your feet are not even on the ground

ok this my list of hoe tips and life tips in general

- can’t get ur pussy smooth?? always prickly?? shave diagonally and horizontally instead of up and down, and always use a new blade

- can’t get ur pussy soft?? shave with hair conditioner and massage it in for like 30 seconds before. after u shave, massage with baby oil, and lotion after a shower

- EXFOLIATE. exfoliating is the key to life. mix used coffee grounds with a moisturizing oil (olive or coconut is best). rub that shit all over your legs before you shave until ur hands start to feel funny

- dry feet?? bih me too. rub a fuck ton of regular lotion (or foot cream if u fancy, even Vaseline works) all over your feet and put double socks (or fuzzy socks) on before bed. yass

- this one is the most basic but pls drink water. it’ll clear ur skin, flush out your kidneys to prevent bladder infections, and ur pussy gonna be wet asf

- salt, fat, caffeine, dairy, etc. r gonna make u taste all funky down there. fruits, veggies, and anything w high water content is gonna make u taste fresh/sweet

- smoking and drinking also gonna make u taste funky. and smoking is especially bad for u, so put out the cig babe

- using soap on ur pussy gonna fuck up ur pH bad. the vagina is a self cleaning device, and all u need is a really soft washcloth (or even a cotton shirt) and some water, let ur body do ur thing

- if ur used to wearing tampons and that’s what u find comfortable, use a menstrual cup! very sanitary and will save u a TON of money in the long run

- want a natural lip plumper?? mix a lil bit of cinnamon and honey, and gently rub it into your lips w a soft toothbrush n leave it on for a min. slather on some chapstick n ur plump n soft

- BUY A VIBRATOR. please do it. it will save ur fucking life

- cotton panties or no panties sis. ur kitty needs to breathe and cotton/no panties will prevent bacterial and fungal infection

- got hair on ur face? got rough skin? GURL SHAVE IT! wash your face as normal and pat dry, gently run a clean razor over any areas (cheeks, chin, neck). tone and moisturize like a motherfucker. smooth!

- pubic hair is healthy and good and keeps ur vag clean! don’t shave it unless YOU want to, don’t leave that decision up to ur nasty man

- allow urself junk in moderation. it’ll make making healthy choices easier if u allow urself a little treat every once in a while

- a simple equation for a good meal: vegetable + grain/carb, protein

- do ur fucking homework and do it on time

- rubbing a little bit of petroleum jelly on ur pressure points before spraying perfume will make it last longer

- hair holds onto scents v easily. wanna smell like a goddess????,,, spritz that hair

- kat von d everlasting liquid lipstick is blowjob proof. get messy n be on point!

- urban decay all nighter setting spray is gonna save ur life. it’ll keep ur shit in place when u getting dicked, if u cryin, chokin on dick, w/e u like to do

- if ur having trouble getting wet even after sufficient foreplay, a little bit of water based lube does WONDERS. also won’t deteriorate condoms (oil) or get gritty (silicone)

- need to stretch out ur shoes?? fill two ziploc bags with water and put them in ur shoes. put shoes in the freezer until water freezes solid, and dethaw with a hairdryer. especially effective on leather!

- having problems deepthroating? make sure ur throat is in line with ur mouth, if it’s not the dick won’t go down

- can’t deepthroat at all? cover ur teeth with ur top lip and press ur tongue to the roof of ur mouth while he thrusts. 10/10!

- communication w ur partner during sex will make it a trillion million times more satisfying

- frizzy hair? put conditioner on the tips of your hair (nape of the neck and down) and shampoo right on ur scalp. volumizes without frizzing!

- this one kinda weird but don’t hold ur pee unless u wanna mean bladder infection/UTI

- pee after u masturbate please. u never know what can shimmy up ur urethra, even when ur playin w the little man in the sailboat

- keep a pair of spare glasses with u for when ur contacts dry out. lifesaver

- always keep extra undies, an extra shirt, makeup remover, moisturizer, and comfy shoes in ur car/bag if u can fit all of it

- apply dry shampoo the night before ur gonna need it. it’ll soak up the oil before it sits on ur hair. reapply in the morning n style accordingly

- apple cider vinegar mixed with water works as a good toner if u ain’t got no moneyyyy

- castor oil on ur brows and lashes every night will make them thicker and longer. even just one day will help (bc they will be shiny and moisturized)

ill probs add onto this when i think of more!

chaotic--cosmos  asked:

Please talk about the mummy returns

pristinepastel said: Hey, i know you like the first mummy, but what about the mummy returns?

I HAVE RETURNED…after like a day. 

but what the people want, the people get!

RIGHT SO THE MUMMY RETURNS!

aka the only sequel that is 1000% just as good as the first one. like holy shit. 

ten years later and we meet our heroes again. rick and evie are happily married, going on adventures, and evie’s dream of becoming a respected scholar has come true and they’ve made a tiny human! 

the only unrealistic part being that they only had one kid, i mean they are still all over each other ten years later and you’re telling me they only had ONE kid.

okay. sure jan. 

but boy o’ boy is that one kid awesome! 

alex o’connell. this kid is literally:

  • 50% evie super-klutz-genius. 
  • 50% rick screams-at-things-that-are-illogical-to-scream-at. 
  • 50% uncle jonathan’s sheer dumb luck and wit. 
  • 10% i’m really bad at math. 

you get the point. HE’S GREAT. also the actor passed on harry potter because, JUST LIKE ME, the mummy 1999 was his favorite movie and he just HAD to be in the sequel. alex is just such a smart-ass little shit. that much like his mother, accidentally brings about the apocalypse by opening something he shouldn’t have:

Originally posted by rafikecoyote

ARDETH BAY TIME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. he has a much bigger role in this one. GOD BLESS. (because he was supposed to die in the first one, but test audiences loved him as much as we do, so they kept his fine ass around) he still looks prettier than everyone and is still so done with white people once again. 

