So I have decided to post all the facts and hints about Connor Murphy’s past that are shown in the musical. It’s hard to make out considering people in the fandom usually focus on the lies Evan tells to figure out Connor’s personality.
To get this conclusion (which I will post in a second) I literally skipped all scenes concerning Evan’s lies and went directly to the Murphy family and what they say. None of these facts/hints involve what Evan said about Connor.
First of all, I’ll say now that I have put my own interpretation on each of these facts.
And so, I will put all FACTS in BOLD. Anything out of bold is my own interpretation and how I see it to be. It’s up to you to agree with me or disagree.
First, I will post my conclusions on each family member, and then afterwards, I will post the reasons for each one.
Zoe was an emotional and verbal abuse
victim.There is no evidence of physical abuse, although there were
threats that could have potentially led to that. She has all the
right to not grieve over Connor, in all honesty, she could have sent
him to the police for what he did, but as an abuse victim, that is
very hard to do. Connor was probably the cause of most of her
insecurities and she hated him for that. The unhealthy habit of
taking out his anger on the nearest person to him probably made him
lash out at his sister whenever he had a panic attack. Judging by how
he really did care enough to keep the creepy letter about his sister,
written by Evan, in his pocket for 3 days before he committed
suicide, it’s safe to say that he really regretted being mean to his
sister and actually cared about her.
Connor’s mom, Cynthia
Connor’s mom was a woman obsessed with
reputation. She’s known as the rich man’s wife, and wants more than
anything to be a regular family. But because her son had mental
illnesses, her perfect image was ruined. She acted as though she was
there for him but when it came down to it, she did nothing. She
pushed for therapy but after a while, her husband took him out of it
because “it wasn’t worth the money,” and she basically went,
“welp, I tried.” I will quote what I say later: Connor’s mom
might not actually be sad that her son is gone, but rather, she’s
ashamed that her family actually doesn’t care. It seems like Connor’s
mom is filled with regret for not being there for her son, and she’s
forcing her family to act like they regretted it too, because that’s
what a real family should have been like. But this is only a personal
Connor’s dad, Larry
Connor’s dad might be one of the main
sources of his depression. It is very obvious to me that Connor’s dad
believed him to be a disappointment.He didn’t grieve for his dead
son and only played along to make his wife happy. He’s annoyed by the
whole situation. It even seemed like he hated the fact that there was
fake remnants of his son in Evan. Almost like he wished Connor wasn’t
friends with Evan so he could just forget all about him and not need
to deal with it. At some point he was a kind father. When they went
to the orchard together for picnics, it seems like they were a happy
family. Connor’s dad had played with their toy plane together and had
some great memories. The whole family practically forgot about this,
though. Connor’s dad didn’t cry at his own dead son’s funeral. I
think that sums it up.
Connor was a complicated person. He had
many different mental illnesses. I could research which ones he
probably had, but there’s probably already a post somewhere on it
already. One thing for sure, is that he was unstable. He might not
have been like that his whole life, but at the time of knowing him,
the time he was briefly alive in the show, he was incredibly
unstable. Everything and anything could set him off, and he probably
hated that about himself as well. Pushing away everyone near him that
could possibly help and hating himself for doing so, spiraling
himself into a closed minded world of self-hate and regret, which is
something that many people can relate to, including me. He did a lot
of horrible things to his sister and to his family. I don’t blame his
family for not actually grieving him, he was a really bad person. The
problem is, he could have been a good person as well. He had all the
potential to get better. He talked to Evan, probably wishing to say
sorry about pushing him earlier in the hall. He was trying, he wanted
to try. He wanted to get better. He just gave up too soon.
This post is very long! I’m sorry. If you’d like to read more, I’m putting the reasons I’ve come to these conclusions under the cut.
Remember, ALL FACTS ARE IN BOLD. Anything else is my personal interpretation.
“Oh my god, I frickin love this one!” Zoe said excitedly as Harry Potter and the goblet of fire began to play on the TV.
You and your boyfriend Joe were staying with Zoe and Alfie for a few nights at their house. It had been a while since you had seen them so it was quite nice to catch up and spend some time with them.
However, Alfie was out late with Sean and Dave as they were working on a van, turning it into a campervan or something. So you and Zoe had decided to have a girly night and watch some films, of course you both had popped out to M&S beforehand to get some snacks. Joe left you both to it as he had some editing to do, so Zoe had run him a bath and he was upstairs editing in the spare room – where you and Joe were staying.
