zoe stop it

8

                  Captain.
                                   ……It’s him.

“i CANT beleive the TERRIBLE ACES want the lgbt community to create non-sexual, non-pda spaces!1!”

ok but what about gay aces and trans aces and bi aces and pan aces and nb aces who might be uncomfortable with pda?? just admit u hate all aces not just the “cishet” ones tbh

“i CANT beleive the TERRIBLE ACES(read:sex repulsed ppl) want the lgbt community to create non-sexual, non-pda spaces!1!”

ok but what about gay ppl and trans ppl and bi ppl and pan ppl and nb ppl who are uncomfortable with pda?? just admit ur just trying to push (cishet) aces out of the community and are willing to throw anyone else who is pda-repulsed under the bus, including “real lgbt” ones

  • boss: why didn't you come to work yesterday?
  • me: *sniffs* there's been a death in the family...
  • boss: again? wasn't that your excuse last week? and the week before that? and the week before that? how many family can you possibly have?
  • me: *sniffs louder* I don't know why it keeps happning, I really don't
  • me: oh by the way, I'll proabby be out next week too...
  • boss: why?
  • me: cw network, they're about to kill another one
  • Hamil-done: burr’s so cute
  • Hercthemerc: nO
  • JLaur: NO
  • Laffie-Taffie: NO
  • Smol;bean: NO
  • Hamil-done: i’m not even going to ask how myan got here
  • Hamil-done: but i’m not gonna like kiss him but i’ll totally cuddle him
  • JLaur: HE GAVE YOU A CONCUSSION
  • Hamil-done: BY ACCIDENT

i’ve told quite a few people this fic was coming, so here it is. special thanks to my beta/girlfriend @danchou-chan, and to @partydanchou and @birbwin for listening to me whine about this thing for months. Read it on AO3

It was never truly his, the life he was born into. He’d known it from childhood, born with memories of monsters, of a war with no end. Erwin Smith was born with the memories of cable wires shooting out with the pull of a trigger, sending an army through the air, of blades and blood that evaporates, of blood that stays. He was born with the memories of a man who had lived two decades before he saw the sun, of fierce gray eyes and a sharp tongue, a man who was small and beautiful and meant to fly. His little bird. He was born with the memories of a broken promise and the knowledge that he is meant to find this man, this little bird, a knowledge that he keeps private, learning early on that others will not take kindly to these strange memories. A vivid imagination in childhood turns into a concerning quirk verging on madness as an adult and he quiets himself. His bird is in his dreams, in the shadows in his waking life, waiting. This life was never truly his, but he will live it if only so that he can prove to himself that this man exists, that somewhere he is looking for him too.

This is the first time, and perhaps it is due to his own naivety that he accepts without question the idea that he is fated to live again, to spend his life dedicated to a man he has yet to meet– maybe never will meet. He does not question the absurdity of it all, the guilt that consumes him for deaths he, now, has never seen, the desperate need for the man in his dreams, the name he finds himself whispering like a prayer as he lies in bed at night, eyes fixed towards the heavens: Levi, Levi, Levi. He questions nothing, fixated, obsessed, but somewhere someone was waiting for him, and in the end it’s all that matters.

Levi, Levi, Levi.

It happens at last during the winter of 1901, and Erwin is on the train, alone with a first class ticket in a quiet, comfortable car, off to visit a friend of the family (by obligation rather than by his own desire, but he’s resolved to be nothing but pleasant– he always is, when he can help it, after all). He is reading the paper when a silent stranger shuffles in, sliding into the seat directly across, a simple bag tossed beside him. Queen Victoria is dead. The stranger lights a cigarette, slumps against the window with a sigh. At half a glance it’s a man, a boy perhaps, small and dark and unremarkable in every way save for his stature and his unusually sharp angles. He is drowning in worn and ill fitting but well-kept clothes. It’s a wonder what a man like that is doing in a first class car. Erwin has no intention to gaze fully but there’s a nagging at his chest, a flash from a dream, from a memory, a whisper. A name. Blue eyes flicker up, the train is moving– he meets half-lidded gray, head against a curled fist, cigarette dangling between thin lips. Gray eyes meet his, cool impassivity turning to shock, head lifting. The cigarette is crushed against the sill of the window by a slow, hesitant hand.

And then there’s a weight against his chest, coming at him so fast it knocks him back into his seat and he almost forgets to wind his arms around the smaller body, to cradle him like something precious, something sacred. There’s a muffled choked out sob, “Oh fuck,” into Erwin’s shirt, drenched in relief, and Erwin wonders how long Levi’s gone thinking he was simply insane. He’s beautiful, he always has been but especially now, real and whole and his, and Erwin thanks every god he can think of for this second chance– for that’s what this must be, a blessing, a way to make amends for the lives he’s taken, the men and women and children he once sent off to die. A miracle.

“Levi… Levi.

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