your heart has spoken so let go

A Pile of Empty Brass

Author’s Note: This is the first time I’ve felt like I have a story worth writing in a long, long time. I wanted to thank everyone who has made such kind comments on my writing in recent weeks. All of the stories that you’ve seen on my tumblr are at a minimum a year old. You’ve reminded me why I enjoy writing, and I can only express my deepest gratitude to you all. Thank you.

It was not the human warriors that convinced us of their worthiness.

It was not their works of engineering.

It was not their music, it was not their cuisine, it was not their weapons of war, it was not their policies of peace, it was none of these things for how can we measure a species by these things?

A species may fight with ferocity and valor on the field, and scorn their poor. 

A species may build great works, and flee before a fight.

A species may sing beautifully, and use that song to pervert the truth.

It is no measure of a species how they treat their poor if they treat those who are not of their species as worse than dirt. 

No, no it was none of these things that convinced us of humanity’s greatness. 

It was their spirit. It was their resilience, their willingness to take a just cause to the bitter end and to watch their towers crumble and their skies burn before they would sacrifice what they considered sacrosanct. 

It was as their great fleets were smashed before the oncoming tide of terror and their armies massacred from the skies, for though we might not judge their race by their martial prowess it was a prowess they had in abundance. And the terror that came from the great void between the stars could not stand before the fury of a human army, and so rained fire on them from the skies. 

It was as disaster after disaster befell them, and a single demand was broadcast again, and again, and again. 

Surrender. Bend the knee. Permit the terror to stand tall. Let them break you beneath their whips.

Surrender your freedom, and be spared.

And so it was that a human diplomat came to us, the Concordat, the council of spacewalking species, and to my everlasting shame we counseled surrender. Many of us had. It was not wrong to bend the knee to the strongest, we argued. 

Humanity, it seemed, disagreed. 

“Honored Speaker of the Concordat, my fellow members.” He began, slowly, and I heard something in his voice I could not place then but I know now to be the joy humanity can only feel when they have dedicated themselves to a cause they know deep in their hearts to be so just, so pure as to be worth the deaths of everyone they knew or loved. It was the voice of a man who saw his death on the horizon and resolved to greet it with his head held high and a song on his lips.

“Caution, you have counseled us. It is wisdom you say, to bend the knee to that terror from beyond the void, to let them have our homes and our families to do with as we please. For you say there is no shame to live as slaves. No dishonor in surrender to an evil, so long as we live.” 

There was an unspeakable quality to his voice, a deep tenor that echoed throughout the chamber for those of us with the ability to hear it. 

“My fellow members of the Concordat you call your policy accommodation and say if we surrender, if we let the enemy into our homes and our hearts he will come to love us. 

“Humanity has considered this proposal, and as one we have spoken. As one we have rejected it, for we are not a people who will go quietly into the night we are not a people which will let our children grow up with the yoke of slavery around their necks without a fight. 

“We are all retreating under the pressure of this war and so you say that the time has come to surrender because you have heard from your own people pleas for peace at any price. You have heard those that say they would rather live on their knees than die on their feet.

“Honored members of the Concordat those voices may speak for your own people but they do not speak for us. There are things in this life worth bleeding for, worth killing for, worth dying for and the sweet air of freedom is such a thing. We will not surrender. This has been our position from the very beginning, and it has not changed.

“There is no price we will not pay to maintain our freedom, for as we die it is the only thing we have. One day, we all know, that one day we will go to meet our creator or the void. One day we will go into that darkness, and we will be judged, of this I have no doubt. I, my father, my mother, my son, my daughter, my people, my people will go into the void and we will hold our heads high. Our children will enter the void. Our children’s children will enter the void. This we all know.

“So the question before us is not ‘will our children live’ for our children will die. This is our burden to bear. The question that lies before us is how will they live. How can we look our children in the eyes and say ‘we did this for you’ as they are broken beneath the heel of a tyrant. 

