Summary: the whole team is surprised to find out you’re still a virgin, and the news seems to make you more allegeable to some of the men around the compound. Bucky is no less surprised than the rest of the team, and finds it even harder to keep his eyes off you as he nurses a secret of his own, which he feels obliged to reveal to you after an incident in the training room.
The coffee mug fell from your mother’s hands, shattering on the table. Coffee spilled across the cloth as your mother desperately tried to clean up the mess.
“What?” your father asked.
“I’m not marrying Kim Jongin. Ever,” your voice trembled.
“_______ah, do you know what you are saying?” your mother asked.
“Yes, if I was not clear enough. I will repeat myself. I will never, ever marry Kim Jongin,” you spoke. Your knees wobbled.
“Did you guys get into a small argument? You were fine a few days ago. He even came over during New Years,” your mother tried to downplay so that your father would calm down.
“I don’t care if you want to or not, you are marrying him,” your father said sternly as he got up to leave.
“Appa…” you called out then criticized, “Please. You can’t use my marriage as a means for your business. That is so unfair!”
A slap landed across your face. Your palm pressed against your cheek as it throbbed. Beside you, your mother’s hand shook in fear.
“________ah, how dare you talk to your father like that!” she lectured.
You burst into tears as you got up from your kneeling position. Instantly, you stormed off to your room.
“You are marrying Kim Jongin and you will marry him as soon as possible!” your father called after you.
Slamming your bedroom door, you slid down the wall, collapsing onto the floor like some unwanted trash.
Due to your sudden outburst, the wedding was moved from May 20th to February 14th. For the entire month, you begged and pleaded, kneeled and cried but your father was adamant about using your happiness as his source of financial stability. Jongin called you all day everyday until you were desperate enough to rip your SIM card into pieces.
Three days before the wedding, you went on a hunger strike. You refused any food that came remotely close to you and locked yourself in your princess room. By day two, dark rings formed under your eyes and you had no energy to even lift your body up, much less walk down the aisle. A sad smile crept onto your face when you thought you succeeded. However, on the night before the wedding, your father broke the door down. Doctors and nurses rushed in securing an IV drip onto your wrist. You thrashed around, trying to rip it off but they sedated you. Your eyes rolled back and your body fell limp against your bed. The last thing you heard before knocking out was your mother begging your father to let you go.
When you woke up the next morning, you were still dizzy and weak but alive enough for your father to push you to the church chapel. You refused to get dressed so some workers forcefully stripped you. Crying, you covered your exposed body with your arms. As they tugged on the corset straps, you coughed uncontrollably. Your mother motioned for the maids to step out for a brief moment. She placed a hand on your shoulder.
“_______ah, my precious daughter. Please stop fighting,” she begged.
You sobbed, “I loved him I really did…but I can’t marry him”.
“Please, _______ah. You know your father’s health is not good. Last night, he fainted when he saw your pale face,” she tearfully spoke.
“W-what?” you asked, shocked.
“I understand that it is not fair that we must use your marriage as a way to keep us financially stable, but it is what it is,” she patted your arm.
Turning to the mirror, you saw the bone that protruded out on your shoulders. Your complexion looked like that of a ghost. Blinking away tears, you nodded to your mother. She sighed in relief and left.
With shaking hands, you held your breath and tightened your dress. The extra weight of the gown caused you to stumble backward. Shaking your head, you grabbed onto a rail to steady yourself. Quickly, you placed your headpiece on. The veil cascaded down your face like waterfalls. Soon after, the makeup guru came in to darken your pale skin and hide the bags under your eyes.
Outside, the wedding bells began to ring. You stood up from your chair and walked to meet up with your father. Your mother’s words were true. He had aged a decade in less than three days and you swallowed in guilt, feeling like you were the worst daughter on this planet.
“Appa, sorry…” you apologized.
Tears welled in his eyes but he blinked it back. Your arm looped through his. The Wedding March began to play. You took a deep breath and walked toward the aisle, beside your father. As the church door opened, you saw Kim Jongin for the first time in a month. He was still as handsome as ever, though obviously agitated and much thinner. With eyes staring back to yours, he watched you as you dragged your weak body down the aisle. Your father took your hand and placed it onto Jongin’s outstretched palms. Immediately, the bipolarity of temperatures caused you to flinch back. You were burning up a fever and Jongin was as cold as ice. Gazing around, the room spun and you almost collapsed over if it hadn’t been your husband’s strong grip on you.
The preacher spoke words of introduction but all you heard were loud ringing noises in your ear. By the time you had to say your vows, you were practically leaning your entire weight against Jongin. He looked at you worriedly.
