youth group leader

My story is a bit different than most, in that it has a relatively happy ending. 

In October 2015, when I was 15 years old, I was raped. Orally raped, technically, but given that rape is any form of nonconsensual penetration, I don’t feel that I owe specific details to anyone. So I just say I was raped, because really, it doesn’t make a difference where my body was violated. 

It happened at a church youth group. I had been going for about 2 years, since I was in the 7th or 8th grade (I was a sophomore in HS at the time of the assault). That’s where I met Jackson. I never paid him much attention; he was a run-of-the-mill jock who always caused trouble but never did anything bad

In March 2015, at a youth group outing, we started flirting. I thought I had a “crush” on him. About a month later, he asked for my number. When he spelled his name in my phone, he wrote Jaxson, which I thought was badass and intriguing. I was excited that a popular football player was paying attention to me. 

We didn’t really talk after that until a night in May when he texted me out of the blue. He told me that he had always thought I was pretty, and he’d wanted to tell me before, but he’d bailed out. He asked me if I had ever hooked up with someone. When I told him I hadn’t, he asked me if I’d want to hook up with him, or if I “wasn’t like that”. I said “sure” and we made plans to meet in a park the next day. 

May 4, 2015. I met him in the park. We made out. He wanted to go further; I said no. He would stop (trying to grope and finger me) when I said no, but he would start up again less than a minute later. He was like an octopus - his hands where always somewhere, and the second I would pull one out, another one would go in somewhere else. This being my first sexual interaction ever, I had no idea that this wasn’t okay. Besides, it’s not like he forced me. He was just so into me that he couldn’t control himself, I told myself. He’s just a teenage boy. He really wanted me.  

Later I found out he had hooked up with 4 other girls (my best friend’s friends) that same week. We all made a group chat to gossip about him and kind of cut him off. 

October 25, 2015. I went to youth group that Sunday. I was never very religious, but my mom made me go, and since it wasn’t a very religious group anyways, I didn’t mind. Jaxson was there, and it was only the second time since I’d seen him since May. We went to go get pizza. Everyone piled into the car - I was on the left in the back seat; he was in the middle, and the youth group leader drove us. On the way back to the youth group center, he started touching my leg. Soon he was prying my legs open and trying to finger me - in a car full of people. I was shocked and terrified, but I didn’t say a word, for fear that someone would notice. 

When we arrived back at the youth group, Jaxson told me to meet him in the bathroom. The center used to be a priest’s house, so the bathroom was a house bathroom - co-ed, that is. I complied, thinking we’d maybe kiss, which I was fine with doing. 

When I got to the bathroom, Jaxson told me to go wash my hands. I did. When I came out, he was standing in the doorway with his pants down. He told me to “blow him”. I said no, not right now, not like this, I don’t want to, maybe later, I’m not sure, there’s not enough time, people are going to come. I was scared. Once I realized that he wouldn’t take no for an answer, I started doing what he said. About 5 seconds into it, I tried to stop, and that’s when it happened. He pushed my head down forcefully with his hands, making me choke and gag. I couldn’t breathe. I was trying to pull away, but every time I tried, be pushed my head down harder and said “don’t stop” and “keep going”. I held my breath and willed myself to not pass out. I don’t know why I didn’t bite down - I froze. Finally he finished, and I got up and left, without a word. 

November 22, 2015. My dad drove me to the local police station at 10 pm. I was ready to report; after spending a month consulting friends and online resources, I had decided that what happened to me was, indeed, assault. I had no idea how terribly sexual assault cases are handled in the justice system, and if I had known, I would likely not have reported. I am so, so very glad that I did. I met with a female detective and a two hour long interview. She was so kind and I felt incredibly safe. At one point she asked me what I was wearing, but she prefaced it by telling me that it really didn’t matter, and it was only protocol. 

Two days later I came back to do a pretext phone call (recorded call) with Jackson, where the police got a recorded confession from him saying that yes, I had said no, and yes, he had ignored me, and “fuck, sorry”. 

Months went by. I called the police officer to check back in. She directed me to probation. I started getting generic letters from the courts saying that my case had an official case number now. 

July 2016. I received notice that my case had been taken up by a prosecutor in juvenile court! My DA became my idol. She was young, friendly, she listened to me, and she was dedicated to my case. I attended every hearing between then and November. 

On November 17, the case was set to close. Jackson had been charged with two felonies - oral copulation with a minor, and oral copulation by force or fear. He was going to plea to the first count, which was a lesser charge that could be sealed from his record when he turned 18 (a year from now). I had expressed my displeasure of this outcome to the DA prior, but she reminded me that juvenile court was intended for rehabilitation an not punishment, so a plea was totally acceptable. 