“So members of the Concordant, we will set our children to flee. We will send them and our parents and those we can spare far, far away. We will send them further than the terror can follow and they will grow up free.

“And we, we who can? We will fight. We will fight in the space above our colonies, we will fight in the atmosphere of our homes and we will fight on the landing grounds of the terror. We will fight, and fight, and fight until the terror no longer comes, or the last of us has fallen.

“And we will pray to whatever God we believe in. We will pray to be made fast and accurate. We will pray for true aim and quick hands and minds. And we will not pray for victory, for we will not leave victory up to the fickle hands of fate. We will take victory, and our victory will be the free lives of our children. 

“We will not pray for victory. Our victory is assured. So members of the Concordat, we do not ask for your prayers for our victory. We ask that you pray for us to die in piles of empty brass.

“We will die on our feet so that our children will never know the agony of living on their knees.”

What Happens in Moondoor

Summary:  The reader is on a case with Sam and Dean.  Things come to a head in Moondoor.

Characters:  Dean x Reader, Sam, Charlie

Word count:  1750

Warnings: language

A/N:  This was for @jayankles #bailey’s birthday challenge and I picked the episode LARP and the Real Girl.

This was beta’d by mastabeta @wheresthekillswitch who is the bestest, fur sure!




The rumble of Baby’s engine has been doing its best to lull you to sleep, much to the road’s disappointment.  Unfortunately, the road is mounting an impressive offense and, instead of sleeping, you’re staring at the back of Dean.

Staring at his muscular shoulders leading up to his neck with those tantalizing short hairs.  Those hairs that go up and cover his head, which is home to his peridot green eyes, his nose that would make a sculptor weep with joy and his mouth.  His mouth that has so many times spoken words to comfort you or to make you laugh.  Now?  Now that mouth makes you think things you shouldn’t think.

After Dean disappeared in a blast of black goo, your heart shattered.  Once he was gone you realized just how much you cared for him, no, how much you loved him.  As you grieved his loss you let yourself feel what you hadn’t let yourself feel before.  It was the only way you’d made it through.

Since Dean came back, your whole world has been tipped on its side.  You were so happy he was alive, but you had no idea how to act around him now.  Easy silences and deep conversations have been replaced with awkward encounters and comments on the weather.

Every time you look at him, your need to touch him, to have him touch you, is so much that you can’t concentrate on anything else.  So, you’re closing off; keeping one-on-one interactions to a minimum and using Sam as a buffer.  It’s not smooth; you know Dean knows something is up, but it’s either this or leaving.

You just don’t know how to get back to the way it was before and it’s only getting worse.  Dean still hasn’t said exactly what happened to him in Purgatory.  The space between the two of you continues to grow and he’s more distant every day.  So, you’re focusing your energy on something you know you can do, saving people.

Exhaustion finally wins out and you drift off to sleep, Dean and Sam’s voices a lullaby, potholes be damned.

Keep reading

What Do You Say When Words Are Not Enough? (Part Four)

Read Part Three Here:

Part Four: It Must Have Been Love But It’s Over Now

Dun Dun Dun…the return of Bucky and he is going to stir up a lot of trouble!

The title of this chapter comes from this song and I feel like it sets up the whole tone for this chapter so please feel free to listen as you read, I’m not going to hint at who it applies to though!


Summary: Bucky broke your heart completely, and though you never thought you could love someone like that ever again, after Tony confesses he has carried feelings for you for a long time, could you find it in you to take another chance on love? Will Bucky let you? 

Warnings: Some choice words spoken between Bucky and y/n. This one is bumpy, so you might want to strap yourself in!

Words: c. 2,457


“Please y/n,” he pleaded dropping his bag on the floor and attempting to take a step towards you, “Please tell me it’s not too late.”


 You felt an uncontrollable rage as you looked passed Bucky at Steve.

“Did you bring him here?” you spat.

