viktor: if you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. if it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

cassiopeia: what if it bites me and it dies?

katarina: that means you’re poisonous. gods, cassio, learn to read

singed: what if it bites itself and I die?

morgana: that’s voodoo.

sion: what if it bites me and someone else dies?

warwick: that’s correlation, not causation.

draven: what if we bite each other and neither of us die?

leblanc: that’s kinky

Sexuality & Society in Valoran

DEMACIA: Nobles are expected to marry and produce heirs to continue their line. Adultery is considered disgraceful, regardless of the gender of the partner, because it’s breaking a vow. Likewise, illegitimate children cannot inherit so for nobles, a marriage that produces children is a must. Same-sex lovers, pre-marriage, is acceptable for nobles. For commoners, same-sex marriages and relationships are fine. Asexuality is considered a sign of being dedicated to whatever your profession is ie ‘too into their job to care about anything else’. Trans people are accepted without question, except for the aforementioned heterosexual noble marriages. Intersex people are raised as whatever the parents think fit until they’re old enough to decide.

NOXUS: Again, nobles are expected to marry and produce heirs to continue their line. A marriage that will result in at least one child is a must for the heir, though second-born and third-born children have more freedom to choose. Adultery is accepted as long as it’s discreet and won’t shame your wife/husband. Same-sex partners for adulterers are preferred because then there’s no risk of bastards. For commoners, same-sex marriages and relationships are fine. Asexuality isn’t commonly known/understood. Trans people are fine and their genital configuration only matters for the noble marriages. Intersex people are treated the same as any other Noxian.

BILGEWATER: Do whatever and whomever you want as long as it’s consenting. Marriage between all genders as well as polyamorous marriages or multiple spouses is accepted as long as all parties consent. A man cannot have 3 wives and 2 husbands unless they’re all aware of each other. Of course, that’s only in theory. In practice, he just needs to find a drunk enough officiator to carry out the ceremony. Asexuality is most commonly interpreted as people who love the sea too much to take other lovers. Trans and intersex people are wholly accepted.

IONIA: Arranged marriages are common, both homosexual and heterosexual. It’s less about having children and more about alliances between families, though the sexual preferences of the person being married off will be taken into account. Divorce is uncommon because of familial pressure. Asexuality is accepted and praised as a sign of being free from physical desire. Intersex people are believed to be in perfect balance and cherished. Trans people are thought to be rectifying an imbalance in themselves and their chosen gender identity is accepted.

PILTOVER: Same-sex marriage and relationships are just as normal as heterosexual ones. So is asexuality. Nothing is considered special or weird. There aren’t even any anti-discrimination laws in place because it’s just that much of a non-issue. Non-binary, trans, intersex, it’s all fine. Piltover is the future and the future is good

ZAUN: They keep trying to tell Noxus that they can grow babies in test tubes and those heterosexual marriages for nobles are not necessary. Noxus is more interested in the idea of vats full of baby soldiers however. Same-sex and heterosexual marriages are treated equally and discrimination based off sexuality or gender doesn’t happen. They pioneered sex-change operations; intersex babies are left alone until their teens hit, then they can choose what changes they want made, if any. 

FRELJORD: Everyone’s too busy trying not to freeze to death to care who shares whose bedrolls. Homosexual relationships are considered a safe way to enjoy yourself without worrying about bringing more hungry mouths into the world. There’s no stigma against it, nor against trans, intersex or asexual people. Though asexuals had better like cuddling because, again, cold.

SHURIMA: No bias based off sexual preferences or gender identity. Harems and group marriages are legal, as long as all parties consent. Adopting a nephew or niece if you need an heir but aren’t in a heterosexual marriage is considered perfectly acceptable. Illegitimate children can be legitimatized in a pinch as well and then inherit.

BANDLE CITY: They are tiny but full of love for everyone, regardless of gender or sexuality. Polyamorous marriages are accepted. Trans and intersex yordles are accepted without question, as are asexuals. Marriages can occur between any genders and divorce is not stigmatized. Sometimes people change and move on. That’s nobody’s fault. Adultery, on the other hand, is awful. Why would you deceive a partner like that?

VOID: Can it be eaten? It can? YES. EAT IT. That’s it. That’s as far as Void preferences go. Void creatures couple regardless of their partner’s gender. Gender identity isn’t really a thing. If Rek’Sai wants to be male, okay, Rek’Sai is male. As long as Rek’Sai doesn’t eat them, they don’t care.