*after almost being killed on he bus* “this was my first bus ride.”
*after realizing they’re gonna make him fly again* “why can’t you people ever keep your feet on the ground?”

he’s just such an awesome A+ friend goals, because while he probably needs to go be with other medjai to prepare for battle against anubis’ army (yikes), he stays with the fam to rescue alex. it wasn’t even much of a thought for him really, rick and evie just batted their eyelashes and he was like: *sighs* “these white people are always messing my shit up, but they are my white people.”

Originally posted by lestatscherie

jonathan: still beautifully the same as ever. witty, clever, and would do anything for his family. 

“be quiet alex! if there’s going to be any hysterics, they’ll come from me!”

“if you see anyone come running out screaming, it’s just me.”

when he boasts about being a good shot and ardeth is internally like “i’m gonna die.” THEN HE SAVES ARDETH. hell yeah.

Originally posted by aurhireactions

rick: he’s still screaming at things. BUT IN DAD MODE. he’s the ultimate dad.

“you, lighten up. you, big trouble. you, get in the car.”
*sweetly* “honey, what are you doing, these guys don’t use doors.”
“knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you’re about to do to him, but this is my house and i have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.”

Originally posted by lmhotep

evie: still a super-klutz nerd, but with C O N F I D E N C E. little baby librarian is now a honey badger of ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK! and also a re-incarnated princess

“no harm ever came from opening a chest.”

rick: “i swear that kid gets more and more like you every day.”
evelyn: “you mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?”

Originally posted by a-ripley

we meet izzy, another one of rick’s ex boyfriends, who is a much more reliable mode of transportation than previously mentioned murder buses. 

imhotep: still emo. still wants to make out with his gf.

anck su namun/meela: hella good villain. she bomb af and 100% wants to take over the world. amazing. she actually has like a really cool role this time too!!! like so much screen time. 

Originally posted by marimoody

the rock…i mean the scorpion king, he’s another emo villain with goofy cgi rendering and like 4 million terrible made-for-TV spin off movies that you are lying if you haven’t watched at least one of them and felt that utter disappointment. but who cares the rock is pretty. and this was his first acting role and the reason we have him where he is today. 

thank you mummy returns for giving the world actor rock johnson #blessed

Originally posted by charmander-ann

THE ROMANCE AGAIN:

normal action movie sequel romance: same guy. different girl. repeat of first movie’s romance. hehehehhehehehhEHEHEHEHHEHH. 

not here bitch. 

rick and evie’s love has only grown stronger. they still bicker like old ladies at bingo night. the still look at each other like they hung the moon. they’re still disgusting jonathan because they CANNOT KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES. one kid my ass. they still support each other and protect each other like crazy. they love each other so much and it’s so healthy and pure and there is some good in this world mr. frodo.

Originally posted by yocalio

the bottom line here is. what’s the point of watching the mummy 1999 if you aren’t going to watch the mummy returns immediately after?

JUST DO IT.

Originally posted by mummymovies

Mars Signs

Mars in Aries: Master of Aries, Mars gives the natives tons of energy, sex appeal to resell, and sometimes an explosive character that you will have to learn to control. Fortunately, your anger soon evaporates. Enthusiastic, assertive and bold, you are a natural leader who attracts attention even without looking for it.

Mars in Taurus: You are a nervous person, you work hard, you have feet on the ground. Determined, persevering, sensible and indefatigable, you can be distracted by the desires of the flesh, but when you engage in something, whether in a relationship or in a job, it is for the long-term - and the money. Born with great practicality, you pay attention to material goods and social status, often far more than you would like to admit.

Mars in Gemini: With the planet of aggression in the sign of the twins, you are fiery, contentious, nervous and irritable. Although you adore debating, you are not able to distinguish important principles from points of detail. Your energy rises and falls at a sometimes dizzy pace, but you have a keen and ingenious mind, and you are incredibly fun.

Mars in Cancer: You are a basically emotional person who needs to master his moods before he can successfully achieve his goals. If you do not understand it, you tend to make the head. You are extremely sensitive, but you may give people signs so subtle that many do not perceive them. In a couple relationship, you may be possessive and tenacious while you should be angry and take the door. You cook in your juice. You bury your emotions. You have to learn to be direct. But you are also awake, protective, devoted and imaginative, in bed and elsewhere.

Mars in Leo: Confident, exalted and indefatigable, you have passion, presence and continuation in ideas. When you are hired for a cause or an activity, virtually nothing can stop you. That’s right, you can be egotistic (which means you’re bringing too much interest to your own person) and arrogant, and your need to have an audience can be boring. However, your warmth, your enthusiasm and your eagerness to take the first step bring you many admirers, sentimentally and elsewhere. You create the excitement.

Mars in Virgo: Control is of paramount importance to you. You work hard, you are calculator and ready to look really straight in the eye. Sensible and methodical, you can detach yourself from your emotions when your success depends on it. This quality is advantageous for your career. In your private life, it gives you the amazing ability to turn on and off your sexual urges, at will like it.

Mars in Libra: In the best of cases, you are friendly, charming, you have class and you are incredibly attractive. You enjoy social life and you are willing to compromise, emotionally and in other situations. But you turn at a loss without a partner, professionally and personally. Moreover, you tend to conceal your uncertainties and insecurities by justifying your inconsiderate statements with more passion than logic, although you are proud of your rational mind. People sometimes feel compelled to say that they agree with you in order to simply put an end to the discussion.

Mars in Scorpio: You are courageous and cunning, determined, and you provide for your own needs. Gifted with a formidable will and unwavering desires, you also have a strong libido and are also intensely emotional. You can not stop yourself from succumbing to powerful feelings, and it is possible that you struggle with jealousy and the urge to seek revenge. It is not easy to adapt to changing circumstances, but you have a solid and reliable source of internal energy and a great deal of personal power. It is a beneficial position.

Mars in Sagittarius: Independent and enthusiastic, you have strong convictions, a love for outdoor activities, and a deep desire for adventure. But you may be negligent and provocative, and your crusades, begun with so much eagerness, do not always come to an end. You are also fair, direct, idealistic, and you can quickly gather your energy, especially if you have gone on an adventure.