“Y/n please hear him out,” Steve was looking fully exhausted now, all traces of his anger from last night gone, and you shook your head at him in pure disbelief.

Bucky stood looking at you with a stupid pleading expression on his face and Steve beckoned for Sam to come away, which he reluctantly did but not before telling you to call him if you needed anything.

“You have two minutes,” you said in the best warning tone you could muster.

“I thought you deserved better,” his tone was still pleading, “I thought you deserved better than anything I could ever give you. I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing, that walking away from you was the best thing I could have done.”

“For who?” you demanded “It wasn’t for me Bucky. I loved you, I needed you!”

A look of anguish covered his face and he swallowed thickly “Loved?”

You cocked your head in question, and he looked defeated as he slumped down in a vacant armchair and sighing he covered his face with his hand.

“Past tense, you said you loved me. It’s too late already”

“Bucky,” you sighed moving to sit on the coffee table in front of him, “I waited for you for months. I cried myself to sleep for months. It wasn’t too late then, you could have come back and I would have fallen straight into your arms. But you never came. You never even called me, you left me completely by myself and just expected me to be still here waiting for you when you finally decided you wanted me again? It doesn’t work like that.”

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long did you wait before you climbed into bed with him?” he asked tone icy.

You stood up and stormed across the room indignantly, this man really knew how to hurt you.

“You know what Bucky, fuck you!” you spat, and he looked like he was going to get up out of his chair when he spotted the tears in your eyes “You do not get to sit on the moral high ground on this one, you left me. You broke my heart. You did that. Not me, not Tony!”

With this Bucky did get up and moved to block your way out of the room and fought with you until he could hold your hands in his.

“I’m sorry y/n, please you have no idea how sorry I am. I’ve been such a classic fool but you have to believe I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing it for your good but I can see now that I was a coward. I was so afraid you would wake up one day and see me for exactly what I am, and that you would leave me, so I did it first.”

Your anger began to dissipate as you looked into his eyes, “You should have known I would never have left you. Bucky I loved you more than anything in the world. You should have known!”

“Y/n? Is everything alright?” you heard Tony’s voice before he appeared before you, and you quickly pulled your hands out of Bucky’s as he came into view and didn’t miss your action, his eyes flying between where your hands had been joined only moments before and you wiped viciously at the tears that were gathering on your face.

You didn’t miss the sheer look of panic on his face as he took in the close proximity of you and Bucky, and he looked a little like he had been winded.

“What… what is he doing here?” he asked eyeing Bucky up suspiciously.

“He was just leaving,” you answered staring Bucky down as he looked pleadingly at you.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he answered back defiantly.

“Well then I am leaving,” you replied trying to push past him and he caught your arm causing you to spin back towards him.

“Get your hands off her,” Tony warned, pulling you towards him, and Bucky squared up.

“This doesn’t involve you Stark!” he spat and Tony released you, chest puffing as he marched up to meet Bucky.

“This has everything to do with me Barnes.”

They eyed each other viciously waiting for the other to make the first move.

“You’re loving this aren’t you,” Bucky huffed “Watching her from the shadows for years and hoping she’d notice you, I bet you just couldn’t wait to make your move when I was gone.”

“I watched her waste away before my eyes for months because of you. I took no joy from that! You’re in this mess because you walked away from her.”  

“She loves me Stark, she could never lie to me and I can see it written all over her face,” Bucky warned “and I love her and I don’t care what you say I won’t let you get in the way of that!”

Tony deflated because that was precisely what he feared, he had been living in dread of the day that Bucky would return and re-ignite all the feelings you had been trying to bury for months.

He turned to face you, “I won’t y/n. I won’t stand in your way. All I want, all I’ve ever wanted is for you is to be happy,” and with one final look at Bucky, he walked away and out of the room.

You looked at Bucky’s bags on the floor, and back up at him.

“Pick them up and go. Wherever it was you were before you came here, go back there Bucky.”

