your share of loneliness

absence can make the aquarian heart grow fonder. but they detest sharing their loneliness. the aquarius will probe and provoke your deepest and darkest realms but don’t expect access to theirs. like an internal roller coaster, the complexities of the inner aquarian are confusing and exhilarating

↠ do you wanna be a distraction, babe? | (m)

pairing: hoseok x reader
wordcount: 5.1k
a/n: inspired by these two songs! also i have a thing for fwb!hobi help and i need to stop writing pwp n maybe start focusing on the actual stories i have planned

↠  Hoseok is always there to keep you company whenever you feel a little lonely.

Originally posted by beatriceindre

At the tender age of five, just past the time of you giving up your all too precious comfort blanket always clutched in tiny fingers, stubbornly declaring that - now all grown up - you no longer need baby things like blankets and stuffed toys. But, you find your greatest pleasure curled up on the sofa in your favorite pyjamas, round eyes wide and glued to the bright TV screen as kings reign, queens rule, animals advise and princesses sing beautiful songs about their true love, waiting for them.

Naturally, in your innocent mind with endless fantasies to be explored and ideas to be formed and just maybe lived out, what greater thing is there than a duet with your prince as you dance into the sunset, the wedding bells still sounding from afar? What dream is grander than the one of billowing dresses, sparkling heels, flowing hair and a hand to hold?

It’s all too perfect, with happy endings and talking animals and the castle grounds to call your home. And naturally, the love of your life - not that you have any grasp of that concept yet - awaiting you in his spread arms.

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Just a Touch

@kazchester-fanfiction - Hope you like it <3

Originally posted by hunters-hiraeth

Just a Touch

While it is said that not all days can be good ones, the gloom that hung over you now came in a fog so thick that it was difficult for you to see passed it and back to the last time when you were truly happy. Your shoulders slumped as you exhaled long and slow, knowing full well that you were moping but unable to shake yourself from the funk of your mood and carry on with the day. Sam and Dean had left late last night, which left you alone with only your thoughts for company. And that, perhaps, was the worst part of it. Without their noise in the background, it gave way to let your thoughts scream at you into the silence of the room as you sat at the table, desperately trying to drown out their seemingly endless assault with research.

The faint stirring of feathers behind you caught your attention, but you couldn’t bring yourself to turn to see which angel may have appeared behind you. While the loneliness was indeed suffocating, sharing your misery wasn’t exactly what you had in mind either.

“You are alone” they said, standing awkwardly out of your sight range, the barest hint of questioning in their voice. Gadreel still seemed to be in that awkward place of not quite fitting in with humanity, though he strongly made the effort to try.

“Sam and Dean will be back in a few days, they’re in Michigan if you need them” you replied, eyes scanning over the book in front of you but seeing nothing.

You hated being short with him, he’d only ever been kind to you, but in the moment you couldn’t see what good his presence could bring you.

His movements were stiff and uncertain as he came to stand beside you, looking down at you with his head slightly cocked to the side as if silently questioning if he were welcomed. With a sigh you flipped the book closed, nodding as you gestured to the seat beside you, answering his silent question.

His eyes fixed on you as he sat, taking in your slouched figure and sullen expression.

“Would I be correct in assuming that something is troubling you?” he wagered, eyes still searching you as if you must have some physical wound to warrant the current state of your mood.

“I’m fine” you answered quickly, staring at the surface of the table as your fingers traced aimless circles around it.

Out of the corner of your eye you could see his brow crinkle and his eyes narrow slightly, clearly not believing you but unsure of how to approach the subject.

“I could help you? If you tell me what you need…” he offered, leaning in closer towards you, his worried eyes desperately trying to lock onto yours.

“Nothing… I don’t need anything” you murmured, flipping your book open again as you rested your elbow on the table and propped your head in your hand.

He hesitated, watching you for a moment and you could almost feel his determination to help. The thought lifted your spirits slightly, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up for your mood to change that quickly.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence, though the feeling of him watching you never left. In a steady, deliberate movement, his hand suddenly stretched up on the table, drifting towards your fingers that had earlier been tracing circles. With a feather light movement, the tips of his fingers drifted across the back of your hand until they slipped between yours, his palm closing over the back of your hand as he gently squeezed.

That simple contact was all you needed, a calm settling around you as you exhaled, feeling the gloom dissipate with each breath you took. The warmth of his touch spread through your body, chasing any lingering tendrils of sadness that fought to keep their claws in you.

Looking over your arm you smiled at him, his soft smile mimicking yours, and while the sadness had all but left you, your fingers tightened slightly into his, enjoying the moment far too much to let go any time soon.

  Confess a Fantasy To Me

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♔ A vow to protect you♔ [M]

Originally posted by leojuseyo

Pairing: JinxReader

Genre: Angst;Fluff;Smut

Sum: After being together for 3 years, Jin finally popped the question of marriage proposal. Planning and family gatherings has been occupying you for the last 3 months, but something have always bothered you. Jin seemed stressed and all you could do, is be by his side. The wedding is set before another BTS comeback, and he became more distant around you. Anxiety and self-conscious erupted your mind when he was gone, did he really want to get married?

Epilogue to Close  Fermata Guide

Word count: 3.7k

Triggers: Unprotected sex + Dom!Jin

A/N: I tried something new, I hope you like it. Please let me know, if it gave an effect or not.

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anonymous asked:

ok i domt know if your the best person to send this to but i just got an overwhelming sensation of lesbian loneliness and it feels so soulcrushing and it really really sucks and i just dont know what to do

hey anon i really really feel u so much. honestly its such a big part of why im so damn suicidal especially lately. its so hard because when you’re not able to be surrounded by other lesbians, by people who share your experiences and many of your same feelings the loneliness is really hard to bear because you pretty much cant relate to anyone and its just horrible. 

it might seem hypocritical of me to say cause im always saying how im convinced im never gonna find anyone and im gonna rot alone but please hold on. the waiting is painful and its slow but its important to give yourself time. try to put yourself out there, try to go to lgbt orgs and pubs and stuff, thats what i just started to do (actually i cant go to actual orgs rn because theyre all closed but i hope something will change when i start attending them as they reopen.) 

in the meantime please keep in mind you’re not alone in this feeling. unfortunately loneliness is such a big part of the lesbian experience and there are so many lesbians feeling the same. its so so sad but its true. you’re not alone

if you ever need to talk feel free to send me another ask or message me in private. i love u anon

Bucky Barnes: Shut Up And Say I Love You

Originally posted by clutterbucky

Title: Shut Up And Say I Love You

Prompt: Hey! I’d like to request a 40s Bucky x reader, where Bucky has just left for the war, and the reader is actually working under Agent Carter to create SHIELD. He doesn’t know about it, and her work only happens when he’s not around. Then, she’s deployed to Italy, where she’s also in charge of Bucky’s training group (if that makes sense). They meet there, shocked by seeing each other, and they try to keep it a secret, like her making him say something just so she can pull him aside and kiss. <3

Characters: Bucky Barnes

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1517

Notes: I hope you are all having a lovely day!