So on November 17, I showed up to court ready for the case to close. Instead, the DA informed me that things had changed, and another girl had reported him for rape. The DA felt that unless he was punished, Jaxson would do this again, and she wanted to take the case to trial to get a sex offense on his permanent record. 

I cried when she told me. This was such a blessing. Not that he had assaulted someone else, but that now there was a chance at justice. 

The case went to trial in mid December, right during finals week. I enjoyed the direct exam quite a bit, actually. Cross exam went pretty badly, but I did well. At one point, I answered a question in a way that shifted the blame right back on to Jackson, and it stunned the defense attorney into silence for a moment. Good

Jackson cried during the trial, which made me happy. During multiple occasions, I made eye contact with him and his mother. 

So anyways, Jackson was found guilty of one felony count of oral copulation by force or fear. California law deems that a 707(b) felony offense, which means that even though it’s in juvenile court, the offense is so serious that it stays on his permanent record. Other examples of 707(b) offenses are arsony and murder. That made me feel validated, that my assault really was that bad. 

During sentencing, I read an 11 page long victim impact statement. I grilled Jackson. I grilled the defense attorney. I grilled his parents. It was so fucking powerful. I had been warned in advance that this judge was incredibly unsympathetic to victims and would likely try to cut me off, but she didn’t, not even once. 

My statement made the DA choke up. It made Jackson put his head between his knees in shame. It compelled the Judge to admonish him for 15 minutes after I was done. The DA later told me that in her entire time working with this judge, never once had she seen her admonish a juvenile during sentencing. Not once. One line that the judge said to Jackson that really stood out to me was “Young man, this type of behavior is not going to be tolerated. Not now, not in the “real world”. If you are still doing this by the time you get to college, you will be back here.“

He only got probation and sex offender counseling, but it is still on his permanent record. That’s not enough for me, but it’s more than I ever expected. 

So here I am, a year later. How am I doing? Depends on the day. Sometimes the flashbacks torment me and eat me alive. Sometimes I am doing just fine. But there hasn’t been a single day, with the exception of one, where I haven’t thought about it.

The thing is, if I had the chance to go back and undo my assault, I would not. As horrible as it was, I feel that it has made me a better, braver, fiercer, stronger person. Because of the assault, I am now an activist. Because of the assault, I now know that I want to become a district attorney, and pursue justice for people like me. 

Sorry for the rant. That’s my story I guess. There’s no real ending because it’s still in progress. 

I know Eric and Dylan are very interesting, but it's important to remember the victims as well

Rachel Joy Scott (17): Rachel was active at youth group, and a leader in a local bible study class. She was an aspiring writer and actress, which she was already working towards (she had acted in school plays, and often wrote). According to friends, Rachel would wear clothes that matched her bright and colorful personality.

Daniel Lee Rohrbough (15): Daniel enjoyed electronics and computer games. He would help in his father’s stereo business everyday after school, and would work on his grandfather’s farm during summer. The money he earned from these he used to buy Christmas presents for his family.

William David Sanders (47): Dave was a teacher at Columbine, who taught computer and business, and coached the girls’ basketball and softball teams. His students said he was a teacher, a friend, a mentor and an inspiration. He had a wife, four children, and five grandchildren. He was a big fan of the bands Green Day and Blur.

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Ereri/Riren ft. Sin

Levi, a youth group leader for troubled teens, reads the Bible to punk and atheist!Eren who gives a whorish moan every time Levi reads the words God/Lord/Father or when ever he refers to him. Eren does it to get a rise out of Levi who actually snaps and says that he sounds like a whiny bitch. They bicker and Eren suddenly stops and sincerely mentions how cute Levi is, and leaving him his number with a message, “We can study anything, anything next time Idc I enjoy studying with you ;^3”

Petra slips by and before Eren leaves he offers her an innocent smile and a warm hug. “What a lovely kid,” she sighs fondly, “he volunteered to babysit the kids on Wednesday and Friday nights!”. Levi just stares at the exist Eren left through and grows pale to the news that Eren will be working at the same times as him.

voltron christian/youth group/ church headcanons/au

some people did these for other fandoms and i just had some ideas so here they are

Coran: 100% the wacky youth group leader. Comes up with games no one wants to play, but everyone ends up having fun anyway. Even when he’s teaching about serious subjects, he still cracks jokes and makes the kids roll their eyes and feel more at ease at the same time. Digs up all these random facts about the events and cultures of the Bible times that make them seem more real and present and fun. You can tell he really enjoys throwing caution to the wind and letting God steer the boat. Hangs out downtown on his days off trying to engage people in real conversation, hoping to mention Jesus.