Mars in Capricorn: Your desires, sexual or otherwise, are powerful, and your ambitions are targeted. When you feel recognized, your energy is reliable and you are persistent; But when you feel upset, your vitality drops. Effective, systematic and controlled, you respect tradition and authority, and you often reach the top of the hierarchy. You understand the hierarchies and you are, in different ways, a natural leader. But when you do not get the obedience you require, you can be incredibly cold. You usually try to hide your anger, but when it escapes, it’s unpleasant.

Mars in Aquarius: Whenever possible, you prefer the least traveled path. You are enterprising, impatient, unpredictable, and you are not afraid to take risuqes. Conventions bore you. Modern ideas captivate you and you appreciate the idea of ​​progress. Change makes you excited. You are independent, idealist and friendly. But emotionally, you can be rather cold, you even rebellion sometimes just to make you understand something.

Mars in Pisces: You fall deeply in love. You are generous, changeable, agitated and highly intuitive. But when emotional uproar exceeds your tolerance threshold, you tend to close. When this happens, your will evaporates, you have motivation problems, you can discourage your friends by your passivity, and your physical energy disappears. One of the main challenges in your life is to regulate your energy, which can often be the slave to your feelings.

“who said it?”, pt. ii

this time, we’re going to have a list of the common and popular quotes you find all over the place that are quoted all the time and their authors!! enjoy! (:
(find pt. i here)

  • “Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” 
    • An Old Astronomer to His Pupil, Sarah Williams
  • “The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”
    • Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, Robert Frost
  • “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
    • Albert Camus
  • “Do I dare disturb the universe?”
    • The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot
  • “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
    • East of Eden, John Steinbeck
  • “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”
    • Paradise Lost, John Milton
  • “Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
    • Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer
  • “We live as we dream—alone.”
    • Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
  • “To the stars who listen— and the dreams that are answered.”
    • A Court of Mist and Fury, Sarah J Maas
  • “We are all broken. That’s how the light gets in.”
    • a mashed up quote from Leonard Cohen and Ernest Hemingway
  • “Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.”
    • Theodore Roosevelt
  • “Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage at the dying of the light.”
    • Do not go gentle into that good night, Dylan Thomas
  • “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”
    • Helen Keller
  • “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
    • Aristotle
  • “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’“
    • C.S. Lewis
  • “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
    • Oscar Wilde
  • “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
    • Oscar Wilde
  • “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.”
    • multiple authors (incl. Malcolm X, Alexander Hamilton, Irene Dunne)
  • “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”
    • Mark Twain
  • “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”
    • The Truth About Forever, Sarah Dessen

and there we have it, a collection of popular quotes from others! i hope this was helpful, and stay tuned for pt. iii and more! 

yours, 
joce xx

me being (very) brutally honest with the signs

Aries- You’re such a goddamn hothead all the goddamn time. Not everyone likes to be constantly doing something every second of every day. You get angry with people for the smallest and most trivial reasons but god forbid someone take a dig at you. You’re such a hypocrite and it’s annoying as fuck. You act like an edgy teenager that’s constantly throwing a tantrum. You also boss people around and expect everyone to just follow your lead and if they don’t, you get pissed at them for having a mind of their own. You seriously need to take a look at your life and stop seeing everything as a fucking challenge that’s rigged against you. My god, I get tired just being in your presence. 

Taurus- You’re a lazy fuck and way too materialistic and possessive. You literally have no desire to do anything because you love to sit on your ass. You take “treat yourself” to a whole new level and not in a healthy way whatsoever. It seems like every chance you get you cause arguments and then you contradict whatever the other person is saying just because you can’t look at anything from a different point of view. Even if you get to the point where you realize you’re in the wrong and the other person is right, you’ll just continue to argue for the sake of arguing and god forbid your ego take even the slightest blow. It’s irritating as shit like you really think you know best when in reality you’re just a stubborn bitch. What a bore.

Gemini- Look, I know you guys get a lot of flak. But take this into consideration…… it’s because most if not all of it is FUCKING TRUE. You have so many different personalities I don’t know which one is even real. You gossip 24/7 and flip-flop between who you talk to and who you talk about. You’re completely unreliable and unpredictable and also clingy as fuck. Seriously, I feel like I can’t get away from you. I just want to go to the bathroom, I don’t need to hear the story right now about how Sarah said that Dylan said that Kimberly found a sock in the dryer that wasn’t hers. Literally no one cares. Another thing that you do is once you get tired of someone, you just throw them away like garbage. (Also Trump is a gemini, and I know you guys can’t control that but like come on. Of course he’s a gemini.)

Cancer- You really need to stop being so whiny or I’m actually going to lose it. Everyone has problems so stop acting like such a victim all the goddamn time. You’re so moody all the time and you act like a small child that needs to have their diaper changed. You also cling onto people as soon as you meet them and cry if someone doesn’t answer your text within 5 fucking minutes. Don’t you have your own life to live? Oh wait, I forgot you spend every second in a dark room and refuse to come outside unless it’s to answer the door because you ordered shitty takeout. You consider changing your clothes adventurous and honestly it’s so boring. Introverted doesn’t even describe you, you’re more like a complete hermit (CRAB. HA!)

Leo- Hey leo, wow, are you actually reading this? I’m kind of shocked because I never thought you’d ever stop looking at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, you’re probably the most vain sign out of all of us. So much so that if someone criticizes you in even the smallest way, you get so offended and act like you’ve been shot in the chest. You think so highly of yourself, and while it’s great to have confidence, you take it to the next level, which is extreme arrogance. You love to have the conversation focused around you. You’re the type of friend that if someone is telling you about their problem or just their day in general, you’ll interrupt them and start talking about yourself and it’s DAMN ANNOYING. How do you still have friends?

Virgo- I’m gonna tell you right now, you’re not as perfect as you think you are. You’re so quick to critique other people that you write them off as not good enough before even getting to know them. You’re the type of person that would tell their friend that they were breathing too loudly. For fucks sake, you’re such an over analyzing pedant it makes me want to slap you in the face with my fucking asymmetrical hand. Your pessimism is damn near blinding, I probably wouldn’t want to hang around you for more than 10 minutes or you’d make me feel self conscious about how I fucking walk or some shit. You can’t take or make a joke. You’re skeptical about everything and you’re completely inflexible. You like to think of yourself as an intellectual but really you’re stuck up, narrow minded and someone I constantly find myself rolling my eyes at.

