That one time when Jin thought Jia Chong was a vampire.
So elliondrk and I were… in some sort of mood when I was level grindibng Jia Chong in Dynasty Warriors 8 and came up with some absolute and utter crack.
There’s a joke in the fandom that Jia Chong must be a vampire because he’s so pale and mysterious and wears black all the time and so he MUST BE A VAMPIRE.
What if, ever since he was young, Sima Zhao was absolutely, positively convinced Jia Chong was a vampire and was hellbent to prove it?
It all started with Zhao asking Chong if he was. The answer was simple - “No, I am not.”
Zhao was still not convinced. So he tried every possible way to get Chong to see his own reflection. When decorative mirrors didn’t work, he went to small mirrors. Then he went to make up mirrors. Then wall mirrors. Until finally he ventured through the castle, lugging a full length mirror from his parents room and into Chong’s study. He stopped right next to Chong and asked “What do you see???”
Chong’s answer? “My reflection and an idiot behind a mirror.”
Zhao was all “YOU’RE LYING!!”
His brother catches wind of all of his antics and is all “You’re embarrassing yourself and the family. Stop that right now.”
“But Shi! Vampire’s are immortal and when we die, he might take the throne."
With this, Shi slams his hands on the table and growls ”He must be stopped.“
So they ban together to prove that Chong is an undead bloodsucker and start watching what Chong does. Sima Yi is all "wtf” and his sons explain what’s going on and Shi adds “and he’s always around and working better at night, we don’t see him much during the day, he’s always in the shade! Honest!"
After a few days, Yi comes back and says "I see what you mean.”
Zhuge Dan and Deng Ai don’t even know how to react.
Wang Yuanji thinks that Zhao is running a fever.
Wen Yang asks if there “is any smart people in this land?”
Zhong Hui demands an “unstoppable, undead army”
Zhang Chunhua is getting a chuckle out of all of this with Jia Chong himself.
So the team expanded and Chong is so past irritation right now, he’s starting to find humor in all of it. Just to turn the tables, he decides to play along.
He makes a comment of the garlic in any of the meals and excuses himself (but eventually eats later.) When he gets splashed with holy water (wherever they get it), he makes a small hissing noise to scare the brothers away.
On the battle field, he drags a dead body behind a rock and acts like he’s wiping his mouth when he emerges. When Zhao asks, Chong just smirks and walks past him with a chuckle and an apathetic “bleh.”