aunt marge’s big mistake

*It’s the summer of Harry’s second year and Aunt Marge pays a visit to the Dursleys*

James: *his hands are nervously pulling his hair* Oh for the love of Merlin, Sirius is on fucking Muggle news. He’s not armed or dangerous you bloody morons. He’s a literal puppy.

Lily: He broke out of Azkaban!

James: He didn’t deserve to be locked up in there in the first place. Oh that rat is going to die someday and when he does I’m going to make. him. suffer.

Lily: I have an elaborate plan.

James: *kisses Lily* And that’s why I love you.

Lily: Ugh Marge is coming in. I think I’m going to vomit or something. 

James: That.. woman. Oh I have a special place for her, too. Remember how she followed Harry around with a stick in her hand on Duddykins’ fifth birthday?

Lily: I’ll be damned if I forget. 

James: Luckily, Harry is fast enough, fast enough to be the youngest Seeker in a cent-

Lily: *rolling her eyes* James

James: *grinning* Sorry, I got caught up.

*Vernon warns Harry about behaving when Marge comes, then Harry asks him to sign the permission slip for Hogsmeade*

Lily: Sign it you son of a–

James: Whoa, Evans!

Lily: What?! He deserves it, he won’t sign it I tell you.

James: I know he deserves it but I need you to stay calm so we can both lose our minds when Marge comes. Please?

Lily: Alright, you are right I guess.

*Vernon tells Harry that they said he was at  St. Brutus’s Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys to Marge*

James: Fuck you, you bloody wanker YOU ARE AN INCURABLY CRIMINAL B–

Lily: James, what did we just agree to do?

James: *looking down* Keep calm until Marge comes.

Lily: Exactly, you should follow you own advices really.

James: I know, I know.

*Aunt Marge arrives*

Lily: Murder in human form is in the building.

James: I think Duddykins takes after her, look at how they walk. The resemblance is uncanny.

Lily: *giggling* They are like penguins.

*Lily bends over laughing as she watches James do a very convincing imitation of Marge. Marge starts questioning Harry* 

James: I want to smother her with a pillow, it’s like he breathes to wrong way, she always has something to say.

Lily: Cane? Do they use a cane? You bloody disgusting piece of GARBAGE.

James: *laughing* Lily he’s making fun of her, the sass he has, he’s like a small Sirius.

Lily: Well Marge can compete with Walburga if you ask me.

James: No one can compete with Walburga maybe that Umbridge woman from the Ministry, do you remember her? 

Lily: The one who looks like a toad?

James: Mm-hmm.

Lily: Wasn’t she the one trying to pass a legislation that would limit every right werewolves had?

James: That’s the one.

Lily: Ugh, you are right, all that pink everywhere.

*Marge: You see it all the time with dogs. If there’s something wrong with the bitch, there’ll be something wrong with the pup –*


James: *scared* Feels like you could. Harry NO! 

Lily: It’s just a glass, that woman deserves it

James: He’ll get himself in unnecessary trouble, we don’t want him to starve, do we love?

Lily: No we don’t.

*days pass with many problems and shoutings and swears. It’s finally Marge’s last day

Marge (about James):[…]A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger who–*

James: Harry DON’T!

Lily: She shouldn’t have said that. She should not have said that.

James: *shouting* Will she ever shUT UP?! 

Lily: Bless this boy, he is a literal angel and–

James: An angel who’s blowing Marge up, I was expecting fire or something, this is more fun.

Lily: What?! 

James: He’s not doing it on purpose. Lils! *trying to stifle his laughter* She’s flying out the window.


James: *laughing* We shouldn’t be laughing this hard.

Lily: *laughing* No we shouldn’t but she’s like a freaking dirigible.

*Harry storms out and decides to leave after Vernon comes after him*

Lily: Jamie, please tell me he didn’t just say he was leaving. Where will he go? It’s night time and there are people after him, he’s the bloody boy who lived for heaven’s sake

James: I hope he doesn’t make the mistake of riding his broomstick to somewhere

Lily: After last year’s Ford disaster I’m can’t be sure.

James: He’s walking, oh good, this is good.

Lily: What is so good about him walking in the middle of the night?

James: *angry* I don’t know at least he’s not flying 

Lily: Jamie?

James: What?

Lily: Is that big black dog–

James: *excited* Padfoot!

Lily: Sirius Black you are scaring your godson!

James: I can’t believe it. He is a dumbass. All the times I didn’t believe when Moony told me he was an idiot. Bad Padfoot!

Lily: What the hell is Knight Bus?

James: We used it once with the boys, it’s safe– technically speaking.

Lily: Lovely, this is just peachy.

