Last day of my adventure here in Greece and tomorrow I will officially be a certified yogi :) Oh life, who would have known I’d swirl out all the way here! And little me, how happy I am you held on during those dark, hard days when you just wanted to fold it and give up. The adventures awaiting for all of us are worth sticking around for, I promise 💙🌎
"Being a yoga instructor is the hardest job in the world"
My mentor said this our first night of teacher training. He was being 100% truthful. I’m a believer now. Being an instructor means you are in charge of a room, in charge of knowing about various injuries, body types, ages, skill, all the while calling out a class. Let’s not forget adjusting bodies in a way that enhances their practice, keeping track of time and music, moving around the room to adjust lights and drapes. Keeping track of the breath. You have to know people inside and out in addition to the asana.
“If they have a bad class it’s your fault. If they have a good class it’s not you. It’s the yoga.”
My mentor also said that the first night. If you have a big ego you probably shouldn’t be an instructor.
It’s been a rollar coaster getting from that night to this one, now a certified teacher. There isn’t really any preparation for what will happen during your training. It’s hard (really hard) and a lot of work that will end up feeling like the most rewarding work of your life. I went through the highest highs and the lowest lows. I loved yoga and then I hated it for being such an intrusion on my life. I was happier then sadder than I’d ever been. Even I was annoying myself with the mood swings. My body was exhausted, my stress levels were off the charts and I was trying so damn hard to do the entire thing the best I possibly could. I forgot to breathe and that’s the most important part!
About the 8th week in I hit a groove and stayed there the last couple weeks. There was a crazed sprint right at the end. And then it was over. Huh. Just gone. This HUGE piece of my world was complete and I hit a crazy low. That’s part of what you don’t know going in. I had no idea that the studio would become a second home and, even more so the people in it would become family. Vital. You dance your last dance at the graduation party with your fellow yogis and then you teeter off on brand new teacher legs and it’s a whole new challenge. One I am so, so glad I still love.
I got on my mat today and just took a regular class. No, trying to take in every minute detail as a teacher, but as a student practicing yoga. Fuck I love this.
I want to teach because I want to gift this back. This Yoga thing that stole a big piece of my heart.
I’ve spent the last six hours months compiling reflections of my teacher training and yoga practice. It’s currently forty-four pages and over 14,000 words of pure heartbreak, frustration, solace, joy and love and it’s not quite done, but just about. For now.
This week I’ll pick a day and I’ll take my final exam and then I will package everything up and share it all with my teacher.
And I just wanted to say thank you, friends, both of the Internet and of real life, for being a part of this little adventure so far and being my sounding board through one the hardest and most incredible things I have ever done.
As a massage therapist, I have spent plenty of time around people who do energy work. They do Reiki, they balance Chakras and such; they say things like, “I can feel how your Chi is bunching up over here.” And I have just never been that girl, you know? I have in the past really not felt any energy. Since I’ve been doing Thai massage, I’ve started to feel it some. But pretty much, I’m not the girl who says things like, “wow, did you feel how dark her energy was? Like, she needs to unblock her upper Chakras.”
But today in YTT, I felt it, and it was crazy. We did an exercise which went like this: Person A spends 3 minutes talking about something that they often say “no” to or some part of themselves which is not fully expressed. I talked about how I suck at doing housework, and how I can not figure out how to improve that situation. Then person B puts her hands gently onto person A, like, onto her knees, and spends 1 or 2 minutes there, while inwardly repeating the mantra “I receive the already-present Divinity in this person.” LOL SO CHEESY I KNOW.
But okay, so I am sitting there, and my partner, my yoga teacher Ashley, is resting her hands on my knees. And first I was overwhelmed with the need to weep and a few tears squeezed out. Then that subsided. Then I became aware that Ashley’s hands had come to the same temperature as my knees, so it started to feel as if her hands were melting into me. So I was just observing this sensation of the boundary between us disappearing. And then she moved her hands slightly. And I straightened my spine and turned my face up. And then I felt as if my third eye opened up and a ball of white light emerged and was shining down between Ashley and me. You know how you can see light through your closed eyelids? Like that. So I just sat there, feeling this weird feeling, and a few moments later the leader called out to wind it down so we could switch roles. And the light sucked back into my third eye and went back to normal. Yeah… I know… WTF. Too strange.
And then we switched roles. So now I’m resting my hands on Ashley’s knees and I feel myself sort of bowing down in front of her. Then I felt myself straighten slightly, sort of extending toward her, and then I felt her energy open up like the door of a furnace. It was just roaring around me like a hot summer wind, like I could almost feel my hair blow back from it. I have never felt anything like it in my darn life. Now I’m writing this out, I note that straightening the spine accompanied both moments. Interesting.
So that was my afternoon today. Almost too weird to believe. I mean I am the most pragmatically non-New-Age person ever to do yoga. I don’t even know how to process this experience!
Goood morning my #Beautiful #Yogis. Someone asked me a question today and it triggered frustration. I admittedly had a moment but then realized, why would I be frustrated with them? It really was a simple question. So then began the work… the why? During my YTT my teachers spoke of Om Tat Sat. Basically translated to what is real and true? The why behind my frustration is something that I need to let go of. So today my mantra is “I am letting go of that which no longer serves me” Thank you guys for being a part of my journey and listening to my random musings. Oh and do the work!! Sometimes the smallest things reveal where we can grow and be better. Now carry on with your amazing self! Stay #light and #awesome.
a spoonful of cookie dough from the batch i’m baking for my YTT group tonight
feel so full and sick bleh. i think i’ve seriously decreased my stomach size/appetite because i really can’t finish meals anymore. i’m weirdly proud of that. i don’t think i need lunch or dinner. maybe a cup of tea.
Anyone want a story time?? Cool. You’re getting it.
I went on a 5 day bike trip in the himalayans with my friend Nitin. Nitin was the Indian manager of my YTT who proposed to me the last time I was in India. Dost, the Hindi word for friend I told him we are nothing more than each others dost. He agreed so I agreed to be swept away on a set of two wheels. Naturally, Nitin couldn’t tell the school that he was going on holiday with me, my Acharya Bipin would never allow that. Bipin, my master, the man I have more respect for than myself, I hadn’t yet told him I was back in Rishikesh. Nitin lied to the school saying he was leaving for 5 days for a family emergency. He also found out that Bipin was taking holiday during the same time frame. I made the joke that we would run into him and Nitin assured me Bipin was going to a completely different place than us.
India is a big place, the himalayans are huge, there are so many people everywhere all the time. This is an important point.
The last day of our holiday Nitin and I were running to the bus station, ice creams in one hand our bags in the other. Nitin was farther ahead of me when I saw him. HIM!!!!! BIPIN WAS AT THE BUS STATION IN MANALI WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE IN ANOTHER TOWN! How. Fucking how.
He looked shocked to see me and to say hello but nothing compared to his facial expression when he saw Nitin with me. I have never seen Bipin anything other than neutral, first time I had ever seen him caught off guard. It was a little satisfying to be honest.
There were only 10 people on that bus and BIPIN WAS ONE OF THEM!
Needless to say he isn’t speaking with Nitin.
I warned that boy about Satya before we left and he brushed it off.
Always be truthful you never know when BIPIN WILL BE ON THE BUS FAR FROM THE TOWN HE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE IN, you never know when your yoga master will TAKE THE SAME BUS AS YOU WHEN HE COULD HAVE TAKEN ONE AT ANY TIME
I’m just still shocked.
I’m sorry I wasted ur time reading this hahahah