your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries

insult sentence starters
  • “You’re the walking personification of a fart.”
  • “Can you do me a favor? Just…stop breathing.”
  • “You uncultured swine.”
  • “Wow, look what the cat dragged in…”
  • “You’re about as useful as an expired coupon.”
  • “Who let you in here?”
  • “And here, ladies and gentlemen, we have the world’s biggest turd.”
  • “Please, shut up. Shut – stop talking. I’m going to kill you.”
  • “Have you ever thought about why no one likes you?”
  • “When I see you, all I think is ‘uuuugh’.”
  • “Shh. Stupid people shouldn’t talk.”
  • “Wanna know why I’m sitting? It’s because I can’t STAND you.”
  • “I hope you choke. Okay, no I don’t, that’s a little extreme. But leave!”
  • “Were you raised by wolves?”
  • “[text] [img attached: garbage can] i found your twin”
  • “How can you see when your head’s so far up your ass?”
  • “If I had a time machine, I’d make sure that you were never born.”
  • “Can do you something right for a change?”
  • “Be quiet. Forever.”
  • “Hey, could you get a little lower? No, lower. Six feet under.”
  • “Your mother breeds like a hamster and your father smells of elderberries.”
  • “If I could, I’d recreate the pie scene from The Help.”
  • “You’re dumber than a pole.”
  • “I hate your face.”
  • “You look awful. Like always.”
  • “I hate you more than I hate myself.”
  • “Think of it like this: I’m Beyonce. You’re Iggy Azalea.”
  • “Hey, jackass. I see you’re more jackass-y than usual today.”
  • “I see that they’ll let just anybody in here…”
  • “Where’s your warning label?”
  • “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I’m just better than you in every way.”
  • “Does your mother ever reflect on her mistakes? Mistakes like you.”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail inspired rp starters (part 1/ 2)
Feel free to change pronouns !

  • “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”
  • “A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.”
  • “I’m not dead!”
  • “He says he’s not dead!”
  • “What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!”
  • “Who lives in that castle?”
  • “Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!”
  • “Well, I didn’t vote for you.”
  • “If I went around saying I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they’d put me away!”
  • “Did you see him repressing me?”
  • “None shall pass.”
  • “‘Tis but a scratch.”
  • “A scratch? Your arm’s off!”
  • “It’s just a flesh wound.”
  • “I’ll bite your legs off!”
  • “We have found a witch, might we burn her?”
  • “Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?”
  • “And that is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.”
  • “Explain again how sheeps’ bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.”
  • “I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen.”
  • “I’m French!  Why do think I have this outrageous accent?”
  • “You mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.”
  • “Oh, stop bitching and let’s go have tea.”
  • “We’ll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.”
  • “You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.”
  • “Get on with it!”
  • “Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!”
  • “I’d rather just sing!”
  • “You’re not going to do a song while I’m here.”
  • “You stay in the room and make sure he doesn’t leave.”
  • ‘’'I’ll just stay here, then, shall I?“
  • ’'You’ve come to rescue me!”

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries” sounds like a really random silly insult but it’s actually a pretty sick burn.

Elderberries were once used to make wine.

A hamster is a fast-breeding rodent.

So in other words that insult translates to “Your mother was a whore and your father was constantly drunk,”

Which scm gods you should fight

(sorry if this was already done I can’t help it)

(btw totally not biased at all)

Leon- Yes. Fight Leon. FIGHT HIM. Punch him square in the jaw. Call his mother a hamster and that his father smells like elderberries. Idk man, he’s the Minister of the Department of Wishes. I think he’s strong enough to kick your ass without much effort.

Teorus- Distract him by telling him that there’s a vendor selling ice cream. When he’s not looking, kick him where the sun doesn’t shine and run. Call him a cow for extra points. 

Dui- Don’t fight Dui, you love Dui. Seriously look at him smiling and being a cute dork. Besides, even if you did fight him, Shadow Dui will show up and fuck up your shit big time. Just eat cherry pie with him instead.

Scorpio- Nah man; I wouldn’t risk it. He will glare you into the ground before you even took a step towards him. Fighting Scorpio is not advised.

Huedhaut- Aww c’mon that’s not fair, he’s all sad about his former lover being dead and shit and now you want to hurt him some more. Monster.

Ichthys: Why? Why do you want to fight Ichthys? Why do you want to hurt this precious fish baby? What possessed you to do something so cruel and evil?


The King- no. just no.

so i was playing the Jaws of Hakkon dlc and was wasting time outside the area where you destroy the icewall killing archers just to get extra ep. and i didn’t immediately head back to stone-bear hold and i’m glad i stayed there because the guy yelling at you totally yells out a monty python reference.

When role-playing goes too far feat. my friend as Lance

Lance: Your mother was a hamster! And your father smells of elderberries.

Keith: Um no

Keith: My mother was galra and my father did not smell of elderberries

Lance: *Sigh*

Lance: It’s a quote from a really funny British movie, it’s British humour at its finest

Keith: …… Okay?

Lance: You should see it

Keith: Neh

Lance: You really  should 

Keith: You can’t force me!

Lance: Oh I can

Keith: Try me

Lance: If you’re not going to watch it. I’m going to be the top forever.


Keith: I say no

Lance: Really?

Keith: To you being the top forever, yes

Lance: OMG!

Lance: YES!!

Keith: Does that mean I have to watch it?

Lance: Yes

Keith: Fuck

Lance: xD

Seven Minutes in Heaven: Bruce part one

Complete series 

“You got…” Tony said, pausing to laugh to himself before continuing. “Our very own jolly green giant.”

“I’m hardly jolly.” Bruce mumbled, standing up sheepishly and allowing himself to be pushed towards the closet. You amble after him, sighing as Tony locks you and Bruce in.

“You doing ok?” You ask, not entirely sure where to go with this. Bruce wasn’t exactly the kind to ravish someone in a closet. He’s the kind of guy to take you out for dinner and walk you to your front door after. Be a gentleman. Then after all that you’d play pass the pickle.

Keep reading

Monty Python Rp starters
  • "Will you join me?
  • "You make sad."
  • "African swallow, or European swallow?"
  • "Stand aside, worthy advisory!"
  • "...It's just a flesh wound."
  • "OOooh had enough eh?"
  • "Your arm's off!"
  • "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"
  • "I'll bite ya legs off!!"
  • *Hits you with plank of wood in face*
  • "A WITCH!"
  • "Bring out your dead!"
  • "To Camelot!"
  • "I'm getting better!"
  • " 'Tis a silly place."
  • "Is that you, Lord?"
  • "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's groveling."
  • "You silly king!"
  • "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!"
  • "NEEH!"