Libra- You are manipulative as shit. You’ll tell someone they look good without even looking up from your phone. You lie all the time and don’t really give a fuck if you hurt other people’s feelings because you really only look out for yourself. You’re also a huge fucking coward. When your friends need you to have their back and actually be there for them, you run and hide and say, “Oh sorry I just didn’t want to get involved!”. What a lame fucking excuse for ditching your friend in their time of need. You’re also extremely indecisive to the point where it’ll take you 3 hours just to choose where you want to go eat. It’s tiring as fuck. Just MAKE A CHOICE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. Have your own fucking opinion. You’re like a goddamn sheep.

Scorpio- Why the FUCK are you so aggressive for no fucking reason? You manipulate people just for the fun of it. You get jealous so easily and usually you don’t even have a reason to be jealous. You just are. It’s pathetic. You like to think that you’re so cool and mysterious but in reality people just see you as a moody and brooding asshole that no one really wants to bother getting to know. I mean, why would they? What’s the point? Every time someone even tries to get close to you, you completely brush them off and act like you don’t care about them because keeping your “mystifying” aura is soo important to you. And if you do let someone in, you treat them like they’re your possession and it’s creepy as hell. You obsess over them and you want to control them. God forbid they hang out with someone that isn’t you and then you resent them for no goddamn reason other than having a life of their own. Do me a favor scorpio and don’t talk to me.

Sagittarius- Honestly if a sag is reading this, you’re just straight up getting a taste of your own medicine. You’re tactless as shit and it makes me not want to be around you, ever. You’re inconsiderate of others and impatient with everyone. If someone isn’t moving up to your standards you will become agitated and aggressive and then you take it out on the person. You constantly need to be doing something else because your attention span lasts about 2 fucking seconds. You act like an 8 year old. You’re also really superficial. You don’t bother getting to know the deeper layers of a person because, like I said, you’re impatient and also just plain lazy. You take people for granted and are careless when handling the feelings of people closest to you. You’re also a really self-obsessed know-it-all. Go climb a fucking tree, sag.

Capricorn- Four words. Lighten. The fuck. Up. You are by far the most power-hungry of all the signs. You take everything so completely seriously that I don’t even know if you understand what “fun” even is. You always have to have two feet on the ground at all times and you can never ever be spontaneous and it’s so fucking dull. You’re conservative and disdainful nature can be so overbearing at times that even your friends need to get away from you. That is, if you have friends. You’re a complete pessimist so who knows if anyone can actually tolerate that. You constantly have to be the most successful person in a room, and you make sure you reach this level of success through abusive and controlling behavior towards the people around you. Your selfishness grosses me out.

Aquarius- I asked you what time it was. I didn’t ask you if I was afraid of time passing or the fact that it’s a manmade construct. For fucks sake, just shut the fuck up about this deep shit for once. I don’t want to contemplate how large the universe really is at fuckin 8:30 am on a Monday. You’re rebellious even when it doesn’t matter and honestly all it does is piss people off. You’re constantly trying to deviate from the norm that you make the same fucking mistakes that other people already made, but you don’t fucking learn from other people’s mistakes because you always have to go your own way. Maybe listen to other people for once? You’re the most detached sign out of all of them and you hurt people by acting aloof all the fucking time but you don’t care because you chalk it up to “this is who I am!!! I need my freedom!!!!”. You need to actually think about how your actions affect people you care about because if you don’t, you’re REALLY gonna end up alone and you won’t be able to do a damn thing about it. 

Pisces- You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time and get it through your head that you’re not always the damn victim. You don’t take responsibility for your actions and you always find a way to blame it on someone else because you’re NEVER in the wrong, are you? Poor little pisces. You’re not as innocent as you want everyone to believe. You’re constantly daydreaming and it becomes really annoying when I’m trying to talk to you and you just completely zone out because you love living in your little imaginary world. You’re the WORST at solving your own problems and conflicts because instead of dealing with them you just avoid it all together and end up leaving the mess for someone else to clean up. You’re really nosy- you love to get in other people’s business. But you don’t go to the person directly, you have to be sneaky about it and gather rumors from other people. You’re also very over-sensitive. Out of all the signs, you’re by far the most likely to respond to this post saying how this isn’t true and that I’m just a “big fat meany!!!” and then add a bunch of angry/crying emojis.


(disclaimer: Don’t worry, I don’t really hate your sign (unless you’re a  * * * * * * … lmao). This was just for fun and I know it’s harsh. Don’t take it too personally. You’re an individual and ultimately you determine who you really are. Except for you, * * * * * * . Fuck you.) 

Pleasing you

Synopsis: Stolen from Earth when you were only a teenager, what is left of your life consists of training to become an obedient pleasure slave on Sakaar… that is, until the Grandmaster, your slave driver, decides to gift you to King Loki, who seeks to visit to observe one of the Grandmaster’s infamous gladiator fights. Now, you belong to him, obliged to fulfil his every need. A truly tempting opportunity, is it not? After all—who is the God of Mischief to miss out on all the fun that comes with being king of Asgard?

Pairing: Loki x Reader
Rating: M
Chapter: 1/1 (Oneshot)
Words: 6725
Warnings: (sexual)
submission, kidnapping, (sexual) slavery, imprisonment, mentions of abuse, dub-con, smut

Read it on AO3!

Keep reading

my alpha.

Originally posted by semejohn

pairing: derek hale x reader

warnings: SMUT, swearing, dirty talk, NSFW GIFS. porn without a plot, basically.

prompt: going into heat while living in the loft with derek being the only available alpha. 

the cold loft was deserted as you laid in the middle of your bed, beads of sweat ran down your sore skin and your breathing was coming out harder than usual. you’d turned down the AC as soon as you’d woken up, the icy air doing very little to calm your raging hot skin. you had lived with derek and issac in the loft for 6 months after being turned by scott and having no where else to go; at first you thought of yourself as an inconvenience yet derek and issac constantly reassured you that you weren’t. al though they had said it many times, you still didn’t bother them with any of your problems and tried to keep to yourself in your room.