“Hey doll?”  Bucky turned from his place standing over the stove, halting his stirring of the pasta in front of him, “why don’t you ever talk about your work?”

You looked up from your spot in the book you were reading, sitting up in your seat on the couch.  “What do you mean?  I’ve told you about the people at work loads of times.”

“But you never talk about what you do.”

“Lots of paperwork lately, but I used to do tons of field work.”

“Like what?”  He turned back to the pot of pasta, stirring it carefully over the hot stove.  It was his turn to make dinner in your small apartment; you had cooked the two nights before.

You sighed.  In all honesty, you didn’t like it when the two of you discussed work.  You hated the fact that you had to lie to him about what you did for a job, especially since he was as curious as he was.  Fortunately, he usually knew when to stop bugging you about it, which was one of the many things you loved about him; he was extremely understanding.

“Can we please talk about something else.  I just,”  You placed your book down on the coffee table exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of your nose.  “I’m sorry, I just had a long day and I’d rather not talk about it.”

His face softened as he saw how tired you really were, and he nodded quickly.  “Of course doll.  I’m sorry to push you.”

You rolled off of the couch and walked over to him, wrapping your arms tightly around his torso.  “Thank you Buck,”  You nuzzled your head into his warm back, the smell of italian food wafting in the air.  “You know I love you, right?”

He turned his head and leaned down to plant a soft kiss on your nose.  His warm, breathy words felt like a symphony in your ears as he replied, “I love you too.”


When he left for the war, it wasn’t a pretty sight- you weren’t a pretty sight.  You tried to hold your tears back as he waved at you from the train, causing your eyes to turn bright red.  You kept on sniffling, even after the train left the station, holding in loud sobs; you were so worried for your innocent Bucky.  The Bucky that woke up at the crack of dawn to make you pancakes in bed; the Bucky that took you out to the carnival every month to win you a new toy; the Bucky that kept you warm on even the coldest of nights.  This man was too pure for this world, and you were afraid of what the army might do to him.

Lord knows how much you had changed after going through basic training alone, and you shivered at the thought of the old days.  The only nice memories you had were when you spent time with your instructor, Peggy Carter.  She was a lovely woman that you had grown to care a great deal about since you joined the army, and the two of you became closer as you became made your way into the ranks of the SSR.  You eventually became a part of the Project Rebirth team, working alongside Peggy and a man named Howard Stark.  

You had been working with the team for a few months before you met Bucky, and he had moved in with you a little over a year later.  You were glad that you weren’t deployed within those days, because not only would you have to explain to Bucky that his best girl was putting herself in danger, but you would have to leave him too.

However, after Bucky was deployed, you decided that you would spend more time at work.  Since your job mostly consisted of guarding the scientists and strategizing, you were kept busy for the most part.  But, as you continued to work all of your hours, you realized that it still wasn’t enough; you wanted to contribute more.  The apartment that you and Bucky once shared was too empty without him and you wanted to spend as little time there as possible.

When you originally approached Colonel Phillips about helping Peggy train new troops, he laughed at the thought of another girl working on the site.  You were quick to put him in his place to say the very least.  

Within two weeks of Bucky leaving you were moving to the barracks of the New Jersey base, readying yourself to prep the incoming men for war.  You and Peggy shared a tent, which helped with your growing sense of loneliness.  Having a friend to talk to in the night definitely helped with that problem, and you spent quite a bit of your time talking Peggy’s ear off about Bucky.

It was a few more weeks later when Peggy came to you, informing you about the incoming trainees that the two of you would be prepping.  There was a glint of mischief in her eyes as she informed you, but you figured that she was just looking forward to putting more cocky men in their places.  Oh, how wrong you were.

“Y/n, it’s time to meet our new guests.”  Peggy smirked at you as she finished twisting her hair up into an elegant bun.

“Oh, I can’t wait,”  You joked; sometimes the men that first arrived in training were horribly misogynistic, believing that a woman’s place was in the kitchen.  You hated them with a passion.  The only good part about breaking in the new recruits was that you were the ones to show them that women were not just dainty little creatures.  The satisfaction from showing men that you were as tough as you were was worth it, in the end.

“Shall we?”  You pulled back the tent’s flap for Peggy and she walked under it with grace.

You went to walk at her side, tilting your head with curiosity as she spoke, “You know, there are some men coming from Brooklyn today.  I wonder if you will know any of them.”

“Who knows.”  You gave her a wistful smile, your mind drifting back to your favorite Brooklyn boy.  The pair of you continued to chat as you walked to the entrance of the camp before watching trucks roll through the front gates.  Men soon started to file out one by one; you didn’t know any of them.

“I guess no one I know from home enlisted,”  You turned to Peggy, not sure whether to feel happy or sad that there was not even one familiar face.

“Hey loverboy, come on!”  One of the last men filed out of the truck, looking behind him back into the truck.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”  You could recognize that voice anywhere.  Before you even had time to think about what this meant, a tall brunette walked out of the truck and into the lineup.  Before you even had time to think about what this meant, your tall brunette walked out of the truck and into the lineup.

“Bucky?”  You stood frozen in your place, unblinking, too afraid that this was just a daydream.

However, your fears were quickly put to rest as he turned towards the sound of your voice, surprise etched on his face.  “Doll?”

And then you were running.  Your feet thudded against the ground quickly until you were about a foot in front of him.  “Bucky!”  You jumped up and into his arms, and he nearly had to scramble to catch you.  “You’re here!”

His strong arms held you tighter than you would have thought possible; he was just as afraid as you were that this wasn’t real.  His doubts were soon dismissed as you burrowed your head into his neck, just glad to be close to him.  

