Hello pals! I know y’all are the most patient readers ever but I still feel bad about not doing stuff. So the update is mostly that work is going well, but is still pretty tiring; I’ve got other IRL stuff going on that’s zapping my remaining energy when I get home. But I’m not gone, nor am I fading from the fandom; I’ve been reading a lot of fic (I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF TO CATCH UP ON Y’ALL SERIOUSLY THE AUTHORS IN THIS FANDOM ARE OFF THE HOOK), and might put together a rec list soon maybe? I also, I’ll be honest, wanna reread the Shades of Magic trilogy.
I’m still thinking about my fics, but yeah. I need to let the ol’ creative juices simmer a bit. I hope you’ll understand <3
Of course I had to choose Avory’s letter to Kaidan. Written before the final assault in ME3. Inspired by this post.
I’m not good at this. You know that by now. But I love you, so I’m going to try.
I’m going to die.
There’s no way around it.
I hope I go out in a blaze of glory, crushing a cannibal’s skull to save some innocent who ends up saving the galaxy. And when people look back on this day they say, “Shepard died to save us all”. But more likely, I think some reaper will zap me with it’s stupid fucking laser and it will be underwhelming and disappointing and I’ll disappear from the history books forever. Maybe that’s for the best.
I think I’m losing my mind. I’ve been seeing things lately. Things that don’t make sense. I can’t tell the difference between real life and hallucinations anymore. A shrink I saw during lock up thought PTSD. Maybe that has something to do with it. I did die, after all. I hear that’s pretty fucking traumatic. I don’t know, though. I worry it’s indoctrination. I’m guessing that I’m not too far gone because I can still worry about that. Saren didn’t. Dr. Kenson didn’t. I just hope I’m not so far gone that I fuck up. None of that really matters now, though.
I hope you make it. I hope I’m not writing this for nothing. You better make it. I’ll kick your ass if I see you in the afterlife too soon. You’re better than I am in ways I can’t even describe. I know you’d disagree, but you can’t argue with a ghost.
I hope you can move on. I really do. I just want you to be happy. Wherever life takes you, however all of this ends up, keep fucking going until you find happiness.
Know that I have no regrets. Everything worked out how it was supposed to, I know that now.
Know that I love you, always.
Kick some ass. Keep being that quiet, strong, nerdy man I fell in love with. And be careful.