youre getting on my nerves

Poking Fun

Originally posted by andersjohnson

Originally posted by smart-arse-under-the-mountain

Warnings: Slightly suggestive


“What are those on your back, lad?” You hear Dwalin ask and that makes you swallow, hard. The mountain was reclaimed about a year ago and Thorin had been made King Under the Mountain. In order to keep in touch with all of the members of the Company, Thorin made sure to set aside one weekend every month for the company to gather together like old times.

You were all currently in the armory, sparring each other and it was currently Fili and Dwalin. They had both removed their shirts during the process and it’s when Dwalin had asked his question that you realized you left marks on Fili’s back from your rendezvous the night before.

No one but Thorin, Dis, and Kili knew about the two of you and they never gave you two a break.

“Ay. I believe it’s the mark of a lover. I didn’t realize the heir had a possible consort,” Bofur jumps in, clapping Fili on the back. Thorin and Kili shoot you knowing looks and you stick your tongue out at the both of them.

“I didn’t realize she left a few marks,” Fili says, trying to get a proper look at his back. “Oh she’s a feisty one,” Dwalin chuckles. “Who is she? A lady from the Iron Hills?” Nori asks making you scoff.

“Dams from the iron hills are known to be quite good in bed,” Bofur says, nodding at his own observation. Fili shoots you a glance and you look away.

He was the one who wanted to keep this relationship between the two of you. For what reason? You did not know but you were going to let him do whatever he wanted. That, however doesn’t mean you have to like it.

“I bet she’s a hag,” Kili says, laughing and you covertly flip him off. “Have you not met her?” Ori asks quietly. “Oh I have. Fili dear could not do better,” Kili replies and that makes you smile. You were thankful that Dis, Kili and Thorin had immediately accepted you into the family. You don’t think you could’ve handled it if they didn’t.

“Well come on lad. Aren’t you going to tell us about the lady from the iron hills?” Bofur asks.

“Yeah. Come on Fee. Lets hear about this lady of yours,” you say and he shoots you a glare making you smirk.

“Is she good in bed?” “Is she a screamer?” “Does she-”

Those questions make fili snap.

“Oh for Mahal’s sake she’s right there!” He shouts pointing at you. “Y/n and I have been courting for nearly a year already and your questions are getting on my nerves.”

There is a complete silence before dwalin starts laughing.

“Don’t worry lad. We were just trying to push your buttons. We’ve known for a while now but we were getting tired of you two pussyfooting around the subject,” he explains and that makes you smile. Always the blunt one.

“At least we know that the lassie is quite a scratcher,” Bofur says, giving you a wink and with that, you shove him off the bench. No matter how much fun they poked at you, you will always love this company.

Melanie Martinez “Cry Baby” Sentence Meme

Cry Baby

“You take things so hard”
“ Your heart’s too big for your body” 
“ You don’t fucking care.” 
“ It’s not you, it’s them.” 
“ You’re one of a kind and no one understands.”
“ Your heart’s too big for your body.”
“I look at you and I see myself.”
“I don’t fucking care.”


“We’ll be a perfect family.”
“ Everyone thinks that we’re perfect.”
“ Won’t you be a good sister/brother?”
“ I see things that nobody else sees.”
“ No one ever listens.”
“ Places, places, get in your places.”
“ Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces.”
“Smile for the picture.”

Sippy Cup

“Blood still stains when the sheets are washed.”
“Kids are still depressed when you dress them up.”
“ He/She doesn’t think I’m that fucking dumb does he/she?” 
“ He’s/She’s still dead when you’re done with the bottle.”
“If they give you a new pill then you will buy it.”
“ If they say to kill yourself, then you will try it.”
“ All the makeup in the world, won’t make you less insecure.”
“ Sex don’t sleep when the lights are off.”


“ Will I catch up to love?”
“I feel like I’m glued on tight to this carousel.”
“ Oh, come, take my hand.”
“It’s all fun and games ‘til somebody falls in love.”
“Chasing after you is like a fairytale.”
“We’re always this close,”
“Right when I’m near, it’s like you dissapear.”
“ Where’d you go?”
“ Why did you steal my cotton candy heart?”

