your the best dad

hello my name is tony stark and today i’ll be using my anxiety to design a suit made to withstand every possible worst-case-scenario i can come up with

“When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes… apparent

ok but what about: Shinsou trying to cheer up Izuku with the worst dad jokes

((Specially dedicated to the lovely @yumoirail-art – te dedico my lamest shindeku hasta ahora 8) ))

Dad Tips from DD:ADDS
  • Dad Tip #1: Don't forget to floss everyday
  • Dad Tip #2: It's never too early to invest in a personal IRA
  • Dad Tip #3: Start building creidt as early as possible
  • Dad Tip #4: Stand up for yourself - don't let anyone disrespect you
  • Dad Tip #5: Everyone needs to know how to use power tools
  • Dad Tip #6: Don't trust anyone who likes their meat well done
  • Dad Tip #7: LaserDisc is clearly the superior video format
  • Dad Tip #8: Drink a full glass of water in the morning to help wake up
  • Dad Tip #9: Don't use metal utensils on nonstick frying pans
  • Dad Tip #10: If you're parking uphill, be sure to turn your tires toward the street
  • Dad Tip #11: It's rude to ask people about their mysterious hand tattoos
  • Dad Tip #12: Moving pictures is hands down the best Rush album
  • Dad Tip #13: Buy quality, not quantity
  • Dad Tip #14: Shave with the grain
  • Dad Tip #15: You always have time for a beer with your buds
  • Dad Tip #16: Always use a coat of wax after wash
  • Dad Tip #17: Nothing can beat reading in print.
  • Dad Tip #18: Always carry a pocket knife
  • Dad Tip #19: Use your hips when throwing
  • Dad Tip #20: Keep your word
  • Dad Tip #21: Eat a lot of broccoli
  • Dad Tip #22: Drinking too much water can cause water intoxication
  • Dad Tip #23: Take care of your health while you're still young
  • Dad Tip #24: Always help a friend in need.
  • Dad Tip #25: Drink plenty of water
  • Dad Tip #26: Exercise regularly and you'll stay healthy!
  • Dad Tip #27: Don't eat too close to your bedtime
  • Dad Tip #28: Always check the card reader at ATMs before you swipe
  • Dad Tip #29: Medicine is not always the best medicine
  • Dad Tip #30: Always bring a war chest
  • Dad Tip #31: You're young, you have your health, now is the time to take risks
  • Dad Tip #32: You can't beat the whammy bar
  • Dad Tip #33: The solo from Kid Charlemagne is the greatest guitar solo ever recorded
  • Dad Tip #34: Peter Weller actually has a PHD in history
  • Dad Tip #35: It's called masking tape for a reason
  • Dad Tip #36: Trust no one
  • Dad Tip #37: If you press the ignition too long you'll just flood the engine
  • Dad Tip #38: The extended cut is the only cut worth watching
  • Dad Tip #39: They really stepped up the production value for Episode V
  • Dad Tip #40: Managing debt is just part of being an adult
  • Dad Tip #41: Run through the finish line
  • Dad Tip #42: What you do, when you don't have to, will determine where you'll be when you can't help it
  • Dad Tip #43: When lifting weights, use proper form and a full range of motion
  • Dad Tip #44: Gas is cheaper in the suburbs
  • Dad Tip #45: Do what you love and the money will come
  • Dad Tip #46: Do it once, do it right
  • Dad Tip #47: Don't skip the corners
  • Dad Tip #48: Eat plenty of carbs the night before a big game
  • Dad Tip #49: If the police are driving behind you, don't give them probable cause to pull you over
  • Dad Tip #50: Try to drive in a way where you never have to use your brakes
  • Dad Tip #51: You can save bookmarks directly to your desktop
  • Dad Tip #52: A bird in the hand is better than a bird in the eye.
  • Dad Tip #53: Pet every dog.
  • Dad Tip #54: Have you ever read Rich Dad Poor Dad?
  • Dad Tip #55: Liquor beforee beef, you're in the clear
  • Dad Tip #56: Go ask your mother
  • Dad Tip #57: If life gives you lemons, parsley, onions, and eggs... make a really nice omelet
  • Dad Tip #58: Practice makes permanent.
  • Dad Tip #59: First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairiest chest
  • Dad Tip #60: Never give up, never remember
  • Dad Tip #61: That quirky lab assistant from NCIS just reminds me of you
  • Dad Tip #62: Whistle while you work
  • Dad Tip #63: Please remember to call us once in a while
  • Dad Tip #64: Get whatever job you want, just make sure it includes health insurance
  • Dad Tip #65: grow your own vegetables. It's cheaper, I think
  • Dad Tip #66: It's okay if you don't come in first, just make sure you have health insurance
  • Dad Tip #67: Try to exercise regularly
  • Dad Tip #68: Sleep is important! Make sure you're getting enough.
  • Dad Tip #69: It's okay to cry if you're sad
  • Dad Tip #70: Make sure to sweep under your tent so you don't sleep on rocks
  • Dad Tip #71: Good tire pressure is essential to optimal mileage
  • Dad Tip #72: The only acceptable time and place for decaf coffee is never and in the trash
  • Dad Tip #73: When changing a tire, make sure to tighten the bolts in a starfish pattern
  • Dad Tip #74: Anyone who tells you that a drink isn't manly has never known heartache
  • Dad Tip #75: Call someone if you're thinking about them. They probably want to hear from you.
  • Dad Tip #76: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all
  • Dad Tip #77: Don't smoke
  • Dad Tip #78: Try not to make assumptions about people
  • Dad Tip #79: Don't trust gas station egg sandwiches
  • Dad Tip #81: It's better to be early than latE
  • Dad Tip #82: Eat a balance meal everyday that includes vegetables, fruit and proteins
  • Dad Tip #83: Minimize eating fried foods, candy, and sweets
  • Dad Tip #84: Treat people better than they treat you
  • Dad Tip #85: Be generous and kind to everyone
  • Dad Tip #85: Be generous and kind to everyone
  • Dad Tip #86: Always try your best at everything
  • Dad Tip #87: Spend less money than you make
  • Dad Tip #88: Pay your bills early
  • Dad Tip #89: Look at situations positively
  • Dad Tip #90: Always try to make others around you happy
  • Dad Tip #91: Smile as often as you can, it will make others around you feel more comfortable
  • Dad Tip #92: You're never too busy or important to be kind to others
Flustered

