your everything makes me feel things

anonymous asked:

I was wondering.... if it's acceptable to just write the story as you go along? That's what I do with mostly everything and I have so much fun, but it stresses me out whenever I have to and try to plan the thing out. I see all these guide posts on how to plan it and make it special and I just feel cheap.

Hi Anon-y!

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to create your plot as you write. Since you are writing for fun, I do not see a real reason to write out your plot except for perhaps convenience sake. All of those guide posts are talking about the necessity of having your plot written out because of how difficult it can be to keep up with multiple characters or what happens next. When you have a large plot and multiple characters, organization is a must, hence the written out plot and detailed planning. But you don’t need to worry about that since you are writing for your own enjoyment. If, some day you would like to maybe publish your written work, I do suggest writing out your plot line and other things included in those posts because they will help your editing process go more smoothly.

Also, I’ll let you in on a little secret…I never wrote out my plot line for my books either. It’s all in my head and some stuff just sort of happened as I wrote. Some people plan out every last detail and some people just wing it. Either way works and either is fine, it’s entirely up to you and how your creative juices flow the best.

Finally, don’t ever think your writing is less special because you did not use a written out plot and plan. Your story is special because you came up with it. It does not matter how you came up with it because no one will remember your planning process, but they will remember your story. And, there is no right or wrong way to write, as long as you are putting words on the page.

Happy writing!

-Mia

anonymous asked:

Dear Mary, I can't stop sleeping around. I have slept with 5 different boys within 3 months and I alternate between them. They are under no impression that I am committed to either of them but it's making me feel very cheap. But I can't stop. Even my education has taken a back seat because when they ask me to come over, I drop everything and go there. I just love having sex and it makes me feel good afterwards but the people around me make it sound like something I should be guilty about.

Hey Nonnie! ❤

Imo, as long as you’re being safe and takig precautions against STDs and unwanted pregnancies, then you have nothing to be guilty about. It’s your life and sex is nothing to be ashamed about. As long as you’re okay with your decisions, that’s all that matters. People will always find things to criticise in other people’s lives. The idea is to not care about it haha 😛 Also, don’t let these boys take advantage of you and always do things the way you’re comfortable in. And make sure someone knows when you’re out with someone, in case of a bad scenario.

But be mindful about school as well. Try and find a balance between your social life and school. Your future is important and sticking to school will help with that 😊

Lots of love and be safe, okay? I’m here if yoy need me ❤

anyone else kinda terrified you’ll never be able to hold a job in the future because of your mental illness

But you see, it cannot bring back all the tears that had run out from my eyes. It cannot change all the sadness I’ve felt—the terrible feelings I tried to explain. You cannot just catch those waves with your hands and throw them to the ocean again. You cannot just pick those petals from a beautiful flower and regret it afterwards, wishing that maybe it will grow more stunning if you let it bloom on its own way. You cannot just let a bottle fall on the ground and decide to use it again even its sharp edges can painfully tear your palms. Because your sorry cannot change the past. Your sorry cannot change all the things you made me feel. You see, it’s different this time. You cannot just break someone’s heart and make them feel worthless that way—then put the blame on them. You cannot just say sorry for each and everything. You should have known that what you’ve done is wrong especially when you clearly did it intentionally. Especially when you did it selfishly.
—  ma.c.a // Because you’re not really sorry
6

ATLA 30 DAY CHALLENGE: DAY 8Favorite Quotes

“Life happens whether you make it or not.”

Uncle Iroh

“The true mind can weather all the lies and illusions without being lost. The true heart can touch the poison of hatred without being harmed. Since beginningless time, darkness thrives in the void, but always yields to purifying light.“

Lion Turtle

“Love is brightest in the dark.”

Oma & Shu

“You think you’re any different from me, or your friends, or this tree? If you listen hard enough, you can hear every living thing breathing together. You can feel everything growing. We’re all living together, even if most folks don’t act like it. We all have the same roots, and we are all branches of the same tree.”

Huu

“Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.”

Uncle Iroh

“The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. We are all one people, but we live as if divided.”

