your hair ruins lives and your face ruins lives and everything about you ruins lives

Purify Me (Dean Ambrose x Reader)

Context: Love is amazing, love is kind. Dean Ambrose isn’t a good man for Reader. He’s an amazing one. 

**A/N: ** Dean finally gets a full length fic after months of me stalling on how to write it. But the song inspiration is “Purify Me” by India Arie. 

Originally posted by heartsvwolvesmoved

**Tags: ** @the-geekgoddes ; @kalliravenne ; @crookedmoonsaultpunk ; @m-a-t-91 ; @squirrel666 ; @livingthestrongstyle ; @nickysmum1909


“Easy like Sunday morning

Like an angel calling

He taking me all in

I’m embracing him with my skin

Like a glimmer of light

Like a vision of life

And he’s so perfect I couldn’t picture him if I tried…”

           Have you ever fallen in love so deeply that you didn’t even know what hit you? Have you ever searched for a soulmate so far and so wide with no hope of ever fining one? Have you ever felt the joy in knowing the one you always belonged with was right in front of you all along? Because I have and it feels amazing.          

          I took a deep breath as I stood in the dressing room, right as my parents entered.

         "Sweetheart,“ my father gasped. “You look stunning.”

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How To Break The Heartbreaker {part 3: angst}

Daveed Diggs x Reader

Warnings: probably swearing, complete and utter sadness

Authors Note: sorry for what you’re about to read. it’s a diddly shame of how it ends. sadness ensues. read much fluff afterwards

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to a year.
Daveed Diggs hadn’t come back to school in 2 months, everyone assumed he just couldn’t handle the work.
You knew better.
Everyday, he’d avoided you in the halls, the crestfallen look on his face almost too much for you to bear.
You tried to move on.
You really tried.
It wasn’t like Diggs was going to ruin your life with a stupid breakup, right?
Right?
You knew that you were wrong every time you thought that you could move on.
He’d broken your heart beyond compare, and scattered the pieces, leaving you to try to live as before.
It was like you now had to travel the world to find another will to live, to pick up your heart and reconstruct a new life.
But that world revolved around Diggs, and there was no escaping him.
~
The thing was, you knew exactly what had happened.
About 3 months after you and Diggs had split, your friend group did the same. You all went your separate ways, and you hardly ever spoke to them anyways.
One day, you had been staring blankly at the ground when they sat down at your table, making you instantly suspicious. They hadn’t spoken to you in almost a month, what were they doing here?
“Y/N, we have something to tell you, and you’re not going to take any of it very well.”
They told you all of it.
Every detail, every step of their plan.
You sat there, open-mouthed, as they recited the day they ruined your life, the day you had ruined your own life.
After finishing, they sat, waiting for some sort of reaction from you.
You didn’t have one to give.
The shock of it all, the mess of it just smoldered in your brain as you contemplated what you’d done.
How you’d taken something so perfect, and crushed it.
Daveed Diggs had opened your eyes, had shown you the world. What you were missing, what you weren’t. He had done so much for you, and now he wasn’t in your life anymore.
So no, you had no reaction to give them, and eventually they left, leaving you alone to drown in despair.
~
3 years later, and you were out of that wretched high school, living out the next chapter in your life.
Daveed Diggs was just a painful memory, his name always giving you a wave of sadness that was getting easier and easier to overcome.
You hadn’t talked to him in years, what was the use of remaining attached? It would only tear you up more and more, and you were just so tired of waking up hurt, and crying yourself to sleep.
You’d moved on, though you hated to say it. He was, and always would be, your first love.
You still thought about him, which always made you feel extremely guilty. But you thought about him less and less now, and you finally started feeling *happy* again.
You had a new boyfriend, who you were so in love with that it made you almost forget Diggs altogether.
Almost.
~
Whenever Diggs came to mind, it was always the happy memories of when he was yours.
You never thought about the unhappy memories, which would probably be why you hadn’t completely moved on yet. You still had an album of him on your cell phone, which you found yourself looking at more times than you would like to admit.
Still, the wanting and longing in your heart was dull now, sedated.
You lived your life, no longer in a dark hole of despair, and you had honestly missed it.
~
You awoke one morning with a throbbing headache, and went downstairs to make yourself some tea.
You relaxed, looking out the window of your new house that you had moved into with your boyfriend.
Life was finally making sense, it was coming back together. You had thought you’d lost everything with Diggs, but you had found what was left of yourself, and went the extra mile.
You would usually go out to check the mail around this time, so you braved the chilly morning air and stepped outside, shivering as the wind blew around you.
Noticing a small peculiar-shaped package on your welcome mat, you brought it inside, thinking it was a package from your fiancé.
You opened it, and smiled sadly as you felt a stab of sadness spread through your body.
He had gotten you a small bouquet of red roses, the sweet smell reminding you of all those years ago, a memory you had tried to repress.
There was a small notecard attached to the rose in the middle, which you opened, expecting a sweet “I love you” or something that he traditionally sent.
When you read the notecard, you sucked in a short breath and dropped the roses, immediately knowing who they were from.
The notecard read,
“For old times sake.”
~
Your husband never understood why you wanted to name your child Rose. You always refused to give him an answer, keeping the secret to yourself, the one thing that you would never tell anyone else.
Rose had curly red hair, which made you reminisce every time you looked at her. She didn’t look anything like Diggs, but you felt like a piece of him would always be attached to you, and you had passed it onto your daughter. The red in her hair reminded you of those red roses, which now carried a blessing and a curse.
You hadn’t talked to Diggs in almost a decade. After he’d sent the roses for the last time, you tried to get in contact with him again.
He always was so elusive, as if he preferred to just leave you a bit more broken every time. You didn’t find him. You tried, and continued to try, but it was to no avail.
Daveed Diggs had escaped your life for good, so it seemed.
You eventually gave up, and forgot about him. He was the past, and this was your present. Your future surely didn’t hold him in it.
When you got the letter in the mail, it was as if it was high school all over again.
It was an invitation to his funeral.
He was gone.
And this time forever.
~
You went to the funeral, though you felt out of place. You didn’t think you deserved to be there, but couldn’t deny the heartbreaking feeling in your chest whenever you thought of him now. All the sadness came flooding back to you, and you were reliving what you had thought you’d left in the past.
When you arrived at the church, you stepped inside and peered around. There were many people there, some of whom you recognized, but didn’t care to talk to.
You instead made your way to the casket, placing your hand on the soft, cold wood.
You felt a tear slip down your cheek as you placed a singular red rose on top of it, and whispered as you turned to leave,
“For old times sake.”

