your self esteem should be based on your personality

Weightless [Taehyung]

Originally posted by hugtae

Summary: In which you, a plus-sized girl, are told that you should love yourself no matter what weight you’re at by your loving and adorable boyfriend, Taehyung (V)

Word Count: 3 743

Type: AU, sad, fluff

Member: V from BTS

A/N: I wrote this much better than I could ever write a character about because I could really relate since I’m plus-sized myself and having a good self-esteem doesn’t or rarely exists so you constantly worry yourself for no reason. To all my plus-sized girls out there, I love you regardless of what imperfections you think you may have. Don’t think being heavy is the worst thing in the world and do things to yourself to make yourself skinny, you are perfect the way you are. If you don’t like the way you look, you can do something good about it, you will lose weight when you are ready. Don’t let anyone pressure you into it and don’t let anyone make you feel like being you is the worst possible thing ever, you are beautiful, whether you are skinny or plus-sized. Also, take care of yourself, for the sake of people that love you (also me). If you’re aiming to lose weight, eat lots of vegetables with proteins and stay away from your carbohydrates, drink a lot of water, workout everyday, take care of your body for it is the only body you have and just be happy with yourself because you are you, the only you to exist. You are beautiful and being plus-sized doesn’t you not beautiful, it just means your beautifulness overflows ;)

Happy reading! x 

-


You were plus-sized. It wasn’t really something that remained unanswered but wasn’t spoken of. It was no secret as your thighs brushed together causing a hot friction between the material of your pants and bare skin that laid underneath it and the whisking sound they made as they brushed past each other that could be easily mistaken as wind blowing past. It was no secret that you had extra cushion you called it, in parts that sculpted your beautiful and curvy body and it was also no secret that you had lightning strikes you called them, going from your butt upwards - you use to have more when you were a child, your lightning strikes on your inner arms and thighs but gradually disappearing as you grew older.


Even if you lost weight as you grew older, there was always someone who picked at the subject that was a sensitive subject for you after an incident you’d rather think or talk about. The sayings you’d often hear were, “Why aren’t you beautiful and slim like your sisters?” or “She’s got a pretty face but it’s completely ruined by the amount of fat it’s surrounded by” or your favorite which was said to you whilst at the tender age of thirteen by your foreign teacher from China, “Why are you so fat? You should avoid eating dinner, or even lunch at that.”  


These comments and others much more harsh than that caused your self-esteem to drop to an all-time low. Growing up, you believed everyone was entitled to being beautiful no matter what shape or size and you still think that today, but you’ll always find some people who don’t agree with your belief. People were so quick to judge others just by looking at them without knowing them first. Sure, we are humans and we naturally base each other’s personality on our appearances, but it shouldn’t matter how the person appears to be - it should matter what was on the inside. That mattered to Taehyung.        


Taehyung was your wonderful boyfriend for the last three years also known as the best three years of your life. He was in a very famous Kpop group with all his best friends called BTS for short and was just as handsome as anyone could be at his age with his heart-warming smile that could make anyone weak at the knees with its shine, brown eyes that you were convinced were outlined with olive green when you gazed into his eyes that only held fondness when looking at you, charming smile with pearly white teeth that caused your heart to skip a beat and a heart of gold that you fell for instantly.


You were more than surprised when Taehyung randomly came to you, three years before when he was still a trainee, and confessed his love for you by the tall apple tree you always sat underneath listening to music, reading books or enjoying the fantastic view of the park in front of you. At first you thought it was a joke but when you dared to look into his eyes and saw how sincere he was being, you shyly told him your feelings about him before you two became an item.


From then onwards, you were his and he was yours. He treated you like the princess you were meant to be treated as, drowning you with compliments, butterfly and eskimo kiss in the dark, love that never ran out and displays of affection that always assured you he was going to be there for you no matter what. You were blessed to have someone be that good to you, and you tried your very best to prove that to him everyday by a girlfriend someone as good as him deserved.


Over the years, you two grew together as a couple and loved each other more as more as the days went by, through the irrelevant fights that would soon be solved by one of you caving in for the others attention and through the lively moments where both Taehyung and you were more than happy in each other’s arms after a long time away from each other because of his crazy hectic schedule - you two had made it through three years and you couldn’t wait to spend more with the one person you loved more than life itself.