Keep reading

Rhys's Wingspan

Get your heads outta the gutter. 😂 I’m talking literally here. Cuz, let’s be real, Illyrian wings cannot be smaller than their bodies other wise they would not be able to even leave the ground.

Let’s use Rhysand and the little brown bat for reference.

Little Brown Bat (Myotis lucifugus): 3-4 inches long, with a 9-11 inch wingspan.

I’m going to go with a roughly 1:3 ratio with the body size compared to the wingspan.

And based on opinion, we’ll say Rhys is 6'4. Therefore:

6*3 = 18 ft.
4*3 = 12 in. = 1 ft.

Added together, that means Rhys’s wingspan is probably around 19-20+ feet. To compare that to something, that’s about the height of your average giraffe.

This has been a PSA for SCIENCE in the acotar fandom.

your love could start a war

billy hargrove x reader

words: 1303 (this one got long idk i love dacre’s face)

warnings: language, fighting

request:  Could you do an Imagine where Billy flirts with the reader and he’s like a dick to everyone else but her and he even kicks someone’s ass because the person tried to flirt with the reader. Like not as aggressively as his fight with Steve at the end. Thanks if you do it :)

Billy Hargrove had a reputation. It wasn’t a good one, as most saw him as kind of a dick. His ‘fuck you’ attitude and disregard for what people thought of him, most of Hawkins wasn’t quite sure how to feel about him. Most were intimidated, trying to fly under his radar. But you never really understood why.

You’d only ever seen him as caring and kind since the first day you met him. He was always more concerned of you than himself. He gave you a sea of compliments, no matter how many times you told him to stop, and was the first person you called when you just needed something. From the first day you met him, he was nothing but the most amazing guy in the world, it was hard to think of him as otherwise. He always sat with you at lunch on the same bench every day, even though it wasn’t his lunch period. You sat on the bench now, basking in the sunlight and waiting for him.

“How’s my favorite girl?”

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Bruise [ V ]

Genre [Rating] : Angst [M]

Length: 9.4k

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Summary: He wasn’t yours, and you weren’t his, but that couldn’t stop your heart from believing otherwise.

Bruise Masterlist

Originally posted by chanssoo

Bathes were supposed to be relaxing, everyone always said that they would be soothing to your aching muscles and wash away your problems. The water was warm against your freezing skin, the bubbles up to your chin and jostling whenever you moved your legs. The air was faintly filled with the sounds of cars driving by on the streets down below, the tires splashing in the puddles of leftover rain. The room was dimly illuminated, your wet hand glistening on the edge of the tub when the candle on the sink flickered patches of light onto your arm, giving it life when it felt so dull. Everything smelled like oranges and vanilla, your skin, your hair, even the bubbles threatening to spill over the edge of the porcelain. It all seemed relaxing, in theory. It was supposed to feel nice and like a reward after a long day, but in reality it was making you want to rip your hair from your scalp.

Because in the silent solitude all you could think about was Chanyeol.

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Protection | BTS Reaction

Summary: You’re out with your boyfriend at a party, celebrating their latest win in an awards show. All the famous people are there and everyone’s drinking and having fun…Your abusive (Mentally and/or physically) ex turns up however - as they are part of a famous group also, but your boyfriend doesn’t like them due to how they treated you. Your ex tries hitting on you, but your boyfriend has other ideas.

Disclaimer: There are elements of abuse, mental and physical. There isn’t a lot, but they are still there. So just a warning. 


Jin: You were stood by the drink stand whilst Jin had gone to talk to a bunch of people who had congratulated him on his win with the boys. As you stood there, you were suddenly tapped on the shoulder and you turned around “(Y/N), it’s been a while.” said the familiar face. You knew you’d see your ex today, but you didn’t think he’d speak to you

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anonymous asked:

How about a semi angsty fight with the rfa+V but they make up because HAPPY ENDINGS ARE NICE

I’m a slut for angst don’t give me this power 

Yoosung: 

✮ you had accidentally knocked the power cord to his computer while you were cleaning and he was playing LOLOL 
✮ he screamed 
✮ he was ranting and raving about how he was in the middle of an important raid and he was so close to levelling up 
✮ and you’re kinda standing there with a laundry basket and a pile of clothes almost over your head 
✮ and you don’t know what to do 
✮ you kind of want to cry 
✮ you kind of want to throw the laundry at his head 
✮ until 
✮ “rika never did things like this!!”
✮ oh 
✮ of course
✮ it somehow always got back to this point. comparing you with rika 
✮ sometimes he didn’t mean it or even realise he’d done it. but this was different 
✮ you remain eerily calm, putting the laundry down before turning to glare at yoosung 
✮ a wave of realisation hits him and he’s just full of guilt 
✮ you very calmly tell him you’re going to spend the night with jaehee, and ask him not to contact you 
✮ he begins crying and pleading with you to stop and stay 
✮ he’s so sorry and he’s just hating himself while you pack an overnight bag
✮ he’s practically on his knees and following you, begging you to stay 
✮ you kind of pause when you see the raw sorrow in his face 
✮ you sigh and stop for a moment 
✮ you’re hurt but you know that you have to talk it out with yoosung for it to get better 
✮ you both talk for a few hours, and he completely understands your viewpoint and he apologises 18923475829 times 
✮ he stays off of LOLOL for a few weeks, and even after that he tries not to get too obsessed– because that’s how the whole problem started 
✮ he just doesn’t want to lose you 

Jaehee: 

