zozo

Read This: The Definitive Ouija Board FAQ

I get a lot of questions every day on my Ouija board advice blog, and usually they’re the same questions over and over. So instead of answering each one, I usually post a link to a post that answers their question while stating Read This. Apparently it’s become my iconic catchphrase. So here is a long post of all things I typically tell people to read.

-Ouija boards are incredibly dangerous and you should not mess with them!

~Ouija boards are very safe as long as you’re playing in the right frame of mind. Read this.

-Ouija boards are not games.

~By definition, they are. Read this.

-Can Ouija boards summon demons?

~No, read this.

-Is Zozo or Mama a dangerous spirit or demon?

~No, they are just names spirits use to scare people. Read this.

-What if I talk to Zozo and they refuse to go away?

~Keep refusing. Read this.

-Can you get possessed while playing the Ouija board?

~No, read this.

-Can Ouija boards open portals?

~Not even a little bit. Read this.

-Is it important to say Goodbye?

~Yes, but it’s not a life or death thing, it’s just polite. Read this and this.

-Can spirits escape the board and follow you home?

~Ouija boards are pieces of cardboard, therefore there is nothing “inside” of them. The spirits are already in your home. Read this.

-What happens if the planchette moves in figure-8’s, off the board, counts down the numbers, or moves to all four corners of the board?

~Nothing, the spirit is trying to scare you for their amusement. Read this.

-How do you play the Ouija board?

~Read this.

-Can I play the Ouija board by myself?

~Some people can. Read this.

-Who are spirits and where are they?

~Spirits are the souls of people who have passed on. Read this, then read this to learn about the spirit realm.

-Are shadow people dangerous?

~Shadow people are just spirits that have half-materialized, and therefore not dangerous. Read more here.

-What’s the difference between a spirit and a ghost?

~Ghosts don’t know they are dead. Read this.

-I saw spirits when I was little, but I don’t anymore. What happened?

~You got older. Read this.

-How do you make a Ouija board?

~Get a pen and paper and write one. Read this.

-How do you get rid of a Ouija board?

~However you want. Read this.

-I want to play, but I’m not allowed to, or I don’t have anyone who wants to play.

~Then you can pendulum dowse. Read this.

-Aren’t Ouija boards divination tools, and sacred to Wicca and other pagan beliefs?

~First, there’s a big difference between spirit communication and divination. And there is no belief or religion that incorporates the Ouija board. Read more here.

-Ouija boards aren’t real and are caused by Ideomotor movement.

~I bet you’ve never played before. Read this.

-Are Ouija boards safe for children?

~Sure. Read this.

-What do I do if a spirit says I’m going to die tomorrow?

~They’re lying, I assure you. Read this.

-What does it mean when the board sells out gibberish?

~Lots of things. Read this.

-Can I use the Ouija board to contact a specific person?

~I do not recommend it. Read this.

-Is it safe to play the Ouija board in my house, my friend’s house, a haunted location, or a graveyard?

~Play it wherever you want. Read this.

-Can you talk to animal spirits on the Ouija board?

~No. Read this.

-Are spirit guides real?

~Yes. Read this.

-What can I ask the Ouija board?

~Whatever you want. Read this.

-I’m scared of Ouija boards, but I want to play.

~Read this.

-I had a very bad experience while playing and therefore I want everyone to know that all Ouija boards are very bad.

~If I ate shellfish and had an allergic reaction, I wouldn’t make a blog post about how all shellfish is bad and nobody should ever eat it. Read more here.

-I have sleep paralysis and see scary things when it’s happening, is it caused by spirits?

~No, read this.

-I played the Ouija board and I woke up with a bruise, am I possessed?

~Obviously not. Read this.

-I feel like I’m being watched after I play.

~That’s you feeling adrenaline pumping in your brain. Read this*.

-The Ouija board didn’t work at all.

~There are a lot of reasons why it wouldn’t. Read this.

-Do online Ouija boards work?

~Online Ouija boards and Ouija board apps are programs that act like real Ouija boards, and will not get you in contact with a spirit. Read this.

-I saw a scary YouTube video of a Ouija board game and I believe them.

~It’s fake, I guarantee it. Read this.

-Is it safe to wear Ouija board clothes and accessories?

~Very much so. Read this.

-How do you pronounce Ouija?

-Wee-gee in America, Wee-juh in other English speaking countries. Read this.

This is just for Ouija board related asks. In a few months, I’ll post an FAQ for more pagan and spirit related stuff. In the meantime, you can check out a mini FAQ here. And hey, if you didn’t see the answer to a question you have, ask away.

*this post is currently being edited and will be added to this post presently

Ouija Board FAQ Masterpost! With links!