Alphabet Boy

“ You’ll never catch me cry.”
“ Fuck your degree.”
“ I’m not a little kid now.”
“ Are you smarter than me now?”
 “But you’re not my daddy and I’m not your dolly.”
 “”You think you’re smarter than me”


“Think I just remembered something.”
“ I’m tired of being careful.”
“ Let me under your skin.”
“ I said too much.”
“ Why do I always spill?”
“ Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap.”
“ God, I wish I never spoke.”
“ Think I got myself in trouble.”
“ I’m sick of all the games I have to play.”

Training Wheels

“ I carry band-aids on me now for when your soft hands hit the jagged ground.”
“ Promise I won’t push you straight to the dirt.”
“ Love everything you do.”
“ you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do.”
“ It’s not like I’m asking to be your wife/husband.”
“ I wanna make you mine, but that’s hard to say.”
“ Is this coming off in a cheesy way?”

Pity Party

“Tell me what to do to make it all feel better.”
 “ Maybe it’s a cruel joke on me.”
“ Just means there’s way more cake for me.”
“ It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.”
“ I wouldn’t have been trapped inside this hell that holds me.”
“ I’ll cry until the candles burn down this place.”
“It feels like I’m dying.”
“ I’ll cry until my pity party’s in flames.”

Tag, You’re It

“I’ll cut you up and make you dinner.”
“ You’ve reached the end, you are the winner”
“ He chased me and he wouldn’t stop.”
“ Can anybody hear me? I’m hidden under ground.”
“Tag, you’re it, tag, tag, you’re it.”
“ I can taste your skin in my teeth.”
“I love it when I hear you breathing.”
“ I hope to God you’re never leaving”
“Can anybody hear me? Am I talking to myself?”
“ Your mother said to pick the very best girl/boy and I am.”

Milk and Cookies

“I’m done with this.”
“ I’m fucking crazy, need my prescription filled.”
“ Do you like my cookies? They’re made just for you.”
“ Ashes, ashes, time to go down.”
“ Do you want me now?”
 “Can’t take it anymore.”
“ Sing you a lullaby where you die at the end.”
“ Never want to see you again.”
“Shit behind the curtain that I’m sick of sugarcoatin’.”

Pacify Her

“Someone told me stay away from things that aren’t yours.”
“ She’s getting on my nerves.”
“ Stop lying with those words.”

Mrs. Potato Head

“Don’t be dramatic, it’s only some plastic.”  
“ No one will love you if you’re unattractive.”
“ Is it true that pain is beauty?”
“ Do you swear you’ll stay forever?”
“ It’s such a waste.”

Mad Hatter

“ This dream, dream is a killer.”
 “ I really hate being safe.”
“ The normals, they make me afraid.”
“ The crazies, they make me feel sane.”
“ I’m nuts, baby, I’m mad.”
“ You think I’m psycho, you think I’m gone”
“ So what if I’m crazy? The best people are.”
“ Where is my prescription?”
“You can be Alice,I’ll be the mad hatter.”
“ That’s probably the reason that we get along.”

Play Date

“ Just me and you and you and me alone.”
“ I don’t want to play no games.”
“ I’m tired of always chasing, chasing after you.”
“ I don’t give a fuck about you anyways.”
“ Whoever said I gave a shit ‘bout you?”
“ I wish I didn’t care all the time.”
“ I never know what you need.”
“ You know I give a fuck about you everyday.”

Teddy Bear

“ Gave you love, put my heart inside you.”
“ I wasn’t scared.”
“ Should I be scared?”
“ How did love become so violent?”
“ Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me.”
“ I didn’t outgrow you, I just didn’t know you.”
“ I’m fucking scared.”


“ I feel like I’m just missing something whenever you leave.” 
“ We’ve got all the ingredients except you loving me.”
“ I’m not a piece of cake.”
“ So I’m taking back what’s mine.”
 “ You’re just a piece of meat to me.”


Originally posted by mvssmedia

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Type: Smut

Plot: Jimin decides to take your relationship to the next level on your anniversary.