Guru Pathik
6

— Your smile can brighten even the darkest night. ☆ 

Happy birthday to my precious source of happiness, inspiration and motivation.
Thank you Sehun for everything. ♡
Never stop smiling. ~ ☆ 

when i’m with you, my mind goes blank.
it’s a bit of a cliche, but like a camera focuses on the most important piece, my eyes can only see the beauty in front of me. i’ve got nothing to say, i feel like i seem weird or creepy staring like i’m taking in deep scenery but it’s just because i don’t have words to describe the way you make me feel.
being with you, being near you. it’s like swinging in a hammock in the dead of summer, thinking surely you could live there forever, never moving, and being completely content.
i look into those deep eyes all i see is the only thing i ever want to get lost in- i listen to your deep thoughts from that amazing mind and all i hear is the meaning that i fell in love with.
i look at you and i see everything i always wanted, but never realized i always needed too.
i know we’re young, i know it’s early and i know there’s no way 
to say 
just how long you can stay
but …
one thing i know for sure 
i’m in love and, for once, i’m not afraid of it.
—  o-h–w-e-l-l 

does anyone else feel super self-conscious about practicing in front of other people, especially other musicians?

like i can’t quite articulate it but

practicing is something quite real, it’s the hours of work put into a piece before the final performance, it’s the process behind something that’s as perfect as you can get it

but the thing is, having someone else hear or see your practicing is letting them see everything imperfect about that process, and that makes me feel strangely vulnerable - the idea of people hearing all my drilling and stopping exercises and mistakes and frustration just makes me so self-conscious idk

I hate to know that the only way for me to see you smile is to pretend that we’re just lovely friends who don’t feel anymore than our friendship. That I wasn’t someone who could give you and make you feel everything you ever wanted. It’s the fact that I was a single star hoping for you to notice—among the brightest ones in your galaxy. That we wouldn’t be able to create one single spark once we collide. It’s not sad knowing—that the only way for me to love you—is to let you go—to stay away from you. And for me to feel this thing freely I need to be out of your sight. It’s not sad. It is something that was more than that. It was something that made me search for words that weren’t enough.
—  ma.c.a // Why “away” also means “stay”?

Can we stop everything for a minute and talk about Jared’s and Jensen’s acting? Sure we can.

There’s no such thing as a surprise when it comes to them being able to make me cry with a simple look and make me crack laughing with a simple move but anyways I still find their acting mesmerizing. 

Let’s start with Jensen, because he got me crying all over this scene. I couldn’t help it. (I cry a lot with SPN because of him)

{source here}

He made me feel every bit of desperation he was feeling. How you can’t remember something so simple, so yours, something that in any normal situation you could say it like you can sing your favorite song. But there’s any of that and he just makes you feel it, he doesn’t even has to say it, it’s there in his eyes; how lost he feels.

And all I have to say is: Jensen, you’re definitely one of the best actors I’ve seen and it’s amazingly beautiful the way in which you can get to people’s feelings with your expressions.

That said, now Jared. (I cry a lot with SPN because of this bitch, too

{source here

I’ve been all emotional because of Sam in countless times, Jared gives such expression to Sam that you can’t help yourself.

I was as worried as Sam at this moment and even though I saw Dean’s words as a joke I was totally lost and trying to keep calm but no can do, this is Supernatural we’re talking about. Sam’s expressions here say so much, him shaking his head, him looking away, the little smile he makes, the sigh of relief, the way his eyes look watery. He was going to loose it if the counterspell didn’t work. It’s seen that he can’t lose Dean, not like that, not again. He goes with “not funny” but you gotta see it in his face, you gotta hear it in his voice. Is such a strong feeling kinda like he was making me feel it.

Jared, you’re freaking gold and you never fail to amaze me, you never fail to make me feel every single thing Sam feels. 

Honestly, I’ve gotta thank the world for having such great actors as Jared and Jensen to play the characters I love the most because clearly without them I wouldn’t have fallen in love with the Winchesters. Thanks for,  and to, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. 

After hearing about it for a while, I’ve recently started a morning ritual that has already improved my productivity and focus. Initially it sounded like it would take up way too much of my time, but now I’m a total morning pages convert. 

what they are

Here’s the basic idea: every morning you take out three pages of paper and free write (by hand! no word docs allowed) whatever comes to your mind. There are no rules about what you write, as long as you write three pages of something

why they help

The reason behind morning pages is that once you have everything down on paper, you can free up some headspace to do other things. It’s also a nice way to pinpoint why you’re feeling anxious, or if something has been on your subconscious. And let me tell you, it works. I’ve found that I easily make up for the time it takes to do them (about 20 minutes) in the time that I would normally be distracted. 

how to make them count

Free writing can be difficult to get the hang of. We often feel confined by rules and grammar, so throwing them all out the window feels wrong. Remember that these pages are for your eyes only, they won’t be graded so don’t worry about spelling something wrong or even making them legible to anyone else. My pages are often full of abbreviations and are written in handwriting no one could ever dream of reading. And that is a-okay, because they don’t have to be pretty or thoughtful, they just have to be done. I write whatever comes to mind and just let my thoughts flow. One thing will remind you of the next until you have three full pages in no time. 