Title: Flustered

Word Count: A lot

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!reader

Warnings: Sexual themes but no actual smut

Summary: You want to prank Peter Parker and the best way to do it is to make him very flustered.

Part 2  Part 3

You were walking around the tower trying to find someone to mess with.  You saw Nat, Bucky, Wanda, and Clint sitting around the breakfast table.

Nat and Bucky were immediately out because messing with assassins usually ended with bodily harm.  You shuddered remembering that time you tried to throw a water balloon at Bucky.  Never again.

Wanda and Clint were out for the same reason.  They both knew you were about to do something before you even did it. Wanda you could understand, mind reading and all, but with Clint it was weird.  It was as if he woke up knowing when, where, and what you were going to do to him.

You moved on to the kitchen to find Thor, Steve and Vision.  You hated pranking Thor and Vision.  Thor just assumed it was some Earthen custom and laughed along with you.  Vision just didn’t get it, ever.

Steve was just too much of a gentleman to ever react or retaliate.  Where’s the fun in messing with someone if they don’t react?  You sighed disappointing there was no target for you here.

You walked around trying to find your dad and Banner.  You finally found them in their lab.  This made you groan.  Pranking in a lab was at best dangerous and at worst explosive.  Also pranking your dad usually meant you got grounded or lost mission privileges.  Not worth it.  That left you with one person.

Peter.

You walked into the lab with a mischievous glint in your eye. “Dad do you know where Spider-boy is? I need someone to mess with or my whole day just feels off.”

Tony looked up with a smile.” I believe he’s in the training room.”

This made you extra happy.  Not only did you have a target but your target was probably working out sweaty and shirtless.  So you turned right back around and went off to the training room.  

You had to sneak up to the training room due to the giant wall of windows.  You peaked around the corner to look in and your heart almost stopped.  There was Peter Parker working out in just low hanging athletic shorts. Sweat was dripping down his abs and his messy hair was in his eyes. You looked skyward for strength to not melt into a puddle right then and there.

