~*let me stare into your soul*~

may the bridges i have burned light my way back home

finally finished with my fic for the @pjohoobigbang, with of course tremendous thanks to @falloutside and @percyyoulittleshit for organizing it, to my long suffering and tremendously patient artist, @olympusisbleeding, but most importantly to mari for being sincerely the BEST beta i could have asked for… i don’t think i have to tell you that this fic literally would not have been possible without you, so what i really want to say is thank you for putting up with me and my sporadic writing habits and letting me torture your pure soul with the angst :,)

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,

anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

In a fit of sudden bravery, Annabeth reaches for her phone and scrolls down, finger hovering above the contact. And then she bites her lip and sets it back down on her dresser, hands on her hips, pacing.

Takes a deep breath, turns, stares at the phone. Reaches for it.

Keep reading











Goodbye (Joker x Reader)

This is my first oneshot (that I’m posting) so please take it easy on me! I did my best and feel free to send me requests!! I’m dying to get this blog up and running so please help a girl out and like/reblog maybe? I dunno! Let me know what you think guys thank you so much! 


“How can you live with yourself? How can you sleep at night knowing that you took everything from me. You took my heart, my soul, my life. Was this all a joke to you?” Tears streamed down your cheeks as you stared at the cold, expressionless face of the man you loved. Sure, you knew going into this that it was going to be difficult, he was the Joker for Christs sake! The Clown Prince of Crime, the King of Gotham City, the man who stole your heart. He was a bad man, one of the worst, that was for sure but he had always loved you and cared for you, or so you thought.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Y/N,” he said in a deep monotone voice. His icy blue stare pierced right through you. The eyes that once gave you so much kindness were now breaking you down.

“I’m leaving J. I’m going somewhere where you won’t be able to find me. I’m not your pet anymore. I’m going to live a life for myself. I’m going to get a nice job, and house, a man that actually loves me and cares for me. I’m going to be happy J. I’m leaving so that I can be happy. I’m leaving and even though you might not care, I do. I sacrificed everything for you and now it’s time to do something for me. No it’s time to stop loving you and to start loving myself. Bye J.” The tears were pouring and the hiccups were coming but you had to say it. You had to get that off your chest. “You’ve controlled me for too long. It’s my time now. It’s my time to be happy.”

“You won’t do that Y/N. You’re not going to leave, you’re not going anywhere,” he said calmly. “You couldn’t survive on your own Y/N. You need me.” He wouldn’t look at you, sitting at his desk in his office, rummaging through paperwork, anything but look at you. This all started when you walked in on him and some trampy blonde dancer from his club. His moans mixed with her screams of pleasure, that was the moment that ruined your life.

“That’s where you’re wrong J. See you’re wrong because before you, I had a normal life. I had a normal boyfriend who loved me, I had a normal apartment where I had all my normal things, I had a normal job where I made a normal amount of money. I was normal J. I miss normal…” Your voice dragged off as you felt the tears stop. You were just tired now. Tired of arguing, tired of begging, tired of loving. “Just tell me why. What did I do? Why wasn’t I good enough?” The trembling in your voice gave away how truly upset you were.

He looked at you with boredom in his eyes, clearly unaffected by your pleas for answers. “You were fine.” His brief, abrupt answer surprised you as you were simply expecting one of his fury filled gazes. “Are you done here Y/N? I have work to do and you’re being unreasonable. Go back to bed.” You gave him one last look before turning around and leaving the office. You beelined for the bedroom, throwing all your belongings into a bag and heading towards the front door.

“Goodbye J…” Your voice was soft and quiet and exhausted. Exhausted from this life of constant mayhem and chaos. You maybe one day wanted to start a family and this was no way to do it. This was dangerous and you couldn’t stay. Your family had a nice beach house down south, you could go down there until you found a job and finally got back on your feet. Stepping out of the house you took a deep breath. Revelled in the fact that you were a free woman, ready to live the life she always wanted. The walk to the bus stop was refreshing, calming, and extremely relaxing. You were worn out by all the emotions flying through you and couldn’t wait to get to the station.