So what if you don’t know where to start? Just write down everything you have to do today. Write down anything you’re worried about in the future. Write down anything you’d like to do someday. You’ll soon find something that you didn’t even know was bothering you. 

I don’t expect to read them again anytime soon, but it may be cool to see in a bit how everything I worried about worked out, so I’m hanging onto them for now. If recycling them is more your speed, that’s cool too. Just don’t be tempted to type them up! If you’re writing on a computer you can go back and change things and will be more tempted to make them perfect. That’s exactly what you want to avoid. Hand writing them will keep them from being perfect so that they can be good

Try it out for a couple days and let me know if it helps. I know that I’ve already seen a huge difference!

I think I love you - Jughead Jones

Pairing : Jughead Jones x Reader

Word count : 1,484

Warnings : none

Requests are closed!

Originally posted by juptern

Your phone rang in the pocket of your jacket making you jump by surprise. You answered the call before showing your index to your friend Archie, meaning that it would only take a minute.

“Hi, this is (y/n) speaking.”

“Hey (y/n), how are you?” You instantly recognised the groggy voice behind the line.

“Jughead! I’m good! What about you?” From the corner of your eye, you would’ve swore you saw Archie rolling his eyes.

“Marvellous. So, what are you up to this evening? I thought we maybe could’ve hung out tonight. You know, me, you, at Pop’s?” You chuckled lightly.

“Sorry Juggie, I was planning on spending the night with Archie… You can tag along if you want? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” A small sigh made its way into your ear. You had to admit that you spent a lot of your recent time with your new red-haired friend. Jughead still occupied the position of best friend. He didn’t have to worry about it.

“I promise we’ll do something together tomorrow, alright?” It was silence for a while before you heard back,

“Yeah sure.” You pursed your lips, mentally cursing yourself. It wasn’t the first time that you had turned down your best of friend for Archie. Lately it had been happening more than before. It made you feel like the worst pal.

“See you.” With that, Jughead hung up. You understood how he felt. It wasn’t right that you weren’t spending as much time with him.

“Jughead, wasn’t it?” You looked up and saw Archie sprawled across the black beanbag in your bedroom. His hands were attached on the new acoustic guitar his dad had got him for his birthday. You nodded and played with the sleeves of you sweater. Your friend continued strumming the strings of his instrument.

“Hey- I wrote this song last week, and I wanted to know what you thought about it. I’ve been trying to talk to Josie about her playing some of my compositions, but she’s not that into it. You’re her friend, right? Maybe you could listen to it and try to talk to her?” He asked questioningly.

“Of course, go ahead.” His fingers moved to the tuners and accorded them as his other hand rested on the waist of the guitar. A few seconds later, a pleasant melody filled the room. Archie then started singing the lyrics he had written. The song wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it was quite catchy. The redhead friend of yours had talent. Before Archie could go on, you blurted out something you soon would regret.

“I’ll probably spend the day with him tomorrow.” The small tune that Archie had started suddenly came to an end. Archie hadn’t spoken to Jughead since this summer. The tree of you and Betty we’re supposed to go on a road trip the fourth of July but Archie left you hanging at the last minute. Since then, the boys stopped talking completely. When you mentioned one of  them to the other, you saw the irritation and annoyance in their expression.

“I thought you were coming to my game tomorrow. I’m playing in the varsity football team this year, remember?” You bet your lip and fiddled your hair with your fingers.

“I’m sorry Arch. I haven’t seen Jughead in a while now and I don’t want him to feel like I stopped being his friend. I’m making a vow that I’ll show up to your next game, how about that?”

“Why does it always have to be about him? Everything constantly has to be about Jughead.” Your were caught off guard by the sudden raise in his voice.

“That’s not it… I’m just trying to do what’s best here.”

