- runs to the kitchen - “NOOOO SAVE THE FOOD. I JUST BOUGHT GROCERIES AAAAAH”
Jimin, “Jin, zombies eat brains. The food will be fine.”
Jin, “Thank the lord they’re not zombie goats or something.”
- a horde of zombie goats charge into the kitchen -
Jin, “O SUGA HONEY ICE TEA BRB”
- thousands of zombies roar outside his window, pounding their fists on the glass -
Yoongi continues to ignore them as he nods his head to the beat from his headphones and taps some keys on his laptop.
“Huh, that’ll have to do for now,” he mutters, removing his headphones.
- whips out two guns, sunglasses now on, kicks window open and shoots at the zombies like a badass -
- screams -
- flaps arms -
Psh, are you kidding? The zombies run from HIM.
Alternate reaction: as the chaos unveils on the streets of Seoul, people run to his side and plead him for help before collapsing to their knees and sobbing in fear. He looks up at the horde of oncoming zombies and using his IQ of 148 he calculates the exact distance between he and the zombies, the time it’ll take to get to him, how slow their movements are versus how fast his rapping is, etc. He snaps his fingers and says, “the boombox, Jin.” Jin is too busy eating his noodles. Joonie sighs, “the BOOMBOX, whoever the fuck else is around because Jin sucks ass.”
“That’s what she said,” Jimin would appear with the boombox, grinning at his great attempt to lift the mood in this dastardly hour.
Namjoon hits play and begins a sick rhyme to which the zombies become entranced by and begin to get down and funky. The city of Seoul is saved and everyone joins in the mad zombie dance party.
Honestly, all Kookie would have to do is sing and do a cute little blush and the zombies would look at each other like, “awwwwww” and then go home.
“OMG NO. TAKE MY HAND Y/N I’LL KEEP YOU SAFE I SWEAR”
- gets distracted by a cute puppy and chases after it as you get mauled -
“What the fuck?” Jimin says and turns around.
A horde of angry zombies have him cornered and growl in anticipation of food.
“Um…” Jimin tries to think up a strategic plan. He clicks his fingers and winks, “Sup.”
The zombies stop, confused.
Jimin crosses his arms and tilts his head back. “So, uh, any of you ladies looking for a good time tonight?”
The zombies then begin to fight among themselves, male against female. Jimin walks away awkwardly.
“Where have you been?” Jin scolds Jimin.
“Breaking hearts and tearing apart marriages,” Jimin winks.
“Ain’t nobody got time for that stupid shit,” I roll my eyes. “I have a speech and an essay to write due tomorrow and a music exam in a few days. Y’all can fight your dumb zombies, some of us have PRIORITIES.”
- continues to save namjoon gifs and binge eat -
Your fate is determined by your bias -laughs evilly-
JIN: he threw you in the pantry. It’s dark but you’re eating chocolate and you can hear him screaming as he rushes around trying to find all the food.
YOONGI: you were in a tower, looking out a window wistfully when you saw your dashing Mince Yoo- aHEM I mean’t PRINCE Yoongi riding a motorbike and shooting at the zombies gathering around your tower. You were in love instantly. You watched him kill all the zombies, and then you saw your wicked stepmother had been mauled. What a coincidence, you thought, and eloped with Yoongi.
HOSEOK: you also scream and run around with Hobi but are safe because the zombies are too weirded out to come near you.
NAMJOON: you’re dead. From Rapmon feels, obviously.
JUNGKOOK: you are selling Jungkook merch to the zombies.
TAEHYUNG: you got mauled. But I suppose you survive and are now in hospital, and Tae comes in with a get better gift for you.. THAT PUPPY.
JIMIN: you’re extremely annoyed by all the attention Jimin is getting from those thirsty af zombies.