This big coach bus pulled up in front of you. Ticket in hand, grin on your face you were excited to start this new chapter.

“Y/N what are you doing.” His voice sent chills down your spine, calm and furious. You didn’t even need to turn around and look at him to tell that his expression was filled with pure and utter rage, fists clenched, mouth in a tight line, shoulders rising and falling with each heavy breath.

“I told you I’m leaving J. This is me leaving. This is me doing everything I told you I was gonna do while you weren’t listening to me. I’m leaving far away from you and I’m not coming back.” You didn’t have it in you to turn around, to look into those eyes again. You couldn’t.

“Don’t you dare take one more step Y/N. Don’t you fucking dare. You think you can just leave me Y/N? You are so dumb to think you can just walk away.” You took one big breath and stepped on to the bus, turning away from this life forever. You could hear his angry yelling through the windows of the bus. You leaned your head against the cool glass window as the bus finally started to push forward, officially on your way way to starting a fresh new life.

“Goodbye J.”

Part 2 here!


i wanna seei’m staring at your face

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsCEUCq775o)

Falling   fot. (aka @cloudysketches   every time i listen to this - i hear something new - and her voice omfg <3 <3 <3 

hey/i’m looking at you/i’m talking to you/please, dont walk away/ i wanna share love/i wanna share pain/i wanna share flame/ please,dont let me hang in here/all by myself/oh, we are all trapped souls/in between our mistakes/ 

walking through the path/of the dead/we’re singinging melodies of ancient faiths/we keep on falling / we keep on calling us names/we keep on walking down/the aisle of mistakes 

hey.i’m calling your name/i.m staring at your face/please don’t turn away/i wanna see/ your beautiful smile/oh please, dont let me hang in here/ all by myself/oh, im screaming out loud/for my voice to be heard

we’re walking through the path/of this vain/we are sinking ships/in this ocean’s display/we keep on falling/ we keep on calling us names/we keep on walking down/ this aisle of hate

i’m walking under the rain/aint got nothing to lose/nothing to gain/in wet clothing/ i keep my pride up/the walls are rising/the borders are closing/and i keep waiting/ for / the sun to shine/and fill my heart with love/looks like humanity/is a cover up word/ for uncertainty

passing through the path/of this vain/we’re bullying our minds/we’re bullying ourselves/we keep on falling/we keep on drowning/we keep on calling us names/we keep on wqlking down/ this road filled with hate/ we keep on walking down