Olicity: Planning Permission

thetaufactor said: HI! I Love your stories and the way you write… so I really want to read your take on how the scene where William learn that Oliver is his father and confront him about it… happen. Thank you so much! 

Anonymous said: prompt: Will calls Mommy’s friend in the middle of the night because he had a nightmare and thinks the Flash’s friend will help him.

The soft mumbles from beside her woke Felicity, and not for the first time that week. Since William had discovered that Oliver was easily contactable by his mother’s cellphone, he’d been making sneaky calls to ‘mom’s awesome friend Oliver’ in the middle of the night. She tried not to mind, because it was progress - it was William opening up to Oliver and the two of them close to Samantha agreeing for him to be more than just ‘Mom’s friend’ and for all their patience over the last four months, it was well earned.

“Okay, so do you think you can go back to sleep now? …. good,” Oliver mumbled, a sure sign that the call was about to end. Felicity cracked her eyes open a fraction to see Oliver lying across from her with his eyes closed, clearly not quite as awake as he had been the other nights that William had called.

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Resentment ... Continued [Pt. 6]

OK! This is the second part to “And It Burns, Burns, Burns” it was longer than I expected so I decided to just make it a second part to the same story and a sixth part to the series. It was really fun to write and interesting because I actually listened to “Hello” by Adele as I wrote it to get the atmosphere I wanted, which is strange because I do not listen to Adele to write Bonkai! But I don’t know, maybe there’s something different to this piece and you guys can tell me if you see any influences? It’s one of my favourite BK pieces for sure. I really hope you guys like it and think it’s angsty and sexy af, I look forward to reading your comments!

The first five parts:

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/134700408935/a-woman-possessed-pt1

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/134907393240/euphoria-pt-2

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/140812635565/yours-pt-3

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/141040792730/fiending-pt-4

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/144318482825/mercy-pt-5

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/147122245155/and-it-burns-burns-burns

People to tag:

@bonkai-diaries @malachaibennett @youareatypo @kissmebluesexyvioletsme

@humbu-bumbu @jordanjanellejoy @wasabicakes @misslilmel @darkbonkai @sobeyondtwisted @bonkaimonluv @bonkai-is-life @bonkaicoven @writeturnlove @bonkais-witchywoo @bonkais-aurora-borealis @tvtaughtmehowtofeel @mysticfalls-originals @queensfelicity @tasha-sews @sunnydrive92 @much-lemons @l0nd0ninnit @iddieforkai @ecksnohhs @offlinebonkai @beccacupcakes @lisaluvslife @seeyda

Jeremy flinched at the harsh sound of Bonnie’s palm hard against Kai’s cheek and couldn’t help the resentment that flooded him, the resentment that he’d never inspired in Bonnie the urge to react so violently, so passionately toward him.

    “You destroy everything that is good in my life!” Bonnie yelled.

    Kai glared at her. “He isn’t your life anymore or have you forgotten? You chose this. You chose us.”

    “I didn’t choose any of this!”

    “No,” said Kai. “No you can’t help it, can you? I’m a part of you.”

    “Don’t you dare,” said Bonnie. She pointed at Jeremy who was starting to stand up. “Jeremy is a part of me. Jeremy will always be a part of me. You —” her face twisted into an ugly expression. “You are a virus, Kai, eating away at me until there’s nothing left but hate and shame and —”

“And what? What?” Kai yelled so loudly that his voice reverberated throughout the room, causing the floorboards to shake, making Jeremy look around frantically for any sign of the living room breaking apart. “And disgust and grief?”

“YES. ALL OF IT.”

“Hate, shame, disgust, grief, you know why you feel that, right? Because nothing feels as good as me inside you, nothing feels as good when you’re riding me, when you’re mastering me, when I’m bending you to my will.”

Bonnie opened her mouth but didn’t speak; there was nothing to say. What Kai brought out in her, the lust, the carnality, it was beyond powerful, it was overpowering. Her desire for him, her desire to hurt him, her desire to own him, consumed her with such painful intensity that it eclipsed all else, it blinded her to everything and anything but the riotous ache only he spawned in her. The instant Kai had appeared in the living room, he was all she could see; she had quite literally forgotten that Jeremy was there with them, she had quite literally forgotten where she was, why she was there — his presence snuffed everything out but her murderous want of him, her erotic hatred toward him. Even now, she had to remind herself constantly that Jeremy was there, each mention of his name jolted her with surprise at his existence in the room, looking in on the destructive dysfunction that had become her life.  

“We’ve been through this a thousand times and we’ll go through it a thousand times more but I don’t care, I live for it. I live for how much you hate me, how you try to fuck me into insignificance.”  

Bonnie could feel Jeremy’s heartache shiver through her and his anguish splintered her chest with guilt, with gut-wrenching empathy. She threw the knife at Kai for a second time.“Shut up!”

“No,” said Kai harshly. “He has to hear this.”

Why? I thought you weren’t threatened by him! I thought he was just a stupid boy to you, what is the point of you doing this? Why are you here?”

“Because you need to accept his place, you need to accept how much he doesn’t matter anymore. You did it with Elena, now it’s his turn.”

“It’s not enough that you have stalked me, stabbed me, and abandoned me, it’s not enough that you have cursed me with this, with this — ugh!” Bonnie screamed and clenched her hair with her hands. “You have to go around burning every bridge to my old life?” She stormed up to Kai, jutting her head forward, shouting in his face. “You’re fucking despicable!”

He took an abrupt step forward so that Bonnie had to take half a step back so they wouldn’t collide into each other. “And you revel in it!”

Bonnie felt it. She hated herself, hated her body for betraying her conscience, but she felt it — the throbbing between her thighs, the heat that flushed her skin; her fingers tingled, her lips swelled, her heart thudded so frantically that she was breathless with anticipation, with arousal. Kai’s proximity to her was dizzying, her need to shut him up, make him hers, own him, own the situation — it was intoxicating. Horrible and exhilarating.

