your smile is so irresistible

4

Inspired by this song (listening to it while reading is advised). The lyrics are in italics.



It’s still dark outside, the sheets are creased and still warm from last night, the spot besides me is empty. He said that he was going to stay, he promised that he was going to stay. He lied and I know it, he is going to leave me behind for that bloody war. I was stupid to believe every words he told me last night. All the worse thoughts about it cross my mind, reminding me how it ended up for my father after the last war, he came back broken and dying inside, I was just a little girl, but it still haunts me.


I’m unlisted, I'm resisting, all the lies the minds are twisted

Can’t believe in honesty, please don’t turn your back on me

I am breaking, molding, making. All these thoughts are over taking.

Everything I want to see, hoping you will stay with me.


I sit up on the bed, holding the top sheet to my breasts and look around the room. He’s looking in the street, his right hand leaning on the frame of the window, his short brown hair looks black in the dark, but his icy-blue gaze shines through the darkness of the early morning. Brooklyn is quiet at the moment, but it’s only a mater of hours.


“James ?”


Am I folding? No, I’m holding on to what the signs are showing

Everything that’s meant to be doesn’t come so easily.


He doesn’t answer nor turn to me. I see his jaw clenching, his broad shoulders falling, a sigh going out of his mouth and I realize that that moment seems as difficult for him as it’s for me. Since the day he enlisted he is distant, he goes away from me, he doesn’t talk, he doesn’t come. Yet, last night, he showed at my door in his army uniform and all he said was : “Sergent James Barnes, at your service ma'am.”, wearing that irresistible smile that I love so much on his gorgeous lips. Just those few words and I was done, his mouth was on mine and his hands around my waist. Quickly we finished in bed, skin against skin, sweet nothings and moans filling my little bedroom.


You got it, you got it all…


And now, everything is gone, he’s ready to leave, letting me behind when all I want is him to stay. It’s selfish I know, but I love him, more than I’ve ever loved someone, more than life itself. I can’t bear the thought of losing him, but he already lost me when he enlisted and I lost him at the same moment.


“James, look at me”, but he still stares the street.


I get up, wrapping the sheet around my naked body and flush my body to his, my chest glued to his back, nuzzling my nose on his toned back, my arms encircling his middle section. Tears start to fall from my eyes, roll on my cheeks and finish their race on his bare skin.


“James please, talk to me. Please don’t go. I don’t want you to die over there. I have a bad feeling about that war. Please… Stay.”


If I was gonna lose you, so what I’m gonna lose you

Either way. Either way.


“I have to, doll”, he finally says, with his deep voice. “I have to, it’s my duty.”


He unhooks my arms from him before taking his uniform to put it back. Once dress, he walks towards me, hooks his fingers under my chin and lifts it to his face, my eyes meet his grey-blue orbs, his nose bumps against mine, and his plump lips brush my own. He leans a little more and our mouths meet with the same passion as last night. My hands find their place to the nape of his neck and I let him deepen the kiss. After a few minutes, we pull back to breath.


“I love you”, he whispers against my lips.

“I love you too. Please, James, stay.”

“I can’t.”


This time, he pulls back completely, picks up his army bag on the floor and puts his hat on his head.


“Will you wait for me until I come back ?”

“I’m going to lose you to this war.”

“You are never going to lose me.”

“I partly did, the day you enlisted, you know it, that’s why you didn’t came here until last night.”

“Promise me that you will wait for me. I don’t want to lose you.”

“If you cross that door, you are going to lose me and I’m going to lose you. If you cross that door, never come back to me.”


Without another word, he puts his hand on the doorknob and open it. He looks at me one last time, his mesmerizing eyes, as mine, full of tears.


But my heart didn’t choose to, so what I’m gonna lose you

Either way. Either way, stay…


At the second the door shuts close, I collapse on the wooden floor, crying all the tears of my body, hitting the ground with my fists, cursing myself for telling him to never come back to me. I have to take those words back, I have to run to the window and tell him that I’m sorry, tell him that he better come back to me.


Oh… why am I weakening?


But I don’t, I took that decision to suffer less. I am not going to be weak because of those piercing blue eyes or that charming smile, nor his sweet words. But God know how much I want it, but I also don’t want to see an army officer at my door one day, telling me that Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes died while doing his duty for his country.


I manage to drag myself to my bed and lie on it still sobbing, big tears running down my cheeks. I grab the photograph of us on the nightstand, and caress his face through the glass, before holding tight the frame against my heart. Only one word escapes my lips once again.


Stay…



Masterlist

okay so lukey would be the type of boy you’d bring home to meet your parents. he’d be cute, polite, and very charming. when your father would ask him like “how are you gonna take care of my little girl when you’re always gone?” luke would just smile politely and take your hand, before replying. “i love her, and i’d give her the moon and all of the stars if i could”

luke would definitely be sweet, but he’d also love teasing you, because as much as you hated it, his teasing would always make you smile and giggle, and he found your happiness irresistible. so sometimes he’d lie down and spread his legs and he’d look over at you and tease with “babe look, i’m being you from last night”

sometimes when the boys would be doing an interview and the reporter asked about relationships, all the boys would look over at luke and wolf whistle and he wouldn’t be able to hide a significant little laugh in

he could be in the middle of doing something major and he’d still be too busy thinking about the things the two of you were doing last night to pay attention to what was going on around him. he’d be totally absent minded, licking his lips and biting them a little, as he imagined the things he was going to do to later 

lukey would be the kind of boyfriend who’d never waste a chance to tell you how precious you were to him. he’d tell you how beautiful you were every morning when he woke you up, and he’d whisper heartfelt declarations of love in your ear as you fell asleep at night. he’d always make sure you knew how much you meant to him, and if you were at a show, he’d make sure to look you straight in the eye during all the sweetest verses of deepest songs he sang

“IN RETROSPECT---” Hannibal 3x10 Again

**Warning: rewatch live-blogging, written with knowledge of the full series

I’m in a weird nervy mood right now, so let’s SEE HOW THIS GOES DOWN.

Season 3, Episode 10: “And the Woman Clothed IN Sun”

Heh, Francis practicing his plosives in front of the mirror, I’d forgotten.

From the outside of his laptop I would have sworn it was a Dell or something, but then the desktop is clearly Apple, so this is for sure a metaphor about Dolarhyde containing The Dragon. It’s not, please don’t believe me.

Hannibal’s lawyer is literally named Byron. You guys.

THE OVERWHELMED GASP THO. Francis is the person who brings his favorite book to be signed by his favorite author at the local Barnes & Noble and then ends up lurking by the periodicals too nervous to go up there.

Hannibal’s just like, “refreshing, someone who wants to Become.”

Unfair reviews. At last someone who recognizes the artistry of your work, Hanners. Or, well at last someone who admits it. Rough.

Huh. Dolarhyde, being perfectly amenable to a number of Hannibal’s wants in a murder protege, is sorta another Dimmond, isn’t he — proof that the traits he wants in Will on paper don’t actually gel into someone he wants in person. That, frustratingly, remains Will’s role alone. Ha ha, YOU DOOMED LOSERS.

This is totally cool. AND EERY.

“I want to see you ~meld~ with the ~strength of the Dragon~.” W O W, Dolarhyde.

Wait, a Joke:

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