ME: Omg I’m your bias??? I am flattered you angel!! Well unfortunately you are dead because I was too busy S T U D Y I N G namjoon and couldn’t save your ass. soz
As passionate as you are about werewolves?:) What are you top 5 demon designs across any media? (if you want haha)
HAHAA OH BOY, the variability within demon designs means there are oodles and oodles of creatures to choose from, but when it comes to demons I really tend to gravitate towards designs that could be seen as containing a “human” element, something relatable that we could both share, but twisted in a way that makes it monstrous.
With that criteria in mind, there are still TONS of eligible bachelors monsters out there, but but I’ve managed to narrow down my favourites to the following nasty bastards:
5. Belial - Devil May Cry 4: DMC4 was the first game I played of the series (a sin, I know, I’m sorry) and I completely fell in love with this nasty burning lion/dragon centaur the moment I saw him. Not only does he have a raging magma sword and produce puddles of fire whenever he walks, he’s also huge. The fact his boss fight is a bit of a curbstomp battle is a little funny though, it really betrays the whole “powerful demon who sleeps in a brimstone pit” aesthetic. He’s big, but he’s so weak - it’s almost cute.
4. Sammael - Hellboy: An achievement in creature design and practical effects suiting! I love everything abut this guy, from his asymmetrical eyes to the extendable wrist-blade, and the fact he returns in pairs when one of him is killed. The knotty, tree-like effects on his pectorals and arms are also super neat, and the entire design does a great job of mixing something otherwordly and decayed with something organic and living. Guillermo del Toro has a lifesize statue of this guy in his house - if I had tons of money I would too, let’s be real.
3. Incubus - Silent Hill: You can never go wrong with a good incubus, and SH’s gutless, flesh-winged, goat-headed abomination is one of the best of them all. There’s nothing I don’t like about this design, it’s disgustingly uncanny and feels like it shouldn’t be alive - especially with its spine exposed like that. The lack of a midsection and the thin, atrophied thighs add an impressive fragility to this thing as well, and it’s a great example of the Silent Hill series’ ability to combine repulsive body horror with a twisted sense of human sexuality. Or, perhaps I’m just waxing poetic about a zombie demon with a goat head and boobs - either way, it’s badass.
2. Capra Demon - Dark Souls: Speaking of goat heads, anyone who didn’t see this coming: I’m very disappointed in you. Capra demon is one of my favourite examples of a superb humanoid demon design - he’s not just a buff guy with a goat skull on his head, the skull has its own distinct properties and silhouette, and the thickened skin building up on his shoulders does a great job of showing that the skull isn’t just a mask, it’s part of him. I’m divided on whether I like the big thick skeletal tail or not, but honestly he’s so lovely in every other way I can let it slide.
1. Darkbeast Paarl - Bloodborne: I actually haven’t beaten Bloodborne yet, so I’m unsure whether the bosses in this game count as “demons” or not. They seem to fit the criteria though, which is why I’m putting Paarl in my top spot. I actually died the first time I fought him because I kept staring instead of taking swings. The way he moves, his stance, his facial design and pretty much EVERYTHING about him is so fresh, yet so creepily familiar it falls right into the best spot in the uncanny valley. I cannot get over how much I love Darkbeast Paarl, he’s menacing, dangerous, and yet still manages to ring in some sort of human familiarity in his nasty face and gnarled hands. I’m usually not even a fan of demons with elemental powers, but he is so good I want at least 100 more demons like him in my life. Good on you, Bloodborne, you’ve made me so, so happy.
monsters! this’s the list that was asked for specifically:
Beasts: goat man < shaman goat man < champion goat man < chief goat man < boss goat man Undead: zombie < skeleton < flesh golem < vampire < necromancer Demons: imp < minor demon < succubus < major demon < dark lord Reptilians: snake man < raptor < T-rex < hydra < small dragon
A new zombie film is being filmed in my town called ‘She Who Brings Gifts’. Paddy Considine, who is one of my favourite people, is in the cast! I’m yet to bump in to him though :( The set looks awesome and it’s all very exciting!