zombie absolution

9

Some of the boards for this sequence where Hex ‘s lack of familiarity with The Youth leads him to believe that a flash mob of zombie walk attendees are actual zombies. The motivating idea behind it was that Hex is somehow knowledgeable of actual zombies and is as ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED of them as he is of the kind of next-level evil omnipotent necromancer skillz he knows it takes to actually summon them.

But we’re ignorant to all that so to us they’re just funny shambling popcorn movie cannon fodder.

Movie premise: a zombie survival movie, but instead of being about zombies, it’s about being about zombies. Confused? Keep reading. 

The film is set about 15 to 20 years in the future. Instead of gradually dying off, Hollywood’s obsession with zombie films has only grown, to the point that practically every movie now has zombies in it. Genre doesn’t matter; zombies have to be a part of it. Romantic comedy? Throw in some zombies. Political thriller? Zombies. Historical drama about the Revolutionary War? Zombies. Even long-running big-budget franchises like Star Wars and the now-rebooted Indiana Jones have been forced to add zombies to their lineup. Society has just quietly readjusted itself to fit the overwhelming presence of zombies in pop culture. 

The story focuses on a small-town scriptwriter who comes to Hollywood, carrying with her the unthinkable: a script with absolutely no zombies in it. Now she and her small team- a director, a film crew, and a small band of actors (optional side note: all, or at least some, of the actor characters are thinly veiled parodies of the people actually playing them) must struggle to turn her script into a finished movie and release it to the world before the rest of Hollywood finds them and forces them to add zombies to the project. 

The most important detail about the whole thing: it’s shot like a zombie survival movie. We need to see the crew being chased down a vacant street by deranged film critics demanding the presence of zombies in the film. We need to learn about “biters”: hostile script editors who latch onto a project, forcibly add zombies to it, and then linger on the project threatening to shut it down if their changes are not realized. I want to see an opening news segment where the media covers the gradual descent into full-on zombie madness, perhaps with cameos from famous film critics or directors reassuring the public that everything is okay when it clearly isn’t, the same way politicians do in zombie movies. I want to see a bittersweet ending where the entire crew gets blacklisted or else dragged into other teams to making zombie movies ad infinitum, but before they do the director manages to release the film online, and a closing shot of the view count skyrocketing, hinting that the public has finally realized change is necessary. 

Would this make any goddamn sense? No, of course it wouldn’t; but neither do the majority of zombie movies. And more importantly, I can’t be the only one who thinks this would be a really damn good satire of the zombie craze we’ve been going through for about a decade now. Sadly, the actual obsession with zombies seems to be slowly dying off, so this potential film would almost certainly end up being made long after it would be topical, but hey, I’d still buy a ticket. 

Some thoughts on “Fate of the Furious”

* Okay, I get the whole Shaw family redemption story arc they were doing. It was well done but…are the heroes just cool with Deckard being responsible for Han’s death and for nearly killing the whole group? With Owen controlling an amnesiac Letty and for indirectly causing Gisele’s death? I mean…redemption is fine and all but I wouldn’t invite these guys to dinner if they did any of this stuff to me. 

* Nice Luke Evans cameo though. I need a Shaw Brothers movie now. 

* Saw the Dom plot twist coming a mile away. Obviously he wouldn’t turn against family. Also figured out what he was being blackmailed with when I noticed that Elena hadn’t shown up in the movie yet.

* The ‘gotcha’ moment at the end where it’s revealed Dom was playing Cipher the whole time was a little…forced? I mean, you sorta just accept it in the movie but it seemed a little too convenient, especially with the tracking device on the cross. 

* All the Brian references gave me feels. If they didn’t give you feels, you don’t have a soul. 

* I guess Cipher is technically the Big Bad of the Fast and Furious franchise. I mean, think about it. She was controlling both Mose Jakande and Owen Shaw, thus making her the Bigger Bad of Furious 7 and Fast 6. We can also say she’s the indirect Bigger Bad of Tokyo Drift since the group taking down Owen led to Deckard going to Tokyo to kill Han. I’d say she’s the Ernst Stavro Blofeld of the F&F franchise. 

* My top two favorite scenes were the prison break and the zombie cars. Absolutely fun and inventive, I gotta give them props for those scenes. 

* The Rock is a walking demigod, I swear. Man survives explosions, flexes his arm out of a cast, takes down a predator drone with an ambulance, fires a minigun with a broken arm, takes rubber bullets to the chest like they’re nothing, lifts a man with no effort, and so on. He can rival Captain America at this point. 

* Also, the Rock teaching his daughter’s football team how to do the haka is just awesome. Kudos to you movie for not denying the Rock’s heritage. 