Kai shifted forward and she knew he was going to seize her, smash into her, slam her against a wall, but then a yell snapped them out of their hedonistic reverie.

“Do not touch her!”

Both of them turned towards Jeremy who was holding the bloodied makeshift stake he’d stabbed Kai with only moments before, his face contorted with grievous rage.

“I swear I will kill you if you touch her in front of me again.”

Bonnie heard Kai chuckle and his arrogance angered her, his intent to humiliate Jeremy, and the knowledge that he could do so without putting much effort shaded her already multifaceted hatred for him.

“Do your best, Little Gilbert,” said Kai. “But I bet I can liquefy your lungs before you even take one step toward me.”

Don’t,” Bonnie snapped. She walked up to Jeremy, determination in her stride. “Jer?”

He didn’t look at her but kept his gaze on Kai, eyes steely, jaw clenched; he gripped the stake tightly.

“Jeremy, look at me.”

“Think about what you want to do because if I kill you, you’re dead. Not like Gilbert Ring dead or Other Side dead but dead dead.”

“Jeremy, listen.” Bonnie put her hands on either side of his face and brought his gaze down to her. “He won’t kill you, I swear I will die before I let him hurt you. I mean it.”

Jeremy stared at Bonnie, his steely eyes turning teary. “I know you would,” he said, his voice thick. “But that isn’t the point is it?”

“What do —?”

“It’s not that you’re willing to die for me, it’s that you’re willing to hurt him. The lengths you’re willing to go to make sure he suffers, you know what you dead would do to him because he loves you.”

“Don’t say that,” said Bonnie.

“He does. He loves you and it ruins everything.” Jeremy flicked his eyes up toward Kai. “You ruined her.”

“Jeremy —”

    “She isn’t ruined you just don’t know her anymore,” said Kai. “You’ve never seen her like this, you never knew that someone could push her limits like this and you can’t stomach it.”

    Jeremy removed Bonnie’s hands from his face and took a step forward, raising his stake slightly.

    “JEREMY.”

    He turned sharply to Bonnie. She shook her head. Jeremy hesitated for a moment and then threw the stake down on the floor, turning around to head to the foyer.

    Bonnie screamed. “I don’t —” Jeremy paused. “I don’t love him. I don’t. But you.” She bit her lip. “You I will always love. You are …” She sighed. “You are pure and decent and good and —”

    “Something for you to protect,” said Jeremy. “It’s what you do, Bonnie, you protect me. You sacrifice for me. You die for me. But with him…” Bonnie swallowed at the vitriol in Jeremy’s voice, at the way he twisted the word ‘him’ into such a repulsive sound. “You’re tied to him,” he said. “In a way you were never tied to me. And you hate him in a way you never hated Damon. And I can’t be here anymore, I can’t stand around and watch you two act out this, this thing that you have, that you can’t get enough of.  He’s right, I can’t stomach it.”

    Bonnie called his name as he continued walking to the foyer. He didn’t respond or slow down but wrenched open the front door, allowing the furious lashing of what sounded like a thunderstorm to echo throughout the house. Bonnie felt a mixture of relief and guilt and anger when the door slammed behind Jeremy, grateful that he hadn’t turned around and waited for her to say something that would make sense of what was happening, of what she’d become. She didn’t have those words.

The instant the door clanged shut she rounded on Kai. “Everything good in my life,” she repeated quietly. When he didn’t respond, Bonnie started shouting, it was uncontrollable and wild, the rage he inspired in her was as riotous as the lust. “You destroy everything good in my life until there’s nothing left but you!”

“Good is boring,” said Kai finally. “Good is mediocre. Good is beneath you.”

“I miss boring.”

“You’d miss this more.”

“I’d freaking rejoice if I were free of you, Kai!’

He roared. “THEN GO.”

Bonnie paused for a beat, narrowing her eyes and then she spoke, her voice a hiss between clenched teeth. “Gladly.” She turned on her heel and headed out the same way as Jeremy.



Kai watched as Bonnie stormed toward the foyer and was overcome with frustration and excitement. It thrilled him, the way she always tried to walk away from him, from them, from this, because then he could make her stay, make her surrender to him with a kiss, with a stroke, with a thrust; he could prove to her that his prowess was something she secretly lived for, silently begged for. Hearing her cry out his name, resentful and earnest, aroused and disgusted, it was enough to undo him and sometimes it took all he had to keep going and not erupt at the husky caress of her voice. But it killed him too. The way she always tried to walk away from him. Suffocated him with a vehemence that compelled him to burn and keep burning, to scorch everything around him until everything he could see was on fire; her absence shifted something in his mind, unhinged him, tortured him with a thirst for her presence, her body, and all he could do to take his mind off of her for only but a moment was kill and feed and rip into throats until he regurgitated all of the blood he consumed and black out from over-indulgence.  

That wouldn’t be his fate. Not tonight.

Kai heard the click of the front door opening and he sped to the foyer, colliding into Bonnie so that his front smashed against her back. The door was open a crack and he pushed it shut; he used one hand to keep it closed and the other to move Bonnie’s hair from her neck so he could kiss her.  He heard Bonnie sigh, deep and wet, and then heard her throaty exclaim of frustration, “Ugh! No!” She dug her shoulder painfully into his chest, pushing him away from her but Kai took her by the arms and slammed them on the door, laying her hands flat against the wood, pinning her wrists. He nuzzled the side of her neck, grazing his lips along her skin so that goosebumps erupted and she gasped; he used his body to press her against the door and grinned as her back arched so that she pushed back against him, making his breath hitch in his throat.

“Stop it,” she panted.

“Why?”

“I’m leaving.”

Kai widened his legs and pushed into her again, eliciting a stifled moan from Bonnie’s lips. He closed his eyes, savouring the sound, relishing and resenting the desire that roiled beneath his skin. “No you’re not.”

“I’m going after Jeremy.”

Kai released her wrists and put his hands firmly on her hips, pushing her into him. Bonnie reached behind her, her hand on the back of Kai’s neck as she started circling her hips, rubbing her behind against his pelvis so that he grasped her even tighter and instinctively started to mirror her movements, his hardness pulsating with such intense readiness he was lightheaded. He slipped his hand into her skirt, beneath the waistband of her underwear and slid into her, his fingers making the same circular motions as their hips. Bonnie swore, loud and unguarded, and Kai moved his finger faster, his breath harsh and ragged against her ear, his gums aching with the need for his fangs to descend, the magic in his veins unbridled so that his entire body hardened and hummed with the all-consuming, nearly painful need to bury himself in her. Bonnie started banging on the door.