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Some Maybe Not As Common Sicknarios

- we got in a fist fight and now have detention together and I’m only getting you tissues and offering my jacket because your sneezing and shivering is getting on my nerves. I am definitely not concerned

- we play in school band together and your normally long, stunning high trumpet notes sound short and choppy and WOW do you look sick

- I’m your manager at our job at the grocery store and I keep getting customer complaints of an employee coughing all over products in aisle 5. Why did you even come in today??

- we both teach swimming lessons and you come in sick. I watch you take a dive, only to not come up. Oh mY GOD YOU’RE DROWNING.

- we are singing with a choir at a chorus competition and you look really bad but we need your voice. I have to discreetly keep a hand around your waist to keep you from falling over as we sing

- you are my biggest track competitor. We are both neck and neck and the finish line is right in front of us when you suddenly collapse. I should take the opportunity to win but you look terrible! Have you been running while this sick the whole time!?

- I was really craving some pizza and you are my delivery boy and wOW YOU LOOK TERRIBLE. NO PLEASE COME IN. LET ME CALL YOUR EMPLOYER. HOW DID YOU EVEN DRIVE LIKE THAT??

- we walk our dogs at the same time everyday and I spot your dog running around without you. I grab your dog and find you passed out by a tree. ARE YOU OKAY??


Ok, after 3 days of work, (with breaks and school in mind of course) I’ve FINALLY finished this. This is to show my appreciation for all of these users, for being the best!

Here are the lovelies’ objectsonas/object ocs from top left to the bottom:

Mae from Night in the Woods (represents Nik but I don’t know their tumblr)

Pitcher- @mochazuki

Flowerpot- @undeaddog

Diospyro kaki (Persimmon)- @kimboster

Sketchbook- Me

Hourglass- @ii-hath-consumed

Egg- @gethacoolshoeshine

Lava lamp- @icemintfreeze

Book/King- @transrollcake

Glue- @papiomikes–warehouse (oc)

MP3 player- @zealzealous

Diffy the defuser- @wubwubwoobs

Camera Obscuro- @redmist108

Book(?)- @thanksdunkel

Hat/Top hat (is supposed to represent @toonirl, but I didn’t know what their objectsona was)

Moon (is supposed to represent @plantaplants, couldn’t find their oc)

Jaw- @squidplzplz

Finder- @papiomikes–warehouse (objectsona)

Mushroom- @gameover101 (I couldn’t find an oc or objectsona from them so I just took their hat and turned it into an object)

Ink well- @toonirl (past objectsona)

Tea bag- @mmahinadraws

Tarot deck- @plantaplants

Edit: Gave credit to transrollcake

Edit 2: Gave credit to kimboster

George Weasley Headcanons
  • this boy loVEs to prank you  
    • small pranks (usually)  
    • unless you get angry  
    • then he stops
    • everywhere  
    • the common room  
    • DA meeting at hog’s head  
    • the Burrow
  • or just random hugs
    • mostly by him
    • you’ll be walking to class when he sneaks up and hugs you
    • “George!”
    • “What?”
  • Christmas at the Burrow eveRY yeAR
    • Molly and Arthur adore™ you
    • even when Molly walks in on you two snogging
    • she feels you’re a good influence
    • Ron gets annoyed
    • “Can you two stop?”
    • even if you’re just sitting near him
  • he always takes your food
    • especially in the Great Hall
    • “There’s enough for you to have thirds!”
    • “But your food will go to waste!”
    • “Fine.”
  • George is secretly a genius
    • “How did you know that?”
    • “I dunno”
    • when it’s empty
    • you tried doing it when it was crowded so no one would see
    • Lee and Fred saw you
    • they teased George for a month
  • you always steal his jumpers
    • “Where’s my- oh”
  • he gets on your nerves sometimes (a lot), but you love him
Plush Sans Commission


65USDollar– 70USDollar depending on detailes


60USDollar – 65USDollar depending on detailes


70USDollar – 75USDollar depending on detailes

Accessoires like bones, souls and so on, (the things they can hold in their hands) and things like collars will cost 5 USDollar extra per accessory.