“I always found this one really scary though.” You said to Zoe, pulling the blanket closer to your body.
“Yeah, if you think about it these films are actually quite scary.” Zoe pointed out.
“I mean… If I get scared watching them then I can imagine lots of other people do.”
Time went by as you and Zoe watched the film. Nala was asleep next to Zoe on the sofa and Alfie still wasn’t back yet. You checked the time.
“How is it half 11 already?” You said, not quite believing how fast the time has gone.
When there was no reply, you looked over at Zoe to find her fast asleep on the sofa. Typical.
You watched about 15 minutes more of the Harry Potter film before your phone buzzed. It was Joe.
‘What you doing? X’
You didn’t reply, the film was almost over so you would go up and see him soon. About 2 minutes later your phone buzzed again.
Joe hardly ever put kisses in texts unless he was missing you or in a loving mood.
‘Come to bed x’
This made you smile. You were feeling quite tired and would love nothing more right now than to go and see your boyfriend. The film was almost over so you decided to head up. You thought about waking Zoe, but decided against it as she’d probably wake up soon or Alfie will wake her when he gets home.
You folded the blanket you were using and placed it on the edge of the sofa. You silently walked out of the living and through the kitchen. You got up the first flight of stairs and opened the door to the spare room, revealing a half naked Joe in his boxers laying beside his laptop on the bed.
“Finally!” He smiled up at you, placing his laptop on the floor and stretching his arms out to you.
“How’s editing going?” You asked, shutting the door and moving over to him.
“Fine, but I missed you.” He pouted and pulled you by your wrists so you got onto the bed next to him.
“Aw babe. I missed you.” You replied, even though you were only apart for 2 hours or so and you were just downstairs.
He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into his body, you wrapped your arms around his exposed waist.
“Joe!” You laughed when you felt something hard poke into your leg.
“I know, I really need you right now.” He told you truthfully.
“Well we’re in your sisters house so I don’t think so babe.” You laughed, getting up off the bed and into the en suite bathroom to brush your teeth.
“Fuck sake.” You heard Joe sigh as you walked away from him.
However, when you were almost done brushing your teeth you heard a light moan. Was he really doing this right now?
“Y/N.” You heard your boyfriend moan out. Even though you had just told him you wouldn’t do this with him here, you couldn’t help but feel very aroused at the thought of Joe touching himself to the thought of you.
You walked back into the bedroom and switched off the bathroom light. Joe was sat up, leaning against the head board with a hand wrapped around himself. His boxers were now on the floor. Even though this was the last situation that you would like to be in, you couldn’t deny that the sight in front of you made you weak at the knees. Joe’s eyes were drooping from the pleasure he was giving himself. His eyes never left you as he pumped his length at a steady pace.
“Please.” He whimpered.
That was all it took for you slip off your pyjamas and leave them on the floor at the end of the bed. Joe watched you the whole time you were getting undressed, and when you were finally fully naked, he picked up the pace of his hand movements.
“Can you honestly not wait?” You laughed, climbing onto the bed once again.
“I’m so fucking horny.” He groaned, finally moving from his position so that he could lean forward and press his lips against yours.
Lips still attached, Joe flipped you around so now your back was against the mattress and he was hovering over your exposed body.
Your hands went to Joe’s chest, feeling up and down his toned stomach. This was one of your favourite things about Joe – his abs were so defined and you loved it. One of his hands went next to your head to hold himself up, and the other went to the head board of the bed.
You broke the kiss and stared up at Joe with a smirk. He sent you a confused look.
“What?” He asked.
“I just really love you.”
“Well, Y/N, I love you so much more,” He smiled, kissing you again. “But we’ve got to be quiet.”
Without warning, Joe pushed himself into you. You had to hold yourself back from letting out a moan. You were so used to having sex with Joe at home and making as much nose as you wanted, when you had sex somewhere like this you always struggled to keep quiet.
It’s because Joe knew exactly how to make you feel good. Considering you’ve been together for around 2 years now, Joe knew your body. He loved to make you shake so hard when you cum and to scream out his name. Sex with him was always and intense and you loved it.
