your fat bastards

anonymous asked:

Hi there! You're so talented with your songs and it seems like you have a lot of inspiration to spare. If you ever needed/wanted a prompt during this silly hiatus, how about a bughead Southside serpent!au ? One of them is a serpent, one isn't. Could be pretty interesting to write!

Oooohhhhh, good one! Let’s make Betty a bad girl!
***
She shifted uncomfortably in the heavy leather jacket that was draped over her shoulders, her unruly blonde hair flying every which way, she hated this part, the waiting, the suspense.

Betty Cooper was hardly ever asked to participate in Drug deals, although she was a serpent they all knew better than to put her in those situations, unfortunately for her F.P had practically begged her, they needed leverage and everyone trusted the tiny little blonde with the sea green eyes.

Truth be told, Betty would do anything for their fearless leader, he had taken in her in when she turned fifteen, set her up in her very own trailer, she had responsibilities of course, take care of the children, make sure everyone was fed and if it came down to it, she had to be ready to fight. She was eighteen now and she loved each and every one of the serpents, especially F.P.

She could still remember the day she ran into the older man, school backpack on her shoulder and tears running down her cheeks, she hadn’t even realized she had ended up in the trailer park until he led her into his kitchen, slid a half empty bud light towards her and let her tell him everything.

Her parents wanted to send her away to the nuthouse, they thought she was crazy. She had been so caught up in school work and her infatuation with Archie she had become spacey and distant, that was enough for her parents and they were ready to ship her off. She found her bags packed by her door when she came home from school one day and her parents sitting on the couch, she turned right around and never looked back, she filed for emancipation and has lived in the trailers ever since.

She never got the chance to tell her friends, Joaquin told her it was better to just leave it, like ripping off a bandaid, they would be sad but they would move on. Joaquin was her best friend, he kept all of her secrets and she had been there for him when he cried on her shoulder after his breakup with Kevin, claiming it was too dangerous to be involved with a serpent and he wanted Kevin safe.

That brought her back to today, the long haired boy brushed a hand over her shoulder, an unspoken rule they had. When one or the other looked nervous they would brush each other’s shoulders, unspoken moral support.

“You’re short.” F.P barked, dropping the bag with the money and moving dangerously close. The man on the other side seemed surprisingly unphased by the gang, he had his own group of people and they were all smiling wickedly.

“Oh are we? Perhaps we can offer you something else? I heard you’ve been missing your son. What’s the boys name “Jughead” ? We can deliver him to you.“

Betty stiffened and moved to stand beside her leader.

No. No one was going to hurt Jughead. No matter what’s

F.P had the balding man by the collar and was pushing him so hard Into the wall Betty feared for the bricks.

"You keep my sons name out of your mouth, you fat bastard or I swear to god money will be the least of your problems.” He growled.

Betty had heard the story of Jughead and his father. at first she had been hesitant to believe the older man, she cared about Jughead more than anything and this was the man who had caused him the most damage, but when F.P broke down one night, downing his entire flask of vodka and crying “he’s my son, I just wanted to make it okay, I love him. Jellybean got sick, I had to pay the hospital bills, there was no other way. I’m in it now, I’m in it for life, he doesn’t get it, this is my family too.” She had felt her heart break for the broken family, it seemed like he had lost something to the Andrews as well, while Betty lost her heart F.P lost his son. Jughead was not living with Archie and his father and when F.P came back to the park especially angry, it was a sure sign he had seen the “extended family” at pops.

The fat bald man put his hands up as the serpents prepared to take on the rest of the group, Betty laced up her combat boots tight, and stepped forward in her denim shorts.

“Woah, woah. Keep it cool. We have the money, we were just making sure it was an even trade.pass it over Bruce.”

Suddenly a heavy duffle bag was thrown into Betty’s arms as “Bruce” eyed her for a little too long causing one of the older men in the serpents named Hause to growl, Hause was everyone’s favorite uncle, he was funny but absolutely terrifying.

Betty counted out the money and nodded toward F.P “it’s all here.”

F.P released the man from the wall and smiled goofily “pleasure doing business with you, well keep in touch.” He threw a lethal glare at the man and hopped onto his motorcycle. Betty followed suit, getting on Joaquin’s, the duffel bad draped over her shoulders.

As soon as they hit the trailer park gates, Betty sensed something was wrong, it was in the air and it made her anxious.

Joaquin grabbed her hand and helped her off the bike, “F.P is wearing the same face as you, do you two know something I don’t” he whispered in her ear.

She rolled her eyes as a shiver shook her spine
Smiling she shrugged “I don’t know there’s just something in the ai….” she was cut off when her eyes connected with the one and only

“Jughead? What are you doing here son? Is everything okay?” Jugheads father approached him but he never took his eyes off Betty. If the world would swallow her up right now she would be eternally grateful.

Shaking himself slightly Jughead turned to his father, his eyes still glancing at Betty, jaw lightly slack

“Yeah, I uhhh. I wanted to talk, I brought dinner, I figured.. I’m sorry what the hell? Betty?” Jughead shoved the bag of food he was holding into his dads arms and made his way over to Betty, she glanced at Joaquin for help but he was slowly backing away with his hands up, this was her fight and he wasn’t going to get involved.

Joaquin knew the feelings Betty harbored for the youngest Jones boy, she had kept them hidden putting all her time into Archie because he was safe and she had thought he was certain, shows how much she knows.