He ran his hands through his hair, “Y/n please, you know you still have feelings for me. What we had that doesn’t just disappear and maybe, maybe you do have feelings for Stark but you know deep down you’re still in love with me. I promise you, I would never, ever do anything to hurt you ever again. Please just give me one chance. One last chance to be the man you’ve always deserved.”

The worst part was the sting of betrayal you felt for letting his words get to you, for letting yourself momentarily consider what he was saying until you remembered Tony’s brown eyes as he was walking away.

“Get your things together and go Bucky. I don’t have anything else to say to you.”

And you walked away leaving Bucky calling your name, and tears rolling down your cheeks as you set out to find Tony.

He wasn’t anywhere in his apartment and that meant he could only be one place, the basement.

Taking the elevator was taking too long, and with every floor you passed a sense of urgency and anxiety was building.

You found him tinkering with an Iron Man suit and even though he heard you, he didn’t turn to face you.

“Tony?” you tried voice quivering and sounding desperate.

“You should be with him y/n,” he replied over his shoulder with that false bravado he does when he is trying to pretend he’s not hurting.

“Why are you saying that?” you asked taking a step towards him, only for him to move further away from you.

“Don’t,” he tried to warn but it sounded more like pleading.

“We were real, and we were fantastic. We were really fantastic. But we both know who you belong with really.”

“Tony please?” you begged trying to take another step towards him, only for him to hold his hand up and shake his head.

“Maybe it was love, maybe it was. But it’s over now. This is me bowing out of the race, out of the competition. I meant it y/n I won’t stand in your way.”

“Tony please,” you begged “there is no competition! I’m standing right here with you. Will you please look at me?”

You were getting a migraine from the whiplash of the events of today, seeing Bucky again for the first time and now this.

“He was right y/n, you still have feelings for him,” you were about to argue and he looked at you soothingly “It’s not your fault sweetheart, you’ve been through so much these past few months. But I can’t compete with him, I won’t compete with him. I think we should cut our losses now, and you should just be with him.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks but you were too numb to even wipe them away.

“That’s what you really think?” you asked, your voice betraying just how hurt you were.

“That’s what I think,” he replied indifferently and returned to tinkering with his suit.

You stood rooted to the spot for a few moments hoping he would turn around again and tell you he was lying, tell you he loved you, but he kept his back turned to you and as you walked up the steps, with one final look over your shoulder you found him still tinkering with the suit.


You made it precisely into Nat’s arms before you crumpled into a thousand pieces, and she did her best to hold you together.

You cried until your voice went hoarse and when Nat had finally managed to coax what had happened from you, she looked like she was ready to kill someone.

“What are you going to do?” she asked you finally, stroking your hair.

“I’m going to talk to Bucky,” you told her rising from the bed.

“Y/n,” she said in a warning tone.

“Tony was right I do still have feelings for him, I have to do this Nat.”

“I think you’re making a huge mistake,” she warned “but you know I’ll stand by you no matter what you do.”


You knocked loudly on Steve’s door and when he opened it and took in your appearance his whole face softened.

“Y/n, are you alright?” he asked softly.

“Is he here? Is Bucky here?” you asked and a blood-shot eyed Bucky appeared behind Steve, a tell-tale sign that he had been crying.

“We need to talk,” you told him honestly “No shouting, no fighting. Just talking,” you told him and he nodded profusely.

As you sat beside each other on the sofa, he waited patiently for you to speak.

“You were right I do still have feelings for you, but Bucky they’re unresolved feelings. You were all I ever wanted and I loved you so much, and I knew I was losing you for days before you left. I kept hoping that maybe if I did more, if I was more attentive you would stay. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong to make you leave.”

“You did nothing wrong,” he cried.