Tonight since Taehyung and you were both off, you had decided to spend a famous lazy day together, snuggled up with one another while watching lame romantic-comedies that made you both laugh and cry and the surprising thing about it was that Taehyung was the one person who cried more, causing you to comfort him and tell him it wasn’t real, resulting him calming down as he wiped his tears and watched on. Eventually when night coming along, the sky changing from a bright and lively blue to an almost indigo blue, you had decided to get your butt off the couch and get ready for the date Taehyung told you about at the start of the day. 


You dressed up nicely for the date you knew you hadn’t gone on much with Taehyung, making an effort and wearing a dress that complimented your skintone and hid your fat, it not being exposed by patterns or colors that could easily make that obvious. You did your hair up, not entirely liking how it looked up but Taehyung always said he loved it when your hair was up so you did it up for him. You wore minimal make-up even though today was a clear make-up day you thought, but Taehyung insisted you without make-up was more beautiful.


Once you were sure you were ready, you glanced at the mirror and stared into it, watching your reflection and letting out a sigh of relief, actually feeling beautiful and looking beautiful. You then walked downstairs to find Taehyung standing at the end of the staircase, entertaining himself with whatever before he looked upwards and remained breathless at your beautiful figure.


To add on your suspicion that he was pleasantly surprised, he gaped at your appearance before he looked at you like you were the most beautiful person in the world, like you put the moon and stars in the sky, like you were an angel from above, like you were his everything. You walked down the stairs, shy at first but feeling more relaxed when Taehyung complimented you before you two went out to the restaurant you were eating at for dinner.


-


Taehyung opened the restaurant door for you, you sheepishly stepping in front of him before he walked behind you, a sudden pat on your butt felt tremendously as you jumped up in surprise on impact, causing Taehyung to childishly snicker behind you before you turned around, punching him in the arm before walking towards the Chinese themed restaurant front desk.


As he explained to the lady at the front how he booked a table almost two weeks ago, you couldn’t help but notice how friendly and flirty the lady behind the desk was. Sending him overly happy smiles and a flirtatious wink when she instructed you two to follow her to your table, not noticing how awkward and tense Taehyung began to act before the the lady’s attempt to flirt with him.


To make matters worse, as you and Taehyung were laughing together, enjoying each other’s company and your meal, one of the most popular girls from your former high school happened to recognize him and started up a conversation with him, excluding you completely and acting if you didn’t exist which never happened back in the past when she constantly use to bully you about your weight. You honestly preferred her insulting you about your weight and such rather than her ignoring your presence entirely.


She always made you small, even more so now when you noticed how god damn perfect she became over the short years after high school. Curvier body that had a flat as an iron board stomach that made you question how big you had gotten since high school, gorgeous skin that wasn’t oily and was complimented in any light, shinier and healthier looking hair and her usual spell to get boys back in high school working better than you remembered. 


Taehyung being the talkative and clueless but friendly type, he and her chatted until your waiter notified you all that the restaurant was about to close, saddening you since you hadn’t exactly pictured this as your fun-filled date with Taehyung that he promised you. You walked out first, leaving those two to talk more behind you because you sincerely weren’t in the mood to be ignored anymore and surrounded by people that made you feel left out. Before you could climb into the car and drown out your thought with loud music blasting from the car stereo, you saw them exchange numbers, shocking you but mostly breaking our heart to tiny pieces because she had managed to even get your loyal boyfriend of three years to consider dating her and dump you. You tried your best not to show how upset you were during the drive home, turning on the stereo and blasting it so there was no reason to talk and continued to not talk to Taehyung for the whole night. 


Eventually, Taehyung noticed how silent you became, wondering why you weren’t humming along to any melody of a song as you kept yourself occupied and walked out the bathroom you two shared with his toothbrush in his mouth and some toothpaste shamelessly dripping from the corner of his lips, staring at you, earphones in as you sat up in the bed you two shared and read the book in your hands with your reading glasses on. 


They weren’t actually reading glasses and were meant to be worn at all times, but you always complained about not looking good with them on and wore contact lenses. To Taehyung, you were the most adorable human being he’d ever seen in those glasses, the circular glasses too big on you so they would more than occasionally fall on the bridge of your nose, always causing you to push them back up. Taehyung wondered what he did wrong, so wrong that you resulted to giving him the silent treatment and walked towards the bathroom, washing his mouth out before he returned to the bedroom and climbed into the bed, watching you as you acted if he didn’t existed.