what an ESFJ has to say to all the types
  • ENTJ: Repeat after me: having emotions is NOT a weakness. No, I don’t think you’re a loser because I saw you cry once. Yes, you’re still the baddest bitch around and no one can mess with you. Yes, I would love to schedule a power lunch with you sometime this week so we can talk more about this.
  • INTJ: I’m going to need you to stop staring into my eyes like you’re analyzing every facet of my soul even though you’re probably just thinking of all the ways you could destroy me. I’m also going to need you to hug me back at some point I can cling to you all day long until you acknowledge your affection for me you small emotionally distant creature
  • ESTP: alright Tom Haverford thank you for being a fun friend and going out with me but maybe let’s not reenact the weird combo of the Hangover, Animal House, and Legally Blonde that happens EVERY time we do something together EVERY time we do something together.
  • ISTP: Hey professor I thought I would come in during office hours to talk about my last test and— oh, you’re out of the office… but at least you left a note this time! That’s an improvement! It says, “science just got ballin bitches haha lmao smell ya l8er”. Professor the next exam is in two days why are you doing this to me
  • ENTP: ok this argument can go one of two ways, either 1) i agree with you even though i don’t actually agree with you because I want you to like me or 2) i end up trying to argue but really end up crying— oh we’re going with option 2 ok this should be G R E A T
  • INTP: how did you make a bong out of literally nothing. do you have no regard for the laws of the universe or— how did you disappear. why do you have no regard for newton's laws of thermodynamics. why do you do this to me.
  • ESTJ: wow i have never seen anyone adhere to a routine so tightly until I met you. why don't you walk on the wild side with me? we can get an unusual flavor of ice cream and talk about capitalism or something.
  • ISTJ: no i don’t want to watch that war documentary with you again yes i’ve heard the story about your uncle who was in the korean war five times ok fine i’ll watch it with you but i reserve the right to be on my phone the whole time. Why do you care about war documentaries so much you cute turkey you already know who won why is this a universal with every ISTJ ever W H Y
  • ESFP: come close to me. closer. closer my child. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO A SHOT EVERY TIME SOMEONE AT A PARTY SAYS LET'S DO SHOTS OK??????? unless you want to and as your certified enabler that's ok too u precious pearl
  • ISFP : OK i UNDERSTAND that sometimes you need to commune with nature by staring at a tree for twelve hours straight but can you PLEASE put on a jacket it’s starting to get cold outside. ok you’re going deeper into the forrest so you can’t hear my nagging THAT’S FINE I HAVE A LOUD VOICE YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THE MOTHERSHIP
  • ENFP: BE!!!!!! ON!!!!!! TIME!!!!!!! TO!!!!!!! THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you SWEET and ADORABLE little RAGAMUFFIN
  • INFP: I love talking to you and I love your crazy brain but CRYING ABOUT ALIENS and WONDERING IF THEY HAVE FEELINGS at 4:00 AM can only happen so many times before I physically restrain you so we can both get some sleep.
  • ENFJ: I like how we can jam on an emotional level and you are just as interested in knowing the intimate details of everyone’s life as I am and I really appreciate your ability to emotionally manipulate people (i know when you’re doing it and I especially know when you’re doing it to me but I love you so I go along with it lol) but for the LOVE of GOD P L E A S E tone down your ability to do EVERY ACTIVITY to PERFECTION and get MORE THAN 4 hours of sleep a night THANKS. you’re starting to give me an ulcer you sweet potato perfectionist.
  • INFJ: Yes, Ghandi, I am aware of all of those injustices that you’re telling me about. I’m angry too. No, I won’t go on a hunger strike with y— ok fine I will Jesus Christ put away those puppy dog eyes NO I DID NOT MEAN JESUS CHRIST LITERALLY GET OFF OF THAT CRUCIFIX RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME
  • ISFJ: I know you love people but you also love alone time. I know baby. I understand. But maybe come outside for a little bit and get some fresh air? Talk to people who aren’t on the internet? No? Your favorite fictional people are going through a hard time and you need to be alone to process this? ok go back to netflix love you sugar muffin i’ll try again tomorrow
  • and finally, other ESFJ's: I swear to fricking gosh if you bring baked goods to a function where I brought baked goods and PEOPLE LIKE YOURS BETTER I will spread a MILDLY NASTY RUMOR about how your pastries are all store-bought. Do not test me. love ya girl ;*
We create magic with our overdose of melanin
Your body and mind is my favorite medicin
Are you a human sun? Because i can’t stare at you for too long without an ocean dripping through my eyes
We were born to be absorbed by love - born to be one
God granted me the gift of you to heal my broken heart and make my soul come alive
In this earthly life we have truly won
Let’s pray we’ll reunite in the heavenly paradise
—  Sarina
…And again, I would watch you how to forget about me. And it aches me like the volcano explodes, I can’t inhale the fresh air, my feelings erupting with big flames.
Everything bleeds like I remember you so well. Can’t wipe the red because your traces are in my hands, it’ll leave the blue all over my skin, inside my soul is like the yellow that no one can stare for too long. I just want to tell you, these cigarettes in my hands are not for me to smoke, I can see myself, I can see how you started the fire and let it turn into ashes and fade away. It’s also how you do in your head, not sure in your heart. It’s unfair, I am the one who always wide awake and being trapped, because I can’t forget.
Capricorn & Aries
  • Capricorn, sighs in content: Wow, fall weather really does sooth my soul....
  • Aries, comes up from behind them: I can take of you. Let me sooth your soul.
  • Capricorn:
  • Capricorn, stares at Aries: I am uncomfortable and concerned for many reasons but mostly because you were following me.
  • Aries, smiles: #1 Fan of you, I'd do anything for you.
  • Capricorn: Then die.
Steps Pt.2     By: Y. Black

