yu gi oh! the abridged series

  • Zarkon: Once more, those fools have fallen into my evil clutches! Now I shall force Lance to fight the one he loves most. And according to all the fan fiction I’ve read, that would be… Keith.
  • Haggar: But sir, it is obvious that Lance is in love with Allura.
  • Zarkon: What? No way, that’s insane!
  • Zarkon: What kind of messed up fanfics have YOU been reading??

Lotor: Now, dear dear Keithy-boy, Why would I know anything about your mother?

Keith: You’re the current Galra Emperor.

Lotor: Yes, but that doesn’t mean I know everythi-

Keith: Are you kidding me? Everytime something f**ked up happens in this series, the Galra Emperor always has something to do with it. So make with the explanations. I wanna know where I come from. I wanna know who my mother was. I wanna know what love is! I want you to show me!

Lotor: I don’t know what to tell you. It’s as much a mystery to me as it is to you.

Keith: I need the information.

Lotor: Well, I could tell you what I know, but…

Keith: But what?!  

Lotor: You would have to do something for me first.

Keith: I’m listening…hesitantly. 

Lotor: Something dirty!

Keith: Go on.

Lotor: Something very very dirty. So dirty that you’ll need to take a shower once we’re finished.

Keith: WHAT?! What is it?!

Lotor: You have to watch… Spice World: The Movie!

Keith: Noooo…

Lotor: With me.

Keith: Noooo…

Lotor: And it’s the sing-along version!

Keith: No! No! NO!

Lotor: Well, I guess in that case, you’ll never learn the truth.

Keith: Can I at least wear a blindfold?

Lotor: Oooh! Keithy-boy! I had no idea you had it in you!

Keith: What? We’re just watching a movie, right?

Lotor: Oh, right. The movie.

[Ninety spicetastic minutes later]

Keith: (shockingly) That was… horrifying! This.. must be… how… war veterans feel… to have experienced such brutality… such… unforgettable horrors! A part of me died today. Perhaps the best part.

Lotor: Very well, Keith. Since you kept up your end of the bargain, I must divulge the naughty little secret I’ve been keeping all this time.

Keith: (sarcastically) Oh, I’m sure you’re keeping a lot of secrets, Lotor. A lot of secrets.

Lance: Like the fact that he’s gay!

Keith: Thank you, Lance. I really needed you to translate my sarcastic quip.

Lance: You’re welcome, man.

Lotor: Lean closer, Keith. I will tell you who you must speak to in order to learn the truth… By whispering the information into your ear.

Keith: Ok, but the moment I feel tongue, I’m getting the f**k outta dodge.

  • Prince: I'm not fighting for this world. This world can go to hell for all I care. I'm fighting for-- The truth? Anxiety, there's something you need to know... It's about us. Anxiety, I-I hate you. I hate you with all my heart. I hate you more than I've ever hated anybody. I hate you so much that I can barely take it. In fact, I want to go on hating you for the rest of my life. If our world is destroyed, well, I won't be able to hate you anymore.

(Lance, Hunk, and Pidge find a portrait of Allura in Lotor’s Inner Sanctum)

Pidge: Is that Allura? Why would Lotor have a portrait of Allura in his secret lair?

Hunk: Maybe he’s got a crush on her.

Lance: No, seriously, why do you suppose that is?

Lotor: What are you three doing here? This room is for main characters only! (unsheathes his sword) I’m afraid you’ve all seen too much! I can’t have people thinking I’m straight. So I’m just going to have to discipline you!