“I’m going after Jeremy,” she repeated, her voice shaky.

“No you’re not,” said Kai.

Abruptly, Bonnie turned around and pushed Kai away from her, her chest heaving up and down. “Yes I am.”

She wrenched the door open and hurried outside. A beast arose in Kai. NO. His entire body seemed to scream the word. Everything was hazy. It wasn’t that she was determined to find Jeremy, it was that she was determined to deny him her, determined to leave him with a yearning that devastated him, that made it impossible to think or see or even breathe. He needed this. He wouldn’t be able to function without eliciting her pleasure. Echoes of her screaming his name rang throughout Kai’s head and he tore after her.  

Bonnie was running down the driveway, her sandals splashing in the small puddles that dappled the gravel until she reached her car. Clumsily, she reached into her pocket and took out the keys, fumbling around with with them, trying to find the right one through the dark and the rain. Kai grabbed them from her and threw them to the side, turning her around, slamming her against the car door, thrusting his lips onto hers and suddenly, frighteningly, thunder cracked loud and ominous, lightning brightened the sky in flashes of eerie white. Bonnie grasped the back of Kai’s head as his mouth opened hers with a furious desire to devour her, to claim her; he wouldn’t give her room to think, air to breathe, everything she had would be his. He sucked on her lower lip, running his tongue along the curve of her rain-lashed neck, her skin warm and moist, her scent frenzying his blood. Kai felt Bonnie’s hands clutch him, pull him closer, her breathing was ragged and uneven, moans pushed at the back of her throat and each mewl only intensified the swelling in his jeans, burning him with a maddening arousal. He hooked his fingers into her skirt and Bonnie pushed him away for a second time.

She muttered something quickly and suddenly her keys were in her hand. She turned swiftly around to unlock the car and she slipped into the driver’s seat, hastily shutting the door. Kai shook his head and sped to the passenger’s side. The moment his hand was on the handle, the locks went down.

Don’t,” said Bonnie, staring at him.

“I will wrench this door off its hinges,” said Kai.

Bonnie gritted her teeth in irritation and Kai watched as she rested her head against the headrest, closed her eyes and screamed, the storm drowning out the noise. Finally, she unlocked the door and glared at him as he got into the passenger seat, his clothes and hair dripping, the air in the car ripe with rain and anger and hankering. They started yelling at the same time, their furious words jumbling into each other, their raised voices increasing the rainfall, sharpening the vividness of the lightning; magic swirled around them, heightening already tumultuous emotions until finally Kai’s voice overpowered everything. “I KNOW YOU WANT THIS, STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DON’T.”

Bonnie paused for a beat and Kai studied her expression, her narrowed eyes, her clenched jaw, and then suddenly she launched herself at him, kissing him hard on the mouth. Kai responded immediately, leaning into the kiss as he pulled Bonnie over to him, her foot kicking against the gearshift, and placed her on his lap so she sat astride him. He fisted through her hair, carelessly ruffling the strands, as she gripped either side of his face, holding him still while she sucked his tongue and tugged on his lower lip with her teeth, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and groan. Kai wrenched away from Bonnie and hastily ripped open the front of her shirt, freeing her breasts; he immediately enclosed a nipple in his mouth and sucked with amorous sincerity when a mewl escaped Bonnie’s lips. He squeezed Bonnie’s waist, massaging the dips of her curves, stroking her stomach with his thumbs and he kissed her chest and collarbone, skating the tip of his tongue down her throat, compelling her to throw her head back and reach her hand up to the ceiling. He wanted to make her enjoy herself, make her lose herself to passion, to him, make her forget about Jeremy and Damon, make her forget about the world, make her crave his touch the way he hungered for hers; she tried to fuck him into insignificance, yes, but he wanted to fuck her into being a believer.  

Kai slipped his hands beneath her skirt, tugging away the lacey material of her underwear but then Bonnie took him by the wrist and put his hand on the gearshift, keeping it there with her own. She bent down and skated her lips along his jawline, nipping at his earlobe; she shifted her weight so that Kai could feel her crevice against his bulge and his intake of breath was so sharp the rain started falling like bullets, they pummelled the car in rapid succession. Bonnie started toying with his ear, twirling her tongue around, as she reached below her and started unbuckling Kai’s belt. There was a blurry panic at the back of his mind that if her hand so much as grasped him, he would come forcefully and prematurely. But he’d control it. His want for her. He needed to so she could feel the devastation of that want; so he could kill Bonnie in the only way he could.

Bonnie held Kai, naked and exposed, guided him to her but she hadn’t removed her flimsy barrier. He rubbed up against her underwear as she rocked above him, she pulled down the ceiling handle and gripped it as Kai bent forward and started kissing her bare shoulder, making her sway with more conviction.

“Bonnie,” said Kai, his voice clipped.

She held Kai’s chin, pressing his head against the headrest, her eyes piercing into his, as she clenched around him.

“Bonnie, you’re fucking killing me,” said Kai, his voice choked and cracked. He held onto her hips, squeezing her, urging her to stop and continue and stop and … She clenched again and that beast in Kai clawed at his gut, making him resent Bonnie with such ferocity, resent her for causing a hardness so intense he thought he would combust with want for her, resent her for not taking pity on him and surrendering herself so she could feel the effects of that hardness, of that want. She squirmed.

“Bonnie, I’m going to black out,” he panted desperately.

    She pressed her lips against his ear. “Isn’t this what you want?”

    Bonnie shifted again so that his tip burrowed into the centre of her underwear so that Kai threw his head back. “You know,” he said frantically, madly. “You know what I want.”

    “Tell me,” said Bonnie, her voice breathy. “Tell me, Kai.”

His name on her tongue, it excited him like nothing else and he felt himself coming undone; his face was veined now, his eyes scarlet, his mouth furled — the beast had taken over, he’d crossed over into pure viscera, instinct, and Kai could see the hint of malicious triumph in Bonnie’s gaze. Her victory angered and aroused him and he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Get up.”

Bonnie looked at him. “What are you—?”

“Now! Get up now. Now,” he said dangerously.. “Fuck. Now!”