✎ you just wanted her to stop working so much 
✎ she was working overtime at the cafe 
✎ so much that she practically lived there 
✎ she was there after-hours and before-hours 
✎ sometimes she slept there and wouldn’t come home 
✎ so you book a holiday for her in secret, making plans behind her back for the cafe so it can function without her
✎ you tell all the employees and the deliverers who are close with the shop 
✎ but when you sit jaehee down and announce your plan 
✎ she gets so cold 
✎ she wants none of it 
✎ she’s not overworking herself dammit 
✎ she’s just doing what needs to be done 
✎ you try telling her that she doesn’t need to coddle the cafe, that you and the other emplyees were fully capable of running it 
✎ but she’s so worked up 
✎ and she says that you can’t 
✎ you’re clearly offended and you’re upset that your hard work planning this holiday for her is being pushed aside 
✎ somehow, you get her to take the holiday and see how it pans out 
✎ she’s calling you constantly 
✎ eventually you start ignoring her calls and texts 
✎ she gets so freaked out that the cafe is literally crumbling with you in charge so she rushes home 
✎ and you’re so mad when she rushes into the cafe, only to stop when she sees everything is going as usual 
✎ “b-but you weren’t answering my calls! I thought something happened!” 
✎ “jaehee i was ignoring you because you have no trust in me and I was busy making sure you could enjoy your holiday!” you were screaming 
✎ she felt so bad 
✎ she took her vacation and came back a lot better 
✎ you two made up, and she explained that her problem came from being jumin’s assistant for so long (if she didn’t do her job everything fucked up bc jumin is horrible at his job lmao) 
✎ she was a lot more calm after that and took breaks when she needed to (even took some time off on every second weekend- when you took care of the cafe) 

Zen: 

✿ he was working 
✿ of course 
✿ his job was the root of most of your arguments as a couple 
✿ but this time he had gone out for drinks with the cast 
✿ while you were standing outside of a restaurant waiting for him- you were going to have a date since filming was wrapping up that day (which is why the cast was having drinks in the first place) 
✿ you had faith in him, and stayed there until the restaurant closed 
✿ which was very, very late in the evening, seeing as it was part bar 
✿ as you were walking home, upset 
✿ zen came stumbling out of the bar with his castmates 
✿ he doesn’t notice you at first 
✿ until one of his acting buddies points at you, not recognising you, and laughs about how you’re soaked in rain and look like you’ve had that worst day of your life 
✿ you hear him 
✿ zen chuckles slightly before looking closer and realising who it is 
✿ swears up a storm as he pushes away everyone- muttering out something like ‘ssss my girlfirendddd’ 
✿ he tries to grab you because you’re storming away 
✿ he’s trying to coo and ask you why you were out so late because he’s drunk and doesn’t remember 
✿ you slap his hands away before screaming at him 
✿ “I was waiting for you! Our date for celebrating the end of filming?! Guess you had other plans, huh?!” 
✿ he’s so shocked like 
✿ it looks like he’s been smacked in the face 
✿ he follows you all the way home, apologising profusely 
✿ you make him sleep on the couch and lock yourself in the bedroom 
✿ when he wakes up the next morning he remembers, even through his wicked hangover 
✿ he cooks an amazing breakfast and waits for you to come out 
✿ when you do he hands you flowers with a card about how sorry he is
✿ he swears that he’ll make it up to you- and never let it happen ever again 

Jumin: 

₩ he was planning on properly introducing you to his father 
₩ but he was getting so controlling 
₩ he literally dressed you and did your hair and practically gave you a lecture on how to act and what to say 
₩ you’re kind of pissed at him but try to understand that he’s just stressed about how his father will react 
₩ his father loves you, and you loosen up- begin to be yourself 
₩ his father leaves after blessing your relationship together 
₩ but jumin is fuming 
₩ ‘what were you doing?! I told you not to say this or that’ blah blah 
₩ you’re just so shocked 
₩ “jumin that’s not who I am!” 
₩ “that’s who you should be!” 
₩ silence. 
₩ jumin has never been afraid of anything 
₩ but he’s afraid of this silence and the tears that are slipping down your cheeks 
₩ he’s afraid of what he said. he’s afraid of himself 
₩ he stumbles over his words as he tries to apologise, saying that isn’t what he meant 
₩ you can’t hear him though, all you can hear is his previous words echoing through your head 
₩ you tell him you’re sleeping in the guest room that night- the only thing you said before locking him out 
₩ when you get up the next morning 
₩ you open the door and see jumin sitting on the ground agains the wall next to your door, elizabeth pulled to his chest 
₩ his eyes were puffy and his cheeks and nose red 
₩ he had a note next to him that he hadn’t finished 
₩ it read ‘I’m sorry’ over and over, tear stains smudging some of the letters 
₩ you sigh, and kneel down to wake him up 
₩ he explains that he thought his father wouldn’t accept you unless you were like the other women and he didn’t want his father to come between your relationship anymore than he already had with the Sarah bullshit 
₩ and you make up but he spends so long reassuring you that he loves you so much, just the way you are 

Seven/Saeyoung: 

✞ he was doing it again
✞ he was trying to push you away 
✞ someone had approached you while you were on the street, asking about a ‘707′ 
✞ when you told saeyoung he got so scared and reverted back to his old ways 
✞ trying to push you away so that you ‘wouldn’t get hurt’ 
✞ when you try to kiss his cheek he physically pushes you away (after acting hostile all day) 
✞ and you trip over his wires and fall- hitting your head on the ground 
✞ he’s shocked, you’re shocked 
✞ he reaches forward to try and help you but freezes when you flinch away 
✞ he feels like less than shit 
✞ he feels like death himself. the grim reaper- that’s him. 
✞ he watches helplessly as you stumble to your feet and rush off to the bedroom, locking yourself inside (even though Saeyoung had control over the locks) 
✞ he spends about an hour just leaning over his desk with his head in his hands, thinking over how terrible he had been 
✞ how you deserve so much better 
✞ he was unstable. he was dangerous. 
✞ you were the light. you were everything 
✞ after a while he unlocks the door and sends your robot-cat in with flowers and a note in his mouth 
✞ it’s a handwritten letter from saeyoung, telling you he was just scared 
✞ that he was so sorry. that he loved you more than he could ever understand and he didn’t know how to deal with that yet 
✞ you slowly walk out, seeing him sitting on the ground somewhere, surrounded by the mess that he’d made 
✞ he had thrown all the cushions and pillows on the couch. ripped up the first drafts of the note. he’d even knocked one of his monitors to the ground, shattering it.
✞ you sit with him and talk together 
✞ you make a plan for how you can both deal with these times better 
✞ he promises to spend his life making sure you’re as happy as you can be 

V/Jihyun:

☼ i’m so sorry but i don’t want to hurt this precious roll 

Translations

Originally posted by yourwisehistory

Khal Drogo x Reader (Requested by Anon)

Hello! Could I request a Khal Drogo x Reader fic where she works as his translator/interpreter and one day she translates for Khal when an important guest arrives. But then the guest keeps hitting on her and being insulting when she turns him down. Khal can’t understand and the Reader doesn’t say anything to Khal because she knows the guest is important. But Khal notices she’s upset/withdrawn and ends up finding out. Thank you my lovely!