“Y/n, is it really you?”  You nodded, your hair scratching against your face as you did so.  He dropped you back onto your feet, holding you out by your shoulders to look you over.  “How are you here?”

You smiled sheepishly, kicking the dirt in front of your feet.  You did not want to have this conversation in front of all these curious people, feeling their stares boring into your back.   “Well, about that,”  You mumbled looking down, “I may or may not have been working for the army the entire time.”

You really wished that he didn’t hear you, but as his eyes widened you knew he had.  His back stiffened at the thought of you in the battlefield and he mentally prepared himself for the conversation to come.  “Y/n, why didn’t you tell me?  You know how I feel about-”

This was bullshit.  He wasn’t going to talk you out of anything; nothing that could come out of his lips would change your mind.  ‘Speaking of lips’, you thought to yourself.  You quickly smashed your lips onto his, threading your fingers into his hair.  

“Just shut up and say I love you, alright?”  You said after breaking apart from him, looking into his steel blue eyes.

“I love you.”

Historically, Not Awesome (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Request: Can I have an imagine where the reader and Bucky are dating. The reader has had problems with drugs. One night, they talk on the phone, make plans to meet up for coffee the next day, and hang up saying that they love each other. She doesn’t show. Bucky goes into her apartment, nothing is broken but he’s convinced Hydra took her. Steve and the others aren’t so convinced. Months later they invade a base and she’s there. She’s not brainwashed or anything, just broken. She and Buck hug and he’s pissed at the Avengers for not looking for her. End with fluff plz.

Something about this gifset struck a nerve with me, so I incorporated it into the story.  Props to @thewinterrcaptain for getting my mind racing.

No matter how tightly that you held the phone to your ear, cradling it in your hand and leaning into it with closed eyes and a sadness in your voice, it wouldn’t bring you any closer to him.  There were nights when all you wanted was him at your side, with his arms around you, even when he resisted allowing the left one to touch you; the metal shouldn’t be allowed to touch your soft and gentle skin, he would insist.  

You were kindred souls, you and Bucky, finding each other with your share of damages and loneliness when neither of you wanted or expected anyone to care.  He was on the run from HYDRA and anyone who thought that he was still the Winter Soldier, and you were on your own with people you called friends but were nothing of the sort, trapping you in a life of pain and self-loathing.  Just when the darkness had taken over and you thought you would never know any other life, he ran right into you.  And now, after a year together, the lives you had both known were nothing but distant memories.

“We should be back at the tower late tonight, so I’ll just stay there so I don’t wake you.”

“But I miss you,” you tried not to whine.  “It’s been two weeks, Buck.”

He let out a long sigh, and you could only imagine the look on his face at the thought of making you unhappy.  “Tell you what, let’s meet at that little café down the block from your place, maybe like 8 o’clock?  Then you’ve got me for the whole day.  I’ve already cleared it with Steve.”

“Well be sure to tell him I said thanks,” you chuckled softly.  “It’s a date, Mr. Barnes.  Don’t you dare stand me up.”

When he paused for just a bit too long, you worried that he thought you were being serious.  Bucky would never stand you up; he was the most honorable and thoughtful man you had ever known, even after everything he had been through.  One thing they hadn’t taken from him were his values as a gentleman.  “Doll, I wouldn’t think of it.  Now, get some sleep.  Dream of me.”

“I always do.”

“I love you,” he replied quietly, as if to keep the team from hearing him.  Keeping anything personal as a part of the Avengers was a virtual impossibility; if Tony or Clint got wind of something, it was public knowledge within seconds.  Bucky wanted to keep you for himself.

“I love you, too.  I’ll see you in the morning.”  You closed the line and stared at the phone for a moment as his picture faded to black.  You set the phone on the table next to you and turned to make your way to bed for the night, but a hand shot out over your mouth and an arm wrapped around your chest, holding you so that you couldn’t move.  As the room around you darkened, Bucky’s face was still all that you could see.


“I’m telling you, Steve. Something’s wrong,” Bucky panted into the phone, taking the stairs to your apartment two and three at a time.  “There’s no way in hell that she’d stand me up.  I’m at her door, hold on.”

“(Y/N)?!” he yelled into the old wooden frame, pounding his metal hand against it.  “(Y/N) are you in there?”  When there was no reply, he began pacing frantically.  “Steve, I need to get in there.”

“Buck, maybe she just isn’t home-“

Steve’s words were cut off by the sound of wood being cracked and falling to the ground as the door shattered into your apartment.  Bucky kicked away the few remaining planks so that he could enter, but found nothing immediately wrong.  Everything was in its place and the apartment looked clean.  He hurried from room to room, opening closets and drawers, desperately searching for anything that would tell him where you were.

“Dammit, there’s nothing here.”

“I’m on the way, stay there,” Steve commanded.  “At least let me help you.”

Bucky nodded and closed the line, standing in the center of your living room, still searching every detail for anything that might be a clue.  “Come on, baby, tell me where you are,” he whispered to himself as he dropped down onto the couch.  He had never felt more certain that something had happened to you, and that there was no chance that you had forgotten to meet him.  He could feel it in his soul that you needed him.


Steve knew it would be a hard sell, getting the Avengers on board with looking for you.  They knew of you, and a little about your past, though your time with them had been limited and they didn’t really know you.  He knew that they would want to help, for Bucky’s sake, but if there were any doubts about your disappearance, they would hesitate.  With so many regulations now in place and the oversight into what the team could and couldn’t do, they chose their missions very carefully.

“I’m sorry, Barnes. We just can’t do it right now. There isn’t enough evidence to support that she was actually taken,” Tony said flatly, though his regret was in his expression.  “We need more proof that she didn’t just leave on her own.”

“I’m not being paranoid, Stark.”

“I never said you were.”

Bucky stood from his seat at the conference table and rested his fists on its top as he leaned in closer to Tony.  He was putting all of his concentration into not reaching over and grabbing the man by his throat to make his point a little clearer.  “Have you ever just known something, Tony?  Have you ever felt something in your gut and known it was true?”

“Yes,” he whispered back, his gaze dropping to his intertwined fingers as they rested in his lap. It was something that resonated with him several times in his past, but it just wasn’t enough to give Bucky what he wanted.  “But I still can’t authorize it.  I really am sorry.”

