Universe could be the perfect story for everyone. But it won’t be. As I’ve said before, a single story cannot be all things for all people. But we can take the pieces and tell our own stories too. Those stories won’t be perfect either, but we’ll tell them to each other anyway. That’s what fandom’s for.

Upcoming Trigger Warning

We’re about to get angsty up in here my dudes, and unfortunately for our sweet children, that’s gonna include some references to homophobia and child abuse. We’ll tag each post with a tw, but if you really don’t wanna see it you might wanna avoid the blog for the next little while. Sorry if this upsets anyone. But for all of you angst hoes out there, buckle up and enjoy

(( since everyone is saying what they are thankful for this is prime opportunity for me to get my sap in:

I just wanted to say that I’m very thankful to this community and the people in it. I wasn’t ever expecting it to become such a big part of my life but it did.

This community helped me become brave enough to get out of a extremely abusive relationship.
This community has helped me out and talked to me when I was in the hospital due to oh so many suicide attempts.
This community helped me out when my mother got cancer.
This community helped me out with my eating problems.
This community helped me when my family and i almost lost our home.
and this community has helped me become a better story teller, character designer and artist in general and has never stopped supporting not only my projects, but myself as well.

This community and the people in it have helped me in more ways than I can possibly imagine….
more than anyone else has ever really done for me irl….

I know there have been bad times. bad people. bad fights. etc.
But in the end even those bad things have helped me become better.

So thank you for everything you guys.

I’m extremely thankful for all of you. Because without you I probably wouldn’t even be around to type this

<3 ))

I never open up to my mom but today we had an argument and told her how bad I feel about myself, my life. She just started crying for her own life and then asked me if I really feel like it then “go and suicide as a solution” and screamed that I am weak like it’s my fault. I have no friends to talk to I feel alone I dont know what to do maybe kill myself for real?

PSA to all Antis

I don’t defend pedophilia. I don’t defend incest or abuse or unhealthy relationships in real life of any kind. I don’t need you to explain why any of these things are bad. I know they are. What I defend is people’s ability to create and enjoy fiction. If you want to argue about that, then argue about that. Don’t accuse me of defending something I don’t.

no real talk tho, like we get it you don’t like kids. no one’s gonna force you to like kids. we get it, you don’t want kids and you think they’re “money-sucking gremlins that look weird and smell bad”. we get it you don’t like kids ok?

but like, really? you’re gonna seriously smack a little 2-year-old for being just a tad bit loud? like, really dude?!

control yourself- you’re the one acting like the fuckin’ baby here.

Therapy Thursday recap, Week 4 of my lgbti relationship abuse program:

- Today started badly overall. I thought my ex and I were starting to get on good terms again (we’ve been checking on each other by text since the Yes vote) and this morning she took it as a sign that I wanted to get back together and asked me out. I said no and calmly reminded her that I needed to look after myself rn. Cue a day’s worth of “you’re so unfair, i’m fighting so hard for us and you don’t care” texts. Also last week I ended an 18 year friendship with someone who was going behind my back telling my ex things I’d said in private since the breakup. 

- So yeah, wasn’t in the best headspace for tonight. When we did our opening check-in feelings chart, I coloured in the ‘hurt’, ‘agonised’ and ‘guilty’ faces. 

- A man in the group has lived through my worst fear. His ex died by suicide a few months after he left, and he talked about it tonight. Harrowing.  

- Talked about effects of DV, e.g. hyper-vigilance, not eating/sleeping, distrust, fear of loud noises/talking/doors, apologising 100x for tiny things etc. 

- Went through a list of red flags and talked about our lateness to recognise them. I said that I recognised mine but because they were linked to my ex’s mental illness I explained them away or thought that was just part of dating an unwell person. Calling it ‘abusive’ still feels unfair/wrong/uncomfortable.

- Did an exercise on boundaries where we had to write down a time we were made to say yes when we wanted to say no to, and I basically imploded. Could barely move, was shaking, crying, felt completely out of my head. Didn’t write, just crawling out of my skin for minutes. It brought up a lot of the sexual consent issues I’d had with my ex, which I haven’t fully acknowledged. Felt sick. 

- Talked to the coordinators after. They asked how I’m handling the content (lol i’m not), whether I’m self-harming (not since starting the program) and if I want extra counselling (can’t handle rn). Very patient and understanding.