“The groom will now say his wedding vows”, the preacher man spoke.
You both turned to look at each other.
With his hands tightly holding yours, Jongin began, “I, Kim Jongin, choose you, ________ ________, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part”.
Tears fell down your face as you desperately tried to believe his words but you couldn’t. You just couldn’t. But even though you couldn’t…from the soreness of your wounded heart, you knew you had no choice because you were in love. Because love made you do stupid things.
The preacher rambled on and on but you couldn’t concentrate enough to comprehend what he was saying.
As Jongin squeezed your hands, you tearfully said, “I, ________ ________, choose you, Kim Jongin, as my lawfully wedded husband. I promise to love you for today, always, and eternity, to accept you for who you are and to cherish you no matter what the circumstances are, to listen to your words, and to trust you with my heart, through sorrow and success, for all the days of my life.
You looked up to see your husband’s face swamped in tears. Shaking, he slipped the wedding band onto your hand. You took his hand and held it against your chest before placing the ring onto his finger.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride!” the preacher spoke.
Instantly, Jongin cupped your face and he kissed you desperately, like none before. Through your tears, you kissed him back with just as much passion. Because even if he didn’t love me…it didn’t and never will stop me from loving him. The crowd cheered. When you parted lips, you almost fainted, yet again, but your newly wedded husband knew enough to hold you tightly.
“Oppa…” you whispered as he stroked your face.
He kissed you a few times again and you clung to him until you had no more strength to even hold on any longer. As soon as the pre-session ended, you collapsed into your husband’s arms.
“_________ah. _________!” he called, shaking your weak body.
Instantaneously, he lifted you up. You closed your eyes to stop the vertigo from escalating but it does not help.
“O-oppa, I’m really dizzy,” you weakly say.
As you discovered your heart racing, your breathing turning labor, and your vision blurring, you felt a smile curl onto your lips for even if you died this moment, you got to experience the beauty of being in love and now officially being Jongin’s wife. You were satisfied with just that… A tear rolled down the corner of your eyes, dropping onto Jongin’s hands that held tightly onto your feeble frame.
In a resting area, he gently placed you down on a sofa. Taking off his blazer, he wrapped it around your bare shoulders. You began to cough uncontrollably. Jongin got up for his seat but you pulled him back.
“Don’t go. I’m scared,” you whimpered. Because I’m selfish and I want you to stay with me just a little longer.
“I was just going to get you some water,” he coaxed, stroking your hair.
You shook your head, which only made you dizzier.
“Okay, okay. I’ll stay. Shh…” your husband said, holding your hand to his lip.
Struggling hard to stop trembling, you ended up wheezing for air. Jongin rubbed the sweat from your temples as you burned up with a high fever.
“We need to go to the hospital,” he informed and began to lift you up but you stopped him.
“No. No. No. We need to be at the wedding reception tonight,” you murmured.
“No, we are not going with you like this,” Jongin firmly replied.
Despite the expected vertigo, you still violently shook your head. Tears brimmed on the corners of you eyes and you begged, “Oppa, please…I need to do this”.
Jongin closed his eyes, no longer being able to watch you suffer like this. You lifted your hand up to caress his face. He held onto your hand.
“Oppa, thank you for taking me as your wife,” you tearfully whispered before your body depleted of energy and your hand fell to your side.
“Jagiya!” your husband screamed, shaking you conscious.
Your eyes weakly opened again and you jolted upright, coughing convulsively. As you were semi-conscious, you recalled a medical professional walk into the room, hooking an IV drip to your wrist. Jongin continued to stroke your forehead, worriedly.
“Oppa…” you heard your voice call out. Please don’t leave me yet.
“I’m here. I’m right next to you,” he frantically answered, holding tightly onto your outstretched hand.
Your body slumped back down in relief. Leaning over, he kissed you on your forehead. His kiss felt like an ice cube melting on a fireplace. You shivered and he lifted the blazer to cover you more properly. Though your eyelids dangerously swung, you tried your hardest to stay awake, cherishing every minute, every second you still had left with the man you foolishly gave your heart to. But the medication was slowly making its course throughout your body and gradually the darkness welcomed you into its embrace.
You dreamt of happier times. Times when you two used to bicker, times when he used to wrap you up in his warm jacket, times when you fit perfectly into his caress like a puzzle piece, and times your lips met, spilling out subdued feelings and emotions.
When you were awake again, it was already pitch black outside. For a brief moment the darkness was so alike your dream that you hadn’t realized your spirit had returned back to reality. You stirred in your sleep and jerked up when you remembered that your attendance was needed at the wedding reception.
“Jagiya, be careful,” you husband warned.
