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So Let's Talk About It: A Zombie Apocalypse

We’ve had hundreds of takes on the Zombie Apocalypse. You’ve got The Infects. Rot and Ruin. Night of The Living Dead. The Walking Dead. Fear The Walking Dead. Z-Nation. I could keep going.

Here’s what they all have in common, and what we all know as “common sense” when it comes to the nonexistent living dead:

1. Biting spreads the infection. If one of these things bites you, you’ve got two choices, depending on the genre of undead we’re going for. Choice number one: once you’re bitten you have maybe 15 minutes to an hour to amputate the limb. Here’s the catch: unless it’s on your arms or legs, something you can plausibly survive without, then there is no way out. Option two, you don’t get a way out. Once you’re bitten you might as well just let somebody shoot you in the head or do it yourself.

2. They’re slow. Mostly. Every now and again you have a few who move a bit quicker than others. When they’re all herded together, a horde as we call it now, they move quicker than usual because they’re in a frenzy. But for the most part if you can run, and not run out of breath easily, you should be set during the initial outbreak. What do I mean by that? Think of it like this: you don’t have to outrun the zombies. You just have to outrun the people you don’t know. It’s the end of the world. Those people don’t care about you. Just keep running.

3. Noise attracts them, and possibly scent. For whatever reason, the dead can still hear and smell on a very basic level. They can still smell the scent of living flesh and warm blood. They can still hear every little sound around them. This means that guns are going to be very obsolete without silencers. You’re better off using bats, hatchets, knives, a heavy pipe, any kind of Malay weaponry that you can swing fast, without a lot of extra noise. In The Walking Dead, Michonne uses this amazing katana. That’s an excellent choice. Just don’t use a gun if you can help it. And setting them on fire? Won’t really help either. Now you’ve gone from a slow moving corpse that you can take down easily with the proper caution and safety, to being chased by a Molotov Cocktail that wants to eat you. Bad idea.

4. The bigger the city, the harder they fall. Basically, the more populated the area, the more screwed you are, especially at the beginning of the Apocalypse. Places like St. Louis (I say this not sarcastically because I live here), New York, Atlanta, DC, they won’t stand a chance once the zombies hit double digits. People in bigger cities tend to fall a lot faster, because they tend to panic a lot more. Panic causes mayhem, mayhem causes confusion. All it takes is a single moment of a lapse in judgement. Running into just any old store/building/house/neighborhood with half a thought will get you killed.

5. At a certain point they stop decomposing. Based on certain genres. At a certain point the living dead will stop rotting. It will be at a point that they still smell of rot, and they will still fall rather easy. They will be decomposed slightly. But not enough. Based on other genres, they can starve to a second death, they can rot away completely, they can turn into Skeletons wrapped in a black necrotic flesh, as Warm Bodies shows.

If you have an plan of survival at all, you better be ready to hit up every store within an hour of your final living place. For the first few months of the apocalypse, you’re going to have to figure out the best place to live. Pick a house big enough and secure enough (fences to build up on, enough space to keep a few families, and far enough out into the middle of nowhere that the zoms won’t reach you before you can build said walls) to keep you alive. Before you get there, hit every store you possibly can, and gas station. A fantastic idea would be to load up on gardening tools (indoor and outdoor) to begin growing your own food. Use spotters and protect each other. Once you have enough food, water, gas, and medicine to last, head out. People are going to be a lot less trust worthy. Don’t just accept whatever anybody tells you. Someone tells you that they need help, and they need you to go with them? Don’t take their word for it. Somebody offers to help you with something as long as they get to stay with your family? Leave them behind. Take whatever family you’ve got and get as deep into the middle of nowhere as you can. The more secluded the better. The easier to build walls up on, the better. When you finally get to where you’re going, make sure you clear the area as thoroughly as possible. Pack every thing in. Put all your food away, put all the drinking water up, store all the gas you have safely. Then build. Build your walls. As thick and as sturdy as possible. Use whatever you have too. This is the safest, smartest way for survival. Compiled from countless books, video games, and TV shows. This has been the first of many So Let’s Talk About It discussions. See you next week!