Halfway - still struggling and unsure but I want to finish all 8 weeks if I can

sugar how’d you get so flyyyyyyyyy? so this is my attempt at a (very tired!!) intro post, so pls bear with me. if you wanna plot with mads, pls like this post or slide right into my dm’s!!

( carlson young / twenty three / she/her ) is that ( maddox lutz ) ordering a ( flat white ) at mocha? i heard they’re a ( tattoo artist & escort ) who’s known as the ( vixen ) around here. however, they say ( maddox ) is very ( creative ), but ( abrasive ). well, better get their drink before it gets cold! ( sugar / 18 / she / gmt )

also before we start!! trigger warnings for; mentions of death, miscarriage, drug and alcohol addiction.

Keep reading

It’s time

I’ve run out of other things from the Stevenbomb to post about, so let’s talk about Lapis Lazuli and Peridot. There’s already been a lot of discussion about the two of them, and I don’t want to reblog a thousand posts, so I picked four that I’ll link and highlight here. Then I’ll get into the material myself.

First up, “That Dirt Doesn’t Care How Green Your Thumb Is”: a Metaphor for Peridot and Lapis’s Dysfunctional Relationship by @jaspurr

This raises the obvious point that Back to the Kindergarten can inform our reading of Raising the Barn: that despite all the work Peridot did in their relationship, the garden she planted with Lapis didn’t bear fruit. It’s a fair analysis of both characters, and well worth reading. Unlike the Kindergarten, though, Lapis can change, and that’s something she’ll have to do if she wants to fix things with Peridot.

Second, an answer about lapis by @faelapis

This discusses the imbalance of emotional labor in the Lapis/Peridot relationship (how Peridot does all of it, and how the relationship revolves around Lapis’s needs), again looking at how and why this dynamic plays out.  

Third, a post about Lapis by @brainuntamed

This points out how Lapis has Peridot walking on eggshells, and delves into some of the reasons why Lapis acts that way. This is another post that calls out their behavior while being very sympathetic to the gems themselves (but not to the point of absolving them of responsibility).

And finally, Lapis and Peridot: Abusive Power + Control by @vosueh

This breaks down the emotionally abusive dynamic between Lapis Lazuli and Peridot with specific examples, and explains why some emotional abuse survivors see their experiences reflected in Raising the Barn. This one is an especially long read!

That’s a lot of reading material, and it’s fine if you don’t read any of it! But this way it’s here as context for the post I’m going to make. Hopefully this keeps everything to a manageable amount of

PSA: Abuse Red Flags

I’m going to be talking about abuse in depth on this post. If that’s something you can’t handle right now then I suggest you move on somewhere else. Anyways, on to the post.

To start this off I’d like to start off with my own story. This happened last year when I was lonely, too polite for my own good, naive and horrible at reading abusive signs. The year after I came out and I wanted to date however living in the middle of fucking nowhere there were barely any lesbians/bi women. So I went on a shitty LGBT+ meeting app to find someone and to feel less alone. That’s where I met her. She was 26 and I was 16. I always had a very bad gut feeling about her whenever I talked to her. She’d talk to me everyday, flirt with me (even though I told her multiple times I wasn’t interested) and get increadbly upset when I didn’t respond quick enough. Since she lived in Pakistan our conservations didn’t last long (thank god) and whenever they were over the bad, gut-renching anxienty I had about her subsided only to resurface the next day. Then one day she crossed the line. She sent me wedding rings and told me to pick out which ones I liked the most. I picked out three and she responded to me (a minor) with this: “Good, now I know what to use to propose with :).” As I said before, she knew I wasn’t intrested and… this just gave me horrible anxiety. I blocked her. Afterwards I finally found some peace. This peace didn’t last long however… she made another account to talk to me. Being too forgiving for my own good I talked to her again. Bad fucking idea. Now she became even worse. She constantly pressure me for selfies, flirt, and all around made me even more uncomftorable for my own good. She even found out my general location in my state and told me how she was going to a college near me (like a few hours away) to study and see me. This all became too fucking much and with the support of my friends I finally dropped all contact.

Now you may be asking “why give us this story?” This is to show you that 1. Abusive behavior isn’t restricted to domestic abuse (parent/dating relationships) and that 2. that anyone can be abusive. Due to the way I was taught about abusive relationships I had this subconscious belief that abuse is only man on woman and it was only domestic abuse. And if it didn’t fit that mold then it was less serious then man on woman abuse and domestic abuse. Abuse can come in many forms and abusers can be anybody. If someone gives you a bad gut feeling, please leave. Don’t be a fool like me.