“Oppa, the wedding reception…” you spoke, your voice now much stronger thanks to the much-needed rest.
“Don’t worry, it hasn’t started yet,” he replied, rubbing his thumb over your cheek and neck.
You sighed in relief, slouching your sore body back against the sofa. Your husband stared at you for the longest time before slowly leaning forward to give your lips a gentle peck. You stared into his eyes, trying hard to decipher his inner motive but all you saw were utter sincerity. So you made the decision to accept him back, even if it was a lie because you weren’t brave enough to lose him nor live a life knowing that he had taken your heart captive.
“You always make me worry about you,” he whispered, gazing back into your big, round eyes.
“S-sorry…” you quietly apologized, looking down on your hands in guilt.
“But I want to spend the rest of my life worrying about this clumsy girl, who likes to trip on flat surfaces, has a stomach of a five year old’s, and doesn’t ever know when to stop talking,” he confessed.
A few teardrops fell onto your wedding dress. Jongin tenderly wiped them away with his thumb. You held his hand to your face, inhaling the warmth of his skin against yours. A meager giggle escaped from your lips, through the tears. Biting your lip, you tried your hardest to hide your foolish grin that began to creep on your face but failed miserably. Oh what the heck… You stretched both your arms to cling onto your husband’s neck. His arms slid around your waist as you two wrapped each other in a tight embrace. Slightly turning, he lovingly pecked your cheek. You snuggled into the crook of his neck.
“Ahem,” someone cleared her throat at the door.
Reluctantly, you separated from your husband to see whom the intruder was. She was none other than your mother-in-law.
“Omma…” Jongin complained, throwing his head back in frustration.
You smiled sadly at his reaction. At least he wants me enough to feel angry?
Bowing, you greeted, “Omunim”.
She walked over to you and patted your hands.
“________ah, how are you feeling?” she asked worriedly.
“I’m feeling a lot better. Sorry for making you worry, Omunim,” you replied.
She patted your hand again and asked, “Do you think you can go to the reception?”
You nodded but Jongin furrowed his eyebrows at you.
“Are you sure? Don’t force yourself if you don’t feel well,” she reasoned but you nodded again.
“If anything, Oppa will be right beside me,” you answered then turned to your husband, “Right, Oppa?”
His lip smacked into a thin line and he looked at you unimpressed but didn’t complain any further. As you stood up, you realized your brain was still a little hazed but you blinked a few times to ease the symptoms. Jongin reluctantly let go of your hand so you could follow your mother-in-law to get dressed for the reception party.
Changing into a light blue empire waist gown, you smiled at your healthier reflection. Your skin tone appeared a lot warmer and your cheeks blushed a sweet pink, even without makeup. The makeup guru looked at you with a pleased expression and you bowed at her to thank her for her hard work. As soon as you stepped out of the changing room, you encountered your worried husband leaning against the hallway wall. Immediately, he straightened himself up and smoothed out his shirt. He is so handsome. _______ah, let’s just pretend everything is real. You threw on a grin. Walking up to him, you helped him fix his tie. His fingers laced over your hand.
“How is this even fair? Men change into another shirt but look exactly the same. Girls change and they look like a whole different person,” you jokingly whined to pick up the tensed aura between you two.
“You’re still the same beautiful goddess to me,” Jongin said with a serious tone.
You paused your fidgeting of his tie to stare into his deep, dark eyes that replicated the twinkling stars in the mist of a galaxy. Do you really mean it? Or are you saying it to mess with my heart? Because, you win, Kim Jongin, you win. Even if you don’t mean it, I’ll believe it.
Sighing and blinking back tears, you shyly fidgeted with his sleeve and murmured, “I knew you were trouble…”
“What did you say?” he crooked his neck to slyly look at you, before pecking you on the lips. I’ll believe you…even if you don’t mean it.
Closing your glossy eyes, you tiptoed and placed you lips against his. He bent over and pulled you closer to him. With a shaky whimper, you wrap your arms around his waist, clinging onto this moment as if it was the last. Smiling, he teasingly licked your lips, causing you to shyly blush. You flirt. You slapped his chest playfully while he pulled you into a hug. With a contented sigh, your arms curled around his waist again. Maybe, you could find happiness with this man. Maybe he did love you. At least, I’ll keep telling myself that…because that’s all I can do now…
“Jongin-ah. _______ah,” Jongin’s mother called and motioned for you two to go over, “It’s time to go in”.
Your husband threw his head back and whispered, “Omma is such a cockblock”.