Allura: The pastor’s college-age daughter, feared and admired by all the young teens. She helps in both childrens’ sunday school and the high school youth group with Coran, because what he has in charisma he lacks in organization skill. She’s always got her hands full but manages to have time and a smile for anyone. Her faith is rock solid, because she’s seen God bring people through hard times again and again, and she’s put all of her trust in His plans.

Lance: grew up in church. His entire extended family has always gone, though of course there are varying levels of actual commitment to Christ among different relatives. He believes all the ‘basics,’ but Lance is not satisfied with just ‘being saved,’ deep down he’s searching for a personal connection with God that feels genuine, more than just knowing the ‘right answers.’ Lance watches his mom set aside quiet time to study and pray every day, and sees how much she truly loves the Lord, and he really admires that, but wonders if he will ever be like her. At youth group, he’s the one won’t stop cracking jokes, but occasionally he asks a really serious and deep question that makes everyone stop and think.

Hunk: Enthusiastic about Jesus. Everything comes back to Jesus when you talk to Hunk. Homework? Jesus. Movies? Jesus. Garage sale? Jesus. It doesn’t get old, it’s actually very insightful. Hunk found faith just a few years ago during a rough spot of loneliness in school, when Lance befriended him and invited him to church. He’s been hungry for more ever since. Hunk is the first one to get excited about the weird youth group games and he’s the reason everyone else decides to give them a try. Favorite youth event of the year is Pie Night, of course.

Keith: When he dropped out of school last year, he also stopped going to church. He’d come on and off before because it was comforting and he was trying to live a ‘good life,’ but when it all fell apart he withdrew. Yet during the year he was gone, he just kept feeling like something, no, Someone, was calling him back. He’s spending a lot of time speaking with leaders and elders at the church about the really deep stuff of faith, led by the call on his heart. At first he was pretty distant at youth group, but he’s starting to really grow attached to his friends there. He’s really close to committing to Jesus, but he’s also afraid, because he knows this is not a decision he wants to take lightly.

Pidge: the quiet, introverted one at youth group, who barely talks and mostly eats cookies and watches people from the corner. Straight-up learning Greek so she can read the New Testament in its original language. (Hebrew is next, but it might be a while.) Almost never answers questions out loud, but when she does it’s insightful and detailed, leaving everyone in silence for a moment. Her belief in God and the Bible is deeply based in scientific study and historical confirmation, though when it comes to the relationship part, she knows she has a lot of growing to do. Her heart is pure and she really wants to seek God through learning about His Creation. H a t e s most youth group games.

Shiro: Doesn’t talk about his past much, but has an incredible, yet emotional testimony. Usually keeps it at “God really got me out of an impossible spot,” but occasionally lets a few more details slip when it seems helpful or relevant. Shiro’s a trusted adult in the church, though he holds no official leadership position. Has been brought in several times as a guest teacher for the youth group, and is a go-to chaperone for events. Keith’s assigned mentor, and good friend. They meet for coffee once a week and talk about life and faith. Shiro struggles with fear and doubts, but He’s seen God work miracles in the darkest situations, so no matter what he feels in the moment, he clings to the promises of Jesus until he can see the light of day again.

Church Camp

Words: 3k

Genre: smut

Synopsis: you and Joshua have known each other through church n youth group for years, and when u are asked to be leaders at a church camp things get a bit wild

Content: virgin Joshua, sub!jisoo (my url is finally coming tru), experienced reader, reader is afab but can identify as anything, there’s no pronouns so like, reader rides him and sits on his face good shit

Author’s Note: I have been dreaming of this for so long listen okay this is what got me Really into svt the thought of absolutely wrecking Hong Jisoo (s/o to @dimplesjae and this fancam)

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A message to other “progressive Christians”

Over the last couple weeks God has really been convicting me of having allowed sin to creep into my life through social justice circles. But I also am getting the sense these problems are widely present in “progressive”/social justice-themed Christian spaces.

I want to share the following things I am starting to learn, because I’m guessing there are others out there who need to hear the same things.

1.  We need to get off our high horses.

We are not better than others simply because we have the language of social justice at our disposal. Nor are we in any way more “enlightened.” We do not know or understand everything about our world. We just happen to have access to a particular framework and mindset that helps us understand certain systemic issues really well.

2.  On that note: we need to realize that “social justice” is not for everyone.

Sure, the dismantling of systemic oppression really does benefit virtually everyone on the planet. But not every person will find liberation and mission in the principles and terminology of “social justice” as we define it, and that’s fine. Not every problem fits neatly into the framework of privilege/oppression (though many do!) and not everyone is called by God to activism (though many of us are!).

