youre the only thing that's keeping me alive

i defiantly wasnt expecting to find an angel in this darkness. i thought all good had left this earth & left me to burn with it. i was stunned to come across someone so genuine. i never expected to feel anything for anyone ever again. ive been hurt so much i really did build layers and layers around whats left of my heart. i was hopelessly trying to protect the only thing that could keep me alive. my heart pretended to beat everyday just to make me feel okay and for a while it worked. until recently i felt like life as i knew it would never be the same. i thought id never be able to feel for anyone ever again. i was so certain of that fact because i felt nothing towards anything for a long time. and thats where you came in. i didnt have to see your face for my heart to reach out to you. i didnt know what was going on or what it was my heart was wanting me to do. i ran out of pictures to like and i felt like that was the end and it saddened me. i knew i at least had to message you or id regret it & my heart may never forgive me. you have to understand, i felt n o t h i n g before this. so when i started feeling again it was like i had been dead & woke up breathing my first breath of air all over again. when you answered me it was like a jumpstart on my life. i didnt expect it to ever go any furthur than that but id be lying if i said i didnt wish for it. its been such a short period of time & already im so certain im yours. & thats what scares me, maybe thats what keeps me up at night. the constant fear of falling and not being caught. all i can say is, with you im willing to take that chance. im willing to close my eyes & fall backwards even if i hit the ground and break into a million pieces. its the fall thats beautiful. but falling into the arms of that person is one of the best feelings one could imagine. you make me smile so much i cant even look at you without feeling stars in my eyes. i cant ever put into words what i want to say when im right in front of you. you always have me so speechless. when you smile at me i feel my heart jump. & when i say that i mean physically. it takes a long time to gather feelings for one person, but its like ive had these feelings waiting on you for a lifetime. im honestly falling for you & i hope i never have to stop. i think youve worked some magic on me. how do you make something numb feel again unintentionally. how do you send shivers down my spine when you say my name. how does your smile reach every part of my soul. how does your pure existence make me want to live a life ive never wanted to. you werent what i was looking for, you were much more than that. i was desperately searching day by day for a sign this life is worth it. you gave me not only that but you gave me everything ive ever lost back. my hopes & dreams suddenly included you. & from that moment on the only thing i wanted to do was make you happy & keep that beautiful smile on your face even if it means smiling so long it hurts. ill never hurt you any other way. if you fall for me i want you to know im going to catch you even if it means dropping everything im doing. if i can feel this strong for you now i wish i could fast forward 7 months and see how much more you make me feel because i know youre the only one capable. i want you to know if everyones against you, ill be with you. ive never been able to leave anyone because ive never wanted to. its a blessing and a curse bc i can only hope someone will come around and stay. & right now as scary as it is to admit, i want that person to be you. im going to end this short because the rest will be in the letter. i just want you to know now how i feel. i needed to put my feelings into words before the feelings ate me alive. i hope you finally got to sleep, & i hope you slept amazing. youre so beautiful inside & out & you deserve nothing but the best. i just want to make sure you get that.
—  time slows down with you
A letter to inconsiderate family/friends

When you come over to visit, or to celebrate on my Birthday, just know that I’m aware that my gluten free food doesn’t taste good to you. I will try to accommodate for you as best I can but when you joke about being ‘gluten-free intolerant’ and ask things like 'Where’s the bread?’ you should know you are not funny and that I am not intending to make you suffer by providing you with food that won’t literally make me suffer. When I go to your house I bring all my own food, and if by some oddity I don’t I won’t complain when the only thing I can eat is plain rice and a tomato. So if we can just fall upon some agreement, live in my shoes for a few hours, because thats all it is. This way of life you are joking about, its keeping me alive, and I’ll have to eat like this for the rest of my life if I don’t want to increase the likelihood of developing a cancer I still might contract. I’m doing the best I can to cope with an incurable autoimmune disease, sorry the 'bread’ tastes bad. 

Two Prompt Tuesday #32

Prompt: I want someone who will kiss me like it’s the only thing keeping him alive.
Pairing: Sam x Reader
Word Count: 1170
Warnings: Cursing.

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