So I was looking at the symptoms for bipolar II and I started sobbing. Without that many tears, honestly. Just sobbing.
When did this happen to me? I know it did, but when? Was I ever even vaguely okay? Have I ever been even a little bit sane? How much of what I experience is real? How much is just an episode?
How much have I lost without having had it in the first place?
I’m getting close to panicking, I feel…strange, like my thoughts are about to start flying, I…
Maybe I should take the as-needed Seroquel?
There are so many things wrong with me and I know what they are but they’re still so hard to deal with. I talk a big game about being proud, about owning my disabilities, about being at peace with them, and I guess I am.
But sometimes I want to be normal, just for a moment, just to see what it is.
Just to make sure I wouldn’t like it.