Q: How do I play the Ouija board?

A: The rules are pretty simple.

Q: Is it safe to play the Ouija board?

A: Depends on your state of mind.

Q: Are Ouija boards dangerous?

A: No.

Q: Is it safe to play the Ouija board alone?

A: Ehhh kinda? Depends on your definition of safe.

Q: Is it safe to play the Ouija board in a graveyard? Or my house? 

A: Yes.

Q: Is it safe to play on Halloween?

A: It’s the best time to play.

Q: Is there anything specific I should or should not do while I play?

A: Totes.

Q: Do I have to say “Goodbye” after each session?

A: YES.

Q: Can the Ouija board tell you your future?

A: I wouldn’t bet on it.

Q: Are Ouija boards “just a game”?

A: By definition, yes.

Q: Is the Ouija board really safe for “ages 8 and up?”

A: Sure.

Q: Can I contact my deceased loved one on the Ouija board?

A: I don’t recommend it.

Q: What kind of spirits can you contact with the Ouija board?

A: There are three kinds.

Q: How do I dispose of my Ouija board?

A: However you want.

Q: How do I make a Ouija board?

A: It’s really simple.

Q: The planchette moved in figure 8′s/counted down the numbers, moved off the board! What does that mean?

A: Nothing.

Q: The Ouija board spelled out nonsense words, what does it mean? 

A: This is a common occurrence that could mean lots of things.

Q: Why do my parents hate Ouija boards?

A: For a lot of reasons, mostly Hollywood lies.

Q: Does the Ouija board create a portal for spirits?

A: No.

Q: Can you summon a demon through a Ouija board?

A: No.

Q: Who are Zozo and Mama?

A: Morons who are definitely not dangerous.

Q: Can you become possessed after playing the Ouija board?

A: No.

Q: What’s the Charlie Charlie Challenge?

A: A hoax, but I wrote about it before it was debunked.

Q: Is it safe to wear Ouija board clothes and accessories?

A: Very safe.

Q: What are poltergeists?

A: Spirits that can move stuff.

Q: I have a spooky feeling after I play, is my house haunted?

A: Signs point to no.

Q: Spooky stuff happened after I played! Was it a ghost?

A: Probably not.

Q: There’s spirit activity in my house? What should I do?

A: Calm down, read this.

Q: What’s the difference between a ghost and a spirit?

A: There are a lot of distinct differences.

Q: What kind of games can we play with the Ouija board?

A: I know a few fun ones.

Q: What’s a spirit guide?

A: A friend you’re not supposed to know about.

Q: Can you fall in love with a spirit, or can a spirit fall in love with you?

A: NO

Q: I woke up with a bruise, was it a spirit?

A: Probably not.

Q: I woke up in the middle in the night and couldn’t move! Was a spirit holding me down?

A: No, you had sleep paralysis, and it’s not paranormal.

Q: You know the Ouija board isn’t real, right? It’s all the Ideomotor Effect.

A: Wow. Thanks Dr. Science.

Q: Why doesn’t the Ouija board work for me?

A: There are a lot of reasons why.

When Witches Watch Ghost Shows

“That’s…That’s not how Ouija boards work. And the apps are not a reliable indicator of activity because their shit is randomly generated.”

“Why are you ASKING the tiny mysterious child to come in and play? Are you fucking stupid?”

“Why is it white people? Why do these shows almost always feature random white middle-America fluffheads without the sense God gave a goose? Is it because they do dumb shit more often or because POC families are quicker to recognize spirit bullshit and move the hell out?“

“-blink- Lady, that is NOT the 91st Psalm.”

“Wait, so you saw random geometric symbols doodled in a closet and you automatically thought OMG SATANIC? What kind of ignorant jackass….”

“RECREATIONAL TAROT CARD READING DOES NOT RANDOMLY SUMMON SPIRITS, YOU USELESS CARDBOARD SUBMARINE!”

“Since when is divination the same as spirit-summoning? What is this bullshit? Read a goddamn book, people, holy crap.”

“No no no, you can’t just set herbs on fire and think that’s it. You have to put some oomph behind it and claim your space. Holy shit, if you can’t use the sage properly, put it the fuck down.”

“You moved into a house that the realtor was literally afraid to walk around in, did you think there was no REASON for that!?”

“Oh you ignored your wife and kids being terrified cause you’re skeptical of spirits, mister big tough man? How’d that work out for ya? Thrown down the stairs you say? Gee, that’s rough.”

“Why does NOBODY listen to their kids when they say they see weird shit!?”

-the second anybody mentions Zozo- “OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD. OH MY. GOD OH MY GOD. OHHHH MY GOD.”