Shipping is not for free and can be (depending on the country you come from) pretty high. Keep that in mind please :)

The plushies are made of soft plush minky and felt. The patterns are made by myself and still worked on. I use a sewing machine and simple hand-sewing.
The arms are movable and the faces are all uniquely made of felt sewed to the minky, the jacket is to be opened and closed with Velcro. The plushs can be ordered with magnets so they can hold small stuff in their hands like plush hearts or bone attacks x)
Their clothes are completely removable except the tank-top for their arms are attached to them. There is also an elastic band in their pants to make sure it fits the plush. :)
Each plush is around 35cm from head to toe.
Everything I do is completely self thought and not perfect. I’m still learning with every plush and trying to get better so please, if you’re commissioning me, tell me in a formal way if something bothers you or should be changed and I will see what I can do :)

Please consider that since they’re Sans and only have low health they won’t survive washing machines x)

Okay now that you know about the plushs themselves

let’s talk about some rules :)

-I will work on 2 Sans’ at a time. If you’re planning to get all 3 of them Sanses at     once we can discuss how to deal with it in PM to save shipping costs :)

-I’m still going to school and only do the sewing in my free time, so please don’t rush me. I don’t mind you asking for updates and I want to work close to you so we can make you your own unique plush, but if you’re getting on my nerves it will only slow the progress down

-As said I want to make your plush special, so if you wish for certain details (examples at the end of the rules) please tell me and I will try my best to get it as close to your imagination as possible

-I would prefer sending the plush insured to make sure it comes to your place safely, which however will rise the price. You can ask me privately if you want to know what the shipping costs would be and if you know a cheaper way please feel free to tell me. I’ll send them from Germany :)


-I’d prefer PayPal for the payment and if you’re commissioning me I would like a partial payment, means half of the price before I start with your plush and the other half when it’s finished and befor I ship it to your destination.
It’s just to make sure I don’t get tricked, I hope you understand :)

If you want to commission me please take a look in my blog description. I will make sure to update there if commissions are open or closed.

Here are some examples and how updates will look like:

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Daddy Doesn’t Have to Know - Part 7

Title: Daddy Doesn’t Have to Know - Part 7

Characters: Negan x You/Reader

Synopsis: You spend the night in Negan’s room.

Warnings: NSFW!!!

Original Idea by: @babyblues915

Note: Said I’d post a request first but I couldn’t finish it so here’s the DDHTK update you’ve all been waiting for! This is a long one too, I honestly hope this wouldn’t bore y’all or disappoint. Ahhh let me know your thoughts, guys! I love reading everyone’s comments and replies, I’m super grateful for them! Ugh, love you all! <3

Special shoutout to @negansex for constantly sending me gifs and ideas!

DDHTK Masterlist

Negan rubbed his hands together as he took your appearance in, smiling with a certain glint in his eyes. You couldn’t help but feel conscious all of a sudden so you avoided his gaze and hugged your arms to cover your slightly exposed chest. It felt weird to be wearing such at a time like this, it almost felt inappropriate.

“Well? Sit your fucking ass down, let’s have dinner.” Negan told you, motioning towards the chair.


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Awful Liar || Joe Sugg

Originally posted by luminescent-jaspar

Requests are currently [ OPEN ]

Masterlist can be found [ HERE ]

Word Count: 1.2k+

A/N: this has been in my ask box for a while, seeing as i wasn’t quite sure how to go about writing it. but after writing a little drabble, aka the first two hundred words, i decided to morph it into a request and it seemed like this one fitted perfectly. enjoy!!xo

“This isn’t funny, Joe!”

“Babe, come on. You’ve gotta admit that it is.”

“No!” You protest, shaking your head violently as you stare at the mess of your boyfriend’s kitchen, your eyes wide as you run a hand through your hair and take a small step back.

Joe, along with the rest of the boys, who had all collapsed onto the sofa, laughed at your overreaction, which to you, was an under-reaction. The place looked like they’d managed to hold a children’s party in the hour whilst she was at Waitrose, and given them free reign of the kitchen.

You so desperately wished that you could begin to scold Joe just like you would if you were alone, and had to bite your lip to hold the comments in as he walks past you, inconspicuously brushing his hands across your waist.

You glare at his back and give the mess one last glance before rolling your eyes and walking out of the room, pulling your shirt over your head as you walked, flipping the boys off when a series of cat whistles were sent your way.