Bonnie raised herself off of Kai and moved to open the door but Kai swiftly grabbed her wrist. “I didn’t say to leave.”

She glared at him, her head stooped so that she wouldn’t knock against ceiling. Quickly, Kai started taking off his belt, raising himself off of the seat so he could fully un-loop it. He brought Bonnie’s hands behind her, knitting her wrists on top of each other, binding them with his belt. He kissed her then, roughly, their teeth clashed for a brief moment, and he slid his hands up her legs, fondling her between her thighs, stroking her up and down and back again so that she moaned into his mouth. Finally, he could feel the material of her underwear against his palms and he brushed his finger along the bottom, making Bonnie squeal and bite down on his lip, which made Kai groan. He pulled away from her, yanked her underwear down and then abruptly gripped Bonnie by the hips and brought her back to his lap so that he entered her..

Kai’s eyes glinted at seeing the way Bonnie’s forehead crinkled, the way her mouth hung open at the feel of him within her. She started grinding down on him and his groans were instant and loud; he tilted himself upward, filling her, reaching up and palming her breasts so that she moaned. He would turn those moans into screams. He had to. He wouldn’t be able to do anything until she gave herself over, until the passion he inspired in her obliterated all else from her mind. He had to do it quickly too. Each sway of her hips accelerated his heart rate, increased the building in his groin, brought him closer to the edge and he couldn’t enjoy the intense relief of climax until he made Bonnie a believer, no matter how momentary, no matter how resentful.

Kai gripped her hips, intensifying the pace, urging her on, pushing into her faster and further so that she mewled. The feral quality to her whimper incensed Kai’s blood and he increased the already punishing rhythm, flexing deeply into her as she bounced down so that the car started to rock with their movements, the rain pummelling against the roof and windows of the car. Kai threw his head back, his eyes raw and scarlet and cloudy; he peered up at Bonnie and saw the restraint in her pleasure-taut face. He leaned forward and started kissing her chest, her breasts, sucking her nipple, smoothing his palms along her behind, gripping her, bouncing her; he could hear her pull against the restraints, her moans husky and loud — but not what he craved. He slipped a finger into her, stroking her, massaging her as he thrust into her, his lips on her cleavage. Bonnie’s movements became more erratic and uncontrolled, faster and urgent and then she was screaming.  

Shit. Kai.”

He looked up at her, vindictive pleasure, carnal triumph in his eyes. He felt her tremble around him and when she climaxed, she called out again.

Fuck.”

Her cries were resonant, powerful, there was magic in them like how his guttural roars brought out his magic back at her house. Forked lightning cut across the sky, searing a tree in half, the crown smashing onto the hood of the car. Kai didn’t stop moving. Bonnie didn’t tell him to. Her wrists were free from her restraints now, she’d pulled at them as she came, the force of her magic breaking her literal bonds, and she gripped the headrest as she bobbed. Kai watched her face contort and her expressions of pleasure did nothing to satiate his need for her screams, for her desire, for her. He wanted more. He always wanted more. There was never enough of her. It never stopped.

His fangs descended and Kai reared his head to sink into her but Bonnie grabbed him beneath his chin, and pierced her eyes into him as she gyrated, as she moaned. No. No. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t deny him this. He had to taste her, drink from her, indulge in her. His blood scorched his body, burned his skin with need of hers.

Kai begged her with each pelvic thrust, bucking into her so that her eyes rolled, so that she squealed. He begged her with his eyes, with the grip of his hand on her waist, with the tremor of his lips. Didn’t she know she killed him little by little with each passing moment she denied him her blood?

Bonnie…”  

Her smile was brief but what he needed and Kai sunk into her.



The instant Kai’s fangs punctured Bonnie’s neck, she slammed her hand against the windshield, cracking the glass. Lightning struck again and four or five trees were the casualties. The pleasure was always new in its intensity, in the hellish euphoria it descended her to. The low, guttural moans that escaped Kai’s lips as he gorged on her blood inflamed Bonnie’s skin and he was thrusting into her with such need, with such urgency that she was overstimulated with sensation; her vision was marred by black spots, she couldn’t see straight, she couldn’t see anything and she hit her second climax. Then her third. Her fourth.

He had to stop, she couldn’t take anymore.

Kai.”

He withdrew from her neck and came loudly, pushing himself deep into her, his cry was strangled and earsplitting, carried out by the thunder instead of snuffed by it; car alarms blocks away started ringing, the only sound that matched it was Bonnie’s scream as she came for the fifth last time, her high-pitched mewl shattering the windows in the car, the rain splashing in and soaking their already moist bodies.  

Kai kissed her neck lazily as Bonnie willed her heart rate to slow down. She couldn’t get off of him, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t do anything but try to breathe again. Her exhaustion was profound and only punctured by the rumblings of a renewed hunger for this experience, for this exhaustion, for Kai. Bonnie felt weakly resentful of how her body never seemed to stop craving him but she was too tired and too satisfied and too satiated to resent herself and Kai with much earnest.

“You’d trade this for mediocrity?” said Kai.

“I’d trade my soul to be rid of you if you hadn’t already taken it.”

Kai held her by the chin and looked at her, his expression smug yet inquiring. “Would you really?”

Bonnie sighed and finally dislodged herself, crumpling back into the driver’s seat. “Get out. Once I get the feeling back in my legs, I’m driving home and you can’t be there. I can’t repeat this. I can’t repeat the couch. Not tonight. I’ll die or … I need to sleep.”

Kai started doing up his fly. “One day,” he said. “You’re going to answer my question.”

“I expect I’ll be truly lost when that day comes.”

Kai raised his eyebrows. “I hope so.” And he got out of the car.

#23 He Catches You Doing Something Embarrassing

Calum: Calum was working late at the studio which meant I had the house to myself tonight, I was all ready for a relaxing movie night on my own. I was all warm in Calum’s shirt and jumper, he would never admit it but he loved seeing me in his clothes.