When you first started working for Khal Drogo, you hated it because, well, you were his slave. You were a translator for him as he only spoke his native tongue, and you spoke six other tongues - including his. You learned to love what you did, as you knew all of the important things going on in the tribe and what business your Khal was doing. You were sworn to secrecy with all of the business you heard and translated and you spent most of your time with Drogo. The only moments you weren’t with him was when you were bathing and sleeping.

You knew Drogo treated you differently than his other slaves; he favored you. He appreciated the translating, but he would have you sit either in front of him or on his lap when you weren’t doing what you were bought for. He liked to have you stay in his tent with him most nights, though you did have a cot in the slaves tent. He never raped you, or let anyone else rape you. He wouldn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do unless it was telling him what someone had said.

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Short Stuff

Summary: Y/N has problems reaching the handlebar on the train so she finds another suitable way to stay upright.

AN: i’m sorry this isn’t inclusive ahsjasj but this was such a cute idea i couldn’t help it  :( also i’m short as fuck if you didn’t know so this is a dream

Peter Parker x Reader

// Masterlist //


Originally posted by tomshollandss

My foot tapped along to the beat of the music rushing through my ears. People around me were either on their phone or talking to someone as we waited for the train to arrive. I shoved my hands into my pockets to warm them up from the chill of the wind.

Eventually, the train arrived but I soon found that it was more crowded than usual. All the poles that I usually held onto were occupied and the only things left were the handlebars up above. Which I was too short to grab hold of.

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“Why get x tattoo, you may not listen to this band in a couple of years. It’s not important to get it tattooed anyways!”

Listen dude, I’m sorry you never found that band/singer whose songs made you feel like home every time you listen to them.

 I’m sorry you never found that song that you know the lyrics by heart and from the first notes your body shivers while your heart-beat tunes with the rhythm and you feel like crying because you know no other way to express the feelings that come alone with this song.

I’m sorry you will never feel that joy because for you is just music.

But hey! I did and that helped me keep going on, so don’t even dare say to me something like this again because you will probably find yourself 6 feet under the ground.

Our Little Secret - Part Twelve

Summary: It’s your first hunt back from your injury. Dean thinks he has a way to help you through the soreness

Series Masterlist

Characters: Dean, Sam, Reader

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Kink(s): Wax Play

Word Count: 5000

Warnings: Smut, language, wax, angst

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I’m really loving these character and this series. Thank you for your wonderful responses. A special thank you to the people who looked this over for me.

This is unbetaed, all mistakes are my own

***THE TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES IS CLOSED**

“Your turn,” Dean hands you the shovel, “I dug the last one.”

“Oh come on Dean,” Sam protests, “she’s had more than a month off, she-”

“She’s standing right here,” you look pointedly at Sam, taking the shovel from Dean, “I got this, you boys just stand there and look pretty.”

Sam rolls his eyes, Dean chuckles, “Do you remember how to do this sweetheart, it’s been awhile.”

“Shut up, even rusty I can dig a grave twice as fast as you,” you can’t help but smile, pushing the point into the ground, taking out the first shovel full of dirt.

“Do you want me to time you?”

You flip him off, continuing to dig as they talk for a bit, discussing the corpse that in a matter of time you will be salting and burning. After about ten inches, another shovel hits the hard ground a few feet from yours and you look up to see Dean there, “You were moving too slow.”

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the blue notebooks

time travel au

pairing: jimin | reader
genre: fluff, angst
word count: 8.575
warnings: none
author’s note: this story will have a sequel since there is much, much more I want to tell, but I wanted to keep it under 10k and I figured this part worked well as a standalone. please enjoy :)


You meet Park Jimin after a particularly rough landing.

You wish time traveling was as easy as the books like to describe, or as beautifully romantic as the movies depict. It is a concept that’s been overly embroidered with advantages that do not exist — and even if normal humans see it as a fortuitous skill, one they long to have, they rarely realize that having a normal life is out of the question for your kind. Even so, there is no point in wishing for something that won’t happen in this lifetime, not with the time traveling genes burning strong within your veins.

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Sibling Intervention (Jasper Hale x Reader) w/Brother! Emmett

Plot: Hi I really liked your Jasper imagine so can you do another one where you’re his newborn mate, and the wolf pack are coming over to help train and him and Emmett get protective over you? Like the whole “I’m your big brother and I’m supposed to keep you away from the mutts” kinda thing lol. Thank uuuu” (requested)

Word Count: 1,275

Warnings: I think some swearing, but other than that, none.

A/N: this was really fun to make, I’m actually kinda proud if this one! Thanks to the anon that requested this! I hope you like it.

I was standing next to Jasper who was grabbing my hand and squeezing it at times to reassure me and I knew that he was trying to calm me down and it was working perfectly as I was no longer nervous or afraid.

“Well, Jasper has experience in newborns, he will teach us how to defeat them” Carlisle’s calm voice sounded through the forest, he was standing a little bit further than us facing the wolves who just came.

Silence surrounded us once again but Edward’s voice filled the empty space quickly.

“They want to know how a newborn is different than us”

Carlisle turned a little and looked at me smiling a little like if he was asking if it was okay to introduce me, I just nodded.