Seeing the fingers of Bucky’s metal hand clenching tighter, Steve stood quickly to intercept him, but he was too slow to prevent the hand punching through the table and splitting it in two as each teammate pushed their chairs away in surprise.  A low growl escaped his throat, but he didn’t continue to push, rather staring each one of them down for a moment before storming out with no plans to ever return.

“Buck, wait,” Steve called out, urgently following him outside.

“Everyone I love gets hurt, Steve.  The people around me are always in danger because of who I am…who I was…” he paused, his voice cracking slightly.  “You are all better off if I just disappeared once and for all.”

“Hold on, what do you mean we’re all better off?”

Bucky turned at looked at Steve with shock and pain in his eyes, disbelieving that he didn’t understand. “I almost killed you,” he hissed, “you should know better than anyone!  How do you not get this?”

“Jesus, it was not that bad…”

“Not that bad?!” Bucky said, his voice now nearly a yell, though the two man stood only a few feet apart. “Do you not remember what happened? Because I sure fucking do!”  Bucky felt the sting of tears in his eyes at the memory, still able to feel the ache in his hand from where it had connected with Steve.  He could vividly remember looking down at his best friend and not caring if he killed him. It was a memory that haunted him for countless nights, and you had been the one to save him from himself when the nightmares came.

Steve couldn’t have this argument again and was growing angry, mirroring his friend’s posture.  They had gone over this so many times since that day, and he had thought they had reached an understanding.  “Buck, you’re overreacting.  I was fine.”              

Bucky leapt forward at him, reaching up slightly but dropping his hands to his sides almost immediately.  He wanted to shake some sense into Steve; he wanted him to see that he had hurt him and now he was hurting you.  He just wanted him to understand.  “You were in the hospital!  And it was all my fault!”  He took a few steps back, his breaths now uneven as a sense of panic built in his chest and made his heart pound with a vigor that rang in his ears.  “I’m doing it again.  This is all my fault too.”


“Tell me, (Y/N), it’s been three months now and still no rescue attempt.  How does that make you feel, that your beloved hasn’t tried to find you?”

“It makes me happy that he wouldn’t risk himself for me,” you said with a complacent smile.  It wasn’t a lie; you didn’t want Bucky to endanger himself for you, though you knew he was.  You knew full well that the day would come when he would find you, and you would watch with satisfaction as each and every one of the HYDRA agents around you were killed by his hand.  

It had never crossed your mind that today would be the day.

“Sir, we are under attack,” a random guard panted as he ran past your cell, grabbing a rifle and returning outside to help.  The agent who had been guarding you hesitated for a moment, grabbing his own weapon and taking you by the arm to drag you outside with him.  

“Come, my dear.  If he’s here, I can finally put you to good use.”

You struggled against his grip, trying to free your arm, but he wasn’t releasing you.  If anything, you had hoped to at least slow him down to give Bucky time to find you so that they wouldn’t use you to lure him into a trap. Even if it would cost you your own life, you would do whatever it took to not risk his.  

“If we can get Mr. Barnes to see you, perhaps he would-“

The man’s painful grip released and he fell back suddenly, landing on the floor with a hard thud when his body went limp.  A small amount of blood had splattered across your shirt but there was no pain with it, so you assumed that it was his.  Looking down at his lifeless body was both satisfying and frightening, and the adrenaline began to course through you, sending a tremor that shook your muscles so firmly that you struggled to stand.  You grabbed a nearby table and began to lower yourself to the floor before your legs could finally betray you.

“(Y/N)!  Are you okay?  Are you bleeding?  Is this from you?” Bucky frantically asked, now coming into view and rushing towards you. He grabbed your shirt and lifted it out of the way to see if you had been injured, but you pulled it free and back over your exposed abdomen.  

“I’m fine, Buck, it’s not mine,” you panted, trying to regain your composure.  Leaning back against the wall and closing your eyes, you tried to control the panic but it wasn’t working.  The continued sounds of battle exploded around you, but you tried to focus on each voice you heard from the team, identifying each one to keep your mind occupied.  You grabbed his hand and held it so tightly that you actually worried that you could hurt him, even though you knew full well that you couldn’t.  

“What took you so damn long?”

“I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”  You released Bucky’s hand as he stood, sliding his hands beneath you to lift you into his arms.  “But I’m here now, sweetheart.  I’ve got you.”


For the next few weeks, Bucky insisted that you stay with him in the tower rather than returning to your apartment right away.  He had experience in these situations and knew that your mind would begin to process it all; the nightmares would soon follow, just as they did with him.  He also knew that he owed you; he owed you for every time you had helped him, and he wasn’t about to let you down again.

“Goodnight, doll.”

“Goodnight, Buck,” you replied softly, reaching back to grab his hand and pull his arm over you.  As usual he resisted, still not comfortable with the idea of his metal arm against you, even after all this time.  “Stop it.  Gimme.” You pushed your back against his chest and pulled his arm tight around you, preparing for another restless night, but knowing that you were in the safest place that you could ever be.

Soul print means that there’s a story that only you can tell, there’s a song only you can sing. A way of living, laughing, loving, being in the world that’s yours alone. It’s the unique DNA of your soul, it’s yours soul print. And to be lonely, by the way, is to be unable to share your soul print with another person. That’s what loneliness means. Of course you can’t share it because either there’s no one to receive it, or you don’t know how to communicate it but most often it’s because you have no idea what it is. So the ability to share your soul print with another person is the liberation from loneliness and love is a soul print perception.
—  Dr. Marc Gafni on The Unbeatable Mind podcast with Mark Divine.
Merry (or not) Christmas

Here it comes.

It’s that time of year again. I know that not every family spends this holiday in a perpetual christmas card-esque state. I know that this day may hold reminders of harsh words or brokenness or it may hold really sweet and treasured memories.

Maybe this year is the first year without a loved one.
Maybe this year is the first year with your new husband or new wife.
Maybe this year is the first year you’ve been single for Christmas.
Maybe this year is the first year you’re understanding the meaning of Christmas.
Maybe this year is the first year you had to buy one less present.
Maybe this year is the first year you’ve been unable to buy presents.
Maybe this year is the first year you’ve been away from your family.
Maybe this year is the first year you’re alone on Christmas. 

I’m not sure what Christmas looks like for you. I’m not sure if this is your absolute favorite and most cherished day or if this day is so brutally painful for you or if you’d rather just do without it all.

