zombies army

Only on Thursdays: Chapter 3

Originally posted by cocovnla

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Story Summary: You’re dead.

Okay, well technically you are cursed. But still dead. Zombie. Living corpse. Whatever name modern society wants to give you. In a world rife with supernatural creatures and blatant unbelievers, you live and hunt alone. Only your giant wolf hound gives you company. It’s not much of an afterlife, but it’s yours.

But one atypical Thursday, your dinner gets stolen by the most annoying, elitist, insufferable asshole vampire. His name is Ivar.

And your quiet, lonely afterlife will never be the same again.

Pairing: Vampire Ivar x Zombie Reader

Chapter Three TW: murder, blood drinking, a zombie having a meal 

Read below the cut or on A03 here

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Taglist:  @kirah34 @tiyetiye @unicorn-glitter-princess @readsalot73 @cutiepiepotatoes @captainpoopweinersoldier @rrwilson66 @teapartydreams @pagan-raider

A/N: New chapter, thank you all for sticking with me! @pokeasleepingsmaug is the best beta :). 

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  • Freys: *kill basically all the Starks at the Red Wedding*
  • Ramsay: *takes over the North and murders literally everyone*
  • Starks: *have 6 large direwolves that were thought to be extinct*
  • Arya: *kills the Freys using a different face*
  • The Wall: *has a literal army of zombies that are about to invade*
  • Tyrion: .......it's dreary in the North.
Only On Thursdays: Chapter One

Originally posted by inthenameofodin

Originally posted by do-not-sit-next-to-dennis

Story Summary: You’re dead.

Okay, well technically you are cursed. But still dead. Zombie. Living corpse. Whatever name modern society wants to give you. In a world rife with supernatural creatures and blatant unbelievers, you live and hunt alone. Only your giant wolf hound gives you company. It’s not much of an afterlife, but it’s yours.

But one atypical Thursday, your dinner gets stolen by the most annoying, elitist, insufferable asshole vampire. His name is Ivar.

And your quiet, lonely afterlife will never be the same again.

Pairing: Vampire Ivar x Zombie Reader

Chapter One TW: blood, killing, blood drinking, mild body horror, mild derogatory language, brief mentions of zombie meals

Read below the cut or on A03 here

A/N: Hey guys! New story here, for  @synnersaint‘s idea that we write Monster Ivar for October/Halloween! My idea kind of ran away with me, so if you guys like this it will be multi chaptered. Please heed the warnings. Thanks to @pokeasleepingsmaug for being beta!

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anonymous asked:

What's the lettuce thing about?

Alright, so. Get ready for weirdness, because Egyptian mythology has a lot of that.

One of the most prominent and foundational myths of ancient Egypt is how the god Osiris was killed and dismembered by his brother Set (in some accounts, after an affair with Set’s sister-wife, Nepthys, who then gave birth to Anubis), put back together by his sister-wife Isis, then made the god of the afterlife. When she was piecing her husband back together, she found all but one of the fourteen chunks of him that had been scattered across Egypt by an enraged Set. That chunk would be his penis. But never fear, for Isis is the goddess of fertility, so she made her husband a new one out of wood (thus explaining why embalmers would make false ones for the actual dead). So completed, she rode him and became impregnated with a son, Horus (the Falcon, not to be confused with Horus the Elder, the Hawk, who was these four’s presumably-long-suffering brother). Osiris then went off to be ruler of the dead somewhere in the vicinity of the stars we call Orion, leaving the question of who was to rule the land of the living - his elder brother and semi-justified murderer Set, or his legitimate yet posthumous  son Horus?

This brings us to The Contendings of Horus and Set, which is ostensibly an epic battle of order vs chaos, but mostly involves a lot of letter-writing and whinging back and forth between the gods because some liked Horus (who was the last king’s son and generally a guy who liked order and not usually killer [except that one time when Isis got too involved and actually wounded Set herself which Horus was not about for some reason and so decapitated her] ) and some liked Set (who was powerful and experienced and had good relations with foreign powers [being that he was the god in charge of them] and had proven himself to be a great protector to Ra against Actual Evil God Apophis and his night demons and whatnot). There were a lot of pointless squabbles between the two involving weird god things like who could hippopotamus better or build ships out of stone (spoiler alert: Set actually built his ship from the top of a goddamn mountain and managed to make it float long enough to get halfway down the river, Horus just made his from pine when no one was looking and just plastered the thing to look like stone. Who was the better dude in that one? You decide.). One time Horus got his eye ripped out and Set lost his testicles - an incident which involved what is probably the oldest recorded pick-up line in history: “How lovely your backside is. How broad your thighs.“ Smooth, uncle Set. Smooth.

Anyway, after eighty years of this the supreme god version of Ra got tired of their shenanigans and told them to lay off for at least one night, for all of their sakes. Set looks at Horus and goes, “Yeah let’s do this thing. Party, my house, tonight.” Horus looks at Set and thinks, “Seems legit.”