Slow progression has ensued

Numerous nights of hesitant goodbyes has created

Great anticipation for our bodies to connect yet

We’ve settled for numerous kisses and tight hugs but

Tonight there’s more in the air that’s when

Your breathing deepens and your eyes close suddenly

Your lips fall from mine our souls become intertwined going further

Further than before

My hands roam lightly you begin to moan which lets me know

Know you are into my touch

I try not to rush so

I plant my lips back onto yours then

Your hands grip my biceps causing me to

Clutch that ass of yours and raise you in the air making you

Open your eyes and give me a death stare but

I’m not fearful for my life

I’m more intrigued to get to know this side

Then without warning

…………………… TBC

protheangel  asked:

*The deranged stepped through the portal. He walked right toward's Rain.* "I WANT TO PLAY AGAIN!" *He showed Pro's soul.* "AND BY THE WAY... YOUR LITTLE ANGEL FRIEND WON'T BE HELPING YOU NOW!" *He laughed insanely. He pointed his blood drenched blade at Rain.* "I'LL LET YOU DECIDE THIS LITTLE ANGEL'S FATE... EITHER YOU SURRENDER YOUR SOUL TO ME, OR I WILL ABSORB THIS SOUL DOUBLING MY POWER, KILLING YOUR LITTLE ANGEL FRIEND IN THE PROCESS." *His grin was immensely, impossibly, wide.*

He groaned when he heard him and stared at him annoyed. “Again?? Jeez you just like to annoy me don’t ya? Anyways do what you want with the stupid angel. I don’t get sentimental easy. He’s never liked me and only recently has. He might see me as a friend or someone who’s truly kind, which he’s Oh so dead wrong.” He then slouched and was ready to turn away and walk away but instead just waiting to see what he’d do.

Tell me Why- A BTS College AU (Part 1)

You remember the first time you saw him perfectly, it was etched into your mind, as if you had seen the scene play out in a movie multiple times. The kind of scene you watch over and over again, and never get tired of it, where everything happens in slow motion, and there are close ups of the character’s faces, and their eyes, letting you see into their soul, and feel the intensity of the moment.

You remember seeing him standing there, right in the middle of the building, staring at his phone through his minty green bangs, that seemed to be just a little too long. You remember his red and black plaid shirt, and the way it lazily clung over his shoulders, a little bit too baggy. You remember the way his eyes shimmered over his phone’s screen with a bored expression, as he too waited for the lecture to start.

But most of all, you remember the sound of his voice, and the shine of his smile, and how confused he looked when you approached him to ask if you were in the right building for the lecture.

Truth is, you knew perfectly well where you were, you had been standing there, waiting for the past 10 minutes already, but you needed an excuse, any excuse to talk to him, at least just once.

Yoongi. Even his name was beautiful. You followed him up to the lecture theatre, but sat down somewhere else, you didn’t want him to think you were eager, clingy or weird. Plus your friends were already awkwardly waving at you and pointing to the empty seat they had saved for you.

You saw him around a few more times, but he was always busy, or you were, or he was standing just too far away for you to be able to casually walk past and say hi, pretending you hadn’t already noticed him being there 5 minutes ago. You needed an excuse to talk to him, he seemed so easygoing, so calm so peaceful, so detached, the complete opposite of you. And that intrigued you.