But I do know that whatever today looks like for you is the reason for Christmas.

The brokenness that hangs over your family parties? The sweet moments shared by newlyweds starting new traditions? The loneliness that you feel when you realize that everyone else has someone? 

Jesus came for all of those things. He came for the sweetness and he came for the brokenness and he came for the loneliness. He came to rescue us from the bad things and to give us the good things. 

Let us not forget. Let us be looking for little tiny baby Jesus miracles all around us. Whether we’re surrounded by family or alone today, little tiny baby Jesus miracles are all around us. 

-31Women (Emma)

anonymous asked:

♦: Kai?

Slow dancing

You sighed as you sat down on the purple cushioned chair and looked at your surroundings. Conversation laced with laughter as people discussed the ceremony and shared happy memories of your newly wed friends. Your sincere and happy congratulations had already been given and now you were left to yourself. Your foot was tapping to the beat of the music as you got comfortable in your seat. 

Lately it seemed like all of your friends were getting married, or were going to and even a few of friends had already sent out invitations for baby showers. You didn’t mind going to these events, in fact you thought that they were pretty fun and you were happy for your friends, but lately you were reminded of a fact that had begun to irk you; you were single. You weren’t the type of girl who thought she needed a man (or woman) to complete her, but you had to admit that it would’ve been nice to have someone to share your life with; a companion. 

The thoughts of loneliness intensified when the DJ made the change from fast paced music to a slow song. The Only Exception started to play from the speakers and you felt your heart swell. You made a mental note to make sure that this song would get played at your wedding, if you ever got married. 

You smiled as you saw the groom bring his wife to the dance floor and brought her body close to his. You leaned back on your chair and kept a small (and sad) smile on your lips as you watched people gather on the dance floor. 

“Would you like to dance with me?” you heard a voice to your right ask. You looked for the source of the voice and you were surprised the most handsome man you had ever met looking down at you with his hand extended to you. 

You wished that your reply had been more eloquent, but it wasn’t everyday that a complete hottie asked you if you wanted to dance. “Um- Uh- Me?” you asked as you pointed. 

The handsome stranger kindly laughed and scratched the back of his neck. It eased your mind to see that he was a bit nervous and you never knew that someone so handsome could look so cute when nervous. “Um- Yeah.” 

“Okay,” you said with a bright smile. “I’m ____, by the way,” you said after taking his hand and standing up. 

“I’m Jongin,” he replied with toothy smile. 

You could easily describe dancing with Jongin in word, a pleasure. He first asked you how you knew the newlyweds and you had explained that you had gone to high school with the bride. You found out that Jongin and groom, Junmyeon, were really good friends and they worked together. From there on conversation flowed smoothly and so did the dancing. His right hand was on your mid back and his left hand gently held your right hand, while your free hand laid on his muscular bicep. Your bodies were closer than they should’ve been considering you just barely met, but you didn’t care and neither did he. The smell of his cologne filled your airways and it was intoxicating. You were almost tempted to ask what the name of the cologne was, but you kept that question to yourself. 

When the song came to an end Jongin slowly spun you around and if it were even possible, you fell more in love with him. After you finished dancing with him, Jongin scratched the back of his neck and nervously glanced at you. 

“So. Uh- Thanks for uh- dancing with me,” he said with a shy smile. You suppressed a giggle and stepped out of the way of someone who was passing by. 

“Thanks for asking me to dance,” you replied. You restrained from face palming at your lame reply, but it was the only thing that you could think to say. People were move in and out of the dance floor, bumping into you and Jongin. 

“Do you want to go somewhere not so crowded?” Jongin asked. You nodded your head and he offered his hand for you to take. Without a second thought, you took his hand. You were never felt so thankful for coming to a wedding. 

A/N: I’m sorry that I’ve been slow with the drabbles, but here is the first one. I hope that you enjoy it. :)

-Admin C

I think, I want a non-sexual relationship, for now. That kind of relationship wherein kissing is the farthest thing we’ll do and there’s no sexual intercourse involve. I know that physical satisfaction is great. Knowing that you take your partner to the threshold of ecstasy gives you that mighty and triumphant feeling. Knowing that you able to fulfill her sexual fantasies in bed makes you confident that you’re not a lousy bedmate. But then again, those things are not the only things a relationship offers. Actually, there’s a lot more aside from that. I know some couples who are having this kind of relationship and they, managed to stick with each other for a long time. Physical contacts are essential in a relationship, but for now let's just enjoy those things hugs, kisses and holding hands has. For now, let’s just stay where we are and let’s not cross the line because once we do, things will never be the same again. I know there are ways on how you can do it without worrying about it’s possible consequences, but let’s just be contented with our set-up. Sex or making love, whatever you call it, for me should be done on the right time and it shouldn't be rush.

For now, let’s just forget about those things and as much as possible, don’t bring that issue. Though there are times when we’re talking about intimate things and that’s making me hot and bothered, but I’ll try to resist it and think of our morals. Let’s stick with this. And I respect you. I don’t wanna ask you to do it, just because I want to, because when the right time comes, it’s not just me who will want it, it’s us both. And I’ll wait for that. For now, let’s just enjoy each other’s company, eat good food, take long walks, stuff like that. Kissing you is enough, at least for now. I’ll just be contented with holding your hands, kissing your forehead and cheeks, hugging you close. I don’t want to take it to the point where my hands are doing things they have no business of doing. Those little things I know can start the fire but when you feel like I’m already going out of my mind, tell me to stop, and even if it’s too hard, I’ll stop. 

Other people might say that relationship like that doesn’t have a room in this modern world, but let’s prove them wrong. It’s about self-control and being open-minded. Besides, we didn’t enter in a relationship because of those things. We are attracted physically yes, but you know what really get us more bonded? It is the meeting of emotional needs. We are not just kissing buddies, we are emotional partners. Your sharing your happiness, loneliness, depression and stress with me, and I'm like that to you too. I want us to share everything together. Let me in to your deepest thoughts, to your mind, to your soul. That is more than naked, isn’t it? I’ll let you in to my soul, on my ambitions, point of vies, dilemmas. And together, let’s be naked. You can learn a lot from your partner not just in an intimate sort of way. 