* I guess out of the cast, the only characters who I felt were underwritten were Tej, Roman, and Ramsay, which is weird because they had reasonably good material in Furious 7. In F8, they were sorta just…there. Roman is still the comic relief but I found myself asking, “why do we need this guy again?”. Meanwhile, Tej and Ramsay are just there to be the hackers. No character development whatsoever. I guess there was a love triangle subplot going on but that was just brought over from Furious 7. The three of them didn’t get any additional character development, outside of Tej and Roman not knowing Ramsay’s last name. For Fast 9, the writers need to work on giving these three better material. 

* I have a funny feeling that Scott Eastwood’s Little Nobody was supposed to be Sean Boswell from Tokyo Drift. Just saying. 

Okay overall, good movie. I liked Furious 7 better but this one was still fun as hell. Definitely worth a watch. 

Please Consider: Out of Context Dan Avidan Lines as AU prompts

As seen in this brilliant series of videos. Some of my favorites:

  • Never chase a ball into the street when it’s invested by zombies
  • (With absolute apathy) “Would you get shot with a laser for one dollar?” “Sure”
  • It’s like Pokemon Snap for psychotics!
  • Fuckin’… fighting for our lives at Central Taco
  • It’s like the night after the orgy after the thriller video wraps
  • (very sincerely) “I mean, you’re dumb as shit but you’ve seen a lot of stuff”
  • “Fist of the Shadow of the Collosus of the North Star!”
  • “THE ORANGE JUICE DID NOT EXTINGUISH THE FLAMES”
  • They’re all just trying to trick or treat and you keep killing them before they can explain themselves
  • Naked and dead in a cult member’s society to…happy, with pants
  • “Hold on, I am not mature enough to handle the phrase ‘retarding the zombification process’”
  • “Would you just relax and let me kill for money?!”
  • *standing on a stump in the middle of the woods shrieking off key Rush lyrics*
  • There ain’t no quittin’ time in Octopus Gas Station Town
  • “I mean I have dipped my balls in chocolate…you see what happens when I start thinking about sushi?!”
  • “What’s the Morse Code for “You’re a pussy?”
that time I was a jump scare in someone else's video game

I’ve told you guys a few of the stories from the time I spent with my grandma in the hospital but this one is my favorite.

The story of how I terrified a middle aged man at three in the morning.

So, as stated above, it was three in the morning. My grandma and my mom had both finally fallen asleep and I decided that was my best chance to go smoke a cigarette.

So I snuck out of the room and headed to the elevator. There was NO ONE in the hallways, not a solitary nurse, no one. That’s eerie in and of itself, but I didn’t think much of it.

I made it from the third to the first floor and find the front door. This is an enormous hospital and I’d spent an hour looking for the vending machine earlier so I’m pleased with myself.

As it turns out, after 10:00 pm the doors are locked so you can leave but you can’t come back in. Hoping it would just be those doors, I followed exit signs in circles for awhile before realizing it was just emergency exits. Rationally, I know if I left I could ask the people in the emergency room entrance and they’d let me back in, but I was still seized by that trapped feeling and was already feeling a little anxious.

Frustrated, I continued to skulk the halls like some kind of sleep deprived ghoul. As you probably know, most hospitals are lit by florescent lights that can make the most attractive of people look terrible. These particular lights were, of course, flickering ominously.

It’s worth mentioning that was my third day without sleep and I’d been sustained on adderall, caffeine, and vending machine food and I looked every bit the aforementioned ghoul. I’m not talking shit on my general appearance, but in this particular situation, I looked horrible. Two day old eyeliner, tangled hair, even worse bags under my eyes than normal. To top it all off, I’m still in my scrubs from work.

I didn’t want to go back to the room but felt weird for wandering around with no particular destination. I decide to play this game I played as kid when I was bored and alone.

I would pretend I was in a video game and plan on running around and enemy around each new corner or lurking in an empty office, waiting to strike. The panicky feeling in my chest had started to let up as I’d been mentally preparing for these situations and taking videos to send to my best friend.

I put my phone in my pocket and stopped in the middle of the hallway to plan my next move. I’d been standing there for five seconds or so and a man walked around the corner. He froze, eyes going wide and whispered ‘Shit.’

There was a long moment where I genuinely wondered if I was straight up hallucinating and he wondered if he was about to fucking die.

Now, this guy had like 100lbs and a foot of height on me and could probably take me down even if I had been a zombie, but he looked absolutely petrified.

We didn’t say anything, not even an uncomfortable laugh that situations like that often warrant.

We just stood there, looking at each other for maybe ten seconds before he just turned and left.

I really, REALLY, want to know how he tells that story.