I learned this the hard way when I was trying to help a friend going through a hard time. I thought that I could help her out by helping her understand some of what she was experiencing from a social justice lens. But that was not what she needed at the moment— she needed me to listen to her where she was at.

3.  Marginalization is no excuse for sin.

Sure, with privilege comes power, which can and does corrupt us. Privilege can also cause our sins to have greater impact, since we have the entire weight of the world backing them.

But, in Paul’s words, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Privilege does not excuse sin, but neither does marginalization. We have all sinned against one another, and we have all personally crucified Jesus with our sin. There is literally no point in comparing my sin with anyone else’s, and there is no excusing it no matter what circumstances I was in or what oppressive systems I was suffering from.

4.  People are more than the sum of their identities.

In social justice circles, we rightly talk about how people’s social identities so strongly shape their experience in the world and their relationship to systems of power and oppression.

It is absolutely important that we do this. After all, the devil longs for nothing more than to sow division among people, and does so through power structures that divide people by identity. If we want to bring about the kingdom of God, we first have to dismantle the devil’s power structures — and to do that, we have to understand how they work!

But we also have to remember that God sees us as more than just the sum of our identities and experiences: “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). God absolutely understands how human-constructed identities impact our lives (after all, Jesus became flesh!) but God also sees beyond them.

There is enormous value in examining how people’s social identities impact our experience here on earth. We have to see race if we wish to dismantle racism — colorblindness doesn’t cut it. But we must make sure we don’t see others as merely the sum of their identities, though, lest we start viewing other people the same way the enemy does.

5.  We can learn something from all Christians.

It is tempting (and I am guilty of this too) to say we are better than particular groups of Christians with whom we disagree — particularly those that preach misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. Or if we don’t actually say this, we at least believe that we are on better theological footing.

The fact is, none of us have a perfectly correct theology. It is of course our responsibility to call out bad (or downright oppressive) theology when we see it, but we should also be prepared for other Christians (and not just our inner circle) to find holes in ours. We should point out when other Christians are straying from the Lord, but only if we’re open to hearing the same.

We certainly do not have to listen to every Christian — there are some, like my former youth group leader, who preach such damaging theological garbage that the best thing we can do is plug our ears. (And we should be wary of Christian groups that have strayed so far from the Jesus of the gospel that they may as well be worshipping a false God — although we ourselves need to be aware that the same accusation could be lobbed back at us.)

We have every right to stay away from Christians who are actively hurting us or harming our relationship with Jesus. But we should remember that any disagreements we have are superficial compared to our agreement over who is Lord, and we are all walking the same faith journey. And despite our differences, we can all teach each other something about Jesus.

6.  On that note: We need to be prepared to be wrong.

I am sure that when I get to heaven, one of the first things that will happen is God will show me a print-out of all the stuff I’ve written on tumblr that is flat out wrong. None of us has all the answers. We need to acknowledge this and be humble.

I hope this is helpful and meaningful to people! These are all things I struggle with, and I am happy to pray for you if there are any of these you feel you need to work on in your own life.

Just had a really good talk with The Husband about gender stuff and it was super casual.
I’ve always been low key nervous he wouldn’t understand, but right off the bat as we were casually talking about genders he was like “you’re definitely a demi-girl or something” and I was like “!!!! If I grew up with the vocabulary I would definitely be genderqueer but with female pronouns”

So like, I know I’m not gonna come out publicly cause I’m not even out to my family as bisexual, much less gender queer. But there’s a Pride celebration in my town this summer and I’m already planning my outfit.

It does make me laugh that my parents worst fears for me as a kid - not being a traditional, cis, woman, - was really them just getting to see me for who I was before I even knew.

I’m not sorry that the years of spiritual and sexual repression didn’t work. I’m queer despite the conservative community’s best efforts.

anonymous asked:

so in the same vein as a prev anon. i was involved w a 20 yr old when i was 16 and i always think now I'm making a bigger deal of it and it wasn't actually that bad. But now I'm 20 myself and the idea of it is so gross??? idk. like am i being weird or is that too big an age gap. Oh and he was also like my youth group leader. im still so creeped out by it

No its not weird, not at all. There’s a difference why you feel difference between now and then and that’s because your brain has quite literally matured like a good piece of cheese. It’s good that you realize that the age gap between younger ages and yourself is strange because that’s like dating someone who has not yet matured in psychological aspects quite yet. Like non-ripe cheese or something. 