How the Bidders look after MC when she’s feeling lonely - KBTBB Request

Second request from the same anon - How the bidders would look after MC when she’s been feeling lonely. I apologise this took so long! Explanation in the note at the bottom. Lots of fluff! 


Baba - Being the boyfriend of a well renowned thief was sometimes a difficult thing. While the other guys assured you that he was away much less since meeting you, you still felt disheartened each night when you discovered that he still hadn’t returned. He had kept contact with you, but you didn’t want to worry him and opted to not to tell him how you were feeling, though it was quite clear that you missed him.
Following work one day, you went up to the penthouse floor and found Eisuke with the others in the living area having a lively card game.
‘Hey! Come join us!’ Ota grinned cheerfully.
‘Kids can’t play poker and don’t they have to be a certain age to gamble as well?’ Mamoru chipped in, though you ignored his jibes as you politely declined.
‘Aw, you’re no fun when Baba’s not here,’ Ota pouted.
‘I am!’ you responded, glancing over their shoulders when you had a small smile on your face.
‘What’s with that look?’ Mamoru asked, raising an eyebrow.
‘Nothing, it’s just that, for a kid, I know how to play Poker better than you do it seems,’ you smirked, making Ota and Eisuke burst out laughing.
‘See, now this is why you need to join us!’
‘I’ve got to admit, you do bring a certain level of amusement,’ Eisuke added, taking a sip of his drink as he placed his cards on the table.
‘Damn it!’ Mamoru grumbled, ‘I’m gonna go have a cigarette before next game,’ he sighed, throwing down his cards and leaving the room.
‘He’s been like that all night,’ Soryu remarked with a wry smile.
‘So have you heard anything from Baba?’ Eisuke asked casually, sitting back and offering you a seat.
‘No…not for a couple of days now. But really, I think I’m just going to take a bath and get curled up with a book.’
‘Well if you want someone else to take care of you, let me know,’ Ota grinned, making you despair as you bid them goodnight and went into the suite that you shared with Baba when you were at Tres Spades.
Letting out a sigh as you shut the door behind you, you couldn’t help but feel wistful as you glanced around the room. While Baba was away, you had been staying in the penthouse suite that you shared as you felt even lonelier staying in your apartment.
Deciding to take a hot bath, you drew one and put in some honey scented bath melt, the calming aroma soothing you as you considered calling Baba. Then again, if he was doing something important, you didn’t want to get him into any trouble.
Putting your phone aside, you got undressed and freed your hair from the bun you had worn it in during the day. As it fell over your shoulders, you ran a hand through it, teasing free any tangles in your hair before switching off the water.
Once in, you had settled yourself in the warmth of the water and leant back. Though the book you had brought in with you remained untouched as you rested your arms over the edge and thought about your thief.
It was just too quiet without him. You were even starting to miss his teasing. The thought of that brought a smile to your face. Baba would be delighted if he knew.
That was when you heard footsteps outside the bathroom. One of the others wouldn’t have come in without knocking surely? Waiting with bated breath, you had gone to reach for a towel when you heard a familiar voice.
‘Where is my pretty lady? I’m sure they told me she came in here…’
Hearing the footsteps pause, you saw a hand slip around the bathroom door as Baba spoke up again.
‘May I come in beautiful?’
‘I-I’m in the bath. But, you can,’ you responded, feeling your heart flutter at his thoughtful actions as his face appeared and he came in.
Feeling yourself smiling in spite of your situation, you felt undeniably thrilled to see him as he took off his fedora. He looked a little tired in the light, but his smile warmed your heart.
‘I missed you sweet lady…’ he uttered softly, coming closer to you when you reached out and hugged him tightly.
‘I missed you so much…’ you breathed against his chest, only realising after a moment that you were still wet from the bath and had gotten water on his suit.
‘I-I’m sorry…I just…’
‘Never apologise for being you…do you have any idea how happy it makes me to know that I was missed?’ Baba asked, smiling gently at you as he kissed your forehead. ‘I’m sorry for making you wait for me…’
As he went to stand, saying that he would let you finish taking your bath, you took his hand again, looking at him shyly as you asked if he would like to join you, making him blush.
‘Of course…’ he responded, loosening his tie as you turned from him, letting him undress when you felt the water ripple and his warm arms slip around your waist as his lips found the nape of your neck.
‘Forgive me, my lady, I cannot resist you any longer…’
Turning to face him, you surprised Baba as you hugged him and rested your head on his chest.
‘Don’t leave me alone again…’
As he paused at your words, Baba soon regained himself, his lips finding yours passionately as he promised you between kisses. After that night, you had no doubt just how much Baba loved you.

Ota - It had been a week since Ota went to Italy for an art exhibit that was displaying some of his work. You had wanted to join him, but his management were being strict on the subject, citing that it distracted him. While he had initially been defiant that he needed his muse with him, you encouraged him to go regardless, not wanting to come between him and a great trip.
Truth be told however, you felt disappointed once he had left. You knew that you needed to remain upbeat, but you had never spent so long away from Ota before and it was unsurprisingly difficult.
‘You’re quiet tonight…’
Having gotten a call from him one evening, you realised that you had been distant as his calm voice brought you back to the present moment.
‘I’m sorry Ota…’
‘Has something happened? Are the others not taking good care of you? Is Erika giving you trouble again?’
‘No no, nothing like that…well Erika is still being a spiteful as always, but it’s nothing different…’
‘So what’s on your mind? Tell me what I can do,’
‘It’s nothing really. I just miss you a little. But I wanted you to go on this trip and I’m glad that it’s going well. I want to be supportive,’ you remarked, trying to sound as cheerful as possible, though Ota fell silent for a few moments.
‘You’re always such a good girl. You never just honestly say what you want when it’s perceived as selfish…do you?’
‘I know this is what you do, your work takes you all over the world and I’m so proud to be able to see the wonderful pieces that you create.’
‘None of it compares to you. You are the most precious piece of art…’
Once you had gone off the phone, you managed to drift off to sleep after a while, though Ota’s words continued to play over in your mind.
The following morning, you had the day off so had slept in, though you were surprised to feel something stroking your hair.
Turning sleepily, you were shocked awake by Ota’s presence, his warm smile making your heart melt as you threw your arms around him and embraced him, feeling his warmth.
‘Ota! What are doing doing here?’
‘I couldn’t just stay in Italy when you were being so sweet, could I?’
‘You came home early…for me?’
‘Of course, who else?’ he asked cheerfully, his bright smile winning you over completely as you kissed him. Not realising just how caught up you were in the moment, you missed the way Ota blushed deeply at your sudden and bold actions. Once your lips parted however, all his sense of holding back was gone as you stammered over your words.
Not allowing you to apologise, Ota was suddenly on top of you.
‘You shouldn’t be so cute…’ he remarked breathlessly, tracing kisses along your collarbone.
‘I couldn’t handle it when you told me that you missed me…’
‘But what about the exhibit?’
‘I told them that if I couldn’t have my most precious treasure with me, then I have no intention of doing as they ask me. I cannot be without you…You’re not just my muse, you are the woman who brought colour to my grey life.’
Smiling shyly, Ota took advantage of the moment and kissed you passionately, letting you know just how much you had been missed.  
Pushing you back onto the bed, his hands intwined with yours as he trailed kisses along your neck, his smile apparent as he heard your gasps.
‘Always so vocal…’ he murmured approvingly, his voice laced with lust as he looked into your eyes with love and devotion.
You had no doubt in your mind that Ota had missed you. After all, his actions often spoke louder than words…

