zingers

listen, jontron has been horrible since GG’s inception. 
i mean that doesn’t make any of the recent and not-so-recent BATSHIT GARBAGE he’s said any less BATSHIT, but i’m just shocked it took him agreeing with Actual White Supremacists and his racist tirade in that debate stream to get people to realize that his ~Ironic Racism/Misogyny/Transphobia over all these years has either transformed into or always was genuine racism/misogyny/transphobia.
(rape mention past this point.) anyway my awakening moment was back in highschool (actually probably 2013 now that i think about it) watching GG for the first time, the iconic sonic 06 playthrough and thinking it was really funny!! i remember my face hurting from smiling and laughing so much. at least until jontron straight up said he wanted to rape a female NPC they ran into. and as a teenage girl AT THAT EXACT POINT IN TIME dealing with sexual assault and rape joke harassment shit from a male classmate, and watching funny videos on the internet to forget about what i was dealing with, that “joke” wiped the smile off my face and i immediately started crying and closed the video instantly and never finished watching the playthrough or touched another GG video until years after danny replaced jon. (and even then i didn’t stick around super long either - my mexican ass can only stand so many ~ironic~ ‘dirty mexican’ jokes and bad ‘accent humor’, even if not as overtly horrible as jon had been.)
anyway my point is that it’s just really funny that people who had been SAYING all these years that “he’s just kidding!! him saying rapey and racist things are just jokes!!!” are for some reason shocked now that it turns out he wasn’t joking at all, as if a totally not racist or misogynistic person would think it’s okay or be comfortable enough to joke about those things to begin with. it’s almost as funny as the fact that jontron thinks him making those kinds of comments has no effect on the audience he seems to crave so badly!!! (read: his non white, jewish, female, disabled, and victims of sexual assault former fans who got tired of his shit. not to mention alienating his ‘heroes’ like neil c. for openly being a pos where neil could see it LMAO.)

TL;DR: jontron has literally always been shit, he’s just been a lot louder about it lately bc he’s managed to weed out all his decent fans and left only his nasty hugbox who never challenge his racist rapey self.

4

“Ha, you French! You make me scream with laughter!”
“I am glad… but also Belgian.”

TFLN #6

Harry Y/N

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

……

Ruberto

I don’t think you’re supposed give away the punchline so easily H

You took too long to reply

I was sleeping

Did you hear about the kidnapping at a school yesterday?

No, That’s awful

It’s ok though, she woke up

Haha you’re a shit™

I try my best

I have a question about Australia

Go on

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Doubt it

Houses can’t jump, Silly

Oh My God

Stop

You’re not funny

A book just fell on my head

I’ve got only myshelf to blame

Shut it Styles

You’ll be single in a minute

Sorry Y/L/N

Y/L/N Just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?

That’s ok, we’ll make you a Styles one day

Not if you keep making jokes like those


TFLN #1, TFLN #2 TFLN #3 TFLN #4  TFLN #5

WATER BALLOON FIGHTS WITH THE RFA
  • MC: [gets a water balloon thrown at her] Oh! I'm wet!
  • Seven: Those are three words Zen hasn't heard a girl say in almost five years.
  • Zen: [is 10 seconds away from killing Seven]
Bill, Stan, Richie, Eddie: Scrapes and Bruises

Request  “Can I ask for Bill, Stan, Richie and Eddie getting patched up by their crush/gf? Maybe they had a run in with the clown, or the Bowers gang and got a little roughed up or something.” 

A/N   I re-read this like 100 times trying to see just how repetitive it got and I zoned out every time. My bad rip

Pairing → Bill Denbrough x Reader, Stan Uris x Reader, Richie Tozier x Reader, Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader (She/Her Pronouns)

Warnings  → description of injury, blood


Bill

↳ Bill bit his lip and tried to stay quiet as you looked at the wound on his side. He sat on the side of his tub, which you had filled shallowly with warm, clean water. You dunked in a cloth and got to work.

He hummed in pain. He mentally smacked himself upside the head, but at least it was better than crying out in front of you. “Sorry” you murmured. You found some antiseptic balm and uncapped it.

You had both been caught off guard by It. Jumping you both on the way home and landing a long cut on your fearless leader. Your blood boiled as you remembered the strike, and Billy going down, and Bill’s blood boiled as he remembered the fear It had caused you, and your scream.

“Bill” you called “Billy?”

He was trying so hard not to wince that he had zoned out. “Uh-Hm?” he said quick “Wuh-what?”

“This is gonna sting” you gave him an apologetic smile “Sorry”

It didn’t really. And that wasn’t just Bill trying to lie to himself for the sake of saving face. It burned a little, sure, but he was distracted by the feeling of your fingers on his skin. Looking down, he saw you, putting all your effort into being as gentle with him as possible.

His heart swelled.

Keep reading

5

BVG bringt den Brenn zu uns allen. 

OK someone asked for translation here we go, the BVG stands for Berlin Transport Company. They regularly throw out zingers on their twitter account.


1 pic:

Kiff Kev: BVG YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WHY ARE YOU NEVER ON TIME?

Bvg: NO IDEA MOTHERFUCKER MAYBE WE ARE DISSIN’ YOU?


2. Host country Spandau

Foreign culture

Friendly Natives

Exotic food 

Flights for 2,80€

(This is an old joke that goes all the way back to the 1920s, maybe even earlier. Spandau became a district of Berlin very late, in the 1920s. It’s basically its own city slapped on to the West. Berliners think Spandauers are strange creatures. Spandauer think Spandau is VERY IMPORTANT.)

3. Spring is coming. Wedding isn’t. 

(Wedding is a locality in the borough of Mitte, it was cut off from Mitte during the cold war and fused with it again later.  Wedding is bordering the hipster kingdoms Prenzlauerberg(East), Friedrichshain(East) and Kreuzberg(West  that became the new places to be. 

When a district is getting popular we say “Kreuzberg ist im kommen” or simply “Kreuzberg kommt” meaning “Kreuzberg is coming”. Sadly the hype train never reached Wedding even though people have been talking about it for years.)

4. Tomorrow will be the premier of “Smurfs-the lost village”

Great! Finally a movie about Potsdam. 

(I don’t think I have to explain this.)

5. 

Anon: Hey BVG I am currently riding without a ticket from Görlitz station to Warschauer Straße. Are you angry with me?

BVG:  May you be plagued by bad street bands at Warschauer Straße while a tourist is barfing on your face and a dealer is scamming you.

Anon: What if I am the dealer? XD joke of course

BVG: Then you would probably have the 1,70 € for a short trip or 1.20€ if you are under 15. It’s hard to tell from your tweets.