When I was 16 I dated this 20 year old who I thought was 17 due to how she acted but turns out she acted that way to get younger people like me to like her?? which is incredibly fucked up and I was not the only one either. It was weird man because now I’m almost 20 and I would never go for a 16 year old because???? who does that???? 

lmao as it turns out ive already met the girl who plays hannah baker bc she was one of the youth group leaders who went to the different high schools near my area wtf

I feel like I’m going to lose followers for this

I’m Christian.

I’m also Pansexual. I’m also Non-Binary (in the blanket term, meaning I’m not identifying as male, female, or any specific gender at the moment).

I’m sure that, at this point, some of you reading this will be thinking “but how can you be faithful to a religion that treats you like lesser because of who you are and who you love?”

And let me tell you; It is so difficult. It’s a daily struggle to face people at my church and know that if they knew, some of them might reject me. That, if they only knew, I might lose many friends; that, if they knew, they may not want me to pray for them. They might not me to come to church at all, if they knew. My faith is shaken every day by the messages from people who claim to be Christian, and claim to love God.

But I know the truth.

I know that God loves everyone, and that God has no hate for anyone. I know that where many would feel hate, God knows only love, only pity. I know that anyone who claims “God hates ____” is WRONG. Because God doesn’t hate.


And if you don’t believe in God’s existence, or you doubt that he loves you, I am so sorry. I am so so sorry because I have been there. I know how you feel and how you are struggling. I know the loneliness and the self-destruction. I know. I know that, no matter what sexuality you are, what gender you align with, where you live, or how you were raised, GOD LOVES YOU. (if you have any questions on my faith and how it relates to my gender and sexual orientation please go to my inbox)

You may be wondering why I’m posting this. Or maybe you disagree with me and you’re not sure why you’re still reading. In any case, let me tell you why I am posting this.

I am part of a Youth Leaders Group at my church and I recently came out as both Pansexual and Non-Binary to my Youth Pastor. I didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for - which was something around the lines of “Okay, I don’t have a problem with that.” and “Okay, wanna go get some pizza and talk about it?” … I was hungry at the time. I spent about the next hour seriously thinking about switching churches. I seriously thought about walking away and never coming back. I considered this, but I didn’t do it. I told myself that I had responsibilities to the church, and to my friends there who haven’t had the courage to come out yet to Andy. I told myself that it was my responsibility to change his mind, and to show him that he was wrong. I had to show him that God loves everyone, which is what I plan to do. Tomorrow I have a meeting with him to discuss a message about LGBT+/MOGAI things in relation to God. I’m hoping that it will go well.

But I need your support.

I need help to convince him that we are not wrong and that our sexuality and gender identity are not things to be fixed.

So please, if you believe in my cause, reblog this. Bring this to the attention of everyone. Spread this like fire. I want to be able to show my pastor a giant fucking number and say “this is the amount of people who believe that you. are. wrong.” 

Please help me with this.

The truth about depression.

Honesty hour- I’ve been feeling really depressed and discouraged again lately. It’s like a wave that hits me; it overwhelms me suddenly and without warning. It engulfs my entire being. It feels like I’m drowning, while everyone around me is breathing. I’m calling out for help, but no one sees, no one can hear my cries. As depression pulls me under, deeper and deeper, and my lungs fill with water, they tell me that I’m not really drowning, that it’s all in my head, etc..

I decided to write something about this to hopefully encouraging others who are going through it. You aren’t alone. Everything you’re feeling and going through is 100% valid, no matter what anybody tells you.

Depression is one of the hardest things to fight. It not only effects your mind, but also your entire body. You can’t see depression physically like you can see a cut or a broken bone, it’s essentially invisible because it’s a sickness of the mind. You can’t see it on an x-ray or with blood work, but that doesn’t make it any less real then a sickness you can physically see.

I hate the stigma surrounding depression, especially in Christian circles and within the church. Depression is looked at as a dirty word. If you are a Christian and battle depression you are almost always shamed for it. You’re told you need to have more faith or you need to pray more or read your Bible more. You’re told that you can’t be a Christian and have depression. You’re told that if you do have depression then you need to examine yourself to see if you really, truly are a Christian/saved. You’re told not to talk about it. You’re made to feel like you’re just faking it, making it up. Etc… Well meaning people will tell you to “just get over it” or to just “stop being sad, to be more thankful,” etc… they’ll tell you others have it worse then you or that you don’t have a valid reason to be depressed or sad. What they don’t realaize is that a lot of the time depression has nothing to do with your circumstances. Alot of the time you don’t have a “reason” for being sad, you just are. Even when you’re happy or having a good time with friends, you still feel this sadness, it’s always there. It might not show itself as strongly sometimes, but it’s there non the less. That’s how depression works.

