youre all right

anonymous asked:

I've always loved the way you write ur fic. Part of me did wish there was a liiiittle bit more monologuing on yuuri and Victor's feelings aside from skating - not too explicit but the same way you've been doing it. But looking at what you're saying about the next chapters it seems like it's just a matter of time for Victor, which I realised makes sense because feelings are developing. For yuuri though, if not in the fic, maybe a drabble for what and how much he feels for shouta would be nice...

So I don’t know if I delivered on the internal monologuing… like I said, I’m much more action oriented of a writer… so here’s some of that.  ;) This basically takes place immediately after Chapter 19.


When the cab pulled up to the house, Yuuri wasn’t even surprised to see Shouta waiting outside the gate, straddling his bike with Vicchan on his leash straining and wanting to bark at the car.  No, Yuuri wasn’t surprised, but his chest clenched a little at the sight.  If it was possible, Shouta always met him after he came back from a competition.

Yuuri climbed out of the back of the cab after Riku and went around to pull his suitcase out of the trunk, but Shouta was already there next to Alexei and was taking Yuuri’s large suitcase, leaving Yuuri with just his carry-on.  

“Okaeri.”  Shouta’s voice was quiet and Yuuri smiled and leaned into his shoulder for a minute before bending down and picking Vicchan up, tucking him close with one arm as he wiggled and squirmed and tried to lick his face.  With his free hand he grabbed his small carry-on and followed Alexei and Riku into their house.  

Alexei, as was the norm, just left his suitcase next to the door and headed into the kitchen to see if he could find something to eat.  Riku smiled at them and then went to follow her husband, reminding him that the fridge was practically empty, and that, no, prawn crackers did not constitute real food, and if he wanted something real to eat that they should make a trip to the store.

“Upstairs?”  Shouta asked, his hand still on Yuuri’s large suitcase.  

Yuuri just nodded and then turned to face the kitchen.  He unhooked Vicchan’s collar and put him down.  “I bet Lyosha wants a hello too.”  And Vicchan rushed off, bounding toward Alexei and no doubt treats because his coach spoiled his pup as much as he did.

Shouta was already pushing his suitcase against his closet when Yuuri walked into his room.  He dropped his things and just sort of looked at Shouta.  He hadn’t seen him in almost a week and had barely talked to him, just some exchanges through Twitter, but… Yuuri had missed him.  Seeing him made his heart clench in a funny way.  He wouldn’t say it was love.  That was such a weighted word, but if he was speaking English, maybe.  Russian, most likely.  But in Japanese, no.  It wasn’t love, but it was definitely a very strong sort of like.

Love, to him, was something that was just too big.  Too… scary.  But this.  Him and Shouta, it was just right.  Hands that fit together in a clasp when their fingers tangled.  Knowing smirks, when someone said something about how they were always in each other’s company.  He was easy to relax around; always ready to play a game or watch something, never demanded more of Yuuri’s time than he was willing to give or could give.  But then, Yuuri did the same to him.  Yuuri didn’t think that he’d ever be able to be with someone who didn’t have a schedule with demands like his.  How could they even begin to understand?  They couldn’t.

Shouta could.

“Do I have something on my face?  You’re staring?”  Shouta looked down at his shirt.  “Did I get some sauce on me from lunch?  I went to that Chinese gyoza place.  The one that you’re not allowed to eat at anymore?  I figured it’d be better to go before you got back then after and–”

“You don’t have anything on your shirt.  Though it’s really mean to mention the gyoza place.  I was so bummed when Alexei added it to the list of places that were off limits.  Especially now that I’m officially off-season and can’t even go once in a while.”  Yuuri crossed the distance separating them, letting his backpack drop to the ground.  He pressed his hands to Shouta’s cheeks.  “I was just thinking that I missed you while I was in the Netherlands.”

Shouta’s eyebrows went up.  “Really?”  And he hands went to Yuuri’s waist, gripping the fabric of his shirt and drawing it taut over Yuuri’s stomach.

Yuuri nodded.  He brought Shouta’s head closer to his own, negating the height difference and kissed him.  It took less than a second for Shouta to start kissing him back, his hands going around Yuuri’s back.