SHADOW ISLES: They’re dead, Jim. Less hungry for sex, more hungry for souls. Nobody cares who fucked who when they were alive. Or what gender they are or what parts they had between their legs back when they were flesh instead of skeletons. The more fleshy denizens, like Evelyn, are equally indifferent to all questions of gender and sexuality. Their only concern is ‘does it have a soul? Can it suffer?’


Forest Secrets by Jerdess

Werbung die gerade im Radio lief

„Liebe Mitschülerinnen und Mitschüler! Nachdem Donald Trump zum US-Präsidenten gewählt wurde, folgt nun die Wahl zum Schulsprecher der Goethe Gesamtschule.
Wenn ihr mich wählt, verspreche ich euch, die Schule zu revolutionieren. Ich werde einen Zaun bauen. Um das Lehrerzimmer. Und die Lehrer werden ihn bezahlen. Jeder Schüler – auch die Versetzungsgefährdeten – wird mit meinem Programm „Schüler first“ das Abitur bekommen. SO machen wir „Our School Great Again“.
(Handy vibriert)
Oh, Moment … ich muss kurz jemanden bei Twitter beleidigen.“

Eurovision in Valoran

 DEMACIA: Extremely patriotic songs, usually about the glory of Demacia and its people. Always dedicated to the ruling family and the army. The tune’s almost always a military march, unless Sona Buvelle headlines. Her inclusion as a Demacian singer has led to protests from Ionia as well as petitions for her to not be allowed to use the etwahl as magical music supposedly gives her a unfair advantage.

NOXUS: Demacia sings about glory, Noxus sings about conquest. Their music is actually very similar to Demacia which has occasionally led to fist fights and accusations of plagiarism. Their stage shows usually feature fight-dancing, extremely bloody special effects (real blood was banned after Vladimir got carried away and drenched the judges) and have loud, metal-rock anthems.

BILGEWATER: They run the betting books on who’ll win Valoravision. They also always predictably perform rollicking drinking songs that get the audience singing along or boisterous piratical songs. Far too often, the performers show up already drunk and stumble through their dance routine but their enthusiasm is contagious and wins the audience over.

IONIA: Their songs have a verse in each dialect/language in Ionia and their dancers meld together different styles. Their music is usually very harmonious and smooth. Cherry blossoms and little candles are considered trademarks of the Ionian performances.

PILTOVER: They have incredibly flashy stage shows with lots of pyrotechnics and fireworks. They also have very stringent security because of how often Jinx tries to show up and crash the performances. The romantic ballad performed by the debonair trio of Vi, Ezreal and Jayce was one of Eurovision’s biggest hits ever.

ZAUN: Their stage shows are as flashy as Piltover’s but their music is far more futuristic and techno-styled. Their performers frequently show up wearing masks. They’re more likely to sing love songs to technological advances than each other and there’s been debate about whether augmented/enhanced singers should be allowed to perform.

FRELJORD: Freljord music is very loud, possibly because they all have to shout during practice to be heard over the howling winds. Their music emphasizes the use of horns. They also occasionally bring animals onto stage to perform with them.

SHURIMA: The one time that they did not have bellydancers in their act, there was nearly a riot. Everyone expects Shurima to have the best dancers and the most skin on display. They have been banned from lighting incense during shows, however, and nobody talks about why.  

VOID: The Void invented screamo. Or shrieko. Nobody has any idea if they’re singing or screaming and everyone claps when they’re done just because they don’t want to be eaten. They don’t so much dance as prowl around, stalking each other. It’s a very uncomfortable experience. 

SHADOW ISLES: Mordekaiser and Yorick can shred hard but the rest of the Shadow Isles inhabitants just wail as background music, barring a few that use music to lure their prey to them. Karthus is currently banned from competing until it’s determined whether or not his music leads to increased rates of suicide. 

BANDLE CITY: They might be a little high-pitched but they have the biggest singing groups and harmonize beautifully. Their songs all have cheerful, upbeat melodies and complex melodies that they frequently sing in rounds. They’re so popular with children that they usually go first so that the kids won’t have to stay up late to watch them.

Demacia never votes for Noxus, Noxus never votes for Demacia. Piltover and Ionia both always vote for Demacia and Noxus and Zaun vote for each other. 

It’s not a real Valoravision contest unless at least one judge gets killed.


Champion Teaser - Warwick: The Wrath of Zaun

Progress Day is FULL of bits

//  Oh my lord I’ll try to touch on them all.  My brain is on overload…  Oh, and SPOILERS FOR THE STORYSo, read the story first!!