You walk into the downstairs bathroom and manage to find one of Joe’s clean shirts to replace the one that you’d taken off and thrown into the laundry basket. Shrugging the soft material over your head, you quickly check your face and hair in the mirror before adjusting your tight fitted gym shorts and walking back down the corridor and into the adjoined kitchen and living room.

You walk into the kitchen and lean against the counter, crossing your arms over your chest and eyeing Joe with an amused smirk as you watch him reluctantly disinfect the surfaces. “You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“But you don’t like mess, and it’s not fair if you have to clean up after me all the time. That’s not your job.” He mutters, putting the cloth down and looking at you with a cheeky grin. “And besides, the boys were starting to get on my nerves.”

You glance over your shoulder curiously, before looking back at Joe and cocking your brows. “Why, love?”

“Think it’s just because I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

At his suggestive tone, you roll your eyes and nudge him. “Oi.”

Joe smirks, glancing over your shoulder to make sure that none of the boys were looking before quickly kissing your lips and proceeding to worm his way around you and walk into the living room with a glass of orange juice in his hands and a cheeky grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

You press your lips together to hide your smile as you chuckle, picking up your phone from the place you’d left it on the counter and walking into the living room, collapsing back into the empty space on the sofa beside Joe, bringing your legs up to your chest and looking up at the TV that the majority of the boys’ eyes were glued to. “What’re we watching?”

“Some game show that Josh and Caspar used to watch back in SA,” Oli says, taking a sip out of his beer bottle and looking over at her with his eyebrows raised a fraction. “Wait, are you wearing any form of trousers right now? Because all I see is skin.”

This caught the rest of the boys’ attention, and they all turned their heads to look at you in curiosity. You roll your eyes and shuffle up slightly, gripping onto the bottom of your cotton shorts and pulling them down as proof. Oli raises his hands in defense at your smug smile, and a few of the guys laugh before looking back at the TV. Joe leans in close to your ear, whispering so that none of the other boys could hear. “You know, it wouldn’t be the first time you walked around this apartment with no trousers on.”

You push him away, giggling quietly and rolling your eyes when he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and tugged you even closer toward him. Looking up at him through your lashes, you shoot him a pointed look. He simply smirks down at you and uses his free hand to scrunch up your face, laughing when you attempted to shake him off.

The gameshow turned out to be relatively entertaining, though the way Josh and Caspar got so into it that they’d glare at anyone who dared speak above a certain volume made the whole thing a whole lot more interesting. You got up a few times, either to use the bathroom or get drinks from the kitchen, but your spot under Joe’s arm remained the same throughout the night, though every time you returned after doing something, you inched even closer than you had been before.

Your eyes began to burn after a good few hours, and you dug your hand into Joe’s pocket to pull out his phone in order to check the time, seeing as you’d left yours charging in the kitchen just a little while earlier. You blink and allow your eyes a moment to adjust to the brightness of the screen before reading the time, your jaw slacking slightly in shock. The last time you’d checked, it’d only been around ten pm, and somehow, now, it was gone one am. You look up at the show playing on the TV, wondering what the hell kinda game show lasted for more than three hours before mumbling incoherently and looking up at Joe with sleepy eyes.

He looks down at you instinctively, and you blink up at him silently as he brushes his thumb over your cheek. “You tired, love?”

You nod your head and part your lips to reply, but Josh’s booming voice interrupted before you could. “Okay, enough if enough. What the hell is going on between you two?”

You look over at them all, a startled look on your face when you realise that the TV had been paused and all the attention was on you and Joe. There was a moment of silence, before Joe cleared his throat and rubbed his forehead awkwardly. “Depends on how you characterise us as human beings.”

Caspar snorts, rolling his eyes and chucking a piece of popcorn at the two of you. “Yeah, sure, whatever. But we all know that whenever Joe doesn’t want us to know something, he tries to distract us with some kind of incorrect philosophical bullshit.”

You bite your lip and shrug. “Well, would you guys be opposed to us dating, or..?”