Yuuri leaned back for a second, breaking the kiss, and looked at Shouta, and smiled. “I won gold.”

“I know.  I saw.”

Yuuri shook his head.  “I won gold at Junior Worlds.  That’s like… like… better than nationals. Better than the Junior Grand Prix.  I’m the best Junior skater in the WORLD.”

“And?”

“What do you mean, and?”  Yuuri bit his lip.

“And, when are you going to beat that gold medalist on your wall and be even better?”

Yuuri kissed Shouta again, deeper and hungrier, licking into his mouth and letting his fingers tangle in the short strands of hair at the back of his head.  Shouta groaned and pressed closer, and Yuuri really, really, really hoped that no one was going to knock on his door and interrupt even for something as stupid as letting him know they were going to the store.

Yuuri stepped back, pulling Shouta with him until they could topple onto his bed.  It was small, but so much more comfortable.  He pulled away for another second.  “I’m working on it.  I’ll get to Seniors, and then you’ll see.”

Shouta rolled them so he could lean over Yuuri.  “Good?  I want to boast that you’re a World Champion, without having to put Junior in front of it.”  Shouta nipped at Yuuri’s bottom lip.  

“I’ll get there.  I want to win.”  Yuuri slipped his hands under Shouta’s shirt and over the well-defined muscles of his abs.  Yuuri’s season was ending, but Shouta’s was just about to begin; it was obvious he’d been putting in extra time, something that Yuuri could appreciate.

“I know you want to win.  You always want to win, even if you never say it.  You wouldn’t be a competitive athlete if you didn’t.”

“Hmm.”  Yuuri relaxed back into the mattress and pulled off Shouta’s shirt and letting himself look at the lean muscles of his boyfriend, there wasn’t much bulk, just strength, mainly focused on his shoulders, and Yuuri knew, his upper back.  “No more talking.”

“No talking?”

Yuuri kissed Shouta again to shut him up.


I don’t know… maybe I should have kept it in at the beginning of the next chapter… I just don’t know anymore…

anonymous asked:

Please wear an accessoire of your choice

Ties are pretty dapper, don’t you think?

anonymous asked:

fmbl!!!! I dunno if you'll get to read this before the concert but i just wanted to say have fun!!!!! Stay safe and enjoy yourself!!!

THANNKS anon thank you!  I actually am seeing the show tomorrow - today was a travel day - so I’ll carry your wishes with me for sure!!!  For now I am very safe, about ready to tuck in for the night so I can get up early tomorrow and WAIT and then go get BUCK.

3

Stop him, Dazai.
Before it’s too late.


Dedicated to @kurapls. Congrats on finishing To Ruination, and thank you for fulfilling my fanfic dreams. I’m truly grateful I met such a wonderful friend like you, my sweet Kura <3
p.s. and yes, those are white lily petals :)

“Eyelashes” - Digital Oil Painting

Extreme closeup of Sebastian Stan to showcase those completely unfair eyelashes. I wanted him to look soft and kissable, but it wasn’t difficult, because he very much IS. The funky lighting was just a bonus, LOL.

If you enjoy my art, please consider subscribing to my Patreon! I am saving to buy a wheelchair lift.

4

❝ I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change.
I am changing the things I cannot accept.❞

- A N G E L A   D A V I S

↳ for @girlsvstrump

Haise’s Birthday Poem begins with the lines [x]:

“Someone said this:
“Even if you have no memories of being loved, for as long as you have memories of loving someone, you can continue to live.”

…But how is someone who has never been loved be capable of loving someone else?

A child who wasn’t able to receive the minimal love they required at the time they needed it the most will continue to gaze at the illusion of affection and never know how to love until the day they die.

Well, how about me? Can I continue to live?”

Furuta grew up without love, surrounded by the products of Tsuneyoshi’s fucked up harem. The only person who seems to have shown any affection at all for him, as seen in the flashback in this chapter, is Rize. Rize who cared if he died when she ate him. Rize who played with him. Rize, whose fate he was fully aware of. Who he saved, because at some point, or maybe deep down still, he understood that that fate is wrong. She was the only thing he had, and he let her go, for her sake.