“By ditching me at the last minute, that’s how your making things better? I didn’t think of you as an inconsiderate and selfish person.” He replied bitterly. In all the time of you guy’s friendship, you had never seen this side of Archie. Usually, he would be sweet and just shrug off any problem that faced his way. But the words he had just told you, they hurt your heart. Your eyes were starting to fill up with tears and your bottom lip started quivering.

“I’ve spent all my time with you for the last month. You. Not Jughead. Why are you treating me like this?”

“You know what? I don’t want to spend any more of my time with you right now.” With that, Archie got up and left you alone in your room. Without even noticing, a trail of tears had made its way down your cheeks. A sob escaped your mouth and your hands covered your face as you poured your heart out. You laid in your bed and continued crying.

It was all your fault. Archie now hated you and would probably never talk to you again. Why did you had to be so stupid? If only you had kept your mouth shut. Maybe he still would have been on that beanbag, singing.

Maybe half an hour later, you heard the wooden creek of your door meaning that someone was coming in. You didn’t even move, your pillow pressed against your face. The mattress shifted to the side from the sudden weight that it now had on it. You felt a piece of your hair being put behind your ear. You smiled at the sweet gesture and assumed it was your mother. You slowly got up and saw Jughead sitting beside you. Automatically, you vaulted in his arms tearing up once again.

“Sssh. It’s going to be okay.” He rubbed your back comfortingly. Your forehead was against his chest, his two upper limbs protectively holding you. Your eyes were probably red from all the crying but you couldn’t care less. You continued sobbing in his chest until you eventually felt calmer.

“Why- Why are you here?” You asked with a small voice. Jughead gently whipped your cheek with his thumb.

“Your mom saw Archie leave in a rush and realized that you two probably had a fight. She heard you crying and thought that you would be more willing to speak about it with me than her.” You grinned at the boy.

“I ruined your shirt.” You noticed, and felt guilty.

“Nothing to worry about (y/n/n). I never liked that jersey anyway.” You giggle with your best friend. You sniffed and observed Jughead who his face was only about a foot away from you. You had to admit that he was good looking. His prefect blue eyes were mesmerising and his pink lips appeared so kissable. Forever you considered the boy as nothing more than a platonic relationship to you. Never had you ever felt anything for him. But in that moment, something clicked. Jughead wasn’t only a friend to you, not even a best friend.  A stronger feeling overwhelmed your body. You felt love. You loved Jughead Jones. 

He was the one who your mother called when you were sad. He was the one who came rushing to your house as soon as your mother hung up. He was the one who was holding you and comforting you, whispering sweet nothing to you as you were crying. He was the one who was there for you.

“Jughead.” He raised his eyebrows at you.

“(y/n)?” You asked yourself in your mind if it was the right time to confess your feelings towards him. Your breathing started quickening as the anxiety rose in your core.

“I think I-” He watched you with intending eyes, indicating to continue your phrase.

“I think I love you.” Jughead eyeballed you, astonished at your revelation. He quietly answered, almost inaudible for you to hear.

“I think I love you too.” He leaned towards you and slowly pressed his lips to yours. Fireworks were going off in your stomach. The heaviness on your shoulders disappeared. In this moment, nothing else mattered in the world. Both of your lips moved in sync as you played with his raven locks. His arms pulled you closer to him, leaving no space between you two. Jughead backed away and kissed every each of your face, including your cheeks, temple and chin.

“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He whispered in your ear. You gave him a last long peck on the lips before saying,

“Do you want to lay down and cuddle with me?” He moved his head up and down calmly and took a blanket that was already on the bed to cover you. Cuddling was not something new for the both of you. You had always cuddled together, and whenever. His hand ran through your hair bringing a comforting and fuzzy feeling. His body pressed behind your back and his hot breath was tingling your neck. Before you even knew it, you and Jughead had fallen in a deep slumber, both dreaming about each other.

*gif is not mine!!

3

“Wake Up”

‘Cause we’ve been driving so long
I can’t remember how we got here
Or how we survived so long
I’m tryna run from our pride
'Til you set fire to my atmosphere
And I remember how I spent the 23rd
Feeling six feet under
When I’m 30,000 feet in the air
Chasing that sundown
So far east I’m westbound
Feeling like the edge of this world is near

But you’ll feel better when you wake up
Swear to god I’ll make up
Everything and more when I get back someday
This is more than just a phase, love
Shooting stars all break up
And even though it seems like half the world away

Things will be better in America
Heard the streets are gold there
Maybe I could fly you out this place someday
Chasing dreams like I’m on Novocain
Screaming through your airways
Looking back I almost thought I heard you say

Stay, you’re not gonna leave me
This place is right where you need to be
And why your words gotta mean so much to them
And they mean nothing to me
So stay, you’re not what you’re hearing
'Cause I’ve been watching you changing
And who said you’re one in a million
Anyway?