“I have to agree with Casp here; Joe’s a bloody awful liar. And, to be honest (Y/N), it’d be a long time coming, and we all think so.” Jack snorts, and everyone else in the room, excluding Joe and yourself, nods in agreement.

Joe shrugs, looking down at you and kissing you softly. “Go to bed love, I’ll be in soon.”

As everyone in the rooms’ eyes widen, you hum and kiss him once more before standing up, clutching Joe’s phone in your hand, fully intending to use it to keep yourself occupied before he joined you upstairs and lectured you on how much better it is for your health to not sleep with a phone in your bedroom. You smile at the boys sleepily. “Night.”

You received a quiet chorus of ‘goodnights’ as you begin to walk out of the room and up the stairs toward Joe’s bedroom, leaving all of the boys to turn to stare at Joe with wide eyes. He shrugs and glances over his shoulder at you, watching as you turn the corner at the top of the stairs into his bedroom and smiling to himself. “Yeah, I’m not quite sure either..”

Bitter Friendship

This is for the anon who requested for Anti. I sorta changed it a bit; instead of them forming a friendship, I’ve written the reader and Sean have been friends for a long time. 
Sorry if that’s an issue, it made it a little easier to write :)

Anon request:

“I have no clue if this fits Anti in your view, but if the reader had recently moved to Ireland and comes across him, thinking he’s Sean, and they befriend each other (him kind of fancying her) but someone who is against Anti kidnaps her and really tortures her (physically and mentally) and Anti finally finds them and goes BALLISTIC and saves her, revealing that he isn’t Sean and the reader doesn’t care but lets him comfort and confess his feelings to her? Sorry it’s weird… Thank you so much!!”

Warnings: swearing, mentions of torture, angst, fluff, a little blood, violence, knives. 

Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted by dork-iplier

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REQUEST 121 ~ Stupid (angst) part 1

A/N: I would do smut but at the moment i really feel like making this one angsty as fuck 

Warnings: Lots of swearing.

Sometimes people in relationships argue. That, in theory, helps the relationship to grow. It sorts out the rough patches that have been avoided. But sometimes those arguments lead to regrets and to have one can break something that was once perfect.

For a few weeks now, i could feel the tension between Dan and I. It felt like we were becoming two separate people. The distance between us was unnoticeable at first, it was things like eating at different times or going to bed after the other had fallen asleep. For some people that’s normal but with Dan and I it used to be a rare occurrence. It then built up into being day’s in which minimal words were spoken to one another. Everyday that went by when this would happen felt like i was isolated from him. 

It all came to an end because of a small disagreement. In the past when we had disagreed on something a quick hug and compromise would solve it but this time, that wouldn’t work. 

As i went through our cupboards looking for something to make for dinner, i called out for Dan to come and help decide. He had been in a pissy mood all day so i was hoping that if he could pick something he would love for dinner it would make him feel better. 

“What?” He sighed as he appeared in the doorway on his phone. 

I opened the cupboard door wider and moved so he could see, “I was wondering what you wanted for dinner?” 

He shrugged his shoulders while still staring down at his phone. I sighed inaudibly, beginning to feel pissed off with his ignorance. 

“Come on, there has to be something you want?” 

He shrugged again and turned away from me. Normally i have really good patience with things like this but recently, when our relationship was going the way it had, my patience was going.

“Ok Dan, just ignore me that’s f-”

“For fuck sake, i don’t know what i want to fucking eat ok, if i want something i’ll make it my fucking self ok.” He snapped looking at me with annoyance. 

“What the hell has crawled up your ass?”

“You. You are getting on my nerves with your constant pestering.” 

I widened my eye, anger spreading through my body.

“Are you kidding me? Seriously? This is the most we have spoken this entire week. You have said fuck all to me. You should feel lucky that i even considered making you dinner tonight.” 

He stood up straighter causing him to grow slightly taller in his already gigantic height. 

“You know what? The reason i haven’t spoken to you that much is because every time you speak it annoys me. I didn’t ask you to make me dinner, so i don’t know why i should feel grateful about it.” 

I stayed silent while he basically tore me apart with every word. This wasn’t the man who said he loved me.