In this explanation to Kaneki, he mentions explicitly that as a child, he had these childish ideas of love and marriage in the future for them. Things he gave up for her safety from the men of the main Washuu house.

Even when he’s being crude and creepy, talking about Rize having all of those children for him, he references 101 Dalmatians. A Disney movie. And one with some of the healthiest romances, both between the dogs and the humans.

Even now, he’s looking at a Disney movie where two dogs snuggle each other. Where these two dogs have 15 puppies who they risk their lives to save. And who adopt 84 other puppies who would otherwise be dead. When you think about him as someone who grew up surrounded by who knows how many half-siblings, in the Garden like he did - this is basically him saying he wants a Disney Romance.

Which is not to say that the way he’s speaking isn’t terrible. That the tropes he’s using aren’t horrible and misogynistic. They are. Furuta, as he always has, is falling back on farce and drama, on systems of power that he himself as already explicitly told you he condemns. Furuta switches between honest and lying, between truth and exaggeration, between real emotion and fake dramatic flare over and over.

He speaks in this weird mix between a cynical jaded, crude adult, and a desperate, sad, idealistic, stubborn child. Like with his big speech to Eto about V in 66, I think this chapter he is mixing truth and fiction. Sometimes strategically, sometimes just because.

@linkspooky​ pointed out to me that it almost seems that the more honest he’s being, the less of his face is shown. Times when he’s really approaching sincerity and seriousness, he’s shown from the side.

Where as most of the time, he’s hidden under his flare and his masks and his drama.

Furuta, for all his fake emotion, is clearly uncomfortable with the real thing. Uncomfortable when people make him feel things and uncomfortable expressing emotion. Uncomfortable and unskilled and really parsing it.

Instead, he falls back on theatre and performance and lies.

When he says he couldn’t bare the thought of her having a kid after being free for so long… was he talking (just) about jealousy, or was he talking about the fact that the CCG, and thus V, was gaining on her - had almost captured her in the 6th ward and gotten Shachi in the struggle, and was well on their way to tracking her down again? Was he talking about not wanting her to be free, or about after all that time, still not being able to accept the idea of her being recaptured by V and used by the Washuu men like that.

He used her too, of course - and brutally. I think he was mad at her not only for wasting the freedom he helped her win, for almost getting caught again - but also because he still cares. And he doesn’t want to still care about her. So he punished her for his own feelings. Furuta is… not a fan of his own feelings. And he’s childish.

Its not an excuse for what he did to her, but I do think he acted when he did, if not the way he did, because if he hadn’t, there was a very real chance she’d have returned to her old fate. And that, he could not abide. Even now.

What he did, to Rize, in taking her power and undergoing that surgery himself, in killing off all the Washuu, taking leadership of the CCG - he gives multiple reasons for it even in this one conversation with Kaneki. On the one hand, in his proposal to Kaneki, he sets up a clear role for himself - as a villain to unite ghouls and humans against (Kaneki’s team, rather than the CCG and Clowns in this case) and introduces it as a big production, culminating in his own, rather than Kaneki’s death - ever suicidal as he is.

But explicitly, he also claims that people don’t need reasons for what they do. He also claims that he is doing what he wants to do, and that he is doing what he wanted to do as a child.

I think all of these have a grain of truth to them. He talks in such a way that mixes narratives, mixes truth and fiction, and sometimes just because its easier to talk with (half)fake emotion than real ones.

I think that Furuta, the nearly 6 year old child wants to destroy the toxic terrible “family” that used and abused him, and create in its place a 101 Dalmations style family, with him and Rize as Pongo and Perdita. A big loving, new Washuu family. This part of Furuta doesn’t care about ghouls or humans or Kaneki Ken or Eto Yoshimura or any of that at all.

But Furuta is also an adult, and became one probably much too quickly, if he knew what awaited Rize and helped her escape because if it. And the Adult Furuta knows he can’t have any of that. That Rize forgot about him and doesn’t love him back and that he burned that bridge by dropping those beams. His children with her are going to be via Kanou. Anything new will be born from death and fire and war. Adult Furuta has plans. Adult Furuta wants.…something… out of all of this. Some grand finale.