He rocked in and out of you, each thrust getting harder. The feeling of Joe’s bare skin on your own was such an intimate feeling which is why you were on the pill. It was such a nice feeling to have Joe completely inside you without a condom, it made the pleasure even more enjoyable and it made you feel closer to him.
“Babyyyy…” Joe moaned into your shoulder before nipping at the bare skin.
You took Joe’s hand that was holding onto on the head board and laced your fingers together. He gave your hand a squeezed and let out a gentle moan, trying his hardest not to make too much noise. Joe’s moans were the most angelic thing you’ve ever heard and you would do anything right now to hear his moans and groans echo throughout the room.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, making Joe stop his actions immediately. When the handle went down, he pulled out of you as quickly as he could and pulled the covers over you both, making it look casual. Thankfully, he was quick enough.
“Y/N?” Zoe opened up the door as she rubbed her tired eyes. “I can’t believe I fell asleep on the sofa!”
“I know! I mean… can’t say I was surprised!” You laughed.
You could hear Joe panting next to you, trying to catch his breath. His cheeks were red but Zoe didn’t suspect anything.
“We’ll have to have another girly night again soon, and I promise I won’t fall asleep.”
“Ok, Zoe, I’ll believe it when I see it.” You laughed.
“I won’t!” She defended.
“Is Alfie still not back?” You asked.
“No, I’m think I’m going to ring him in a minute though. What are they doing? Surely they can’t get much done in the dark.” As Zoe spoke, you felt Joe’s hand trail up your thigh.
You didn’t think anything of it until he kept on getting closer and closer to your centre.
“Yeah, he’ll probably be back soon though.” You said to Zoe.
Joe’s fingers went to your clit, gently rubbing his fingertips against the sensitive area. You sucked in a breath, feeling uncomfortable with the situation but also still very horny.
“How many days has he been doing it for?” Joe piped up. You squeezed the duvet in your hand as Joe slid his middle finger into you.
“This is the third, I think they’re planning on finishing it on Saturday.” Zoe told her brother and he nodded.
“It’s quite cool that they’re doing this though,” He replied, sliding his finger in and out of you as you bit your bottom lip, trying your absolute hardest to refrain from moaning.
“I think it’s amazing! I can’t wait to see what it looks like when they’ve finished it,” Zoe said. “Well, I’m going to bed now so night you two.”
“Night, Zo.” Joe said, using her nickname.
“G-goodnight.” You literally almost face palmed yourself as you stuttered over your words.
“You alright Y/N?” As Zoe asked this, Joe added another finger.
“I’m fine.” You quickly said as Joe finger fucked you.
“Ok,” Zoe sent you an odd look. “Night!”
“I fucking hate you, Sugg.” You said to Joe as soon as Zoe shut the door.
“You hate me?” He repeated. “Looks like you don’t want me to finish you off then.”
Joe’s fingers left you and you whined at the loss of contact.
“Shut up and fuck me.” You groaned.
“Of course, m’lady.” Joe chuckled, hovering over you and finishing you both off.
summary :in which you and Zoe are dying your hair and try to convince Connor to dye his.
request :“Could you write some Connor Murphy imagine where he is a virgin and the reader isn’t and it’s some smut.”
word count :7,007
warnings :boy oh boy is this gonna be a sMUT HNNGGGFFFF, y’all can’t have a smut w/o a hella lotta sexual innuendos, cursing, mentions blood?, ooc writing, rushed writing, terrible writing in general;;,,,,,
a / n : Inspired by when I dyed my hair and was super lazy per usual and stained my pillowcase. i’m such a sinner… Is it just me or did my writing change completely like halfway through it? idk it’s bad, sorry. Thanks for reading though. Any sort of support is sincerely respected: liking, commenting, reblogging, following, anything! Constructive criticism is always appreciated :) Much love.
“What the alien cult shit is going on?” Connor asked with a very pissed and very confused expression.
He had just walked past the bathroom when he saw his sister sitting on a chair with strands of hair sectioned off into tubes of tin foil. Y/N, his girlfriend was standing beside Zoe with purple hands. Purple? Blue? Indigo.
“It’s the devil himself,” Zoe said sarcastically.
“You little bi-”
“Zoe,” You cut off Connor rapidly, “if anything he’s a handsome devil.”
“…Fuck you,” Connor mumbled, crossing his arms, and leaning against the doorframe.
“Y/N, you’re gross,” Zoe groaned. You snapped your indigo stained gloves off.