Depression is a hard thing for people to talk about. But I’m speaking out about it, openly because it needs to be disscussed and talked about more. I’m here to tell you that depression doesn’t make you a bad Christian, it doesn’t mean you’re in sin, it doesn’t mean you don’t have enough faith, it means your human. It means that there are chemicals in your brain that aren’t balancing out. It’s not your fault, it’s just how your brain is made. That’s what antidepressants are for. They don’t make you super happy or anything like that, they just fill in and balance out the chemicals that your brain isn’t able to do on its own.

You wouldn’t tell someone with a fever not to take medicine for it. You wouldn’t tell someone with a broken arm not to get a cast put on it to help it heal. You wouldn’t tell someone with cancer not to seek treatment, that they weren’t really sick, or to have more faith in God, etc… so why do we treat someone with depression any differently? I believe that people are afraid of what they don’t understand. Instead of educating themselves about depression, they try to ingnore it, shame someone for it, etc…

Instead of shaming people for having depression we need to educate ourselves. Knowledge is power. The more you udnerstand something, the more you can help someone. It’s time for the church to step out of the dark and educate themselves about this. I guarantee you there are hundreds and thousands of people in churches across america that are silently battling depression, too afraid or ashamed to talk about it or ask for help… for fear of being judged, looked down on, etc…

Depression isn’t a respector of persons. It can affect people of any race or age, rich or poor, old or young, man, woman, or child, etc… Pastors can battle depression, church leaders can battle depression, missionaries can battle depression, song leaders can battle depression. It affects sunday school teachers and youth group leaders, church members, and parents, grandparents, teens, children etc….

The Bible says that we are to come along side each other, bear one anothers burdens, pray for each other, encourage each other, love each other etc… It starts with you, and it starts with me speaking up about our own personal struggles with depression. You and I being open about what we are going through. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it has to start somewhere.

Anyways, I hope this was encouraging and helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to share your story and experiences. I’m always here to pray with you, listen to you, share advice, etc…

Remember, you aren’t alone.

Undercover 1: Truth, Dare, and the Scientific Method

“Heyyyy, Scully, look what I found!”

Mulder comes back from an unusually-long kitchen prowl, naked per the new usual, holding two lowball glasses with a half-inch each of Scotch in them. It’s the only real liquor she has — the bottle of Glenmorangie 18 Year that she bought herself when she joined the Bureau. She forgets about this bottle for months, years at a time — it’s not much fun sipping Scotch alone. The lowball glasses, with their heavy bases and beveled rims, were a housewarming present from her then-boyfriend when she moved into her apartment. She hasn’t seen them — or him — since a few weeks after the move.

“Ooooh, yum!” She sits up, holding out a hand for her glass.

“Really?” he asks, a curious smile starting on his face as he settles on the bed by her outstretched legs.

“Yeah,” she says, pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts and tucking it demurely under her arms. “It’s one of those things I learned about on purpose to fit in with the boys’ club, back in med school. But drinking Scotch actually stuck with me, unlike quoting Caddyshack or shooting pool.”  

He shakes his head, filing this fact away with the many new ones he’s discovered about her in the weeks since this insane and wondrous transformation of their relationship.

“And here I thought it was going to be a good dare,” he says, sniffing at his glass and trying not to make a childish “ick” face.

“Guess it’ll have to be ‘truth,’ then,” she says, low and throaty, taking a sip with her eyes on him over the rim of the glass like a film noir mystery woman. She’s kidding — vamping at him, amusement dancing in her dramatic expression — but it stirs him, despite the short interval between now and what got them into their current state of undress. Christ, she is sexy, and he may never find out all her secrets, but he’s going to spend the rest of his life trying to.

Aiming for suavity, he takes a small swallow of his drink, and manages — marshaling every ounce of his manhood — merely to tear up a little from the strong taste and powerful aroma, instead of coughing and spluttering like a freshman as it burned all the way down. God, how had his father knocked back so much of this stuff?

“OK,” he says, when he can speak again, “Truth: The first blowjob you gave.”

Her eyes go wide and innocent. “Why, that was three weeks ago — on your couch — that very first night we were together.”

For a long, shocked second, he almost believes it — he can feel his eyes start to bug out, his mouth go a little slack — and then she laughs and he feels like an idiot. He makes a face at her; she just makes one back, still laughing.

“All right,” she says finally. “What do you mean? First-ever attempt? First successful completion? First guy to ask me to marry him based on that alone?”

He wants to follow up on every lead, which renders him unable to pick just one — god, he must look like a cartoon right about now, sweat beading on his forehead, steam coming out of his ears, jaw agape …

“Um …” Oh, smooth, yes.