“And I can see that now. All of this time I’ve been blaming myself, I was never angry at you because I somehow still believed it was all my fault and I believed that right up until today. I couldn’t fall completely out of love with you because I didn’t blame you. And I’ve heard your reasons and I’m sure that at the time you really did believe it was for the best, and I think to a certain extent that you might have been right. I don’t think we were ever completely right for each other, and that would have split us up eventually, if not sooner then later.”

You took a second to look at him before continuing, “and I love him Bucky. I really love him!”

Bucky sighed deeply and collapsed against the back of the sofa.

“Does he make you happy?” he asked dejectedly.

“Yes,” you told him, feeling close to tears again, and he looked at you, really looked at you.

“All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and if…if it’s not with me, I’m glad you found someone who can make you happy.”

“I did love you Bucky, I really did and I will always care for you.”

Bucky leaned forward and pulled you into a hug, “I’ll always love you, and I will always be there for you if you ever need me.”

“What will you do?” you asked him pulling away to look at him and he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“I have to fall out of love with you doll and I can’t do that here, I’ll go back to where I was staying, don’t worry about Steve I’ll talk to him, assure him that I won’t be doing another disappearing act. I’m sorry for how I treated you, and I’m sorry we didn’t work out, I’ll regret it for a long time, I hope some day you can find it in you to forgive me, and that we could even be friends.”

“Perhaps some day,” you told him rising from your seat and looking him over one last time, “Take care of yourself Bucky, I hope you find happiness and whatever it is you’re looking for, I really do.”

He rose too and pulled you in for one last hug, you revelled in the scent that used to be so familiar with you, before you patted him on the chest and resolutely walked away.


A quick sweep of the basement showed no sign of Tony and you were slightly panicked to find his suit in pieces on the floor from where he had smashed it to pieces.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs caused you to turn around only to find Bruce standing tentatively.

“I sent him upstairs,” he said gently “He’s not in a good way.”

You burst into Tony’s apartment calling out to him “Tony, I…”

When you spotted him he was seated on his sofa with a glass of red wine in his hand and Pepper sitting the other side of him.

You blinked a few times, mouth opening and closing, trying to process what exactly it was you were seeing. Was today battle of the exes day or something?

He looked at you waiting for your response and you clammed up.

“I should have knocked first,” was all you could muster, and Pepper smiled pleasantly at you and then her smile turned to confusion as she noted Tony’s expression.

“What was it you wanted?” he asked swirling the red wine around in his glass, and not looking at you.

“It can wait,” you told them wanting to get out of the room as quick as your legs could carry you, and you bolted punching the wall of the elevator as the door closed, and wincing at the impact.  


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Palm Sunday

Today is the day that Christ was hailed as Lord, as the crowds cried “Hosanna!” over and over again.  They thought that the King was finally here, that all would be restored, yet in a matter of days this “King” would be murdered.  The King had arrived, the man of many sorrows knew what lay ahead of Him, and He still went.  He knew that these people who spoke like honey, would shout like poison.  He knew that He would be alone, in the midst of the crowd, one day riding a donkey, the next carrying a cross.  He knew, yet He continued.

We often times are like the crowd, praising God for what we think He is going to do for us, when we don’t get it, we hate Him.  Yet, He still died for us, He still went on knowing that His Father’s will was more important than ours.

In church this morning, I cried, I was overwhelmed by the loyalty of Christ, by the love and honor He gives to those who don’t deserve it.  A thousand times I have failed, and a thousand times He has not.  As we get ready for the most wonderful day in all of history, let’s remember what truly matters, not what God can do for us, but what He has done for us!  If we are to receive nothing else, let us know that we have received all that we need.

Palm Sunday is the day Christ was rejoiced over, but Easter Sunday is the day that Christ took on that praise as the King of glory, and we know that “It is finished”, all the lies that are spoken to you, it is finished, all the past that you have experienced, it is finished, all the hurt and pain you are going through, it is finished.  It is finished because Christ has won, so keep your heart focused on Christ, for He is the King who is making all things new.

- T.B. LaBerge