So they go party at Set’s house. Just them and the servants and lots of honey and beer and the single bed made up all nice just for them. Halfway through the night, Set rolls over and puts his dick between Horus’ thighs. (Er, depending on the time period you’re reading the myth from, this act is either consensual or not. It mostly depends on how vilified Set is by whichever cult’s in power at the time. In any case, Horus is awake and unrestrained for this.) Horus catches the semen in his hands, and when he gets home in the morning shows his mother. Who promptly freaks out, cuts his hands off to toss into the Nile, fashions him new hands of clay, and then jacks her son off into a pot.

I could not make this up.

This is where The Lettuce Thing comes in. The lettuce species that the ancient Egyptians had was a long, hard stalk that secreted a white, milky substance when cracked and squeezed. So you can see where they would get the idea that it was a phallic aphrodisiac. Well, it so happens that when Isis went to Set’s house, she found out from his gardener that Set loved eating lettuce every day. You know where this is going. Now, I’d like to point out that she didn’t just randomly overhear this and got a wicked idea. No. No, she went and asked outright what Set’s favourite food was, because she was gonna give Set a taste of his own (or well, her son’s) medicine no matter what.

Fast forward to the next court session, and Set - being the asshole that we know and love - decides to announce to the room at large that he should get the throne, because he totally tops. Well, being that ancient Egypt was a highly patriarchal society it - like most ancient cultures - looked down on the receivers in male-male relationships. But while everyone’s boo-hissing at Horus, he just calmly requests a Magical Pregnancy Test for both his and Set’s semen. They do it, and Set’s shows up somewhere in the river (wherever Horus’ old hands are), which perplexes Set and somehow doesn’t phase anyone else. Then they test Set, and lo and behold Horus’ seed reacts from within him!

In very old versions of the myth, this is where the god Thoth is born from Set’s forehead. In others, it’s Thoth performing the test and so the semen emerges in the form of golden disc, which Thoth promptly takes and puts on his own head as a crown. *shrug* Egyptian mythology is a weird case where a jillion different cults formed, then came together, then fought/reformed/vilified/reconciled/destroyed/assimilated one another over millennia, so the origins and motives are a bit wonky. Thoth is one of those deities that had been worshiped before writing was even a thing [although writing became his Thing], and so has many conflicting origin stories - mostly he just seems to appear at some point due to the power of his own voice. I like to think that, since he is also a master of Time, that Thoth may have actually created Himself in that instance, but his presence got spread out through time - back far enough into the beginning that he could trick the moon into giving up five extra non-month days each year, so that Nut could birth his parent-grandparents without repercussion.

But I’m getting ahead (behind?) myself. The point is, now all the gods think their Powerful Guy Set is a big fat bottom, which ~a king shouldn’t be~ and Set is all butthurt about his trick backfiring on him. He sulks off to the river, where he issues the stone boat challenge mentioned earlier but then his boat sinks and he rips up part of Horus’ and realizes that it’s just disguised wood, and it looks like the shenanigans will continue until someone gets the bright idea to just fucking write to the dead king about what his wishes were (apparently it’s Thoth who suggests this, which is why I buy the myth that this is when he was born, since why did no one else - even Isis who resurrected the guy - think of that? Finally, a god of Sense!). Osiris sends them a letter back to the effect of “What the fuck do you think my wishes are. If my son isn’t instated, my next gift basket will be an army of zombies, I swear to myself.”

The council is convinced.

Set’s put in chains and brought before them by a gloating Isis, but he cedes with as much grace as he has left. In most versions of the myth, he’s set free and reinstated as Ra’s bodyguard to thunder away happily in the desert, and in a few later ones (basically after Lower Egypt takes over Upper Egypt) he’s punished somehow, like being taken to the north and bound there by his other wife (in something rather similar to Loki’s fate with Sigyn). In some, he and Horus reconcile and even bless pharaohs together, tying their lotus and reed together around the living king as a symbol of unity and strength between Upper and Lower Egypt.

And that, dear Anon-chan, is The Ancient Egyptian Lettuce Thing.