After the first movie I had gotten bored so I went into the bathroom to fix myself up for Calum. I turned on my music, the first song that came on was a Chris Brown song… Calum must have left his iPod in here from this morning. I shrugged leaving the music to play. “Hey, I’m Calum. I’m in a band, I play bass. Cash money.” I said in a deep voice, doing the west side sign; trying to impersonate Calum. “I’m so hot, look at me all tan.” I continued, I grabbed his snap back from the bedroom. “Check me out. Look at my snapback, my snapback gets all the girls.” I said, I froze when I heard a muffled laugh. I turned to see Calum in the doorway. “Oh, hey Cal. How was recording?” I asked taking the snapback off and walking past him. He caught my waist, turning me around to face him. “Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy.” He said, his face close to mine, I was blushing furiously. “What was all that about?” He asked smirking at me, I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged trying to look as innocent as possible. He laughed and kissed me softly, I felt him pry the snapback from my hand. Before he put it on my head. “Damn, you look hot.” He said before he kissed me again and walked away laughing. I face palmed knowing that he would tell the boys and I would never hear the end of it. 

Ashton: I was ecstatic when Ashton told me that he would be touring with One Direction, I was a huge fan of them but I would never tell him how much.

Ash was out with the rest of the boys celebrating, so I decided to have my own celebration. I blasted One Direction through the house singing along and dancing around the lounge room. “And I’m like OW! You’re giving me a heart attack!” I yelled out, laughing as I did. I continued my terrible singing and dancing for a few more songs until my favourite from the Take Me Home album came on, She’s Not Afraid. I did air guitar as I sung along. “She’s not afraid of all the attention.” I sung, I heard a giggle from behind me… oh crap! “She’s definitely not afraid.” Ashton joked as he paused my music, I blushed a bright red. My heart thumping in my chest from singing and dancing too much and my own embarrassment. “Uh… she is now.” I said as Ashton towered over me. “So are we a fan of One Direction now?”

“Little bit.” I said, squinting. “I knew it! Who’s your favourite?” I shook my head. “I’m not telling you. You’ll tell them, I don’t really fancy that.” I grinned, he shook his head. “No, I won’t I promise.” He said sounding like a child that wanted lollies. “Fine, Liam is my favourite.” I shrugged, he smiled evilly. “You cheeky bastard!” I joked shoving his chest. “You love me.” He said grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Sadly Ashton I do.” I sighed my head falling on his chest knowing that he would tell everyone including the One Direction boys… which scared the crap out of me.  

Luke: I had been best friends with Luke for years, and we had always said that we would never date because it would be weird. Only lately that feeling for me has changed, I think ever since I saw him play live it was all down the drain about the ‘but we’re friends’ excuse. My best friend, B/F/N had called me just for a general chat. “So how is the situation with Luke going?” She asked randomly, I shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t said anything, I mean what can I say? ‘Hey Luke, I saw you live the other night and oh my god you were so sexy… let’s date.’ I can’t say that.” I reasoned, she sighed. “Okay, Y/N. When was the last time you dated a guy like him?” She sighed, I rolled my eyes. “I haven’t. It would just ruin everything if Luke found out. I mean sure he has perfect hair, he’s super tall, gorgeous blue eyes, the widest shoulders ever, the most amazing smile, the best body—” I stopped talking when I heard a cough behind me, I spun around on my chair to see Luke standing in front of me. “Uh… B/F/N I’m going to have to call you back.” I said hanging up quickly. “Hey, Y/N.” Luke smirked at me, I blushed beet red. “How much of that did you hear?”

“It would ruin everything if Luke found out. I mean sure he has perfect hair, he’s super tall, gorgeous blue eyes –” He mocked coming closer to me, “– Yeah I get it Luke.” I cut him off, he smiled proud of himself. I threw him a harsh glare, wiping the look off his face. “Y/N, why didn’t you ever tell me?” His voice serious now. “What? That you have perfect hair, you’re super tall, gorgeous blue eyes, the widest shoulders ever, the most amazing smile, the best body? I thought you already knew that.” I joked, a smile cracked on his face. “Thank you Y/N, but why didn’t you tell me that you felt this way?” He smiled. “I didn’t feel that you needed to know. Luke I’m sorry it’s just a crush I’ll get over it.” I said quickly hoping that I hadn’t ruined everything. “I don’t want you to get over it. I didn’t know you liked me back so I never said anything about liking you.” He shrugged, he wrapped his arms around me. “So what do you say, want to go out with me sometime?” He asked smiling down at me, I nodded. I never knew embarrassing myself like this would end so well.   

Michael: It was so hot today, Michael had gone out with the boys for the afternoon. I wanted to sit around and do nothing because it was so hot but I couldn’t because I had some housework to do before Michael came home. The only way I was gonna do housework in this heat was in my underwear, yes it was weird but no one was home and Michael wouldn’t be home for hours so why not?

I stripped down to my bra and undies and went into the kitchen to do the dishes. I blasted my music as I washed up. I danced around the kitchen as I continued my work.

I was almost finished when I froze feeling someone wrap their arms around me, I knew who they belonged to straight away. “Michael! You’re all sweaty!” I wiggled in his arms, he just chuckled darkly in my ear. “I don’t care. Now what are you doing… like this?” He asked turning me around and stepping back from me. “Well… two things… it’s hot and… it’s hot.” I said holding up my fingers. “And by it’s hot you mean you’re hot, yes?” He cheekily asked, grinning at me. “Nooooo… the weather is hot today and unless you wanted to be eating off your hands tonight this needed to be done.” I said seriously. “Michael! What’s going on?” I heard Ashton ask before he walked into the kitchen, Michael stood in front of me. Blocking me from him. “Nothing. Ash can you leave please?”

“Oooo… Is Y/N naked?” He teased before leaving. Michael turned to me, I blushed deep red. “Why am I so embarrassing?” I groaned, Michael just laughed. I shoved his chest playfully. “I thought it was pretty cute you singing along to my songs in your cute underwear.” He said playing with a bow on my bra. “Shut up and go hang out with your friends.” I teased, he smiled before kissing me. He left for a second, and came back shirtless handing me his shirt. “Please for the sake of the boys’ lives wear this.” I shook my head pulling his shirt on. 

A/N: Hope you like it! I enjoyed writing this one! 