Soryu - You knew the life of a mobster was a busy one. Soryu was often kept up late with paperwork, dealing with various people and getting his subordinates to assist with certain deals and contracts. Then of course there was the auctions and sometimes, it all got on top of him.
While you understood and tried to be as supportive as possible, you couldn’t help but feel a little lonely as of late.
Soryu had hardly been home over the past few nights. While you did your best not to let it affect you in the few moments that you did see him, you couldn’t help but feel lonely without your boyfriend by your side.
As the rain poured down heavily outside one evening, you could hear the wind howling outside as you curled up under the comforter that you had brought from the bedroom while you waited for Soryu.
Upon checking the time and realising how late it was, you finally decided to bite the bullet and call him. While you normally wouldn’t disturb him, right now you just wanted to hear his voice.
As the phone rang, you felt an instant warmth in your chest as you heard Soryu’s voice on the other end of the line.
‘Hey…’ you breathed softly.
‘Is everything okay? I thought you would have been asleep by now?’ he admitted, sounding weary himself.
‘Actually, I’d been waiting for you to come home…I…I really miss you.’
Hearing an intake of breath, you thought something was wrong until Soryu spoke again.
‘I’m so sorry…I’ll be home shortly. If you fall asleep, can I wake you?’ he asked, somewhat shyly.
‘Of course…just please be safe,’ you responded, unknowingly making your boyfriend smile as he promised he would be, while assuring you that he would be back soon.
Once you had spoken to him, you felt so much more at ease knowing that you would see him soon and wondered whether he had eaten. Deciding to take a chance based on your knowledge of Soryu, you were certain that he would have worked through dinner and made the decision to make him an omelette.
Leaving the comfort of the sofa, you could feel the chill in the air as you went into the kitchen, the only comfort being the knowledge that Soryu would be home soon.
As you cooked dinner, you had just been about to put the omelette on a plate when you heard the door open and Soryu’s deep voice.
Walking out of the kitchen to greet him, Soryu extended his arms to you and wrapped you in a loving embrace, his lips tracing kisses along your forehead as he made you smile.
Sighing in contentment, you rested your head against his chest and breathed deeply, inhaling his welcoming scent.
‘I’m so glad to see you…’ you uttered, making him smile as he held you tighter.
‘I missed you incredibly…’ he remarked, surprising you as you glanced up to him.
Kissing you softly, Soryu was surprised when you moved away, though you took his hand and led him to the sofa as you told him you had made dinner.
‘You knew I hadn’t eaten?’
‘I took an educated guess,’ you responded, making him smile further as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you forward so that you were straddling his lap.
’S-Soryu…’ you stammered, though he quickly silenced you with a deep kiss, your moans being drowned out by his lips on yours as he caressed you.
‘I apologise for making you feel lonely…I promised I’d always protect your happiness and I hope that I’ll be able to make this up to you…’ he uttered, his lips finding yours again as he reminded you just how important you were to him.

Mamoru - ‘The hell is that supposed to mean? Look just get some officers down there and don’t take all freakin’ night to do it.’
Lately, things had been pretty busy at the precinct with a large amount of cases coming in. As detective, Mamoru had been pulling a lot of overtime in order to try and get on top of everything that was going on. It had, as such, left very little time for you and Mamoru to enjoy each others company.
Having heard his heated discussion on the phone as you put your head around the office door, you decided not to disturb him and left before he could see you.
Heading back to Tres Spades in low spirits, you considered picking something up from the bakery to try and cheer you up, though you quickly decided that it wasn’t worth the teasing from the others as you went inside and up to the penthouse.
‘Hey,’ Baba greeted cheerfully. ‘How are you doing pretty lady? I thought you were going out with Mamoru tonight?’
‘No, he’s working overtime again and I didn’t want to bother him,’ you responded, sounding more deflated than you realised as Eisuke and Soryu glanced over.
‘It’s not like Kishi to actually be working hard,’ Soryu remarked with a light smirk.
‘Well, I suppose he’s gotta keep his job somehow,’ Eisuke chimed in, returning to looking over the papers for the next auction.
‘You know Ota and I can always keep you company if you’re feeling lonely,’ Baba offered, a playful smile on his face though you shrugged it off.
‘No thanks, I think I’m just gonna go and get some rest,’ you responded, sounding entirely unconvincing as you left the living room area.
Getting to the room that you and Mamoru shared, you couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh of disappointment once you were alone. You missed your detective incredibly and you were beyond certain that he was completely unaware of it.
Having hardly seen him for two weeks, you were beginning to feel the weight of it take it’s toll. Trying not to let your emotions get the better of you, you knew that you should have just waited to speak to him. But you couldn’t bring yourself to disturb him.
It would be selfish after all…At least, that’s what you told yourself.
You had hardly gotten yourself settled on the sofa and began to look over your work schedule for the next week when the phone rang. At first you intended to ignore it, not feeling like speaking to anyone, though as you considered that it could be an emergency, you glanced at the screen to see Mamoru’s name.
Answering it, you tried to sound as normal as possible as you greeted your boyfriend.
‘Hey, is everything okay?’
‘Yeah, as good as it gets workin’ all these damn hours. I did just here somethin’ of interest though. One of my colleagues was just sayin’ that he saw you in the precinct earlier and that you had gone within a few minutes. Did somethin’ happen?’
Sensing the concern in his voice, you realised he must have been worried that something was wrong.
‘Oh, no, I did pop by, but you seemed so busy I didn’t want to disturb you,’ you responded, though your usually lazy boyfriend wasn’t falling for it.
‘Come on kid, I know there’s more to it than that.’
Taking a breath, you didn’t know what to say or where to start when Mamoru caught you off guard.
‘Sweetheart, I can’t help if you don’t talk to me. You know you’re always welcome here, so why’d ya leave without even speakin’ to me?’
‘Because I don’t want to be an inconvenience,’ you admitted, running a hand through your hair as you tried to keep your voice even. ‘I miss you and it’s selfish because you’re working so hard and you can’t help it, but at the same time I’ve felt so lonely without you.’
Hearing his breathing on the other end of the line, you thought initially that you had made a mistake when he spoke up again.
‘You’re not an inconvenience sweetheart, I wish you’d just stayed to talk to me. You know I’m always happy to see you.’
‘I’m sorry…’
‘Come meet me at the entrance to the hotel and I’ll pick ya up.’
‘Yeah, I’ll see you in a few minutes, wait for me,’ he responded, leaving a warm smile on your face as you came off the phone and instantly put on a pair of shoes before leaving the room and heading downstairs.
Walking through the lobby, you went outside and found Mamoru awaiting you, having evidently left work right after he called you.
Pulling you into his arms, he knew that you must have missed him when you didn’t try to insist that you shouldn’t be doing that in public.
Stroking your hair with one of his large hands, Mamoru smiled as you seemed to content yourself in his arms, breathing in the familiar scent of cigarettes and his cologne.
‘Come on, let’s go,’
‘Go where?’
‘I’m takin’ ya on a date, to make up for not bein’ there enough lately,’ he admitted, a slight blush on his cheeks as you smiled.
‘You were worried about me?’
‘Course I was. I never want ya to feel lonely sweetheart…so let me make it right?’
Nodding softly as you reached up to kiss him, Mamoru leaned in to whisper in your ear.
‘I hope ya gonna take responsibility for that later…’