“Sometime i really fucking hate you…” 

You know how in movies when something intense happens and suddenly everything goes muffled and moves slowly. When he uttered those vicious words, it felt like just that. I didn’t know what to say. My mind went crazy trying to make sense of the situation. Hates me? I felt a single tear drop onto my cheek which brought me back to reality. I need to be away from him now. 

I rushed past him and to the door, grabbing a jacket that had my keys, money and travel card, and left. I didn’t know where i was going, but all i knew was that i need to escape the crime scene of our relationship.

You used to like me and my messed up hair. You used to like me when I didn’t get all dressed up and fancy to go on our dates. You used to like me when I’d wake up in the morning and yawned in the middle of our too early conversations. You used to like me when I smiled at you for no reason. You used to like me when I sang out loud despite my trashy vocals. You used to like me and my corny jokes. You used to like my eyes and my face and the way I looked in general. Now you think it’s too difficult to run your hands through my curly hair. Now you consider me lazy for not dressing up and you think I’m rude for yawning in the middle of your morning sentences. You think it’s weird when I smile at you out of the blue and now my singing just gets on your nerves. My jokes are cringe-worthy and you no longer look me in my eyes or even my face. But I’m begging you, please - remember that you used to like all of that. Please.
—  t. edana talbott // messed up hair
  • Hermione: Are you really gonna go without asking me the question that you've been dying to ask me?
  • Draco: Well, I'm not... I haven't been dying to ask anything. I... no questions here for Draco. Nothing.
  • Hermione: I can see it on your face.
  • Draco: Maybe my face just has, like, a naturally interrogatory expression.
  • Hermione: Well, your interrogatory expression is getting on my nerves.

Men literally approach women all day everyday with the specific purpose of getting sex out of them with no intentions of doing shit for the woman they plan to use for their pleasure but wanna talk down on women who demand some sort of compensation for her time and energy. Naw, fuck that. You wanna waste my time, get on my nerves, and poke me with your little wack ass baby schmeat for 5 minutes and get up and act like you did something? You gon make the shit worth it for me. My time, energy, and body are extremely valuable and it’s time out for settling for less. Idc if I’m head over heels in love. If the effort from a man doesn’t match or exceed the value of that which he is asking (I.e. Me), he can kick rocks. You get what you give. You give me nothing, you get nothing. Period

  • "You've seem to replace your brain with your heart"
  • "Everyone thinks that we're perfect"
  • "Smile for the picture"
  • "Go back to being plastic"
  • "Kids are still depressed when you dress them up"
  • "He doesn't think I'm that fucking dumb, does he?"
  • "You call that ass your own, we call that silicone"
  • "All the makeup in the world won't make you less insecure"
  • "It's all fun and games 'til somebody falls in love"
  • "You already bought a ticket and there's no turning back now"
  • "Mr. Houdini, you're a freakshow"
  • "You build me up like building blocks just so you can bring me down"
  • "Fuck your degree"
  • "You think you're smarter than me with all your bad poetry"
  • "Why do I always spill?"
  • "God, I wish I never spoke"
  • "I'm sick of all the games I have to play"
  • "I love when you call me fucking dumb for the stupid shit I do"
  • "It's not like I'm asking to be your wife!"
  • "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!"
  • "I'll cry until the candles burn down this place"
  • "I'll cry until my pity party's in flames"
  • "He chased me and he wouldn't stop!"
  • "Tag, you're it!"
  • "I'm fucking crazy"
  • "Do you like my cookies? They're made just for you"
  • "A little pit of sugar and lots of poison, too!"
  • "Honey, do you want me now?"
  • "Someone told me 'stay away from things that aren't yours' but was he yours if he wanted me so bad?"
  • "Pacify her! She's getting on my nerves"
  • "You don't love her, stop lying with those words!"
  • "Loving her seems tiring"
  • "Don't be dramatic, it's only some plastic"
  • "No one will love you if you're unattractive!"
  • "Is it true that pain is beauty?"
  • "Will a pretty face make it better?"
  • "Do you swear you'll stay forever?"
  • "Baby soft skin turns into leather"
  • "We paint white roses red, each shade from a different person's head"
  • "This dream is a killer!"
  • "I really hate being safe"
  • "The normals, they make me afraid"
  • "The crazies, they make me feel sane"
  • "I'm not! Baby, I'm mad!"
  • "So what if I'm crazy? The best people are!"
  • "Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong"
  • "You like me best when I'm off my rocker"
  • "All the best people are crazy"


The Joker x Reader - “Note to Batsy”

From time to time The Joker likes to light up a Batsy signal and bless Gotham’s vigilante with random handwritten messages. Bruce Wayne keeps them all, hoping that one of these days he’ll find something useful that will get Mister J busted for good. So far, no luck: even if the papers have fingerprints all over, there is never a match.