“Jughead” she whispered softly.

“Betty Cooper?” He asked awestruck, she looked so different, gone was the skintight ponytail replaced by long messy honey blonde curls that reached a little above mid back, her normal sickly pale skin was now a golden tan with a few oil stains, she had replaced her pink and blue cardigans for a leather jacket and her bright green eyes didn’t seem so sad. She looked amazing “ it’s been three years? Where have you been? What are you doing Here? You didn’t tell anyone, any of us not even Veronica.”

Betty felt her heart ache at the mention of her once best friend, she nodded at Jughead “okay ill explain everything, let’s head to my trailer okay?”

“Your trailer? You live here?” Jughead asked, his eyes wide as she led him away, throwing F.P a reassuring nod. He put ten fingers up and raised a brow, he meant that he would be coming over in ten minutes to make sure everything was okay. She nodded again.

As soon as they reached her trailer she put the key in the lock and let him in. He looked around, it was purely Betty, none of her parents influence, just Betty’s. there were flowers and picture frames, children’s toys scattered about the center and cookies and pies lined her kitchen table, it was warm and candles were everywhere, clothes were piled in a hamper and shoes were neatly lined up by the door. He drew his eyes back to Betty and she was wringing her
Fingers

“I know it’s not much, but it’s home” she shrugged

“It’s great, I mean.. it’s really nice.. Betty. What happened?” He asked gently, turning to face her fully.“

Sighing she nodded towards the center of the room, where a comfortable couch was littered with soft blankets and squishy pillows, he made himself comfortable and instantly felt at home, that was the Betty Cooper affect he supposed.

She took a seat beside him and began, telling him everything about her parents, his father, her jobs, Joaquin. By the time she was finished she was exhausted, crying and thoroughly starving.

"So that’s it, that’s why I ended up here, that’s why I couldn’t tell anyone. It was just easier.” She slid off her leather jacket and headed towards the kitchen table. Bringing back a tray of cookies she sat down and offered him one, although he was still slightly in shock at all he had heard he was never one to to turn down food, as she placed the plate on the little table, he gripped her wrist, his fingers running gently over the little S tattoo in the shape of a snake.

“I understand why you’re here, you did what you had to do, I understand that. I’m happy you found a place to be yourself, I wish I could have been a part of it, I should have seen what they were doing to you, maybe I could have prevented everything, I don’t know, but you’re happy now, I can see that and that’s all that matters, I don’t care that you’re a serpent, this is part of you and I like every part of you, good and bad. Now that I know, you’re not gonna be able to keep me away you know that right?” Jughead said softly moving her hand to his chest, And smiling

Taking a deep breathe Betty sighed happily, dropping her forehead to his

“You don’t know how much I’ve missed you Jughead.”

He smiled, his nose brushing hers

“No Bets, you don’t know how much IVE missed you.”

Opening her eyes, she found herself lost in his stormy blue oceans, he was moving closer and she moved her mouth to his, just as their lips were about to meet the door slammed open to reveal F.P. Standing in the doorway his eyes wide

“Dad!” Jughead groaned

“Woah! I’m sorry, it was too quiet, I’ve been waiting outside the door. I’ll go! I’ll go! You kids carry on.” He moved to walk away before popping his head in again “but don’t carry on too much.” He warned with a jokingly stern eyebrow wiggle.

Jughead groaned again, dropping his head to Betty’s shoulder as she erupted in giggles before grabbing his hand

“Come on Romeo, I think you’re dad wants to talk to you.”

Happiest Place On Earth

Hello everybody!! This one shot was written for Lau’s Alternate Universe Funny Quote Challenge! Congrats on reaching 2000 followers @dancingalone21! Make sure you’re following her people… seriously, if you’re not I don’t know what you’re doing with yourself, she’s amazing!!

My Quote was: “And you know what? After we kill it, we can go to Disneyland!” -Sam

AU!Sam x reader: Sam’s a teacher, you’re a dentist, you live a normal Apple pie life!

Word Count: about 1400

Warnings: Shirtless Sam, cheesy fluff, rodent death

Check out my masterlist

This may or may not be (but definitely is) vaguely based on true events with my husband… enjoy!!

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There he was. Your insanely gorgeous, incredibly intelligent, dumbass husband. Crouched like an idiot in nothing but his boxers at the end of the bed, gun in hand. Granted, it only shot BB pellets, but still he looked like a madman, knees bent up under him ready to pounce from his squatting position, like a freaking cat. It reminded you vaguely of when the two of you went bird hunting. His hazel eyes were wide, methodically searching the room.

Oh my god, your room! You’d just returned from a week-long dental convention and had promptly reunited with your husband, Sam, between the sheets before falling asleep naked in his arms. But the scene that greeted you now was not the same as when you first walked in the door. You’d come home to a spotless house- being a high school English teacher, Sam had the summer’s off and always kept a tidy home. But now…It looked like a tornado had ripped your bedroom apart! The drawers of your dresser we’re all pulled out, strung haphazardly across the floor. Your shoes, usually neatly lined inside the closet, had also been flung across the room.

“Honey, WHAT are you doing??” you asked the naked man perched by your feet, propping yourself up against the pillows. His head whipped towards you, his long brown locks flipping him in the face, gun pointed towards the ceiling.

“There’s a mouse,” he deadpanned, turning away from you to continue his search.

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