James: *hugging Lily* He’ll get to Leaky Cauldron safely. Now calm down love.

Lily: *breathing deeply* Alright.

When people die, they pay to have their consciousness uploaded onto a computer to experience the “afterlife.” However, the company has now gone bankrupt and you and your fellow deceased have to come up with creative solutions to keep the servers running.

Hetaween 2016 - Part 1
  • America:guys, let's have a Halloween party and costume contest in my house!!
  • England:why? Isn't your house already disastrous enough?
  • France:it probably adds to the spirit of Halloween~
  • America:shut up. Anyways, it'll be fun to have another costume contest! Oh, and we should have another event as well... like a trick-or-treat contest!!
  • China:like... who can get the most candy?
  • England:whatever, it's not like we could stop you anyways...
  • America:oh, and Russia, you don't have to dress up dude, everyone's already scared of you anyways~!
  • Russia:oh really~
  • China:if we all die doing this I will make you all eat England's food in the afterlife.
  • France:we can't die twice, China.

“My name is Cosmos. I feel that I’m much better at the astral plane. I don’t really like the physical realm. Certain things I don’t like to do. I don’t like to shit. I hope that in the afterlife I won’t have to. I don’t like to sleep because it’s too extreme: First I’m conscious, then I’m unconscious. And I don’t like to eat because I don’t like that desire. I’m overwhelmed by the sensitivity of it. I try to remain still and in-between. I went long periods without eating or drinking. What was interesting was that I became pure energy, and I was able to connect at levels that people think are impossible.”

the signs as ghosts on halloween

Aries: The Vengeful Ghost

They wreak havoc upon those who wronged them in their past life and spend the entirety of halloween hunting down their enemies and ensuring that they pay for their sins

Taurus:  The Hungry Ghost

This is the ghost that, for whatever reason, did not find what they were looking for in the afterlife and seeks loved ones, riches or even home comforts in our world

Gemini: The Confused Ghost

The ghost that does not even know that they are dead, they live in a state of denial and try their best to live their normal lives despite the obvious differences

Cancer: The Residual Ghost

They haunt one specific place that means something significant to their lives or even their death and are forced to stay there

Leo: The Dramatic Ghost

This ghost thrives on halloween as they have a taste for the theatrics, scaring children and making the night as spooky and magical as can be

Virgo: The Friendly Ghost

The ghost that desperately tries to communicate with others and make friends with those they come into contact with, they do not harm or scare others

Libra: The Protective Ghost

These are the ghosts that either protect their loved ones or take care of those they have recently become attached to in death, they ensure their loved ones are safe from other ghosts on halloween

Scorpio: The Lustful Ghost

They fall for humans easily and love to play sexual tricks on those they come into contact with, on halloween night they typically inhabit young womens bodies and entice men for their lustful desires

Sagittarius: The Playful Ghost

This ghosts favourite night is halloween as they can play all the pranks possible without being discovered, they never harm humans but  love to scare them and particularly target children as they are the easiest to frighten

Capricorn: The Reserved Ghost

They do not see the point in scaring others or torturing themselves by following loved ones they cannot communicate with, so instead they visit their favourite places and are thankful for being allowed to walk the earth

Aquarius: The Unpredictable Ghost

These are the ghosts whose moods can change swiftly, one moment they will be playing with the kids in fancy dress and the next minute tracking down an enemy, they are not to be crossed on Halloween night

Pisces: The Sentimental Ghost

This is the ghost who spends their days following round their loved ones and keeps them safe from harm, they typically stay with their family or lover and never leave their side

*use moon or mars sign

anonymous asked:

sry can we just talk abt ur serial killer gardener again i'm new here i need to know aLL ABOUT IT BECAUSE I LOVE IT

HIS NAME IS ISIDORE… hes got a musician boyfriend named noah who is a friends oc! he has some sort of light yagami mindset where he wants to kill bad people in the name of a better world lol except he disposes of bodies in forests and plants flowers in them so that they become beautiful in the ~afterlife~

Why do I always decide I want to do Nanowrimo ten days before it starts? No outline, barely-fleshed out characters, sounds like a recipe for disaster. But this Western set in the Egyptian afterlife isn’t going to write itself…

licht-strahl  asked:

Hi Rose! I'm Tania and i'm a psychic..I really feel like someone wants you to read the book that i'm reading right know, it's like i can't go on with my life until i send you this message, so here i am! The book is "Proof of heaven" by Eben Alexander. There is something you need to know/ understand in this book. It's about the afterlife, of course.I hope you don't find it weird and I hope you will read it.. <3 <3 <3

Hi Tania! Thank you for passing this along to me! I will be putting a hold for this book and reading it next! Thank you 😊

Projects you can support by supporting me on Patreon: Haunt

Haunt is my newest project, so it’s all very up in the air still but I’m super excited about it! Right now I’m still deciding a lot of the plot, but it’s a paranormal novel about two sisters and their brother who hunt ghosts because they want proof of the afterlife to know what happened to their oldest brother. What they investigate are mostly hoaxes, until one day they end up investigating a mansion who’s owner is going to unlock a lot of secrets about their family that they’re not ready to know.