She looks down into her glass with a smile on her lips. “I’m just saying — people who hang on to their virginity — technically — because of religious guilt, tend to develop other skills to compensate.”

He purses his lips, eyebrows raised — “Oooooooh, Scully, I wanna hear allll about that,” he says, and she giggles again. They should play Truth or Dare every day. “OK — first, ah, successful completion.”

She settles back with a little shimmy of her shoulders, tongue darting out over her bottom lip as she searches her memory. “All right … I was seventeen, he was also, or close to it — anyway, we were both juniors. Met him at church. He went to the Catholic boys’ school near us — not to the public school, I forget whether he was a Navy brat or not, but he had longish hair which most Navy dads won’t allow, so I don’t think so? And he was tall and skinny, dark blonde hair, green eyes, nice kid, very respectful — like, way too respectful — I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity, but Caleb would barely touch me.”

Mulder moves closer, placing a hand on her sheet-covered thigh just above her knee, charmed by the description of what Scully once found attractive even as he finds and bats away the tiny egg of ridiculous retroactive jealousy trying to hatch in his head.

“It took us two months of very proper dating to work around to what my youth group leader called ‘heavy petting’ —”

Her sudden laugh almost upsets her drink, which she’s holding between her breasts to warm. “‘Heavy petting,’ oh brother … anyway, I finally got him alone for long enough and convinced him I really did want to — which, by the way, I did — that wasn’t really like me, at least not at that age, but I was so curious and I guess horny? Although I wouldn’t have called it that.” She takes a meditative sip. “And I knew there was no way he’d tell anybody and ruin my reputation, so he was safe that way. Plus — it’s not like I thought I was going to marry him, but I really did like him a lot. So … one afternoon when we were at his house, supposed to be studying, and his family were all out, I just … went for it.”

He’s been watching her mouth as she talks, only half-aware of his own arousal creeping up on him. He likes this new view he’s getting, of Scully the Good Girl taking charge of things.


She shrugs. “My technique wasn’t very sophisticated, so I don’t know how great it was for him — well, I guess pretty OK, he did come —”

Mulder almost chokes on his second, wincing swallow of liquor. She laughs, a roguish gleam in her eye.

“Me, I was mostly surprised at the volume — it wasn’t the pint or so that I’d imagined. More like a few tablespoons. Also it was in spurts, not one long gout of ejaculate. Which was scientifically interesting — I hadn’t been able to figure that out from books.” He makes a strangulated noise, to her clear amusement. She goes on, “But it made a hell of a mess. I had to wear my jacket home, zipped up, and immediately do a load of laundry with my shirt and bra in it as soon as I got there —”

“You didn’t, ah …”

“Swallow? No — I told you, I didn’t have the technique down, plus — scientific curiosity. I really wanted to see it happen.”

He ponders this new revelation for a moment, wondering if her approach had anything to do with how quickly she’d learned things about pleasing him that had taken other women much longer to discover, if they ever did at all. He hopes, suddenly (though not for the first time) that he’s doing as well with her as she is with him. He shifts a little, trying to formulate a way to ask her that, but just then her eyes drop to his lap and her lips curl up in an absolutely wicked smile.

“Your turn,” she says in a husky tone that makes his erection bob eagerly toward her. He might’ve laughed at that if it weren’t for the way she bit her lip — there’s nothing funny about what he wants to do to her right now. She looks up, finishes her drink with her eyes locked on his, and puts both glasses on the nightstand. “What’ll it be — Truth? Or Dare?” She lets the sheet drop away, where it pools around her waist.

He slides his hand higher on her thigh, leaning forward to close the distance between them. He’s not sure how it works within the game, but he knows she understands when he murmurs against those soft and devilish lips: “Both.”


Rachel’s Story.

Rachel Joy Scott was born on August 5, 1981, in Denver, the third of five children of Darrell Scott and Beth Nimmo. Her older sisters are Bethanee and Dana and her two younger brothers are Craig and Mike. Her father had formerly pastored a church in Lakewood, Colorado. Rachel’s parents divorced in 1989, but maintained a cordial relationship to one another. The following year, Beth and the children moved to Littleton, Colorado, where she remarried in 1995. Darrell worked as a sales manager for a large food company in Denver. Darrell and Beth had joint custody of the children. As a child, Rachel attended Dutch Creek Elementary School, and subsequently Ken Caryl Middle School. Coincidentally, Dylan Klebold and her were members of Columbine’s theater production club. Dylan ran audio for a talent show a month and half before where Rachel performed a mime act to the song “Watch the Lamb.” Rachel’s younger brother, Craig, was in the school library during the shooting where 10 students were killed and two friends, Isaiah Shoels and Matthew Kechter, next to Craig. Craig helped pick up an injured girl and rally students to safety. Two days later he appeared on the Today Show with Isaiah’s father in an interview in which Couric stated it was “one of her most memorable and even spiritual experiences she had ever had.” Rachel’s parents also appeared on a show with Maria Shriver immediately after sharing on their personal choice of forgiveness and the principal of it.