Here is the latest letter Batsy just found on top of the tallest building in Gotham:


- I really wanna show you my kid; I have to admit me and Y/N made a very cute baby thanks to my awesome genes and her beauty. Maybe afterwards we can go for a drink. Wait, she’ll kill me if I go drinking and take the baby (don’t read this part, nobody can kill me). But anyway, if we end up going with the kid, don’t be a snitch and tell on me T___T

Wow, what an entitled prick! Bruce thinks, continuing to read. I am not a snitch!

- My Queen has a complaint: when she busted me out of Arkham last week, she noticed that the new straitjacket is a darker gray than the old one. Y/N said it doesn’t go well with my blue eyes, but the previous model did. I’m pretty sure I’ll end up there again so can you tell those guys to switch back to what they use to have? I don’t want my girl upset over such a trivial thing. She absolutely hates it when an outfit doesn’t match my eyes.

- I think I “accidentally” (Ha!Ha!Ha!) blew up your Batmobile today. I have a new grenade launcher I wanted to test, saw your car and Kaboom! But I think nothing happened to it; seemed alright afterwards except the two cracked windows, one flat tire and a bunch of scratches. So if you were wondering who did that, it was me. Were you inside? If you were, that was pretty cool, huh? You’re welcome.

That insane lunatic, it was him! Batsy huffs, annoyed. He had his suspicions.

- We have Commissar Gordon. I really wanted to kill him but Y/N likes him for some reason. Hold on…We had Commissar Gordon, my Kitten set him free like…5 minutes ago, she just told me. My God, do you ever have problems with your woman?! My Queen does what she pleases and she gets on my nerves sometimes. Any advice? Don’t read that, I don’t need advice from you.

- Can you be more careful when you chase us? Two nights ago we had a date and you almost ruined it. I had to take a sharp turn on 84th and Glisson St., she clenched to my arm so hard she broke a nail. A NAIL! My Doll hates breaking nails! I had to hear about it since. Can you be more considerate?! Pay attention to what you’re doing, man! If this happens again I will send my Pumpkin to you and see how you like to hear about it 24/7. Yes, this is a threat.

I don’t think you want to deal with her, she’s a tough little cookie. OMG, I love cookies and we just run out of the dark chocolate chip ones. If we meet for that drink so you can see the baby, can you bring me some? All my henchmen are away with business -see? I keep you busy, you’re welcome – and I am too important to go get that myself. And I can’t send my Princess; if she breaks another nail I’m screwed.

What the hell is he ranting about?! Bruce squints his eyes because he already forgot what the paragraph was about. He reads the last part again and sighs: Definitely needs some strong medications…

- Y/N wants to have at least 3 more kids.  AT LEAST THREE!!! Aren’t you happy there will be more like me around? I think it’s awesome - you’re welcome. I am tired from being a dad but I manage, I’m not The Joker for nothing.

- Oh, this is my request: next time I end up in Arkham I want to be in a glass cell. Why the hell did they put me behind brick walls last time?! How is everyone supposed to enjoy my handsomeness and breathtaking personality if they don’t see or hear me?! I bet the ladies were upset. Don’t tell my Queen though; she gets really jealous when other girls look my way. But how could I help it? I am just God’s gift to humanity – you’re welcome again by the way.

- I have to cut it short now, the baby’s crying and I am on dad duty at the penthouse because Y/N is breaking into Gotham Bank to steal some diamonds she wants badly. By the time you read this it should all be done with. Let me know when you wanna see my kid.

Another memorable note, Batsy concludes, folding the paper and placing it inside his belt. But I kind of want to see the baby…

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