Part of Furuta is still that child - still wants Rize to come back to him and love him and play with him (and maybe kill him). Wants a big happy Disney ending for them. But he also knows he can never really have that. He’s known that he could never have that, because of how he was born. That’s the irony of that line, about the life he has and how he might as well. Because he was born to NEVER get what he wanted, ever. (And yet - and yet he fights back - viciously and endlessly and savagely, despite being born only to serve.) Because he has grown up now, and he’s done terrible things, and he knows that that happiness is impossible. But he’s also 6 years old and desperate and lonely.

I personally have thought for a long time that Rize is being set up as the one who will kill Furuta. I just hope (though I don’t necessarily expect) that they will get a chance to talk before it happens, or when he’s dying, or something. A chance for him to thank her for finally killing him, after all this time. A chance for him to say sorry, or not to - to say he’s glad he did it if it ended there, with him dying in her arms.

I still don’t think Furuta thinks any way about women, in general, though I understand why people see this pattern. It’s certainly a power structure highlighted by his character, either way. I think he probably has a good deal of the background misogyny of the culture and of the Washuu clan in his upbringing, but he also has a deep seeded hatred for everything about that upbringing. His understanding of things is so twisted and bent around this terrible place he was raised in, and the world he was forced to live in, that its honestly a miracle he’s still fighting for something different.

But Furuta sees every structure as a farce, as a mask, as a tool, rather than a truth. And he plays with these tropes of misogyny and discards them just as quickly. He’s making himself out to be a villain, to be crude, to be cruel. And it’s no excuse for his actions - for the very real fate Rize suffered at his hands. But he deals with Matsumae as a failed knight and a hypocrite, not as a woman. He plays with misogyny and its masks and its power system when he’s mock-flirting with Eto, but the next second he throws it away. He has no regard for masculinity or its virtues. Its a game to him. And that is a nasty and dangerous way to look at a very serious thing. Which is a great metaphor for Furuta who sees farce in everything. And is setting up a grand theater with all of Tokyo as its stage, possibly to write his own death into the final act.

“When I unveil this, won’t you come play with me?” He knows what Kaneki wants. He knows who Kaneki will save. He knows who Kaneki will kill. He still wants to die, and he seems to like the idea of dying to make things better, in a sense. And still, he’s speaking like a child. Come play, Kaneki. 

“Doesn’t it make you want to die?
If you die, you can get cured you know. (This is true.)



So if you were planning on giving me something.
In this year, I want four times more of that love or hate.



PS: (Laugh, it’s fun!)” [x]

6

Kane & Toews: forever linked (x)

requested by @musainrules <3

TRYING NEW TABLET AND SKETCHING REAL QUICK

on the long list of small details skam pays attention to 

isak’s textbook is used!!! it’s the end of the semester so it’s not going to look brand new!! and it’s a small detail but when you see students in movies and shows they often carry these books that look like they just bought them, like no matter what time of the school year it is? and this is the type of little things you’re not necessarily meant to pay that much attention to, it doesn’t just stand out on its own but it’s a combination of all these little things that just makes the characters that much more relatable 

6

First ratified quad jumps in international competition:

Quad toe loop: Kurt Browning (CAN), 1988 World Championships FS
Quad salchow: Timothy Goebel (USA), 1998 Jr. Champion Series Final
Quad lutz: Brandon Mroz (USA), 2011 NHK Trophy SP
Quad flip: Shoma Uno (JPN), 2016 Team Challenge Cup SP
Quad loop: Yuzuru Hanyu (JPN), 2016 Autumn Classic International SP

Unpopular opinion: 2016 was actually an incredible year to me, so many cool things happened!! I’ve become independent, I learned and experienced tons of things, I’ve overcome my problems and finally I achieved what I’ve wanted for so long: I am truly happy with who I am as a person! I learned how to be happy and how to stay happy, I learned what’s important and to what extent. I realised that everything is a choice and there are literally no limits!! I finally see that every minute spent on whining and crying under a blanket is a wasted minute!! There’s literally no point in being stuck in one place, life moves forward and so should I!! Every failure is a test of persistence and determination, the key is to never stop looking for solutions!!

tl;dr Bring it on 2017, I’m ready