your tumblr was the worst thing to happen to my sanity

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Meeting Iain and Elizabeth - My Weekend at C2E2

I don’t really know how to start this because this weekend was such an experience, and I had to the most wonderful time. I know a lot of you have been asking about my time there, so here’s a full rundown of my weekend. Most is under the cut because IT’S A LOT.

I’ll start with what you really want to hear. As most of you already know, Iain and Elizabeth were both the kindest human beings on the planet. Iain was just so nice and thoughtful, and he genuinely enjoyed meeting everyone at the con. You could just tell he was having a lovely time, which made the whole experience even better. And of course, Elizabeth was a complete angel, running a guy down to return his pen, and was completely sweet throughout the whole weekend.

Now, onto my Saturday experience!

First off, I have to thank @eclecticmuses​ for letting me follow her around like a lost puppy all day Saturday. Honestly, I had no idea where to go, so thank you for being so kind and leading the way. You were a lifesaver, and so much fun to hang with all day!

After meeting up with some of her cosplay friends, we went directly to Iain’s autograph line. We were about 15th? in line, so we didn’t have to wait that long, but let me tell you. Once Iain came out and sat down, the f-bombs were flying amongst our group bc we were losing our shit. After about a minute of everyone having a little excited panic, we calmed ourselves (as much as possible) and waited for our autographs.

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You know what’s wrong with you? It’s the way you always shut me out. Instead of confiding things with me and let me help you about it, you would choose to leave me in the dark with so many questions on what is going on. You let me think the worst things about us. You let me conclude that we will end. Then, you would blame me for having no trust and for always over thinking things. If you could only tell me what is happening, what is wrong, what’s the reason of your indifference, perhaps I would shut my mouth and stopped asking. If you could only trust me like you once told me, it wouldn’t be like this: me, losing my sanity over agony and you, being cold and indifference. What’s the use of being together when you can’t communicate with me? What’s so hard about, “Hey, I’m not okay. Just hug me.” I can do that, but you know what’s harder? It’s when you keep on saying, “I’m just tired.” Then from what?

So i'm back, sorta.

So I wasn’t really on tumblr for the past few days and I have to say- I got a lot of work done.

First of all, i want to thank all of the people who sent me such kind messages telling me to keep going. Honestly your support means absolutely everything to me. It means just so much to me. Honestly

Taking my break I realized a few things:

1. I am way way way too wrapped up in tumblr. I had so many withdrawals and it was hard for me to not go on tumblr and that’s a problem that I should put to the end.

2. I really cannot respond to everyone.

I loooooooove interacting with the people who message me/follow me etc but it’s geting overwhelming. I have, right now 829 messages in my inbox. I’d love to respond to them all, but I just cannot.. I can’t respond to everything and I really was responding to everything and that honestly was draining me.

I am very painfully polite (which I know some people might not see if theyve seen me pop off on someone) so I feel like a huge jerk when i don’t respond to something but I have to for my own health.

3. I can’t fix everything. Some people will never get it. Some people are willfully obtuse and I CANNOT waste my time with those people. I really do give people a thesis length response every time they respond negatively to something I’ve posted and I don’t owe them that and I cannot do that with all of the stuff going on in my life right now.

4. I need to stop reading my comment section. Which is so hard because I have to be honest I think I have a mild addiction to comment notifications/subscriber notifications (not joking here). I get so excited and so happy when I see a new comment so whenever a comment is really rude or just straight up wrong I kinda FREAK out and then start typing like a mad woman and start feeling very attacked etc. And I shouldn’t be doing that. I just need to calm down.

My youtube channel is growing really fast and I’m coming to the realization that I have to put a BIT of distance between myself and my followers and my haters etc etc. I really love interacting and I probably always will but it’s so draining and I’m absolutely way too busy right now with real life shit to spend all day on tumblr and youtube dealing with bullshit. It really does negatively impact me and I realize I really need to do everything in moderation.

The fact that I have followers who consistently say “wow how do you put up with answering the same question over and over again” or “even i was getting tired of seeing all of these ignorant people” and I’m not even realizing that’s what’s happening is super worrying to me.

Soooo, long story short, i’m going to be on tumblr a lot less. Tumblr is literally the worst thing for me because there are so many things here and I legit can be here all day and never get bored. I already work from home and I don’t need any further distractions.

Sooo, thank you for supporting me, especially those of you who always send me “hey maybe you should log off” messages. ._. I need to hear it sometimes and I appreciate those of you who genuinely care for my sanity. Having this platform is super intense and my growth is happening a lot faster than I can handle and there are some things I just kinda have to get used to and using social media in a way that isn’t personally taxing to me is a huge one.

So blabble blabble blabble, I’m totally wasting time and I’m animating a lot right now. So… D: yeah. Can’t wait to show you what i’m working on. It’s kinda killing me and I feel like i’m in college again, but it’s going to be very worth it. <3

love ya’ll. <3