You looked around the room trying to formulate a plan.  You saw his suit in a gym bag near the door and an idea popped into your head.  You smiled, you really were just too evil.  You tip toed towards the door as not to be seen.  You quietly creaked open the door wincing at the sound it made.  You froze looking up at Parker but he was so concentrated he didn’t even notice.  You sighed and went over to the bag zipping it open and grabbing the web launchers.

You smirked and continued to sneak up on your unsuspecting victim.  Once you got close enough where you couldn’t miss you stopped.  “Ohh Peter.” You drawled finally gaining his attention.

He turned around with a confused look right before you webbed his hands to the floor.  He yelped as he fell and tried to wriggle out of it.  You slowly sauntered over to your prey with a smile.  Once you reached him you sat down straddling him.  This made him immediately stop wiggling.

“Now that I’ve caught my Spider what to do with him?”  You whispered leaning in.  Peter gulped as you got closer.

“Y/N I was training let me go thi-” You rolled your hips as you leaned closer.  He squeaked as his face turned to a fiery red.

“What was that Spidey?” You giggled.

He gulped before continuing “I-I s-said let me go and stop this.”  He stuttered out.

You feigned an innocent look. “Stop what?”  And rolled your hips again.  He closed his eyes and took in a ragged breath.  His arms were bulging trying to be free of the webbing.  You rolled again for good measure.

“S-s-stop that.”  He whispered his eyes tightly closed and even his ears were burning red.  You giggled at the state you were putting him in.  Looking down at your master piece you knew one more thing would seal the deal.

You started at the base of his neck and started to kiss and suck.  Slowly moving up to his jaw.  You heard him groan and it took all of you to not stop and laugh. Moving along his jaw you finally got to his lips.  You pulled him in cupping both of his cheeks.  The kiss was passionate as Peter tried to lean in but only getting so far.  You continued to roll your hips as you were kissing him making him moan. You broke apart both breathing heavy. 

When you broke apart his eyes fluttered open and they were dark and full of lust. You wanted to stay there forever continuing this sweet torture but that wasn’t the plan. 

You briskly got up and started to leave.  Peter made a sound of protest, wiggling harder to be free.  He tried to call you back. “Y/N wait you can’t just leave me!”

You just smiled, blew a kiss and said, “If you get free come and find me.” 

This looks like the beginning of a music video

Kneel Laufeyson By Loki

Featuring the number one hit: You’re not my dad”

Bonus track: I do what I want“

Canceled Date (Steve Harrington x Female Reader)

Summary: After you had to cancel your date with Steve because you have to babysit your sister, Steve invites himself over and manages to show you a completely different side to him.

Word Count: 2512

Warnings: none, maybe just OOC Steve

Note: First time writing for Steve but ay whatever. I hope you all enjoy! Feel free to tell me what ya think! :)

Originally posted by ilovenarcisse

It wasn’t every night your parents would leave you to take care of your 8 month old sister, but after your father got a promotion at his job, they wanted to celebrate. You really didn’t want to ruin their celebration, so you offered to take care of little Anna for as long as they needed you to.

The only bad part was that you had to cancel your date with your boyfriend. You were dating Steve Harrington, the “King” of the school. He had told he really didn’t care about that title, and it was a bit stupid. You have been dating for at least 3 months, and your parents absolutely adored him, and you like to think his parents adore you too.

Anyway, Steve had been a bit upset when you told him you had to cancel. You were both going to watch a movie at his house since you worked at the theater and didn’t want to be there any longer than you needed to.

“Come on (y/n), we’ve been planning this for a week,” Steve said over the phone, you sighed.

“I know, I know- maybe tomorrow I can come over,” you said, feeling bad. Steve was silent for a moment.

“I’ll let it slide this time, but you have to promise me that we’ll spend the whole day together.” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“The whole day?” you asked, you can see him nodding.

“Yup! To make up for all the other times you had to cancel!” You scoffed.

“I only canceled once before this!” you claimed, he hummed.

“All day tomorrow so clear your schedule, babe,” You were silent for a moment, before a smile grew on your lips.

“I’ll get to that…I’m really sorry, Steve,” you apologized again.

