your wife is right there

“…Your wife is a spy. That’s right. Her real name is Rosamund Mary Greta Bengtsdotter. Swedish by birth and probably the most dangerous spy in the world. She’s been operating deep undercover for the past four years now as your wife, for one reason only…“

Normal best man speeches: hey congrats bro have fun with your hot wife ayy

Sherlock’s best man speech: John Watson, the only good thing about my life is that I’ve had the good fortune of knowing you. I’m not worthy of being the friend of the most wonderful, kind, wise person I’ve ever met. My love for you is equal to that of your wife. You can save lives, you know how to do everything. It’s always you, you keep me right. Also fuck your wife, I’m doing wedding vows.


Graduation Album Mini-Chapter: The Everyday Life of the Karasuma Household

I ended up doing the translations out of order after all, but here’s Karasuma’s and Irina’s chapter in English! 

Page 1

Takaoka: The sequel to the incident that occurred seven years ago

Takaoka: You and your wife must know of it

Irina: That’s right! The battle between husband and wife never ends!! Tonight will be my win!!

Irina: …How mortifying!!

Irina: I’ve been treated like a baby for these seven years…!!

Karasuma: It’s that guy’s genes…Are these…clones!?

Irina: I’ve heard that our child has built up a harem at the nursery. Just who does she take aft-

Karasuma: You.

Karasuma: Wasn’t the possibility that it would be used as a weapon abandoned!!?

Page  2

Karasuma: A dangerous location!?

Irina: Yes, I’ll go anywhere!!

Irina:  Although, I hate it when I’m ordered around by someone other than you  


Karasuma:  We shoulder the heavy things

Karasuma: Together, as a team

Technically, I can’t say with 100% certainty that the guy in the hat and the one screaming “KARASUMAAAA” is actually Takaoka but he sure sounds (and looks) like him, and it’s a lot cleaner than writing “random guy”. Karasuma’s and Irina’s marriage is going more or less how I expected.  


You can also find the translations for:

Nagisa’s chapter

Karma’s chapter

Chiba’s and Hayami’s chapter

Asano’s chapter

There are few things that annoy me as much as girls who aren’t married calling their friend/acquaintance/colleague wife. (To be clear, I don’t mean queer women in parts of the world where equal marriage is not available, you use whatever terms you want until you’re given the right to use them all.) When straight girls do it, I want to punch a wall. 

If you’re queer you should extra-specially know better. That word, that title, and all that comes with it was denied to us for centuries. We only just get it, to use it in the way it’s intended - and only in some countries - but you’re all out there cheapening it like it doesn’t mean anything.

If you were lucky enough to have an actual wife, to weigh a commitment that lasts a lifetime and get the chance to actually make it, you wouldn’t throw it around for anyone you happen to spend five minutes with. 

When I met my wife, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to give her that title. When we got engaged the best we could do was civil partner. That’s part of why we went to New York and got married there, properly married, as wife and wife, Spouse A and Spouse B.

So use girlfriend, or gal pal, or something that makes it clear you’re joking please. Every time you don’t, you’re creating one more moment of awkwardness for people like us who won’t be treated as spouses, who won’t be taken seriously, because that’s just how girls talk. 

To be someone’s wife is an honour, basically. Something you have to earn and cherish and be grateful for. 

Welcome to the Family

Title: Welcome to the Family

Paring: Jared x Reader, Jensen, Richard, and Rob

Word Count: 876

Warnings: talk of pregnancy, child birth, and fluff

Requested by the lovely @jared-padaloveme “Can I have a Jared Drabble where they are married and she is pregnant and her water breaks at a con in front of everybody? And like super fluffy! Please!!!!”

“Hi guys. How are you?”

“Good,” Jared and Jensen answer in unison.

“Congrats on the twins Jensen.” Everyone started cheering as he mouthed thank you and blew kisses to the crowd.

“And Jared, congrats on the little one on the way. Your wife is due soon right?”

Jared nodded, “any day now. She was due before Danneel and the Ackles beat us.” He pretended to pout as Jensen laughed and pointed at him.

“Haha loser. Way to be a Losechester Jared.”

“Hey! It’s not up to me! Ask Y/N, she’s the Losechester!” The crowd started to laugh.

“Oh am I?” you said into the mic. Both boy’s heads snapped towards you, Jared’s eyes going wide.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Smooth Jared,” Jensen murmured, “Y/N, you’re a saint for putting up with him and I will try to re-teach him to keep his head out of his ass.”

Everyone started laughing. “Thank you Jensen. We’ll talk later Jared.” You gave him a wink before heading back to the green room.

Keep reading

‘Parks and Recreation’ Starter Sentence Meme
  • What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me. 
  • You’re very lonely and you need a pet.
  • That woman really knows her way around a penis.
  • Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.
  • I’ll be there tucking you into bed at night. Don’t worry, it’s not gay.
  • I’m going to outlive you and then I’m going to nail your wife.
  • You’re right, it’s your life, get as many eagles as you want.
  • Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties, or time-traveling romances.
  • I know _____ seems scary, but really she’s just a manipulative, psychotic, library book pedalling, sex crazed she-demon.
  • Last night I faked four out of the seven.
  • There are two things I know about white people. They love Rachael Ray. And they are terrified of curses.
  • S/he’s mad at you because you said ‘awesomesauce’ instead of 'I love you too.’
  • I do love you, you know.
  • Now you have deprived everyone of cake!
  • I guess I kinda see why s/he would marry her/him.
  • I’m not interested in caring about people.
  • We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.
  • I love games that turn people against each other.
  • Treat yo self.
  • My instinct is to be mean to you.
  • This seems like a hug moment!
  • You had a crush on me? That’s embarrassing! 
  • I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 minutes.