Clever things in Be More Chill that make that me smile

  • Jeremy’s theme and the Squip’s theme are very similar to one another, following deep tech-y undertones with high pitched slow almost 8-bit melodies
  • Jeremy’s theme has the melody of “It helps you to beee cooooooool” that’s sung in The Squip Song, immediately providing foreshadowing without question that Jeremy will take the squip because the melody for its function is literally inside of Jeremy(‘s theme)
  • All songs focused on Jeremy or Michael (Michael in the Bathroom, More Than Survive, Two Player Game, etc) begin with 8bit/piano single note melodies
  • “Come on” is always used in the context of the erotic, including sex, overt happiness, and romance
  • “If this were an apocalypse, I would not need any tips, in how to stay alive…But since the zombie army has yet to descend…” directly correlates when the students become ‘zombies’ in The Play (“you have to really sell that you’re turning into a zombie!”) because of the squip and Jeremy does know what to do, because of his video game
  • Speaking of the video game, it’s called Apocalypse of the Damned, the apocalypse referring both to the first quote above and to the students becoming zombies in The Play. The Damned part refers to those turned over by the squip, as the Squip calls them the “pitiful”, or damned children
  • When characters are directly controlled by the Squip, their voice has a mechanical overtone, like when Rich is explaining about the pill the second time in The Squip Song, when the Squip talks about what Jeremy has to do for him in Be More Chill (part 1)
  • Whenever the Squip is convincing Jeremy of something, like how everything about him is terrible or that the Squip will save the “pitiful children” and so on, he uses the voices of the other students in the school, which I always think is a nice parallel by the end during Voices in My Head
  • When Jeremy has to repeat after the Squip in Be More Chill (part 1) the music in the background resembles waltz music, a dance often used in media to portray tension between characters (you know, those classic scenes of the couple with sexual tensions, or when a detective and partner must dance to get close to the bad guy, or when a hero and supervillain dance together because they’re both in disguise at a party, etc etc) but in this case it shows how in tune with one another the Squip and Jeremy are
  • The Squip refers to Jeremy as Hamlet when he’s being overdramatic which is a reference to how Hamlet pretended to ‘be crazy’ to get what he wanted, but now Jeremy is pretending to ‘be more chill’ to get what he wants.
  • “Do you wanna ride” and “do you wanna hang” both refer to sex (obviously) and they are paralleled with the girls referring to it happening somewhere with parents (ie, “my mother’s car” or “Jake’s parents’ room”). The Squip also interferes both times to push Jeremy to participate, by manipulating him into saying yes to the ride or disabling his legs at the party
  • Brooke/Chloe refer to Jeremy as “Jerry” a few more times even after he corrects them
  • Even though the Squip says for Jeremy to repeat him and he says “Everything about YOU is so terrible” Jeremy repeats it as “Everything about ME is so terrible” because the Squip is an abusive computer

Nico: I hate you for Bianca’s death and I never want to see you again and it doesn’t matter what else I just did, I still dislike you, Percy! *cracks the Earth open and dramatically disappears into the underworld*

Monster/Titan/Giant: Percy Jackson, I will kill you!

Nico: *cracks the Earth open to raise an army of zombies, ghouls and ghosts, also pushes Percy into the River Styx just to be sure in case he fails at protecting him* What did you just say about my Percy?

Ok but was the issue of Koumei just casually having an army of zombie doll soldiers underground since who knows how long ever or will-ever be addressed, or is it one of those things played down for comedy value? Because that implies Koumei has found a sort of semi-immortality and he could possibly use those techniques on himself to become immortal and undying and we should probably fear him

  • Defenders: Hooray! We've saved this one particular NYC neighborhood from Sigourney Weaver and her army of zombie ninja! Try to top that, Avengers!
  • Avengers: *extremely tired after stopping Thanos from literally trying to change reality*
  • Avengers: Mind saying that again?
  • Defenders: ...
  • Defenders: Well, in any case, we still did more for the world than SHIELD did in season 4.
  • SHIELD: *remembers that the last third of season 4 was them stuck inside a virtual reality world that had no consequences for anyone besides themselves*
  • SHIELD: Yeah...
Human IPRE Zombie AU

Just think of it. It’s glorious. Here’s a few points me and some friends came up with chatting about this.

  • The Starblaster is an RV/Bus and Davenport is the only one who knows how to get it going when it seems to be broken down. He needs to sit on a phone book to see over the wheel though.
  • Lucretia is the only other person who has driven the bus and that was the one time everyone needed first aid.
  • Lup absolutely has a flamethrower.
  • Merle has a small garden of potted herbs in a back window of the bus, Taako uses them in his cooking all the time.
  • Magnus absolutely wrestled a bear in the woods.
  • Barry and Lup found out that if you slather yourself in zombie guts the zombies leave you alone. It’s absolutely disgusting but they know how to fuck up the undead.
  • Nobody actually dies, they just have a habit of saying the “I can’t believe X is dead” meme a lot.
  • Instead of cycles there’s points where they stop to gather supplies or maybe rest in a town.
  • The Hunger is just one asshole who’s immune to zombies who’s gathering an army. He’s sweeping across the continent with them, preaching things about how humanity is superior and we can use the zombies to our advantage, but also bullshit about ‘survival of the fittest’ and how the human population had gotten too large to be sustainable. Yeah, That Guy.
  • Merle talks to him over an old HAM radio and uses trucker lingo almost all the time. Everybody hates it.
  • Towards the end of the trip the zombies go through the prairies and there’s just so few people they start eying John and he starts to realize he’s in a Bad Position.
  • Lucretia keeps trying to save books to preserve human knowledge but there’s no more room in the bus, Lucretia. Put them back. They need food and water and ammo too! Okay fine you can bring ONE more book. only ONE.