youre eating doritos

A Fair Warning

I’m realizing more and more that this shit is a game. I’m an actress. It’s a job. It’s rarely glamorous. I have to pep talk and shake my ass to music before to pump myself up. Especially when I’m in my introvert mode and have to shift to being an extrovert. I’m still new to this and sometimes it’s fun (free food and drinks! YES) but half the time it’s holding your tongue and calculating your moves or exhausting yourself with flirting and keeping up a conversation when you want to be alone recharging your batteries and eating Doritos. It’s shaving when you don’t want to and putting on makeup when you wanna just be greasy and browse the internet after your day job. And 10 minutes before this last date I read something from the boy I really like that made my heart sink and sink and I would have cried but I had to be a fierce bitch and be on top of my game this date. But that shit was in the back of my mind the whole time. So yeah. It’s work, it’s acting, it’s business…. unless you happen to meet someone who you click with 100% and have a real crush on and they also are generous with allowance. And you all know how rare true connections are. They must be even more rare among the filthy rich who often don’t live in this real world and often have twisted perceptions of themselves and of women. I’m learning this and I haven’t even slept with anyone yet. I can feel it killing something inside of me, as strange as that seems. Is it a sadness? Or is it a rage? Is it understanding and recognizing something deeply biological we’d rather ignore? Is it a reflection of society I’m seeing? Fuck. Of all the shit guys have put me through and stress and tears and love and hate and being ignored, having my heart stomped on, rape, assaults… you’d think I couldn’t be more fragile but also jaded and hardened. But I can… I definitely can. It’s coming. It’s gonna fuck me up and skewer my perceptions of men even more. At least I recognize it.

Here we are then. A second part to the university AU that I never really intended to make anything else of, so we’ll see how this goes. 

I’ve changed the original to make it so Jily are already married and there’s some mild sexy stuff towards the end but nothing descriptive. 

It still doesn’t have a title so suggestions are welcome because all I can think of is being an arsehole and naming it after a hsm song at this point. 

Anyway, here we go then. Thanks for everyone who asked for more or talked to me about this. 

When Sirius knocked on his door at exactly 8pm the next evening, Remus was only half dressed.

“One minute!” he shouted, glad that they lived in the same house and he didn’t have to awkwardly go to the front door in his underwear.

Some time between their conversation in the early hours of the morning and now, Remus had remembered that Sirius was cool – a strange thing to think, he knew, but Sirius wore leather jackets and eyeliner and looked effortlessly handsome all the damn time. He knew that Sirius liked him, or fancied him at least, but what if he wanted to go to a trendy bar or café? Both Remus’ wardrobe and his self-esteem were a little unprepared for that.

So, he’d scrapped any hope of getting his course reading done in favour of a frantic search of his own wardrobe, and had spent longer than he’d like to admit pulling on different combinations of shirts and trousers.

Looking at himself one last time in the mirror, Remus shrugged helplessly at the black t-shirt and red checked button-up he was wearing. He looked more like a cowboy than anything else, or perhaps a lumberjack at best.

Still, Sirius was ready to go so it would have to do.

He took one more minute to attempt to flatten the sides of his hair into something that looked more tousled than dragged through a bush backwards, before finally deeming himself presentable, and stepping out into the hallway.

“Hey there,” Sirius said, leaning casually against the wall by his door and looking, as Remus had expected, irritatingly good.

“Hi,” Remus replied, “you all set?”

“Of course,” Sirius grinned, gesturing for Remus to walk ahead of him as they ventured down the stairs. They threw on jackets and were just about to open the front door when a horrible rumbling noise reached their ears, followed by the unmistakable sound of someone screaming.

Keep reading

Big Fight (Calum Hood)

A/N: This hurts me more than it would hurt you. I WROTE IT MYSELF, FOR GODS SAKE.

Requested: Nope (barely have followers)


Word count:1,586


It was about 3:30 am. Calum, your boyfriend, said he would be home by 12:00am. This was the fourth time he came home later than what he said. You were on the couch eating your newly opened Doritos. You were just watching some of your old favorite Nickelodeon shows. You were slowly drifting to sleep. Suddenly you heard a loud bang! It was Calum, ‘he must be drunk,…. again’ You thought to yourself. “Hey baby, whacha doin’ awaaakkee? “ He slurred. “Calum, this is the fourth time you came home later than whatever you said.” You calmly said, you didn’t feel like fighting today. You were tired as hell. You worked all day, plus your boss gave you extra work. You decided to finish those extra work just bc you didn’t want to deal with it anymore.“Why are you so fucking clingy. Christ. Even tho your my girlfriend that doesn’t fucking mean I can’t do shit you wouldn’t like. Whatever.” He said raising his voice. “I didn’t say you couldn’t do whatever I didn’t like. You could come home at 5:00 am if you wanted to. Just fucking tell me before you leave, you asshole. Or if you didn’t tell me that you’d stay longer before you left, then why wouldn’t you call me or text me. I called you 6 times and texted you 21 times. Not one single reply. I was so worried that some shit happened to you. I don’t ever want you to get fucking hurt, my God.” you said your eyes tearing up but your voice still remains cool. You ruffled your hair. “It’s non of your stupid business to know everything or everywhere I am!” He said louder then before. “It is kinda my business Calum. I don’t need to know where or what you are doing I just need to be informed that you are fine okay?” Your voice a little bit raspy from your teary state. “I honestly don’t want to deal with all your bullshit Calum.” “You know you are such a bitch. Fuck you.”Calum said rolling his eyes.”Fuck off!” You ran to your bedroom, locked the door. That was the last straw. All of the sudden Calum realizes what was happening. He ran to you. You were already in the room so he couldn’t reach you. “Babe I’m so sorry.” “Shut it Calum. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.” “I’m really sorry.” That was the last thing he said before leaving and started sleeping on the couch. You silently got your luggage, you started shoving all sorts of clothes and things you would need. You loved Calum, oh you loved him more than you could imagine but you just needed time. You opened the window and silently snuck out of it. You didn’t want to go to your guy bff, Darren bc number 1 Calum would then accuse you of cheating and number 2 he wouldn’t help much tbh.  You were lucky because you girl bff,Taylor lived not so far away from you. You got in your Mercedes and drove to Taylor. While driving you just couldn’t stop crying.