'Cause you see only what you want to
Your tunnel vision haunts you
And you can’t see what’s wrong
When you keep sleeping through the PM
Eyes wide open when you’re dreaming
You’re sleepwalking, just keep talking
And maybe you can talk your way out of this deep end
No “B” plan in your system
Just tell me what you’re thinking
I’m scared that you might fall.

EDEN - Wake Up

—–

Hide… Where are you? We miss you….

When I was with you I made a lot of mistakes. I ignored the red flags, I fell in love with your words and your potential of who you could be, what we could become. I was so desperate to be with you I think I lost sight of what I deserved, I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make me second guess myself and whose actions back up their words in a way that yours never did. I don’t regret you, you taught me a lot of things and you showed me the type of woman I was with you, the type of woman I will never be again.
—  you showed me everything I don’t want in a relationship, so thank you for that.

A very long time ago @jennthereaper and @simplyn2deep both sent me this prompt, and I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long, but the other day I was finally inspired to take a stab at it. I hope you enjoy!

From The Way You Said “I Love You” 

#26 Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave

Please, Derek, please, I–“ Stiles chokes back the beginnings of tears and clutches harder at the sleeve of Derek’s jacket. He’s on his knees, having tripped in his scramble to get to Derek from the other side of the loft. “I love you, okay? And I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, I’ve been a coward about this whole thing, but I love you. And I know you love me too. I know you do, and I need you not to leave like this, fuck, Derek, please don’t do this.”

Derek stares down at him for a long time, heart clenched in his throat.

And then he looks up at where the other Stiles is pursing his lips in a hard frown as he watches the scene.

“It isn’t real?” Derek asks for the hundredth time since the other Stiles, the real Stiles, showed up in this apparent dreamscape.

Stiles shakes his head stiffly.

The Stiles on the floor is still pleading with him around tears, but the noises of his despair are starting to fade, as if Derek were now hearing him from a distance. Even his heartbeat, a sound that Derek has been clinging to as an anchor for what feels like forever, begins to disappear.

Derek swallows and steels himself against feeling anything more than determination to get through this newest mess.

“What now?” he asks, tone clinical and firm.

Stiles answers him in a similar tone, his expression betraying nothing about what’s going on in his own head. A far cry from the Stiles that Derek first met a couple years ago, terrified and mouthy and young. “Now you wake up.”

Keep reading

it gets harder to talk about but it gets easier to hold it in. to sit up prettier, to shut up louder, to pretend i don’t want you when all i want is to give in, to hold back the tears at the bar and release them once i get into my own bed, to pretend i want to exist. i want to exist. i want to exist. if i say it enough times, even i believe it. but suddenly, i’m a couple drinks in and i remember how unhappy i really am and everybody’s having fun around me but i can’t breathe anymore and my friend tells me i’m a wimp for never expressing my anger when the second i express it, there is always someone there to invalidate it. it’s getting easier to call myself crazy as an excuse for feeling, as if i’m not allowed to feel, as if this pressure build-up in my head is nothing but unequal brain chemistry, and everybody is so easy to brush off my emotions as being a product of mental illness instead of re-evaluating their own actions and wondering how in the world they could have made me feel this way.

so yeah, to say i’m mad is an understatement. to say i’m mad would even be lying. because it goes deeper than this feeling i experience once in a while, the real truth is that i’m sad and that sadness runs deep. i’m hurt. i feel like nobody even cares if they hurt me and the second i even suspect i am offending a stranger, i say sorry. but people run from me instead of apologize because their pride is more important than my feelings and it’s always been that way. i fall in love with anyone who shows me affection and people think it’s weird but when you’ve been deprived for so long from people who will listen, i don’t know, it’s hard. it’s still hard to believe that the second i start spilling my emotions, people talk over me. nobody wants to be with the person who brings up serious conversations at parties. nobody wants to be there for the girl who is always sad. everyone wants to pretend it doesn’t exist. and the more they pretend, the more i realize i’m getting good at this.