At the time of her death, the 17-year old Columbine High School junior was an aspiring writer and actress with summer plans to visit Botswana on a trip to help build homes. Two weeks prior to the shooting, she had a lead role as an alternative character with sharp wit and kind heart. The play was titled “Smoke in the Room” in which Dylan ran the spotlight for. Described as a devout Christian by her mother, she was active at youth group and a leader in a Bible study group called NaCl (periodic table symbol for “salt”). According to friends, she often wore a variety of hats and clothes showing a colorful personality. She left behind six diaries along with journals with friends of shared experiences and encouraging notes. Many writings were addressed to God. On the cover of one journal with her the day of the shooting that in which a bullet was lodged into, she wrote “I write not for the sake of glory. Not for the sake of fame. Not of the sake of success. But for the sake of my soul…” In other writings there was a theme of “reaching the unreached” through acts of kindness and compassion. One month before her death, she wrote a school essay on her codes of ethics and life which included her theories of compassion and kindness that unknowing would later reach the hearts of many people.

Rachel was shot while eating lunch with her friend, Richard Castaldo, on the lawn outside of the school’s library. She was killed by Eric Harris with multiple gunshot wounds to her head, chest, arm, and leg. According to Richard’s first account after awakening from a coma, Richard told his parents the last account of Rachel’s life as being mocked of her faith which he later denied. After the killings, her car was turned into a flower-shrouded memorial in the adjacent Clement Park after being moved from the school’s parking lot by grieving students. A long chain link fence was installed for mourners to attach teddy bears, letters and other gifts.

Rachel Scott’s funeral on April 24, 1999 was attended by more than 2,000 people and was televised throughout the nation. It was the most watched event on CNN up to that point, surpassing even the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales. Roger Rosenblatt of Time magazine wrote in his commentary that her funeral was “… ineradicable because of the photograph of your bright and witty face, now sadly familiar to the country, and because of the loving and admiring testimonies of your family.”

Today Rachel is known nationwide thanks to Rachel’s Challenge. Rachel’s Challenge is a non-profit, non-religious, non-political organization sharing her story. It is led by her father Darrell Scott and his wife Sandy. The organization’s mission statement is to “motivate, educate and bring positive change to many young people”. It is dedicated in Rachel’s honor.

“I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go.” - Rachel Joy Scott


End of message.

No, but seriously. My wife and I planned a major talk with our kids about us deciding to move forward with a divorce. It went better than I could have dreamed tonight. The divorce being an official thing coming.. they both called it. They both “figured” it was coming. I tried to get anything out of them that would be considered fear or concern and they were simply ready for it. I was a little dumbfounded.

Second on the agenda for our talk was me explaining more about my need to be myself around them and not feel like I have to hide things like HRT progress from them.. again they were awesome about it. They promised to ask questions or ask for help if they are feeling sad about anything we have shared with them tonight. They understand that “soon” I may get rid of all of my male clothing and that it would be a bigger change than they have already seen (they are already used to my feminine hairstyle and androgynous look).

They got up and gave me hugs at several points as I was talking and my son… my 11 year old boy reached out and grabbed my hand as I was talking about my brother no longer speaking to me. I had wanted to warn them that not everyone in our family would understand and again they got it. They are such intelligent and empathic young people that it blows me away. My wife and I are not taking this for granted though, and have alerted their youth group leaders about this conversation. The parents of their best friends are also aware so they can spot if they seem to be struggling when they are visiting their house.

I am so thankful for my children. I have NO regrets on where my life has been and have No regrets about where it is going. It is simply time for this change and for me to be free and somehow, my biggest fears are being alleviated, rather than realized.

I am going to have a glass of wine (I hardly ever drink) and watch a good movie, and sleep well tonight. Tomorrow is a whole new day!


So I’m sitting here just reading niam smut in church and my youth group leader comes over and asks why I am on my phone. So I told him that I was reading the bible and he took my phone and asked what book and started reading and he just kind of looked at me with this horrified look and what do you know now I’m sitting in the middle of a prayer circle being prayed for and right now they are praying that Liam and Niall get help as well.