Days passed like that, you’d see him, and your body would urge you to go forward, but you were too shy, too cowardly.

Until you both happened to be buying tickets for a party your university was hosting at one of the nearby clubs. You smiled at him once you noticed he was looking at you, and were about to walk away with your heart throbbing in your throat, when he placed his hand on your shoulder and pulled you back.

“Y/N right?” He asked, but there was no hint of doubt in his voice. He knew your name. You nodded, and fangirled internally. HE REMEMBERED YOUR NAME.

“Are you going tonight then?” He asked you, pointing towards your ticket.

“Yeah, my whole flat is going.” You answered coolly, shrugging it off like it was no big deal, but your heart was going crazy in your chest.

“Oh, that’s nice. I don’t know if anyone in my flat is going.” He replied with a slight grimace.

“That sucks?” You replied, a little unsure of the socially adequate response in these cases. You wanted to head-butt a wall for being such an idiot.

“Maybe I could go with you guys?” He egged on, lifting his eyebrows. How could you have been so oblivious? You wanted to slap yourself.

“Oh! Sure. The more the merrier right?” you laughed it off, as you began to walk back to the halls. He followed you.

Your heart felt like it was about to leap out of your chest, and begin to do a victory dance, but your face was the perfect representation of a poker face.

You made small talk, until you both got to the end of your common route, and walked home separate ways.

Your heart thumped in your ears for the rest of the night. You got ready to go out faster than ever, perhaps a little too eagerly, but when you saw him out there, waiting outside your flat, with his back rested against the brick walls, and his hands in his pockets, you knew the excitement was worth it.

He looked slightly drunk, and a little bit clumsy, but he was every bit as charming as he had been before. You danced, you fooled around, you watched him move, and judging by the way his eyes fluttered shut with the beat of the music, you could tell music was his everything. You did the same as him. You placed your back against the large spreakers, and closed your eyes, letting the deafening beats vibrate through your body, making your ribs thump and beat.

It felt incredible, you felt so free, with your blood pumping through your veins at the same pace as the music. A small smile played on your lips, but your eyes remained closed, so you didn’t see Yoongi smile at you warmly.

Once the night had started to die out like the flame on a burning out candle, he walked you home. Slightly inebriated, you talked freely waving your arms about, with your eyes glistening in the night lights, and your cheeks flushed red. He laughed at your silly comments, and made sure you didn’t step onto the road whenever your body lost balance.

You reached your door, but you were so into your philosophical conversation, you didn’t want to go up, so you pleaded him with your eyes, and he asked you if you wanted to just sit onto the asphalt, and carry on talking. So you stayed there, from 2 am, for three hours, talking about anything and everything.

He smiled, as you talked, and listened attentively, not being much of a talker himself. But then you began shivering, and he asked you to go home, and not get sick. You had started to sober up by then. You didn’t want to go just yet, but it was nearing 5am and you knew your flatmates would start asking questions if you took much longer to go back.

“I should go I guess.” You smiled at him, as you stood up, rubbing your hands on your arms. He smiled and stood up too.

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out here. Let’s walk you back.” He said, as he walked the few metres it took to get to your front door.

You didn’t want to say goodbye just yet, and part of you wanted to invite him in, but you weren’t like that. You’d never really done this kind of thing before, and although you’d had plenty of sex in your lifetime, you’d never just brought a guy over after the first night with him.

“I’ll see you in class then yeah? I’ll save you a seat. Don’t forget to put water and an aspirin by your bedside for tomorrow.” He told you, before turning around, and walking away.