List of Details:

Piltover has two main districts to it, Northern and Southern, and the Northern District is where all the Clans make their homes, while the more generalized citizenry live in the Southern side.  There is a massive chasm separating the two halves, apparently caused by “The Incident” in which a terrible upheaval pulled the two continents apart.  Much of Zaun was drowned in the flooding that took place in the incident, and it has developed in the chasms and canyons beneath Piltover itself.

Piltover has a very small crime rate (probably thanks to Caitlyn being amazing).  This also suggests that violence is a trait more often found in Zaun, or in high places where the law cannot truly reach.  And, any crime that takes place is very likely low-key and carried out in secret without much fuss.  Assassinations are likely the tools of the trade in Piltover, unless one counts the number of muggings from “sumpsnipes”, which seem to overtake people who are careless.

While it is almost certainly a thing that higher-class Piltovian homes have some kind of indoor plumbing due to their technological prowess and ability to pump water, lower classes still make use of chamber pots and other such items.  And all of that waste is dumped through disposal chutes that lead below to Zaun.  Talk about a shitty place to call home…

Zaun has some type of transportation called the “Rising Howl” that apparently allows Zaunites to more easily reach the upper levels of Piltover.  Details beyond this are fairly slim at this time, but it’s important to know nonetheless.

Piltover’s buildings are shimmering testaments to their “clean and pristine” image and lifestyle.  The people of Piltover dress brightly, and almost in a flamboyant manner.  Apparently fake hextech augments are also a thing, where the more wealthy will wear them to look more sophisticated.

Tapping one’s head followed by one’s heart in Piltover is a sign that they were born from mixed parents of Piltover and Zaun.  The two entities are far more intertwined than they ever were before. 

Piltovian language is affectatious and sounds more high-class, while Zaunite language is more familiar and casual.  Think Caitlyn’s dialect versus Vi’s dialect.  Their way of speaking is perfect to show this distinction.

“Dearheart” is apparently a casual term of endearment, similar to “dear” or “hun” in Piltover.

Piltovians enjoy their tea.

Sayings of placing where the “ZaunGray” is in relation to a person’s door can be either a way to give a blessing, or a curse.  To give a blessing, one might wish “The Gray never reaches your door.” while a curse would be “May the Gray always be at your door.”

Zaunites are not banned from entering Piltover, and vice-versa.  Zaun, however, was apparently the original “City of Progress” before the wealth and power of the Sun Gates, which control the flow of water between almost all shipping lanes in Valoran, came to be.  Piltover was built out of that new money, while Zaun was largely crushed underfoot and shoved into Piltover’s gleaming shadow.  Given that placement, it’s no surprise why so many Zaunites bear a dislike toward the snobby Pilties.

Progress Day in Piltover celebrates the opening of the Sun Gates.  In Zaun, it remembers those that were lost on the day the earth split in two and drowned much of the district.

Same sex relationships or casual flings seem to be accepted in Piltover, and possibly Noxus, at least within certain classes), according to the language of the story.  Tamara has turned down a woman several times for advances, but considers possibly accepting if she gets to stay in the city.  That’s a nice tidbit I’m sure many people will enjoy!

Statues of “Honesty” and “wealth” flank one of the crossings of “Techmaturgy Bridge” a bridge that connects the northern and southern halves of Piltover.

Never doubt the level of badass or cunning of a Noxian woman.

Caitlyn is confirmed for being an absolutely incredible detective, and also a complete and total hardass on those that would cause trouble for her city.

Piltover’s port hosts some very specific ship designs that give us insight into the level of technological progression when it comes to the world of sail and trade.  Barques, galleys, wooden ships of antiquity are the norm.

However, PILTOVER HAS ITS OWN WARSHIPS.  And, not just that, but SQUADRONS of them.  This is an enormous development.  We’ve never been given evidence to suggest Piltover has an army of any kind, however, these vessels are ebon-hulled, carry metal rams on the front, have twin banks of oars, and are rumored to have hidden hextech components as well.  Piltover is ready to protect their power over the trade of Valoran in spades, it seems.

That’s good, though, because Noxus is apparently planning a possible invasion of Piltover.  Noxus has specific agents that belong to the “Order of Warmasons.”  They’re spies that infiltrate deep into territory to learn the lay of the land, gather information, and send it to those in Noxus that plan the invasions of territories.  And, they always work in pairs.  Tamara’s associate, Collette, managed to make it into Clan Medarda in the story, and so, it’s possible she’ll be sending hextech schematics and samples of technology to Noxus in the future.


Camille is NOT a part of Clan Medarda.  An earlier release had her listed as part of Clan Medarda, but this was an error.  She is really part of Clan Ferros as described in her longer and more detailed lore.