“What ya readin’, ja-gi-yaaaa?” Taehyung asked cutely, purposely spelling out his petname for you to make the way he asked his question even more cuter, watching you as you didn’t react to his question, not hearing him over the loud sound of the music blaring into your ears.


Taehyung frowned, not liking the feeling of being ignored and asked aloud, “I wonder what she’s listening to,”


Without a second thought, he pulled your right ear earphone, ignoring how you yelled at him for just taking the earphone out of your ear without your consent and putting the earphone inside his ear, hearing the dirty lyrics of some rap song that quickly caused his eyes to widened at the vulgar language the rappers used in their songs.


Taehyung took the earphone out of his ear, looking at you with a shocked expression as he said, “Geez, jagiya. Even after one year of knowing you and three years of dating you, I didn’t know you were into this kind of music.”


You, annoyed with Taehyung and his actions today, yanked away the earphone from his hand and didn’t bother putting it back into your ear, saying to Taehyung, “Well, then I guess there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.”


 Taehyung noticed how cold you were being to him, wondering what he did that would make you act like this to him, asking with a frown on his face as he dramatically placed his head on your shoulder, “What’s wrong jagiya? Why are you so angry today? Is it that time of the month again? I can make you some treats and even clean the sheets if you mess on them.”


You moved to the side, causing Taehyung’s head along with his body to fall to the mattress, his head landing on the book in your lap as he looked up at you, pouting cutely with furrowed eyebrows, “Ow! That hurt jagi.”


You simply let out a sigh of frustration, carefully lifting Taehyung’s head and taking the book frin underneath it, placing it on your bedside table before you gently placed his head back into your lap, laying back and listening to the song that played from the one earphone in your ear change to a different one, one without swear words and crazy beats. Your hand raised itself, tangling your fingers in the strands of Taehyung’s hair that you loved playing with, even more know that his hair was almost an orange color that complimented his complexion. You knew you couldn’t stay mad at him, placing the earphone inside his ear and watching him with a fond smile spread across your face as he sang along to the lyrics of the slow song in a soft tone. With your other hand, you reached out and held his hand, your fingers immediately interlocking perfectly with one another like pieces of a puzzle that made you sigh out in relief, feeling a bit better than you did a few hours ago.

-


It was the day after the date, it was a normal and mildly busy spring day. Flowers blossomed to expose their beautiful petals, the snow of the winter melted into the soil below the grass that turned the grass to become long and green as every. Everything was perfect - except for the mood at your house.


After last night, you couldn’t find the beauty in yourself compared to other females that always flirted with your boyfriend regardless of whether you were not there or standing right next to him. You allowed herself to be swallowed by sadness; self-pity to be exact and you hated it, your negative thoughts creeping into your mind and stealing all the positive thoughts in it like thieves.


You could call Taehyung who always said to you that if you ever felt that way to call him, talk to him and tell him how you were feeling so you could get rid of this depressing feeling and be happy with yourself but you felt like this was something to not fuss about, nothing to be worried about. You thought your reasons for being depressed were pathetic, being depressed for all the nasty and haynes things you were called didn’t make you think that wouldn’t depress the next person but it would and you thinking your thoughts were pathetic to be sad over was wrong. Feelings are never pathetic or irrelevant. Emotions need to be expressed, they are demanded to be expressed.


So, here you sat in the eerie silence, only hearing the shaky breath that escaped your lips as you willed yourself not to cry as a sharp razor blade was held in your trembling hand. You let yourself go. All the damaging and scarring words about your weight and appearance coming back to haunt you becoming too much for you as you opened your mouth to cry out loud, not even bothering about how loud you were because you didn’t care, you just needed to release this unwanted emotional pain that you’d always been keeping in for far too long that you knew wasn’t healthy to do but you did it anyways so that would distract people from asking you if you were okay when you really weren’t.


The cold blade you possessed in your hand had been pressed against the smooth skin of your wrist, the blade suddenly not being digged into your skin to only leave scars you would regret later on but graze against your skin to leave a small bead blood trail up your hand as the blade was taken away from your hand, your blurred vision looking at a figure that placed the instrument into the toilet before the sound of it being flushed away rang in your eyes. You angrily wiped away your tears, your somewhat clear vision laying on Taehyung, who stood in front of you with that look he gave you every time he found you stuck in these situations and you broke down, crying once again as you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to cry.


