zelda x wayne

Adventure and Rebellion: Zelda vs. Wayne

I’ve written plenty of posts about LBD, so it’s only fair for me to write a nice long Squaresville one. Buckle up, because here it comes.

There are two ways to be a bored kid in a small town. One increases world awesome.  One increases world suck. I would argue that Zelda is type 1, and Wayne is type 2. And therefore Zelda and Wayne SHOULD NOT CROSS.

Story time.

When I was a junior in high school, I was friends with a bunch of seniors. My high school had a very wide mix of different types of people, from super super ghetto, to super super preppy, to super nerdy, super artsy, etc. etc. I was friends with a lot of people in the “cool artsy” group. I guess that’s what you’d call them. Anyway, for their senior prank, they decide on something I thought was super cool and cute. They were going plant a bunch of flowers that spelled out 05 in the lawn, but then the flowers would be a donation for the school and could be replanted in our newly redesigned courtyard. It was fun, it was classy, it also gave back to the school (minus maybe the “this might tear up the lawn” thing… I forget what they decided to do about that, but I know it was discussed).

Well, at the same time, there was another group of people planning a different school prank. We’ll call these people the “too cool for school” group. Or something. I dunno, I’m bad with titling things. Anyway, this group had a much more base, destructive idea of “fun” and “humor”. They came and caulked a bunch of school locks. Something that was very costly and destructive to what was at the time an almost brand new building (it had been finished for that school year). They did a lot of other “funny” (ie not funny at all) and destructive pranks around the school. Also, one of them, while driving to school that night, found a dead possum in the road, and decided it would be funny to hang it up from the archway with the school’s name at the entrance to student parking. When people began to arrive to campus that morning, many people mistakenly thought it was a racoon, and misinterpreted it as a racial slur, perhaps even a threat, in a school that was filled with racial tension already due to the uncomfortable tension of underprivileged, mostly black kids in the general school, and the many overprivileged, mostly white kids that filled the majority of the school’s magnet program, with a nice splattering of hick mixed in (these two pranks were mainly from the hick and privileged groups). I don’t think our racial riot was until the next year, but yes, my school had a racial riot. So, many people were upset. I think some parents picked kids up from school because they were worried.

Anyway, with these things combined- the costly damage to the school and the many phone calls of concerned parents- the school quickly took action to try and discover who was responsible and exact punishment.

Unfortunately, both of these completely different groups of students with completely different intentions both performed their pranks on the same night. I can’t remember if they were there at the same time or not. But the school couldn’t bias against one group or the other, it was simply “any student who is found guilty of performing one of these acts of vandalism as a ‘prank’.” With reviews of security camera, suddenly many of my friends, who had done something harmless, fun, even sweet, were finding themselves at risk of not being allowed to walk at graduation, and potentially having their diploma delayed.

Can I just say that I fiercely hated those kids who had such a warped idea of humor and pranking, who tainted and ruined what should have been something just sweet and fun.

This is what I think of when I think of Zelda and Wayne.

Zelda is the sweet, quirky, adventurous girl, who wants to feel rebellious by planting flowers in the middle of the night. Who wants to surprise people with beauty.

Wayne is the kid who has no respect for public property, who doesn’t ever stop to think about the consequences of his actions, who unhealthily acts out feelings of boredom, restlessness, frustration, etc. in harmful ways.

I know vandalism doesn’t seem like a big deal. But it’s just stupid. It’s so stupid and pointless and worthless to go and caulk the school locks and cost a public school struggling to keep many wonderful programs afloat with its limited budget hundreds of dollars because you think it’s funny. It’s stupid to spray paint on your school just because you’re bored. It’s stupid to not think about the permanency and cost of that kind of damage. It’s stupid to not think about how it only pulls your school, your neighborhood, and yourself down.

Sure, Wayne thinks Squaresville (or whatever the town is actually called. I thought it was actually called Squaresville, side note) is a joke. But why is it a joke? And why does it have to stay a joke? We all have have an impact on where we live. It is what we make it. We can’t change everything, but change starts somewhere.

Zelda is a fan of the idea that’s come to be called “positive pranking”, going out and secretly doing something to make the world more awesome. And that is awesome. Zelda is awesome. She takes her energy, her restlessness, her desire for adventure, even a little rebellion, and turns it into something that can have a positive influence on her environment.

Wayne just tears it down.

Honestly, I just don’t understand why Zelda is crushing on Wayne so much. I mean, I understand he’s giving her attention, and that they had fun flirty times, and the heart in the lawn is all sweet, but seriously, a guy who spray paints your name on your school? I don’t care that it’s spelled wrong, I care that he did it, and he defamed her while doing it. That would’ve been it for me. No. Forget it. Not talking to you anymore until you clean it up, fix it, apologize, promise not to do it again. That’s not Zelda. Defaming public property in some pathetic attempt to reach some pathetic type of “cool”?

I get the “a boy likes me and is giving me attention and now I have feels” thing. I would, too, if I was Zelda, even if it was Wayne. But that’s it. Have some feels, then remember you’re so much better than that, and he’s so not worth your time of day. His attempts to impress have fallen way short.

It’s clear Zelda feels internally conflicted about it all. And I’m sure she’ll go down that path for a little while. But I know it won’t really end well. She deserves, she is, she has waiting for her, she will get so much better than Wayne.

Or maybe I just have high standards. No wait, I just have standards.