~ 5 minutes, You have arrived there~

You rang her doorbell and knocked on her door since you left your spare keys at home. Still sobbing like insane. You dint look too bad since you didn’t have makeup but you didn’t look so good either. “What the fuck do you fucking need it’s like 4:30 am!” She was still rubbing her eyes so she didn’t know who it was. You were still sobbing pretty hard. “Oh my God y/n,I’m so sorry, come in. What happened?” She asked letting you sit on her couch. “C-Calum and I-I had a big fight a-and I j-just need so-some time. Can I-I please s-sleep here f-for a whi-while ” “Aww babe, of course you can. Go get some rest. Wanna talk about it tomorrow?” She asked sweetly. “Yea-yea th-thanks.” “I’m gonna tell Darren tomorrow morning okay?” She asked. You just nodded your head and went to your room. You 3, including your Darren always had 2 spare rooms for each other, just incase this or something happened. You guys met each other when you were still 4 years old. You 3 were unbreakable, you   forgot to keep in touch till’ now .

~8:450 am The morning after~

“Gosh what have he done” Taylor said waiting for Darren to pick up. After 2 rings he finally picked up. “Hello? Taylor?” “Darren, it’s Y/n. Sh-“ “What happened to her?!?” He cut her off, concerned. “She didn’t get hurt physically, but She and Calum had a huge fight. So, she came here crying.” “That asshole!” “Yea I know but screaming wouldn’t help either. Anyways, can you come over?” “Of coarse anything for you guys.” “Okay thanks, she really needs the 3 of us here with her.” “I’ll be there in 10 mins” “Okay thanks.” Taylor ended the call and started coking some waffles. It was 10:30 am you woke up. You got up and went to the restroom and took a shower. You got out of the shower and put on your makeup. You went down feeling at least a bit better. “Oh you’re awake. I made some waffles.” “Oh cool,thanks.” “I called Dar and he’ll be here soon.” Taylor smiled. Like just on queue Darren walked right in since he had space keys. “Heey girls, you okay?” He asked looking at you. “I’m trying.” “Okay we’ll be here” Taylor answered for him. “Okay, we’ll go shopping to cheer you… and me……up. K? And Darren you have no choice but to go with us.” Taylor smirked. “Ugh I would enjoy but you just make me come because IM THE ONE HOLDING YOUR SHIT.” He said  pissed. You chuckled at his comment. “Whatever. For your best friends.” Taylor smiled hugely. He just rolled his eyes. “Okay I look awesome, Y/nick/n, you look great, Darren, you’re okay.” She joked. “Now lets go to the mall and get some ice cream.” Taylor explained. You rolled your eyes playfully. You got in Darren’s car and went there.

~Calum’s POV~

I got up it was around 11:30 am. I just remembered what happened last night. “God I have to apologize to her. Why did I have to join the boys to the party.” I told myself. I ran to the kitchen and got the keys for the bedroom. She locked me out last night. I ran upstairs to our room. I opened the door. She wasn’t there. I checked our closet, most of her clothes were gone. I noticed that the window was open she must have left through there. “GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE.” I screamed to myself. I changed and instantly got in my car and drove to Darren.

~10 minutes, He arrived there~

I knocked on his door nothing. I noticed everything was closed. “UUGGH THER IN TAYLORS HOUSE!” I got in my car and drove there.

~10 mins, He arrived there~

I rang her doorbell. Nothing. I checked everything was off. “GOD WHERE ARE THEY!” I grabbed my phone and texted Darren and Taylor. ‘Where are you?!?’ I sent that to both of them. I got a text from both of them.

From Darren:Fuck off

From Taylor:Non of your dumb ass business

I texted the Luke and Michael the same thing, ’I’ve lost y/n. Can I come over?’

From Luke: Y/n is also my best friend and told me what happened. Don’t bother coming. Also Michael and I told Ashton. She didn’t do shit to you. Go fix your problem.