By supporting me on Patreon you will get to see:

  • Development work including character and scenery designs.
  • Early previews of chapters when I start writing them, and any other little things I write for the project like character explorations and profiles.
  • If you subscribe to the $50 tier, you could name a character in the book.
  • And more!

See the Pintrest board for this project here!

And check out other projects you can support by supporting me on Patreon in my Patreon Launch Event tag!



Voices, he had heard them. He swore he had heard some type of voice. It sounded like it was coming from jut above him- or was it jut below? The passing king did not seem to know which was up, yet he was able to stumble to his feet. Clutching onto whatever was around him to stable the stumbling and shaking knees that wanted to buckle and cause him to collapse.   

Something- something felt different. It was a body of his own, that much he gathered. How he got it was a different story that needed explanation. 

                         Later- He thought, heaving.  

This was so much different from being a floating spirit. He had a physical form like the one that he had long long ago- There was something he didn’t understand tho. 

Why was one not there in the afterlife.



                                                                                “……………Heba……… !  ”   

He didn't even realize the name had flown off his lips into the deep dark room he was trapped in. The bandages he was wrapped in making it hard to breathe. But his voice just echoed back at him, leaving him deep in the dark, far underground. 

anonymous asked:

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*: ・゚✧

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):relationship status? 

Happily in a poly relationship with @afterlife-princess and their GF @cappucinotarts~

(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧: sexual orientation? 

Grey-ace i think is what suits me best. I like reading/looking at naughty things but don’t particularly have any interest in doing the naughty myself

OMG I THOUGHT OF A PROMPT.  I can never think of prompts, and now that I have done I HAVE TWO, because it’s different depending.  So:

Our Hero/Main Character can see and talk to dead people.  Sixth-Sense sort of thing.  This is an established skill/talent that MC has accepted and come to terms with (or not????).  Sherlock fakes his suicide, and it can go one of two ways:

Johnlock:  Since Sherlock took his swan-dive off of Barts, John doesn’t mourn as deeply as he could, since he expects Sherlock to turn up any day now.   But he doesn’t.  John sets out to find out why, helped by the dead who he’s helped in life and the afterlife. 

Sherlolly: **SUPER ANGST VERSION** Yep.  You guessed it.  Molly doesn’t mourn Sherlock at all because she knows he isn’t dead.  Until the day he swans back into the morgue and gradually, bit by bit, she figures out he isn’t “back.”  But she can see him.  But she shouldn’t.  Unless he’s…..

Have at it.

anonymous asked:

Do you think that OQ closure means that unlike Daniel who told Regina to love again, Regina will tell Robin to wait for her in the afterlife and that she'll never love again, because she'll wait for them to be reunited after death? I could see A&E doing that, but whether you like OQ or not, I'd find that incredibly sad for Regina.

No.  I do not think that’s what will happen.

the signs after they die

aries: rules hell
taurus: becomes a comet
gemini: starts a new life with no memories of the past one
cancer: goes to heaven
leo: starts a new life as a god
virgo: goes to hell
libra: stays in earth as a ghost
scorpio: marries aries
sagittarius: rules heaven
capricorn: becomes a planet
aquarius: starts a new life in another constellation
pisces: becomes a mermaid

There is a certain booth in a certain Denny’s haunted by the ghost of Andy Jones. His tortured soul remains barred from the afterlife lest he settle his unfinished business, an unfinished glass of Fanta. At certain times of night you can hear him. “sip”…”sip”…”sip”. But like Sisyphus and his boulder, every time Andy’s Fanta nears the bottom of the glass, a server comes by to top him off. Always tending to the refills. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Trapping him forever in this ether between the realms of the living and the dead.


I got a story to tell. One of my friends showed me this coin that he has. It’s probably one of his favorite pieces of memorabilia. My friend received this coin from one of his best friends 2 days before he killed himself. As you can see in the first picture, a man is walking on a path while the forest he is walking in is on fire. In the second picture, the man is gone, the forest is fine again, and at the bottom it says “SERENITY”, peace. This is so symbolic to me, that his friend that passed away is at peace now. When I saw this coin, I was absolutely astonished. There is more to life than we think @sixpenceee