The signs as Different Zombies

The Walking Dead: Aquarius 

The Last of Us: Gemini 

World War Z: Taurus 

Day of the Dead: Cancer 

Evil Dead: Capricorn 

Resident Evil: Libra 

Warm Bodies: Scorpio 

Dead Rising: Aries 

Left 4 Dead: Pisces 

Marvel Zombies: Leo 

Paranorman: Sagittarius 

Adventure Time: Virgo

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ZODIAC SIGNS AS PROTAGONISTS
↪ PISCES AS THE MARTYR                                         disclaimer

                                          She made history with her death
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Heya

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P R I Z E ⤵️

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R U L E S⤵️

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Thanks again to everyone reading this! Good luck!


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Con-Text

All the cool kids are doing it, so I wrote my first OMG, Check Please! fic… I blame @wrathofthestag, who sent me a picture that I had to turn into a fic. I also blame @disraeligearsgoestumblin, @victorineb and @wraithsonwingsposts - you all are terrible influences! 

         Bitty was toweling off his hair when he heard his phone buzz. Resigned to the fact that the Georgia humidity was going to ruin any careful sculpting he wanted to do, Bitty huffed a sigh and went to check his phone.

        J-Z: Thank you for the cookies, Bittle.

         Bitty grinned at the text. He paused before typing, wondering if he shouldn’t cover himself up before responding to Jack. He gnawed his lip for a minute and smiled. Well, if he got a little thrill out of texting his crush in the buff – that was between him and the lord, no reason for Jack Zimmermann to worry his pretty little head over it.

        Me: Anytime, honey.

         Bitty sighed and flopped on his bed, phone resting on his chest. Lord, just thinking about that boy made him feel flushed. He gave a little yelp when the phone buzzed again, sending a tingle through his body.

        J-Z: What are you up to?

         “This boy,” Bitty said to Señor Bun, who offered Bitty a sympathetic look.

        Me: Nothing much. Just working out and eating more protein!

        J-Z: Haha.

         “Lord, he puts a period after everything,” Bitty showed the text to Bun.

         Me: I am! I’ve been doing the chest press variations you showed me, I think it’s made a big difference.

         J-Z: Yeah?

         “Yeah?” Bitty looked at Bun. “What the hell does yeah mean?”

         It sounded kind of like flirting, but one never knew with Jack. He could just want Bitty’s new chest measurements to mark off on some sort of Team Workout Progress chart he made in his spare time.

         “He’s not flirting, Jack isn’t programmed to flirt…right?”

         Bun didn’t seem to have a lot of thoughts on the subject. Bitty looked at the text one more time and screwed up his mouth. Well, Jack wanted to know about his progress, maybe Bitty should show him. Just because Jack was a hockey robot didn’t mean Bitty couldn’t have a little harmless fun flirting.

         “He’ll probably just think it’s informative, right?”

         Before Bun could talk him out of it, Bitty hopped up. Running a hand through his hair, Bitty held out the camera, made his signature selfie face, framed the shot to show off his chest and abs, and flexed his pecs. His heart was hammering, so he took one second to check his face in the picture and then immediately sent it to Jack.

         Me: Much better, right?

         Bitty sat his phone down and shivered, the AC finally driving him to put some clothes on. When he was decent, he checked his phone – no new messages.

         Bitty frowned. Not even a haha for his efforts? That was disappointing. On a whim, he checked the conversation – maybe Jack had responded and his phone had just failed to notify him? Bitty looked at the texts, nothing since he sent the picture.

         The picture.

         What was that in the background?

         Bitty pulled up the pic and promptly dropped his phone.

         His mirror. The full-length mirror that Moomaw had given to him on his 14th birthday. Bitty hadn’t even noticed it behind him. Sadly the camera had, offering the viewer a full-length view of Bitty’s completely naked backside.

         “Oh God,” Bitty whispered, wrapping Bun in a panicked hug. “I just sexted Jack Zimmermann.” 

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