z.c

‘Loving you was the stupidest mistake I ever made!“ She yelled at him as he stood listening patiently on sidewalk.

“Why are you still here? Its freezing just go home.” She told him. She didn’t understand why he had come all the way across town to stand in the cold night air and listen to her yell at him.

“ I came because this is what you need.”
He told her calmly.

“Oh yeah? What do I need?”

“You need to yell at me. You need to tell me how angry you are you need to tell me how much I messed up. You need to tell me so you can let it go. So go on. Yell at me more.”

She was speechless. Five months later and he still knew exactly what was on her mind. A tear rolled down her cheek and she turned to go back inside. She didn’t want him to know what she needed. It only hurt her more.

“Wait,” he called after her. He walked up the stairs to her apartment building door two at a time and gently grabbed her shoulder.

“What do you want?” She asked him coldy.
He did not answer. Instead he spun her around and pushed her against the wall and kissed her. He kissed gently, but passionately. It was what she had wanted since the day he left. But she pulled away. She went inside, and she closed the door behind her, and she never looked back.

—  z.c. / /Excerpts from a book I’ll never write #4
There are some things I’ll never forget. There are things like the taste of your lips at midnight, the sound of your voice early in the morning. Things like the way you grabbed my hips and spun me in circles to your favorite song, how you always wanted to hold me hand and have an arm around me. Things like your phone number burned into my brain and long phone calls that lasted all night. There are also more unhappy things, but instead of writing about those like I used to, I’ll write about the happy things from now on.
—  Z.C. / / notes to you #2
i think it was the way you held my hand
when it was 2 am
and the world came crashing down
it mightve been the way it felt
when you kissed my neck
and how your lips grazed my skin
or maybe it was the way you called me baby
or how your eyes are so blue
that when they sparkled in the sun
i thought i got lost in the ocean
im not sure what it is
but i dont want it to end
i dont want you to go away
—  z.c.
10

It’s okay that you don’t feel the thing when you look into my eyes. That you don’t see a spark when our fingers touch. That you don’t see the connection when our spirits spiraled into one in the many nights that we came together. It’s okay that when we laugh, our combined melody does not ring in your soul. It’s okay that all you see when you look at me is temporary. It’s okay because I’m used to this. So don’t love me. I have enough strength in me to walk the miles alone, carrying my broken heart, stitching it whole once again. But please don’t ask me to torture my already scarred emotions into staying ‘friends’ with you. Friends were not what we were meant to be. Again it’s okay if you don’t see what we were destined to be. It’s okay though I’m far from okay.

-Z.C-

I think the biggest mistake people make is believing that love hurts. It makes people scared to love, scared to fall in love. But the truth is, love doesn’t hurt one bit. Love fills you with, well love. You find more love for yourself, you love parts of yourself you’ve never loved before knowing that someone else could love those parts of you. You find more love for the people around you, you love the things that have always annoyed you about your mom. You love life as a whole, you see the good things more often than the bad. Love isn’t bad, love is quite nice. The biggest mistake people often make is believing that the people who break your heart, the people who pretend to love you, the people that hurt you, they believe that those people are connected to love. But in reality, assholes, and love, are two different things.
—  Z.C. / / Excerpts from A Book I’ll Never Write
I know that this is what you do. You hide. You hide your feelings. You hide it when you’re sad or angry. You hide it when you love someone or when you have a crush. Hiding is what you do. I’m not going to try and change that about you, because its who you are. You find it easier to hide than explain what you are feelings and have to deal with the questions, the pity, or the snide comments. I understand. I often wish that I could hide as well as you do. But now that I have gotten to know you better, I can tell. I can tell when you are in love with someone or something, I can tell when you are sad. I can see it in your eyes. I don’t always day things though, because I know that you don’t want to be exposed. I am going to tell you one thing though. Remember when you were a kid and you would be playing with a friend, and time just goes by so quickly and suddenly, its time to go home and your parent is there to pick you up. Remember how you would hide from them in hopes that you could play longer? What you’re doing now, is not much different my love. You hide, but you have to go home sooner or later.
—  Z.C. / / Notes to My Platonic Soul Mate #3
I know that there will come a day when my heart falls out of my chest and my eyes will fill with tears. I know there will come a day when my world falls apart. I know there will come a day when every piece of who I thought I was is ripped away from me and shattered on the ground and I will be left to pick up the jagged pieces and I know there will be a time when I give up on trying to put the pieces back together and fall upon them feeling the sharp edges dig into my skin and I will be alone once again and I don’t care. I know one day I will feel loss like I never have before and that is okay, because you are worth the pain.
—  Z.C. / / Excerpts from my life
She’s always been there for me. She’s sweet and funny, and more beautiful than she knows. She’s been my best friend since the second we met, we were just innocent kids who had not yet been exposed to cold. Neither of us knew who we were yet, we just did as we were told. If I hadn’t met her, I would still not know who I am. I’ve met so many wonderful people who have shaped my life, I’ve had so many great experiences that I’ll never forget, all with her. She’s my best friend. I remember the first time she saw me cry, we were sitting on her bed, I was horribly sad, for no apparent reason. She gave me a hug and no words were said, they didn’t need to be. As soon as I fell into her lap I began shaking with sadness and anger. Tears poured down my face, and she just held me until the sad stopped. And then we went on, she didn’t make me talk about it, or ask why, she understood that it just happened. I’ve put her through so much shit, I’ve gone from sad to normal to great to depressed. And she’s still here. I’ve watched her grow from being an awkward kid to finding who she is. To standing up for herself. To saying no when its necessary to knowing the kind of music she appreciates. We’ve changed a lot. We have been exposed. We have grown apart in our likings, yet we managed to stay close at heart. We have discovered who we are, and we are different. And we are best friends. And now we know who we are. I just hope that we can continue to grow apart, but closer together.
—  z.c. / / Notes to my Best Friend #3