Eisuke - It had been a busy couple of weeks at Tres Spades. With the weather being sunny and beautiful, there were several more bookings at the hotel, meaning more work for both you and Eisuke. Though lately, you hardly seemed to have any time to spend together.
It left you feeling understandably disheartened when you caught sight of him around the hotel, but he was too busy talking with various businessmen and women to notice you there.
While the other guys had tried to encourage you speak to Eisuke when they realised how lonely you had been feeling, you tried to shrug it off, ensuring them you were fine, though they were able to read you quite easily.
‘I just don’t want to bother him while he’s busy,’ you admitted, quickly excusing yourself to return to work, though your mood continued to deteriorate as the days wore on.
Unbeknown to you, however, Eisuke had been missing you just as much. He hated being required to oversee so much of what was going on around the hotel currently. It left him very little time to do the things he wanted to do and to make matters worse, your shifts had been making it nigh on impossible to see you.
While he told Kenzaki to ensure that you weren’t overworking yourself, it annoyed him to think that he couldn’t just watch over you himself.
Though it became apparent that you were missing him when Baba mentioned it one evening.
Having gone up to the penthouse after work, you found the penthouse lounge unusually empty, but disregarded it as you went up to Eisuke’s floor and breathed a sigh. Putting your belongings down on the counter, you decided to go and take a shower, hoping that it might make you feel a little more relaxed.
Starting the hot water running, you exhaled as you leant your hands against the sink and glanced in the mirror, trying to figure out when you had last spoken with Eisuke. Though as you heard footsteps just outside the door, you saw a familiar face look in.
‘Hey,’ you smiled, though you saw the way Eisuke studied your expression as he approached you.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, his voice tender as he looked over you.
’N-nothing, it’s just good to see you…’
Feeling his hand caress your cheek, you swallowed as you looked down though Eisuke gently took your chin and brought you to look in his eyes.
‘Talk to me,’ he remarked, seeing the tears shining in your eyes as you finally spoke up.
‘I’ve been really lonely without you Eisuke…I’ve seen you around the hotel and I realise just how different we are. What I am in comparison…and I-’
‘Stop,’ he interjected, though before you could look at the expression in his face, he pulled you into his arms.
‘Don’t ever tell me that you are not worthy again. You are my woman. No one else can compare to you, because you are the woman I love. If you ever need me, all you have to do is tell me and I will always make time for you. If you doubt my love for you, then I evidently need to remind you of it…’
Feeling a tear slip down your cheek, you hugged Eisuke tightly as his hands gently ran there way up and down your back.
Leaning down to kiss you softly, it quickly deepened into something much more passionate as his body pressed up against yours.
‘Come, let’s get in the shower…it’s been much to long and I can’t wait for you any longer,’ he breathed in your ear, making you blush deeply as you kissed him, your hands intwining in his hair as you felt his surprise at your bold move. Moaning in approval, you knew that there was no way Eisuke was going to let you go anytime soon…

Whew! So there we have it. I really enjoyed writing that :) This should have been up two days ago, but I have had so much going on, it’s just been ridiculous. Laying down new flooring absolutely exhausted me and my car broke down on me last night, so I’m hoping that will be getting fixed today… Regardless, that’s another head canon request done and I’m hoping I’ll be able to get the next one up a lot quicker!

Thank you as always to my lovely followers!

Links to my master posts are below! 

Much love!


To See Love (By possible admin)

Summary: Jin finds you crying because you have been reading a lot of the ‘jin is dead’ theories from HYYH 
Member: Jin x Reader
Type: Fluff
Length: 646 words

This was the one work that was missed last week. This possible admin will be called P.A. Cl 

-Admin Kat <3

All possible admin work will be completely unedited

Originally posted by bwiseoks

You didn’t plan on being in tears by the end of the day. You didn’t plan on the feelings that come along with reading theories about your boyfriend, Jin’s, death. You were scrolling through tumblr like you normally do after a long day, happy to catch a glimpse of your best friends doing their own thing under the BTS tag, but when you saw a post that had the words Jin and Dead in the same sentence you were immediately drawn. That one theory led to others and then before you knew it, your recommended posts were all theories about the love of your life’s death. 

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