Stop at the red light. You’ll go when we say you can.
Stand behind the yellow line. Report suspicious items to a member of staff. They are definitely bombs.
You will be subject to an £80 fine if you fail to show your ticket when we request it. We have no actual authority but we look intimidating so you’ll do as you’re told. Do not busk without a license. There’s no law against it but we’ll make it seem like there is.
No smoking on this side of the street. Smokers must go to the sheep pen we’ve nicely marked out for you. Pay your tv license or face jail. Do you know a benefits cheat? if you do and you don’t tell us you could face imprisonment. Don’t drive too fast, Don’t drive too slow, they’re both illegal. Do not park anywhere. Do not stop in the yellow box junction. Do not loiter. Do not chain your bicycle to the railings. Do not disturb the peace. Do not obstruct the pavement. Do not ask strangers for money. Do not talk to strangers. Do not look at strangers. Eat your five a day. Be monitored all the time everywhere you go. Do not sit in the wrong place. Do not hand out flyers on this street without permission. Do not trade without a license. There are beggars and buskers operating on this train. Please do not encourage their presence by supporting them.
Sit down, shut up and stare at your phones you ungrateful fucks.
Don’t feed the pigeons. They deserve to die.