“Well, we happen to have one with us today” He positioned himself next to me and place a hand on my shoulder “This is (Y/N), she is Jasper’s mate, our newest member of the family, hence why her eyes are different from us but don’t worry, she is transitioning and will be just like us soon”

“They still want to know the difference, they say she looks just like us” I wasn’t even looking but I knew that Emmett was grinning on his spot; he was the one that enjoyed the most me being a newborn and having my strength.

Carlisle looked at Jasper and motioned him to continue speaking while he left to go back next to Esme; Jasper nodded and moved a little closer but still holding my hand.

“She is stronger than us; her blood is still on her tissues making her more physically powerful. Our kind is stronger on our first several months of this life, that’s why they are created” he looked at me and gave me a side smile “not in her case though” he looked again at the wolves “a newborn army doesn’t need thousands like a human army, that’s why no human army could stand against them”

The black wolf that was standing right in from of me growled, his eyes never leaving mine. Jasper noticed that so he moved to a side pushing me slightly backward but I was still close to him.

“There are two important things that you have to remember” he raised his voice a bit “First, never let them get their arms around you, they will crush you in a second” he looked around giving a warning look to our family but turned back to see the wolves “and never go for the obvious kill, they will be expecting that and you’ll lose”

He quickly turned and grabbed my hand again but left me next to Edward as he kept walking forward to the center of the forest.

“Emmett” he simply called and in a second Emmett was standing a couple of meters away from him but still facing Jasper. “Don’t hold back”

“Not in my nature” he said and grinned at Jasper before launching himself onto him but in a couple of seconds, Emmett was lying on the floor, his face facing the sky.

“Never lose focus” he cockily said while moving aside from him and coming to my side to snake his arm on my waist and pulled me closer to him. “Prepare yourself, babe, you are next”

I only smiled in anticipation, I loved wrestling, I became one of my favorite hobbies once I turned, and it just was really fun for me. Even though I knew he wasn’t completely okay with the fact that I was fighting today it was just to train, I knew he wouldn’t let me participate when the actual fight took place, so I just wanted to have fun.

Edward and Carlisle were fighting intensely, neither of them backing off; Jasper let go of me and started walking around them inspecting every movement, but at the end, Edward was the clear winner and turned to see Jasper.

“One more thing” he said and in an instant Carlisle grabbed Edward and pushed him onto the ground and I couldn’t help but laugh at this. “Never turn your back on the enemy”

Jasper made his way to the center and spoke to everyone once again.

“Okay, so now that we got the basics covered, it’s time for a real newborn to step in” He said and turned his head to look at me, giving me a cocky smile which I returned with a huge grin. I knew this was going to be extremely easy for me, but anyway it was fun. I made my way next to him, and he cupped my face with one hand and looked at me profoundly before walking away next to the rest of the family.

I turned and looked at Rosalie, bringing my hand up and pointing my fingers at her I motioned her to come with me, she slowly made her way towards me with her arms crossed against her chest.

Once she was close enough I nodded and she quickly threw two punches at me which I easily dodged them taking my opportunity to grab her arm and twisted it forcing her body to twist as well but she felt to the ground crouching in one leg and tried to make me fall with the leg that was stretched but I jumped before it could even touch me, and before my feet touched the ground I pushed my hand over her chest making her fall flat on the ground, making a small crater when she hit the ground.

“You can’t still beat me, Rose” I laughed at her while she was standing up, she just gave me a ‘fuck off’  look and made her way back to her spot.

“Emmett, your turn” Jasper called out and in a quick second I had Emmett in front of my with a shit eating grin that made me laugh.

“Please don’t you dare to hold back, big boy” I purred to him tilting my head a little. He cracked his neck just to show off but his face changed almost immediately making me furrow my eyebrows together.

“Wait a minute” he said raising a hand like stopping everything and stared into nothing as if he was thinking to himself “I’m your big brother (YN)” he suddenly stated and I couldn’t be more confused.

“Well, yeah…” I trailed off, not really sure where he was trying to say.

“I’m not supposed to encourage you into fighting, even less with the mutts” he spat and looked at me with a serious face “Goddammit, I’m your big brother!” he stated again but now shouting and I looked at the rest of the clan but they all had the same face, they were staring at Emmett with a confused grin like I was. “We are done, missy, you are going home”

In less than a second, I was thrown into his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and he was walking away from everyone.

“Wait, what the actual fuck, put me down!” I tried to wiggle out but even if I was stronger this position didn’t help me at all, and all I could do was to give up and just look back where Carlisle was standing next to Jasper shouting to Emmett.

“Emmett, bring her back, we need her!” Carlisle shouted at us.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you!” and with that, he started running with me on his back.

We are going to be siblings, you said, it will be so fun, you said” I said but the only response that I had from him was a loud laugh; I sighed, I give up.

Break M'Own Rules

Harry X Reader: Angst

In which alcohol and pricks make for a messy, angry Harry.

Request? No

Author’s note: I don’t really see Harry ever being violent, but I had a dream about this and really wanted to write it soooo.


Tonight has been the most fun you’ve had in a while. You’re sat at a table in Harry’s favorite pub, crowded with his close friends. There are some that he keeps in regular contact with, but more that he only gets to see on the off chance that he’s home for a while and free from any work.

Harry’s been smiling all night, cracking terrible jokes and laughing overzealously at the little quips that anyone else makes. He’s had at least one too many. His smile is lazy, an uneven little smirk. His arm is stretched out across the back of your chair and he keeps touching you, brushing his thumb over your far arm, randomly spattering kisses along your cheek or over your bare shoulder. Sometimes he leans on you and you have to shove him off when he becomes a little too heavy, worried about tipping out of your chair. But he only grins at you and then joins back into whatever conversation is happening.

The group has begun to thin out. A few friends have left in pairs, babbling about being tired or having things to do tomorrow. You and Harry assure each of them that there will be more get-togethers before he’s off around the world for work again. Harry expresses his love with sloppy words, too buzzed to get up from his chair and hug them. Then there’s only Nick left.

“Yeh ‘bout ready to g’home, kitten?” Harry’s leaned his head on your shoulder again, growing hair falling into his heavy eyes.

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