“Grossly in love,” you sang, walking over to Connor and tapping him on the nose. His scowl softened just slightly. Zoe simply groaned.
“I literally cannot have a single day without sharing you,” Zoe slapped the bathroom counter with both hands, “Y/N, you’re supposed to be my best friend. If anything, you’re like my sister and that’d be super weird to think of my sister dating my brother.”
<b>Connor Murphy:</b> There's a reason<p/><b></b> For the sunshine in sky<p/><b></b> There's a reason<p/><b></b> Why I'm feelin' so high<p/><b>Evan Hansen:</b> you just smoked ten Amp joints<p/><b>Connor Murphy:</b> Must be the season<p/></p>
Zoe had invited her brother and one of their childhood
best friends to stay over at her house for a few days, and she was surprised
when they told her that they had already been hanging out the last couple of
When they got there, they acted like everything was
normal between them, and Zoe would have believed everything was the same if it
hadn’t been for the little things that happened between them in the next couple
First, it was the way they talked to each other, it
was always soft and with a smile on their faces, and then Zoe realized how
often he called her ‘love’ and she called him ‘sweet’. At first she thought
nothing of it, but there was this one time that she called him ‘handsome’ and
her eyes went wide before changing the subject.
The next day, she caught them making breakfast
together. She was humming lightly and he was standing next to her, watching as
she made the pancakes with a loving smile on his face. And when he kissed her
temple and whispered something in her ear making her giggle, she could have
sworn he had told her that he loved her. That’s when she decided to go back to
“I think Y/N and Joe are dating.” She whispered to her
boyfriend, who had just woken up.
“Why’s that?” He frowned.
“Pay attention today and you’ll know what I’m talking
“Is that a problem, though?”
“No not at all. Been waiting for this my whole life.”
That day, Alfie did what his girlfriend told him to
do, only to find that she was right. There was something about Y/N and Joe that
you just realized that they weren’t just friends anymore. They would hold hands
under the table, and they would kiss each other’s cheeks when they thought no
one was looking.
That night, when the four of them were hanging out,
both couple cuddled on different ends of the sofa, Y/N showed Zoe something
funny in one of Joe vlogs, and she kept watching it when she saw her friend in
it. Giving the phone back, she typed her brother’s vlog channel and watched
some of his latest vlogs, Y/N being in every single one she watched.
“Ugh,” Zoe let out, making everybody look at her. “Why
didn’t you guys just tell me?” She asked.
“What you on about, Zo?” Y/N asked.
“You and Joe being together!” They looked at each
other before looking back to Zoe, who sighed. “Were you scared I wouldn’t
approve or something?”
“Zoe.” Alfie whispered but Joe just shook his head
with a smile.
“We were going to tell you, tonight. We were going to
make dinner and tell you while we were eating.” Y/N laughed, her fingers lacing
with Joe’s. “You were just too impatient.”
“Oh.” She smiled. “Well, since now we know…why did it
take you so long?!” She ran and hugged them, making them laugh. “How long have
you been together?”
“Eight months?!” Alfie asked, surprised.
“But you guys came to stay last month!” Zoe said and
then looked at Alfie. “We’re blind, Alfie!”
“You aren’t, we just were extra careful, that’s all.”
Y/N laughed, standing up and looking back at her boyfriend. “Come on, Joseph,
dinner isn’t going to cook itself.” She smiled and started walking towards the
“Coming.” Joe said, sitting up on the sofa. “Damn, I
love her.” He said, looking at his sister.
“I never thought I’d hear you say that.” She and Alfie
“Joe?” He heard Y/N’s voice call from the kitchen, so
he got up and walked there.
author’s note: i haven’t been writing fics for ages, at least not on tumblr because of life. i missed it, though. and dear even hansen pulls me right back in that i just [clenches fist] anyway. tree bros are #lyfe, even if i disagree with the name a little aha.
ps: anyway if you haven’t read jump, i fucking 100% recommend it.
Evan likes everything about Connor.
Well, no. Not really. That’s not true. Sometimes Evan really doesn’t like it when Connor gives that glare? That hateful glare, you know? That makes his blue eyes turn — sharp. Like knives. Like it could cut you. Like Evan could feel it everywhere down his skin and it’s. God. It’s awful, like Evan’s stomach would twist and turn and wishes he could just tell Connor to stop. Don’t do that to him. What did he do wrong? What did he fuck up this time? Or when Connor fights with Zoe. He’s so. Terrible. It’s so terrible. The way they talk. And sometimes it makes Evan feel so— so angry. Because Evan doesn’t understand, even though he does.
