You know how he can be
You tried to keep your worries as hidden as possible so you could tell the cabbie your address.
It was going to be bad and you knew it. The last time John messaged you to come home as quickly as possible was when Sherlock was shot. And you were not ready for something like that again. You never really were.
You felt a burning pain rising in your chest as you watched the city lights hoping the ride wouldn’t take too much.
You paid the cabbie and rushed up the stairs expecting the worst. The room was silent when you entered and the only source of light was the fire from the mantelpiece.
You heared footsteps coming from the hall and you saw John approaching you as you watched him.
“I have to let you know what state he’s in before you go in there. Someone started a fire while we were in that old house looking for footprints. I was in the garden but he was upstairs. He refuses to go to the hospital and he doesn’t let me help him. He told me he’s fine. I’m sorry, you know how he can be.”
You gave him a quick nod and rushed to the room.
You were surprised to see pure darkness so you went on one side of the bed to turn the lamp on.
“Don’t.” his deep baritone voice said.
You stopped startled to hear him and waited a few seconds until your eyes adjusted to the darkness so you could see his silhouette.
He was standing on the other side of the bed with his head down and his hands on the edge.
You knelt down and slowly moved your hands to touch his face but you felt his hand grabbing yours to stop it from the contact.
“I’m fine. John’s making a fuss over nothing.” He said in cold tone. But you knew better.
“Let me see.” you told him barely holding up your tears.
He sighed, tilting his head in a firm ‘no’.
“Let me see.” you repeated raising your voice, feeling annoyed by his attitude but cursing when your voice cracked halfway through the sentence.
He let go of your hand allowing you to finally touch him. You brushed his hair from his face and you gently cupped one side of his face but stopped when you saw him flinch.
“Look at me.” you pleaded. After a few seconds you felt his head rising.
His beautiful eyes were watching you carefully as you looked at his bruised lip and the fresh cut on his temple.
“Where?” You asked him knowing this couldn’t be everything.
“My back.” he quietly admitted after a while.
“I need to see it. Take off your shirt.” You said softly, barely audible.
He gave a stern look in response to that “No need. It’s not bad. Barely feel it”
“Don’t.” You answered sadly while he looked at you surprised at the way your tone shifted. “Don’t tell me it’s ok. Stop pretending you’re not human and that stern look you have when you’re around people. Your eyes decieve you. I may not be a detective but I see the sadness they reflect every time you think no one can see you. I see the loneliness you feel when you look outside the window or when you think. I don’t only see it Sherlock, I feel it like it was my own. And it is. The burden you carry on your shoulders it’s mine too. Because you are as human as I am and I care about you.”
You went to get the first aid kit from the bathroom leaving him alone hoping he understood what you meant. When you returned, he was already facing the opposite side.
You slowly approached, feeling him tense as you gently touched his bare back to take care of the still rather fresh cuts and burnt skin while trying very hard not to cry in his presence.
After you finished you saw him turning around trying to button up his shirt against the pain he was feeling.
“Let me.” you told him waiting for his approval and helping him as soon as he nodded. He took your hand in his as you finished and your eyes met again.
“I feel it too.”
“Your pain. How you worry about me. How kind you are even when I’m a pain in the ass” he told you sincerely making you smile a little.
You looked at him thinking at how much he’s been through and how much sadness you could still see in his eyes now and for the first time tonight you allowed yourself to cry in his presence.
“I wish I could take it away. I’m so sorry.” You confessed.
“You are. Every time I feel you close to me I forget about the pain, and that’s all I need. Stop blaming yourself. You are not the one causing pain. You are the one taking it”
You felt his arms wrapping around you while you remained still, afraid to touch his back and for the first time tonight, you felt peace.
My first ever fanfic. Please be kind.