The Two Sides Of Bangtan (Pt 2)


There’s Seokjinnie

Originally posted by bts0726

aww pretty bby

Originally posted by go2bedjungkook

Happy sweetheart eating, n’awh

Originally posted by vminv

strong handsome boyfriend aesthetics with his gorgeous plump lips

Originally posted by crimsonspeedsterr

in his own world, just wonderful

Originally posted by missbaptan

*catches kiss*

… and then there’s Jin

Originally posted by leafeonjpeg

Like I swear to God he has a big ass qualification in staring into your soul

Originally posted by bwiseoks

Let us live plz

Originally posted by syubbie


Originally posted by bwiseoks

and don’t even get me started on forehead Jin, I –

Originally posted by chimx2-taex2

You wanna know why I never deleted our conversations and your photos in my phone? It’s not because I don’t want to move on or anything. Or because I wanna say that I’m not being bitter over this.
But it’s because I want to remember..
I’m a very forgetful person and although ours ended with pain and broken souls, you’re one of the few memories that I wanna keep forever. So I’ll keep on reading and rereading, staring and laughing over these scattered pieces you left with me until I am sure I have memorized it all enough to make it last in my mind.
—  Bea
Locked Doors.

Your silence drives me crazy,
your looks, they turn me cold,
there is a fire in your eyes,
and your pain remains untold.

You have moved out of our room,
to the spare room down the hall,
and no matter how I plead,
you wont answer when I call.

When I get up in the morning,
you have dressed and left our home,
and I stare out of our windows,
drinking coffee all alone.

When I come home in the evening,
your door is closed to me,
and you stare out at our garden,
seeing things I cannot see.

And this feeling that it’s over,
this burning wall of pain;
it is pounding at my heart and soul,
and I’ll never cheat again.

But my time with you is over,
you wont trust me anymore
you wont let your heart be broke again,
you have closed and locked your door.

Ambrose Harte
Scattered Thoughts 

BTS reaction to accidentally walking in on you undressing yourself

***This is the first reaction I ever wrote :)

Rap Monster: “Need my help, baby girl?” *Daddy mode activated*

Originally posted by huang-zitao

J-Hope: “COME ON, Y/N! HURRY UP- oh my god… Wow *openly stares at you as you hurriedly put your clothes back on*

Originally posted by taekookie-bts

Suga: *silently watches you until you’re only in your underwear* “Fuck…”

Originally posted by rapmonsexpensivegirl

Jin: “Y/n? Are you- Oh oops, I’m sorry… I’ll let you finish!” *sits on the bed and keeps staring at you*

Originally posted by sailor--mon

Jimin: *takes off his shirt and joins you* 😏

Originally posted by baebsaes

V: “Oh, please do continue. Don’t mind me, really”

Originally posted by onewside


Originally posted by sugutie

Jack seized my arms and I knew I would have bruises for the next few days, reminding me where he’d touched me. He stared deep into my greenblue eyes. “Don’t you see, Syntheea?” he demanded. “You don’t have to let the Government choose your Battle Partner! You can choose your own.”

“I’m sorry, Jack.” I looked deep into his familiar gaze, beyond which I could see his soul sparkling out. “The Government didn’t just choose Malachi for me. I chose him for myself.”

Then I kissed him.

—  An excerpt from the Best Novel Ever

I gaze into the abyss
 and the abyss stares back;
 and the blood on my hands
 is slowly unraveling me apart.

The shadows grow too thick -
 there’s no time for me to scream
 as they slowly take me under
 and pierce my paper skin.

I don’t have to bear it
 (or so you say),
 but how can I let you have it
 when you want me spared?

I can’t watch you take this,
 so I’ll endure it for us all,
 I’ll chain it to my soul,
 I’ll take it outside these walls.

The distance between us grows,
 and your voice fades away.
 But your touch still burns
 and lights my tragic way.

You’ll wait and you’ll believe,
 I’ll walk and I’ll despair,
 I’ll struggle and beg and grieve,
 I’ll drown and cry for help.

But it’s something I have to do
 (that’s why you let me leave),
 so I’ll face my demons
 and let them come at me.

Because I’m not a princess,
 waiting for her knight,
 but a warrior getting ready
 to win another fight.