Laughing, you intertwined your hands into his and dragged him to join your mother-in-law.
a/n: Gahhh angsty chapter >3< BUT THEY’RE MARRIED. YAY. Break up didn’t last at all…but so sad just when the girl started to believe that Jongin loved her…now even though they’re married she doesn’t believe him o(╥﹏╥)o
Jongin-ah, tsk tsk tsk, how are you going to fix this? ;p If you guise are looking at the chapter titles listed in the MasterList and Table of Contents, can you guess what tmr’s chp is about?
Relaxing on the couch you were watching Orange Is the New Black when you heard the front door open. A few seconds later Stiles came rushing into your living room, shoving his phone in your face.
“You won’t believe what I just caught!”
You tilted your head back a bit until you were able to see the screen clearly.
“No way!” Your jaw dropped, “Where the fuck did you find a Dratini?”
“In Derek’s loft. It was sitting right on Derek’s face!” Stiles exclaimed excitedly.
You flopped down on the couch and hid your face in a pillow, mumbling “That’s so unfair! That’s my favorite Pokémon and I’ve been looking for it everywhere! The only thing I caught the last two weeks are stupid Zubats and Weedles.”
You felt the couch dip when Stiles sat down next to you, gently rubbing your back.
“That’s not helping, Stiles. I just want a fucking Dratini.”
There was a moment of silence before Stiles tapped your shoulder,
“Sit up, I wanna show you something.”
You groaned but heaved yourself in a sitting position. Stiles held his phone out to you, making you frown.
“Really? Now you’re bragging about it?”
“Just look at it, baby. I named it after you!”
You quickly snatched his phone out of his hands, peering at the screen.
“Aww, that’s probably the most romantic thing someone ever did for me,” you cooed.
Stiles grinned proudly and placed on hand on your neck, pulling you towards him.
Giggling you leaned up, making it easier for Stiles to press his lips against yours. Stiles groaned when you softly licked his bottom lip, eagerly opening his mouth for you while wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you on his lap.
You both were breathing heavily when you pulled back, leaning your forehead against Stiles’.
“Do you think Derek would mind if I come over to check if there’s another Dratini?”
I wish i could talk to you now. I wanna hug you now so tight and whisper how much i love you. I wanna make you feel that you are the most important people in my life. I wanna kiss you and feel your arms around me. I wanna tell you that you are my life and i won’t ever leave you. But how? How can i do all these things if you are so far away now. I can’t even reach you. I can’t even see you. I know you are in a better place now. Hey, you are so unfair for leaving me. I thought you’ll sing for me as soon as we meet. I thought you’ll cook for me. I thought you’ll teach me how to skate and play a guitar. But did you left me? And it hurts to know that i will never see you. I won’t be able to see that angelic face and smile of yours. You are so unfair for leaving me, leaving me forever. But hey, you will always be in my heart and mind. I will miss you forever. I remember when we used to talk every midnight. I will wait for you to wake up and i will keep myself alive cause we have a different timezone. It’s morning there and it’s evening here. I can still hear your beautiful voice singing me “Grow old with you”. Your sweet messages and your i love you’s. How about your famous poker face and being so clingy to me. I will treasure those memories for the rest of my life. I will miss your silly jokes. The way you call me piglet. The way how effortlessly put a smile on my face. I will miss your sweetness. I will miss everything about you. It so hard to accept that fact your gone forever. You’ve taught me so many things, you left me so many times. And now you will never coming back. know that you’ve reach a better place and now you’re breathing freely. It’s like you’re gone too soon and i will never say good bye. I won’t cry, i will try to hide it, i know how much you hate yourself when you’re making me cry. I know you didn’t want to see me hurting. I will try to stay strong just for you. I will pluck up all of my courage and pretend that I’m okay. You left me, alone. I will never go on your funeral. I don’t want to see you there, lying on your coffin, lifeless and cold. I thought we’ll grow old together as what the song you sang to me. I will let you go, but in God’s time. I know you’re pretty up there, smiling, with the angels and with the stars, and I’m left here alone.Nothing hurts more than this. I wish i could see you now. I want you to haunt me. I want you to visit me every night so I wouldn’t miss you. Even if I’m afraid of ghosts, if it’s you then I can take it. I wanted to feel you embracing me. I know that you’re happy wherever you are right now while i am here, crying my heart out. I can’t even go there to see your body because you are so far away. We’re miles apart. I will try to move on with my life, just for you. I am a cry baby so please let me be and i promise i will stay strong. I’ll live my life, for you. We didn’t make our forever do come true. I failed in proving to you that forever do exists. Maybe in another life, there’s a chance for us to be together and if that will happen, i will never let you go. I’ll believe on that. So wait for me there, okay? I will miss you forever. I love you so much please take care of us, my angel. Until we meet, again.