“Ohhh yes, there was a witch who lived in the house once. Totally the cause of your haunting because we all know that the only thing witches do is sit around and summon evil spirits. Much wicked. Very scare. Wow.”

“Yanno, witches aren’t automatically evil and hauntings can be nasty without being demonic. Your fundie financial backers are showing.”

“Listen, numb nuts, surfing the internet to find out what’s clomping around your house at night is kind of like going to WebMD to figure out why you have a stomachache. The answer you find is always going to be way more dire than what’s actually going on. Sheesh.”

“Oh my fuckin life….I need more wine.”

31 Days of Ouija Blogs: Day 5- Zozo!

Yesterday I discussed demons, and how they cannot contact you through a Ouija board. Usually when I say this to people on Tumblr, they answer with, “Oh yeah, well what about Zozo???”

What about Zozo.

First of all, there has never been a documented demon named Zozo. Here is a list of theological demons we know by name. At the bottom is Zozo, looking sad without his own Wikipedia page. This is because he does not exist. The closest guess we have is the demon Pazuzu, most famous for being the star of The Exorcist and a few Gorillaz music videos. But if this ancient demon did come through the Ouija board, why would be give himself a nickname? Demons are boastful creatures; they’re gonna give you their full name if you ask for it.

Second, if this is a demon, then their sole purpose is to go around the world and scare people on the Ouija board. What kind of pathetic demon is that? If this was all demons were capable of, then Hell is probably a chill, relaxed place where nothing bad could really happen to you. Demons can accomplish way, way more than that. Ouija boards re for spirit communication, and spirits are one of the weakest supernatural beings, so if a demon was on that level, then they’re probably not even a demon. 

Third, let’s talk about the name. They go by “Zozo” because those are the two letters on the opposite ends of the board. Same goes for Mama, M and A are on the opposite sides. Spirits know they can scare people by making the planchette do weird stuff, like spell out things quickly and repeatedly, making it seem like the spirit is erratic and out of control. If they just spelled out something like “DADA” or something else that had letters close together, it’s not as scary. The spirit wants the planchette to fly across the board as wildly as possible, so it goes from one side of the alphabet to the other. That’s how you get the name Zozo. It isn’t some mystical reference, it’s literally how the board is laid out. I can guarantee you that if you changed around the letters and put like T and I on opposite sides, you’re eventually get a spirit that spells out TITI over and over, trying to scare you. Same goes for spirits that like to spell out Zaza, Zamo, Moza, and other combinations of the letters on the sides of the board.

The lore now is called the Rainbow Effect, where the planchette goes across the alphabet like a rainbow to spell out Zozo. Apparently if you do this, the spirit is trying to release itself from the board. Of course, spirits are already “free”, nothing is trapped in the board, and the spirit is just trying to see how gullible you are. Nothing will happen to you if the Rainbow Effect happens to you

So what is the point of spelling out Zozo? Basically it’s a scare tactic. Spirits get energy from you, and the best way to get you energized is by scaring you. The best way to scare you is to say they’re a demon and that they’re trying to be released from the board. But think of it this way: Zozo is a Catfish. This spirit is impersonating a demon, saying they’re a demon, and trying to act like a demon does, but the minute you try to Facetime or Skype with them, their connection is bad, or their webcam is broken. Zozo spirits can only do so much, but if you actually expect them to deliver some demonic stuff, don’t.

What do you do if you contact a Zozo or Mama? Tell them to stop. Say you know what they’re trying to do, it’s cute that they tried, but you do not want to talk to them if they’re going to do this. I’ve had many people message me and say they do this, and nine times out of ten the spirit apologizes and the session goes normally. Every once in a while you’ll get some spirit who is immature and just wants to mess around and keep trying to do the Zozo thing, even if they promise they won’t. In that case, end the game. Don’t give them the time of day. Don’t feed the trolls.

So what have we learned today?

-Zozo is not a demon

-”Zozo” is a Catfish name used by multiple spirits to scare you

-The name is not based off of any theological demon

-The Rainbow Effect doesn’t do anything

-The easiest way to stop a Zozo spirit is to tell them to stop

For a few more blogs, check out my posts on whether or not Ouija boards are portals, if you can get possessed through a Ouija board, and if Ouija boards are just games.

Tomorrow I’m going to talk in detail about whether or not Ouija boards are portals, and hey! It’s the fifth day of my blog project! So for it’s going smoothly, but I’m going on vacation this weekend, so if a post comes a day late, my apologies (but I will do my best to stay on top of it). You can check out my #31ouijadays tag to see the other blog posts, or follow the link here.

Day 1- Ouija History

Day 2- Ouija Board Stigma

Day 3- Is The Ouija Board Really Dangerous?

Day 4- Demons!