No, he understands that Connor is lonely and afraid and—he. He gets it. Not like how Evan feels, but the spectrum of their sadness is almost on the same level, and Evan — Evan at least knows it, and he gets that, but he’s still. Angry. Because. Connor shatters a lot of this image of Zoe in Evan’s head that he’s made up and that’s not cool but it isn’t Connor’s fault and why would Evan ever think Zoe’s so immensely perfect anyway when she really isn’t, because she’s human, because if she is perfect, then that’d be weird and wouldn’t that make her, like a robot? And what is the definition of perfect anyway? And it’s all strange and why do they even exist, and why does it even matter and—
But. Evan generally likes Connor. Not when he’s glaring or arguing or sneering or — or when he’s high. Because Connor’s level of angriness shoots up really badly when he’s not focused and there, and. He gets paranoid a lot and one time he gets really angry and it’s scary, and Evan really couldn’t remember much except his lungs can’t work well when Connor was staring at him like that, like knives were digging into Evan’s whole body and he feels like he could explode and melt all at the same time (in a very bad way, of course, and not in a gay way because Evan is not gay, because Evan is in love with Zoe and not Zoe’s brother) and Connor was seething about. About something. Maybe about Zoe. Or Larry. Or Cynthia. Evan couldn’t remember, but he’s apologising, Evan's saying sorry and Connor is still so mad, oh no, Evan wants to reach out, wants to soothe this whole mess but he’s making it worse because why wouldn’t he, because he’s such a mess himself, and why would Connor even care and—
A week later, Connor’s sprawled over (or on?) Evan on his bed and it’s weird and it’s — Connor’s heavy, heavier than Evan expects — and he’s crying, a little, saying he’s sorry and, “My drug dealer fucking punched me later, that piece of shit.” And Evan doesn’t getit, not really, but all he knows is that they might be okay, and Connor explained more that he’s sorry. He’s sorry that he fucked up. That he’s — crazy. And no, Evan was telling him, no he’s not. Not crazy. Just a little sick, maybe. Like Evan is. And Evan was so scared that Connor will punch him for categorising them on the same level, but all Connor did was snort-chuckle a little against Evan’s chest — where his snot and tears have all wet the area and Evan felt sticky and weird and was this okay? Was he breathing too hard? Was his chest too hollow that his bones felt like it’s prickling Connor back? — and stayed there. And maybe hummed. Like, he agreed. Which was crazy. Because in what world had Evan thought that Connor Murphy, the school’s resident delinquent and stoner, would ever agree with a lonely and pathetic loser like Evan?
“Anyway. Point is.” Connor was still sniffling and Evan can feel it — swear to God — just everything , every little movement, and it shook him to his core that they’re this close, that Connor wanted to be this close with Evan Hansen, the weirdest kid in school who hyperventilates on a daily basis like a goddamn career, and just. It’s weird. And it irked Evan a little that he’s not able to pick on his shirt, played with it, just do something — all he had was Connor’s own shirt on top of him (Connor’s own body and hair and everything, just everything) and he. All he’s left was to touch a little on the area of Connor’s shoulder. Petting. God, Evan’s a disaster. “I’m glad he did. One, I’m never gonna fucking buy anything from him again, fuckhim. Second… I… I want to stop, anyway. Hansen. Fuck. I scared you, didn’t I? It—”
Connor was shaking his head, and again. Evan. Evan felt it. Everything. Suddenly it’s like Connor was so expressive, even if Evan can’t see his face. “I can’t scare you again. So I’m gonna stop. Probably.” And then slower, “Slowly.” Like it’s a promise. Like it’s an attempt. Like Evan mattered.
And all anxiety aside, Evan… just likes that moment.
soooo i just wrote like 3 imagines bc i am still trying to keep up w my whole “a new imagine everyday” thing!!! which ones would u like first?
- Connor Murphy x reader (late night, reader can’t sleep)
- Zoe Murphy x reader (babbling about feelings, frickin angsty)
- Evan Hansen x reader (sMuT??!?)
also how do y'all feel about smut??? like should i write more ??? should i just stop??? u tell me