—  watch me get back up, m.p.
What’s So Funny?

“What’s So Funny?”

Go on; keep walking.
Don’t stop and stare.
What’s so funny about,
Two guys kissing over there?

They aren’t harming you.
Just let them be.
You wouldn’t be laughing,
If that were you and me.

Go on: don’t rubberneck,
At the crash in the street.
Two vehicles did collide,
Where intersections meet.

Rather than stare,
You should pray for their souls,
That there isn’t any damage.
That their bodies stay whole.

Please; just stay quiet.
I don’t need your words,
That just contain gossip,
Over things so absurd.

Like so and so is pregnant,
Or his brother got arrested,
Or how he drank so much,
His liver is now congested.

What’s so funny about,
A man wanting some change?
Even if it’s sexual,
I know you’d want the same,
If you were unhappy,
Or marched to a drum,
That had a different beat,
From all the other ones.

What’s so funny about,
A woman dressing like a man?
Maybe you would do the same,
If you could understand,
How some are born different,
And have freedom of choice,
To follow as we please,
As we speak our voice.

There’s nothing funny about,
The psychologies we are,
And all the things that drive us,
To roads so very far.
There’s nothing funny about,
All the views we see,
That makes us all unique,
And help us to believe.


“You can’t do this!” Y/N cried. Tears streamed from their face as Draco tried to keep his eyes on the pouring rain outside.
“I have to Y/N,” he told them. “He’ll kill my family, my friends…he’ll kill you. I can’t let him do that.”
“At what cost Draco? Your soul? We should just run, you and me,” Y/N wrapped their arms around his waist. “Just run away and never look back.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I love you, Draco,” Y/N said, finally saying it out loud after so many years. Draco turned around in shock, loosening Y/N’s grip on him. He cupped his hands around Y/N’s face and stared into their eyes. Then he Y/N. It felt full of longing, of love.
“I love you too,” Draco said pulling away from the kiss. Both each gave the other a rare smile before kissing again.
requested by anon
requests are open

The thing is I am falling for you. And I don’t know how to turn it off. I was doing so well before I met you. I was taking things slow, getting to know people and building friendships. You come along and make everything so messy.“ I sit next to you, I can feel your deep brown eyes piercing through my soul as I can’t even manage to look in your direction. I start pulling on a loose thread on one of the seat cushions on the couch. "But babe, I really like you. What’s going on?” Still staring at me, my eyes start to tear up, I turn away from her even more so she can’t see me. “I was doing so well. I thought I was broken anymore.” At this point, I’m not sure if I’m more upset with her or myself for letting myself get like this. “Then let me help you heal” she sounds genuinely concerned, she puts her well manicured hand on my thigh. “You just need to talk to me, please” I start bawling at the sound of such foreign words entering my ears and cannot even register as real phrases in my head. No one has ever wanted to take care of me or cared enough to sit down and let me cry it out. “ I can’t do this. I can’t be a second choice anymore. I told you that I would fight to keep you but I wouldn’t fight to have you. And right now, he has you. And you continue to get my hopes up and tell me things that make my heart melt and I start to believe that I am important but then you go and you spend your nights with him. If you wanted to be with me, you would. So I’m sorry I can’t give you what he can give you but I will not be a second choice. Not again. I’m not a back up plan” I get up from next to her, still having not looked at her once the entire time. “But I love you” those three words I have been waiting to hear my entire life have finally be spoken. “No you don’t. You just loved having someone who would always be there for you and I would’ve been that person but not anymore. If you loved me, then you would simply love me.” I look at her, her eyes full of tears, she hands are shaking, she looks away this time but doesn’t say anything. “Exactly.” After proving my point, I make my way for the door, leaving her spare key on her table and make my way out refreshingly heartbroken. A weight has been lifted but a darkness has spread to my heart and I’m not sure what I’m going to do with that.
—  S.L. // Excerpt From a Book I’ll Never Write // #11