~Lucy xx

I’ve Missed You (Part Three)

You grabbed a towel, drying yourself off before running after Isaac. You didn’t know why he was all of a sudden giving you the cold shoulder. Just a couple of hours ago he was kissing and holding you like you were dating. “Isaac! Stop!” You caught up to him, slightly panting. “Why did you just leave like that?” You followed him inside, wrapping the towel around your body. “Why did you come back?” He stopped, turning to you. His voice was just above a whisper, his tone sounding confused and betrayed. “Why did you come back to Beacon Hills? Everyone was finally over you, and you decided to show up right after everyone thought we were okay. It took us two years to get over you leaving us behind. We finally mended the wound and you showed up just to rip it back open. Do you have any idea just how much you hurt us?” You felt a knot growing in your stomach, and a dull ache resurfacing in your heart. Why was he bringing this up? “Isaac, why are you bringing this up? I thought we all agreed to move on!” You clutched the towel around your body and searched his face. “You said that I deserve better than you, (Y/N), and you were right. I deserve someone who isn’t going to leave me broken hearted and show up once I think I’m alright again. You said that you’re here to protect me, but where were you when my dad was locking me in a freezer? You weren’t here, that’s for sure. You were only thinking about yourself when you left. You didn’t bother to think about how you would affect the rest of us because you were being selfish. I was in love with you and you just left me here by myself with no one to help me cope!” Second by second, Isaac’s voice rose and his eyes became glossier. “Why would you come back?!” He threw his fist at the wall, creating a huge hole and causing you to jump, terrified of the sight before you.

You couldn’t say anything, you were stunned. You had never seen Isaac so emotionally distraught before you hated that it was because of you. You opened your mouth several times to say something, but no words came out. “Did you really think that you could come back after two years and everything would be fine? Everyone may act like they’re so excited to have you here again, but inside, they all resent you. They wish you never would’ve come back. Life was getting good again for us and you came back and messed it up!” Isaac yelled, taking steps toward you until you were backed up against the wall and he was in your face. He breathed heavily before turning and walking toward the stairs. “It would probably be best if you left. You’re pretty good at it anyway,” he snapped, treading upstairs to the guest room that he was staying in. You were frozen in your spot, unable to move or process what had just happened.

Lydia came in and saw you against the wall and rushed over to you, grabbing you gently and pulling you to the living room. “What the hell happened? We could all hear you guys outside,” she sat on the couch next to you and watched you, concern taking over her facial features. Your eyes stared holes into the wooden floor as you told her what he said. “Did I really ruin your lives by coming back?” You sniffled, wiping more tears from your eyes. Lydia pursed her lips for a moment. “You didn’t ruin our lives. You just surprised us and threw our lives off track for a moment,” she tried to word it carefully, but it wasn’t working very well. “You guys should’ve said something if you didn’t want me here. There was no need to lead me on. I know what I did was horrible and unforgivable, but if you guys didn’t want to deal with me again you could’ve just told me to leave in the first place,” you stood up and shook your head. “A simple ‘I don’t think we can handle being friends with you’ would’ve done just fine,” Lydia followed your actions. “(Y/N), that’s not how it is! We’re all glad that you’re back. We want you to stay here. He’s only trying to get into your head,” Lydia grabbed your arm gently and looked at your puffy eyes, pursing her lips. “Just give him a few days to cool off, okay?”

Empty suitcases adorned your mattress while you paced in the background. You were contemplating on leaving again, but you didn’t know if you could do it again. If you left, you wouldn’t ever be able to come back. No one would forgive you and you’d be known as the girl who ran away from her troubles rather than facing them. On the other hand, Isaac was completely right that you were just a burden who had showed up and made everything more difficult for the pack. You hadn’t talked to him since he yelled at you and told you to leave. You wanted to forget everything that happened but your mind felt the need to torture you and replay his words and that horrible moment over and over again.

“You said that I deserve better than you, (Y/N), and you were right.”

“It would probably be best if you left. You’re pretty good at it anyways.”

“Everyone may act like they’re so excited to have you back here again, but inside, they resent you.”

“Life was getting good again for us and you came back and messed it up!”

Your eyelids blinked furiously, trying to push back the tears that had made their way to the surface. A knock on your door ripped you from your thoughts and you threw the suitcases under your bed, yelling out a “hold on”. You composed yourself as best you could and opened your door to find Isaac standing there with a wet coat and speckled hair from the rain. You had spent so much time overthinking that you hadn’t noticed the rain pattering against your window. “Can we talk?” He spoke quietly with no emotion. Your eyes flickered down to the floor as you turned away from him and nodded. He pulled out your desk chair and sat down and stayed silent for a few moments before speaking. “I’m sorry for how I acted at the lake house. I don’t know what happened. A switch just flipped in me and my aggressive, angry side came out. I never meant to scare you or yell at you,” he stood up, grabbing your arm gently and turning you so that you faced him. You wanted nothing more than to hug him and kiss him and tell him that you loved him, but you didn’t. Instead, you shook your head and pulled your arm out of his grip. “You were right,” you whispered, pursing your lips for a second. “You were completely and absolutely right. I ruined everything when I came back. I’m just a huge burden on everyone. You all act excited to have me back but you all wish I never came back. Everything would be so much easier for everyone if I hadn’t come back,” you turned away from him again, the pools in your eyes threatening to flow over your lash line and down your face. “(Y/N), you know that’s not true. I was just hurt and had pent up all of my anger and it just came out. No one hates you and you’re not a burden. I’m still head over heels for you, and you have no idea just how much I want to be with you. I just need to be fully sure that you’re committed,” he glanced around the room and his eyes flickered to your bed before back to you. “I know your suitcases are under your bed. I know that you’re trying to decide whether to leave or not. But if it means anything, I really want you to stay. I’m in love with you and you have no idea how crazy I am about you,” his voice lowered in volume. “Please don’t go,” he whispered.

All it took was the crack in his voice for you to make up your mind. The rubble left from his walls coming down was enough to make you realize that you weren’t going to do anything but hurt people even more if you left, and Isaac would build those walls back up and never let them come down again. You turned to him, noticing the wet trails that were left on Isaac’s red cheeks. You pulled him into your embrace and clutched his shirt with one hand while the other found its way into his hair. His arms wrapped around your frame tightly as if it was the last hug he’d ever encounter with you. Your intentions became clear to him as you both stood there in a big sobbing mess.

You were staying.

Stand Up

A fanfic I wrote, and At the end of Hope translated from Spanish. Enjoy!

___________________________________________________________________

Brat.

It’s three in the morning and you are sleeping by my side. I am holding my cell phone with my left hand, because stubborn as you are, you refuse to let go of my right hand.