Ignoring the feeling in his throat as if he was trying to swallow a dry pill and the fierce sting of hurt that shot through his heart at the site in front of him, he quietly sat down with you, bringing your body towards his as he held you closer to him, the warmth of your bodies pressed against each other calming each other down as Taehyung found himself whispering to you that everything was ok and that it was okay to cry, just in his arms - he said anything loving and caring, gently caressing the back of your head as he soothed you with his loving words. He won’t lie, he felt a bit uncomfortable in such a serious and sad moment but ignored it for your sake and tried to be as supportive as possible because it was clear you needed it right now.You soon found yourself calming down, wiping away the last of your tears while your tear-stained cheeks remained a bright crimson, silence consuming the room and the whole house you two lived in together.


“Why?” Taehyung could only ask without bursting into tears. He said this in such a tone that was obviously pain which caused you to clutch onto the material of his shirt and shut your eyes, preventing the tears to spill over from the pain you could feel for him.


You opened your eyes, daring to look up and looked into those same eyes you had fallen in love with, woken up staring into and dreamed of always seeing for as long as you lived. Those eyes looked pain, dark circles underneath them to highlight the fact that his work was stressing him out and causing him to sleep less. You wanted to rid his pain, kiss away, eat it away - anything that would make it disappear.


And the best way to do that was to do what he always told you to do. Talk


“I just - I feel like I’m too…fat for you,” You started to explain, not even looking into his eyes anymore and looking down at your fingers that played with the material of his shirt, ashamed you were admitting your problems to Taehyung. “I mean, you can barely pick me up and that’s not something I’m proud of, I don’t think you are too. We can’t go out to a restaurant for a nice dinner without receiving dirty looks and the worst assumptions from everyone around us, we can’t be pictured as normal or even beautiful or cute because of my flaw. What I’m trying to say is me being the size I am is not working. Although I’ve accepted my body for what it is, love it that way and am trying to keep it healthy and prevent from growing anymore, it seems like people don’t want that. They just want me to lose weight so maybe, just maybe, I can be not even beautiful but okay and that sucks. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m starving myself so I could be skinny for you because I think you deserve someone who is skinny and beautiful. Someone you can be pictured with and not be insulted for just because of my flaws.” You answered, your negative words being whispered while they appeared to be like daggers to Taehyung; stabbing at him every agonizing second and making his heart heavy at every sentence, every word and every syllable you spoke. 


“You know, beautiful doesn’t require the word ‘skinny’” Taehyung began to say, quoting a picture he printed and placed on the fridge which made you smile when you went to go get a bottle of water from the fridge, “And plus, I don’t understand why you’re being like this jagiya. You can be beautiful and still be the size you are. Just because you actually have some meat on your bones, doesn’t mean you’re disgusting. It just means you’re actually eating and being healthy. Don’t starve yourself, please? Please don’t starve yourself ever again. You don’t have to be a certain size to please me, or anyone else for that matter. No ones opinion except for those that care about you should matter when it comes to your appearance. I fell in love with your habits, your opinions, your dislikes, your likes and it was just a bonus you were the most cutest person I’ve ever seen. Plus sized or skinny, you’re always gonna be beautiful to me.”


Tears welled in your eyes at Taehyung’s sweet words, the feeling of your heart swelling and beating rapidly as you swore your love grew more and more fot this man. You sniffed lightly, your hands going to cup his cheeks while you stared into each other’s eyes. Flashbacks of moments you happily shared together over the years glowed in his loving eyes, only making you smile fondly before you pressed your lips against his, the electric feeling of his lips against yours never getting old and always making you feel exactly like the day you two had shared your first kiss. 


You pulled away, gazing into his eyes and you said, “I’m so lucky you love me and my weight.”


“Your weight is a part of you, a part that I will always love,” Taehyung said, sending a warm closed mouth smile that never failed to make you not smile as well. “Just remember, it isn’t really about glorifying obesity. It’s about loving your body, no matter what weight you’re at.“ 


"I love you so much.” You said back with your thumbs stroking the soft skin your boyfriend possessed as you stared at him with all the love you could muster up in your body.


He placed a soft and sweet kiss to your forehead, his lips against your forehead as he said, “I love you too, jagiya. Forever and always." 


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