“It’s alright (y/n), what are you doing anyway, I didn’t even ask,”

“I have to watch Anna, my parents are going out to celebrate or something,” you shrugged, moving on your stomach, holding your phone against your ear.

“You have to babysit?” he asked, his voice changing suddenly, like he was excited. You nodded as if he could see you.

“Yeah- I’m not canceling on you for no reason,” you laughed, Steve laughed as well. Your heart sped up because you really loved hearing his laugh.

“You know what- our date is not being canceled, tell your parents I’ll be there in 10 minutes,” Your smile fell, and you tilted your head.

“What?”

“You heard me! I’ll be there in ten minutes,” You could just hear him get up, and grab his car keys. You sat up.

“Steve! My parents aren’t going to like it if my boyfriend comes over while they’re gone- they might think-”

“Come on- we’re going to babysit, that’s all! I’ll see you in ten minutes! Love you!” Your jaw dropped. Was he seriously going to come over?

“(y/n)?” his voice broke you out of your thoughts and you shook off.

“I love you too, but if my parents turn you away at the door- don’t blame me!” He laughed, and you did too, before the line went dead.

Keep reading

The evolution of “dress”

  • When you think happiness I hope you think that little black dress
  • I don’t know why but with you I’d dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless
  • I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress
  • After everything and that little black dress
  • The girl in the dress cried the whole way home/wrote you a song
  • No amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity
  • Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress
  • And it was like slow motion, standing there in my party dress
  • Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset, babe
  • You’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

@taylorswift you’ve grown up

The greatest people in your life (sun sign and venus sign)
  • Aries: Your mom
  • Taurus: Whoever you're currently seeing
  • Gemini: People who let you be free
  • Cancer: Your first love and your last love
  • Leo: Your best friend
  • Virgo: The person who puts you at ease and "fixes you"
  • Libra: Somebody who pushes you to be your best
  • Scorpio: The one who makes you feel stable and your dad (daddy issues)
  • Sagittarius: Your friends that talk to you everyday
  • Capricorn: Your brothers/sisters
  • Aquarius: Your pet
  • Pisces: Your secret crush

Here’s my dadsona August Rayne! He’s always tired and does a lot of art. He really loves Amanda too (okay but who doesn’t?)

Bonus with DamienxDadsona: 

anonymous asked:

Racer dads has become a huge favorite for me now. I know you've done a bunch of sick Bee or Knock Out being taken care of by the other, but what about Bee and Knock Out taking care of Raf with a tummyache? Your art is so cute and sweet, it melts my heart...

  • The first time you read The Thief: A penniless thief is let out of prison in order to be forced on a road trip and he really just wants to go home.
  • The second time you read The Thief: In the most ingenious move of political intrigue of the millennium, a penniless thief is let out of prison in order to be forced on a road trip and he really just wants to go home.
Being Daryl's daughter and dating Carl would include :

(Wooo more prompts! Awwww Carl :3 Hope it is as requested and you all like it :3 Gif not mine/found it on google/credit to the original owner.)

-You and Carl at first trying your best to keep the relationship a secret for fear of your dads disapproving or something

-You and Carl sneaking out in the woods together to spend some time alone, only for one day your dad and his to catch you kissing each other

-Since, all of the adults in the group just playfully tease your relationship by mentioning the fact that you both sneak out to make out

-You and Carl both being strong with different weapons and having each other’s back while on runs or outside the walls

-The others always smiling to see you wearing your father’s jacket and Carl wearing the sheriff’s hat as you both go out together

-Your dad seeing you both walking hand in hand and making a comment about how it seems like a romance novel or movie each time to make you both get shy

-Carl sneaking into your room to spend the night there and sometimes just staying up all night playing games and eating snacks

-Your father playfully threatening Carl that if he doesn’t cherish you properly, he’ll end up taking you away from him

-Rick and Daryl being happy at the thought of how the family is coming together because of you two

-You and Carl trying to sneak out to spend some time alone, only for your father to yell at you both to come back right away and you both running away even further

2

I had too much banana milk and I saw this amazing picture of this 80s guy wearing a shirt with this text and holding a cockatoo and all I could think of was maglor… in whatever universe, to me, maglor would be this… the luxury chemise guy

8

the goods might also be in love with me