From Michael: Pretty sure you got Luke’s text. Theres your answer. You are a huge prick.

I’ve lost my friends and my love. What now.

~ Narrator’s POV~

You 3 just painted the town red. It was still 4:10pm but you decided to go home (Taylor’s flat) “Thanks guys, really. Thank you for everything. I’m really lucky to have you.” “No problem.” taylor said. “I’ll be back tomorrow at probably 10:30am.” “Thanks” You said smiling. You and Taylor hugged him before he left. Wait!” You shouted before he got in his car.  “It’s not yet late, so can you like…drive me to Calum’s?” “Are you sure?” Both of them said looking at each other and back to you. “Yea I guess.” You replied. Calum cried all day. He really fucked up.

~5 mins, you have arrived there~

You were facing the door thinking if you should go talk to him. Taylor and Darren were behind you with concerned faces. Your hand was close to touching the doorbell but not yet. You were shaking. You couldn’t do it, you weren’t brave enough. You run back to Taylor. “I can’t do it. I’m weak.” “Aww Y/n you’re not weak, your just scared of what will happen. We understand.” “Can I stay with you for a few days or weeks.” “Of coarse.” “Let’s go back.” Darren said heading in the car. Calum heard a car engine. He ran to the window he saw Darren’s car about to leave. He opened the door and tried to shout so you could see and hear him. It was to late you were already heading out of the gate. “Why is it like this!” Calum sobbed harder. Since you left Calum has been depressed. Started cutting. He hasn’t been……him?

A/N: Part 2? :) I need at least 1 person to tell me if I should do part 2.

Ealy Eats + Mackie Snacks Day 2: Sam & Doritos

This is my first time trying to draw Mackie ^_^; alas I could not quite capture his cuteness. I sort of started shading and then I was like naaaaah lol sorry, robots-and-electric-sheep 

anonymous asked:

blurb about bestfriend!michael writing a song about you but when he sings it the lyrics are just like "y/n smells like shit and i'm still mad that they ate all of my doritos" and you end up wrestling on the carpet over it


Michael would call you at 11pm, telling you that he wrote a very important song about you, and it was imperative that you went to his house right now. You rush over to find him in his lounge room with a guitar on his lap.

‘Finally!’ he yells as you bust through his door.  ‘Sit down right here.  Please take me seriously, (Y/N).’  Your heart flutters, nervous as to what he had to say.  He refused to make eye contact with you as he looks down at his guitar.  He strums a few chords before he clears his throat. ‘I mean it, this is serious.’

‘Just fucking play the song Michael!’ you yell and smack his chest lightly.  He can’t help but laugh at your frustration.  Again, he clears his throat and strums the chords. 

(Y/N) really smells like shit, I think they were born in a ditch.  They are secretly a witch, and I’m mad that they ate all my doritos!’ He stops strumming his guitar and turns to look at you, with the biggest grin on his face.  ‘Obviously it’s not finished.  It’s a work in progress.  What do you think?’ He puts the guitar down on the lounge next to him.

You stare at him blankly for a moment, and then suddenly push him onto the carpet.  

‘You asshole! I thought it was going to be heartfelt!’  Michael screams as you straddle his hips and pin his arms above his head. Your free hand moves to his torso and you tickle him either side.  ‘I didn’t eat your fucking Doritos!’  You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face at the sigh of Michael gasping for air underneath you.  

‘I’m sorry!’ he gasps.  ‘I surrender! I surrender!’  At his words, you loosen your grip on his hands.  Big mistake.  

In your moments hesitation, he flips you over so your positions have been reversed.  He has your hands pinned above your head, and his other hand ready to strike.

‘Tell me you like my song and it’s the truth and I’ll let you go,’ he smirks.  You bite your lip and shake your head, refusing to admit defeat, but as his hand reaches your side you let out a loud gasp.

‘Fine! It’s the most beautiful song I have ever heard and it’s true! I was born in a ditch!’ 

He gives you a smile and releases your hands and climbs off you.  He then reaches out a hand to help you stand up.

‘I know, I’m a lyrical genius.’

‘You’re a fucking idiot is what you are.’ 

I don’t know everything about Richard Sherman.

But I like him.

Because I liked what I saw in his whatever-you-call it.

It was entertaining.

And I look at sports as entertainment.

It’s guys throwing a leather egg around. Are we supposed to take that seriously?


It’s a fucking game, and it’s absurd from nose to ass.

Which is why I love it when it gets hyper-absurd.

Over-the-top egos have always been part of entertainment, and they always will be.

And I love that. Because it’s a stage, and people on stages have to wear masks and put on a show.

So don’t turn around and hate them for doing it.

Especially since more often than not, the egos are there to protect them from that hate.

He’s not the fucking ambassador of the human race to the alien fleet.

Eat your Doritos and settle down.

anonymous asked:

What if someone had slipped a vegetable in your hamburger or in something you eat, like your dorito's. You would have eaten a vegetable then.

now i may have consumed a steak with my bare hands just 10 minutes ago

but i am no savage animal, i can see the vegetables 

just like how i can sense there is a clown doll in a thrift store