Every single human on Innistrad who sought the Blessed Sleep is just Mr. Meeseeks, because all they wanted was a state of perpetual nothingness - no being a ghost, or zombie, or vampire - just absolute oblivion, and if that isn’t long form for “existence is pain” then I don’t know what is.

Do you think younger Vehk was a morning person? I imagine them as being an absolute zombie for the first hour of their morning. Bug needs hug. Bug needs 5 more minutes. They’re sitting ar breakfast, zombie-munching slowly about 5 feet away from Seht who didn’t go to sleep to begin with and is staring off into the 9th dimension, 404 elf not found.

What if Simon was kidnapped by numpties instead of Baz?

• Baz would be f r e a k i n g out
• Penny would also be f r e a k i n g out
• they’d both go to the Mage about it
• maybe even at the same time ???
• Penny would ask why Baz was there
• “What do you, of all people, want to talk to the Mage about?”
• “None. Of your. Business.”
• They wouldn’t get answers
• Out of respect for Simon, Baz would stay away from his bed and Agatha.
• Agatha is freaking out too, but not as much as the other two.
• Obviously nobody knows Baz is freaking out
• Except Penny is suspicious
• Penny threatens to leave Watford to find him, if nobody tells her where he is
• Baz thinks he might just tag along
• Lucy and Natasha visit Baz instead.
• When Simon comes back, he doesn’t use Open Sesame on the door.
• Penny’s mom had found him.
• (Penny told her to look)
• Baz thinks his heart may break at the sight of him.
• He looks like an absolute Zombie.
• His skin is almost translucent
• But he’s still ?? kind of ?? attractive ???
• Penny jumps out of her seat and near attacks him
• Simon almost falls
• Baz can barely conceal a smile
• He wants to kiss him
• Thank GOD Simon is back
• But how in the HELL is he gonna catch up on his schoolwork?
• Baz thinks he might help
• He doesn’t.
• Penny does.
• The least Baz could do is not snitch on her for being in their room
• Simon cries a lot at first
• Baz waits until he’s a bit stable before telling him about the visitings.
• “Hey, Snow. You got a visiting. I’m not sure who it was though. I think it might’ve been your mother. She was calling you her son, at least.”
• Simon doesn’t know exactly what a visiting is, but he’s excited about his mother coming to visit
• “Help me figure out who my mother is”
• “Only if you help me find out who killed my mother”

i’m so excited for pride and prejudice and zombies because the fact that someone read pride and prejudice then said “you know what would make this 1000x better??? zombies.” absolutely blows my mind. like. what a random book to modify to add zombies to.

the last of us gameplay is really good but i feel like i need to make it clear that punching zombies makes absolutely no sense at all. what if their teeth scrape your fist??? then you’re infected. what the fuck

anonymous asked:

Just wanted to tell you that Jungkook zombie au you guys wrote was fantastic! And honestly i dont really like anything zombie related but I absolutely LOVED it! Cant wait to read more of your works! All the best~

Thank you so so much!❤️❤️❤️  We think it was good and even if it didn’t have much of the romance factor it showed a great teamwork between Y/N and Jungkook. We are really glad that despite you not being so much into zombies you enjoyed the scenario. Again thank you💕💕

survivor!Jeonghan:
  • doesn’t trust people easily and prefers to travel alone
  • he doesn’t kill any zombies unless absolutely necessary because he hates how disgusting they are up close
  • he’s more of a stealth type of survivor, choosing to hide form threats rather than face them head-on
  • you come across him when you’re going through an empty house looking for supplies 
  • he immediately pulls his gun on you and asks if you’re with anyone and you’re like ‘nO but i wish i did bc i might shit my pants if you don’t take that gun away from my face’
  • he reluctantly trusts you and lets you tag along to wherever he’s going to next
  • he kind of ignores you the first few days, only speaking to you when you need to talk about where to go next and what supplies you need
  • but one night as you’re sitting across from each other on the floor of an old house while eating your dinner consisting of old canned beans, he notices that you’re shivering so he hands you his coat
  • and for a second you’re like ‘oh omg thanks’
  • he offers to take the first watch and when you’re about to go to sleep, he tells you something that has you blushing from head to toe
  • “if you want, you can sleep next to me so you won’t be so cold”
  • you awkwardly place yourself on the spot right next to where he was sitting and before you know it, he’s pulling you against his side and wrapping his arms around you
  • and you’re like !!!! jeonghan omg what the hell
  • but since you’re really tired, you fall asleep in no time and jeonghan’s more than happy to be your pillow for the night
  • neither of you mention what happened the next day but you notice that jeonghan has a certain skip to his step and he seems to be humming to himself a lot
  • you ask him what’s up and he just smiles at you like he knows something you don’t and he goes ‘i didn’t know you were such a cuddler’