It’s odd. Talking to you like this when I can clearly see the rise and fall of your chest, knowing that I could wake you.

I suppose the crux of the matter is that I could not tell you what I want to face to face.

Or maybe I don’t want to, honestly.

It’s not that I can’t, because I know I can look at you in the eye and tell you “Hey, Ackerman, I’m leaving you.” I can lie to you and tell you that I don’t have feelings for you anymore and all the other nonsense that your impulsive brat can say and mean.

But I don’t want to do it. I know you would believe me, because a part of you keeps thinking that I am just cold hearted when I am not. That I am with you because it’s convenient, that it’s easy for me to have someone to cook for me in the mornings and sleep by my side now that I am in the hospital.

Yet, truth is, I not only see how you sleep by my side, I also see the black circles under your eyes, Ackerman, and they are hideous. I am not going to lie to you: you are not pretty right now, you look haggard from the lack of sleep and all the crying you do when you think I am not watching you-no, you don’t fool me, and I know you cry all the time and that you cover your face with your scarf when you suspect that I am going to catch you, when I did after the first tear had barely fallen.

Look, I could go down memory lane and muse about how we met and all those stupid things right now, like how you were trying to drag Jäger out of the bar, and how you emptied a whole bottle of whisky on my head when I refused to accept your apologies for his vomit on my cravat.

But that is not important, because you washed my hair about a hundred times, and that more than made up for it and anything else you could have done. Even if you hadn’t washed it, I forgave you everything the first night that we spend together.

Anyways, truth is I had to prepare you for I am no longer here, and all that bullshit that the doctors are saying that seems to be taken out of a soap opera.

I really don’t care, I don’t do it because they told me, I do it because you are strong, and you don’t deserve lies.

Ackerman, I’m dying. Like, I should burn a whole temple to whatever deity in existence heard me if I make it to next week. I mean if I wasn’t atheist of course.

Still we both know that is not going to happen, and if I make it to tomorrow night it will be a miracle. They already warned me about my organs starting to fail tomorrow, no matter how well I feel right now, and then I won’t be able to talk to you.

So I will tell you right now in this long ass message that cost all the other messages that you had in your cell phone.

I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you and always will be. No, I am not saying this because I’m dying, rather because I am sure the things I love-the few things I do-are permanent. Like lemon ice-cream, damn it I love lemon ice cream and cleaning, ah, that clean smell.

Whatever, you are more important than lemon ice cream and that clean smell and all those other things. Really I am OK with dying if you keep on living.

So I leave with no regrets…

No, fuck that, I regret a bunch of things: I would have liked been able to give you a child, or two, so they could kiss you in the morning like I do, but I am too weak to try, though I would love to.

Shit, I would love to have a family with you and fight with our sons’ teachers and chase away our daughters’ boyfriends. I would love to have to explain to our children that no, we are not killing each other when they hear all the ruckus in our room.

I laugh at the idea. I makes me laugh just thinking about it.

Nevertheless, those are pipe dreams, Ackerman. Truth is I am going to die in a few hours, and you will be without me. And that’s fine, because I know you are strong. I don’t know how much you love me, but if you don’t love me as much as I do…

Let’s not talk about this. It won’t end well. So when you are in front of the mound under which I will be sleeping, I want you to erase this message. You have all the time from when you receive this-whether I am awake or not-until my burial to listen to this message and cry like Armin would.

Then, you are going to erase it. And you will keep the other one, the one you will tell the doctors and your friends that I left you because I don’t want them to curse me when I am on “paradise,” if that shit even exists.

Lies, I don’t give a fuck about what they think or have to say: I just realized, while I push away a few strands of your hair from your face, how pathetic I sound.

You know me, and I know you hear how desperate I am. Even my fucking voice is trembling.

Because I don’t want to leave you alone. I know everyone else has left you alone and in the end, I am no better than them.

But I’m in love with you Mikasa. I love you so much that I feel I’m going to take you with me, and no, don’t misunderstand me: you have to stay and live and fuck some guy who gives you gray-eyed children, each of them with their own red scarf.

I don’t know what else to tell you in this message, I feel like I ruined everything, because I always ruin everything. You already told me that it’s because I’m old, and even if I always make fun of it, truth is that yes: I have an old soul, that feels like a teenager when it involves your lips in mine or your hands wrapped around my neck, or how good your legs feel around my hips.

And I feel like I ruin everything because the deal was that you were going to live about fifteen years more than me, because of the age gap between us, not fifty or sixty years.

I’m sorry. Ah… I’m sorry, I can’t, I… I better move on to the next message, yes? The one that’s for every day…

Maybe it was me the one who didn’t want to let go of your hand.

______________________________________________________________________

Mikasa burst out laughing. The man next to her laughed in a similar manner, and tenderly looked at her. She was used to this kind of gestures.

“I can’t believe it…” he whispered against her lips over and over again. “You are going to be my wife… Mikasa Ackerman, my wife… Who would have imagined? My wife… We will have children and a life together. We will even clean the house together, just like you obsess about.”

Mikasa smiled. She was happy. Happy because she loved this man who made her laugh, and kept her warm during the cold nights.

This man who understood that there had been an Eren in her life. That had understood that he was like her brother and not because of that their relationship was in danger.

Yes, Jean was understanding.

There was only one thing that he would never understand.

“I am going out,” she told him, warmly burrowed in his side. “I will be back after dark.”

Yes, only one thing. Because he didn’t know about it.

______________________________________________________________________

Mikasa looked at the tombstone in front of her. It seemed like minutes to her, when in reality it had been hours during which she pressed and pressed the repeat button on her voicemail.

“This is goodbye. I will never be able to forget completely about you, but I can honestly say that I don’t love you like I used to. If it makes you feel better, know that he is a good guy, and I know you would say something like he has a horse face, but he makes me happy. It has been seven years after all… So…yes, this is goodbye.”

But her words were at odds with her actions.

Because she still pressed the button twenty-seven times after her last goodbye.

It was a somewhat cloudy autumn afternoon when the words rang in the air one last time.

And then, Mikasa Ackerman deleted the message.

And Levi’s last words died in her ears.

 ________________________________________________________________

Ackerman, don’t die. Stand up and clean the fucking house until you feel better. I love you. Levi.