so i try to shut up until i can’t. like this time last year, i was showing up to your house to scream at you because i spent so much time holding everything in. but last night, i sent you fifteen text messages and deleted every one before i pressed send and i know no one’s gonna be there to congratulate me but maybe i can start being proud of myself because i don’t know how else i’m going to make this inadequate feeling end. you know, maybe i just have to keep trying things until i find something that works, maybe i just have to fly through boys until i find someone who isn’t gonna leave, maybe i just have to realize that the only person i’m ever going to truly have is me and i should stop holding people to impossible standards because they’re never going to live up to them and i’m always going to end up disappointed. nobody’s ever gonna care the way i want them to. it’s like i’m impossible to please. but god, i don’t know - i just wish for one second, someone would be excited about something because i am. be sad about something because i am. make me feel like my feelings affect others in some way. like they mean something. i’m growing so tired of the blank stares they give me.

i don’t know. maybe i’ve always asked for too much but i can’t remember the last time someone told me they loved me and if we’re being honest here: it’s devastating. i’m sad. i feel like i have nobody left. everyone likes me at first because i am so outgoing - i say what i’m thinking - but they leave soon after they realize that i am too much to deal with and they don’t really want to hear what’s in my head. they turn away because my insecurities make them nervous and who wants to deal with the girl who asks you if you hate them every five seconds? you say you don’t hate me but your body language tells me everything. i know i’m getting annoying but i can’t stop so i keep repeating it: i want to exist. i want to exist. i want to exist.

they say you’ve gotta let people in but the more i let people in, the more i regret it. i’m tired of silencing myself but it’s like the moments i’m silent are the only moments i’m not ruining everything.

—  I WANT TO EXIST. I WANT TO EXIST. I WANT TO EXIST. I’M NOT REALLY SAD. REMEMBER THIS.

anonymous asked:

Do you think it's fair to start a relationship with someone if you're depressed?

Hi,
This is a very interesting concept. I realize that at the inception of a budding (or potential) relationship with someone, it is best practice to showcase your most refined and flawless self. You want to the person of interest to think you’re perfect, you want them to like you. People are inherently flawed, however. The nuance between individuals makes us exactly that; individual. One’s allergy to peanuts, phobia of heights, reluctance to anything spicy (me af), susceptibility to depression, everything about us makes us who we are. When gauging the morality of a decision, especially when it’s not exclusively your emotions being weighed in the equation, I’m not so sure I have enough information to answer the question you’re asking. What I do believe is true in life, is love is the most beautiful thing we as humans do, make and feel. Without love, life would be utterly meaningless. We need it for purpose. We need it for passion. Love makes colors more vibrant, sounds more euphonious, food more delicious. We as humans have been able to manufacture a great many things, like clothes to keep us warm and drugs to make us “happy”, but something we cannot develop in a laboratory is love. It is something we cannot buy, it is something we cannot cheat. True love is the most precious and authentic display we can gift this world.
So, do I think it’s fair or unfair to start a relationship with someone if you’re depressed? I think it’s selfish to deny yourself and the world the opportunity to love. Be honest with your partner. Relationships take work, but love is in fact the most beautiful thing in this life.
xoxo,
Cwote

You have five seconds. Five seconds and then you need to walk out of here and smile and laugh like nothing is wrong. Five seconds alone in this bathroom stall.

Five seconds.

One.
They kissed. Play it over and over again in your head. The edge of the window obscured only what you could fill in anyway. They kissed, and that’s the end of it. No last-ditch attempts, no alternate endings. He is in love with her, and he kissed her, not you. You watched from the sidelines, just like you always do. You thought you were in the game but you’ve been benched all season, playing holograms and recordings and pictographs of memories.
For this second, embrace that rawness. He kissed her and it hurts because she isn’t you.

Two.

I know you want to argue, that you’re doing it right now. You’re making excuses and adding in ‘but what ifs.’ After all, you didn’t actually see it. Maybe your eyes played tricks on you. Maybe it wasn’t what you saw.
You want to say, but what about two days ago? What about the things he said, the way he looked at me? At just me.
It doesn’t matter what he says. It doesn’t matter how you think he felt. It doesn’t matter who you think he wants, it matters who he’s with.
And he is with her. Not you.

Three.

You were wrong about everything. Admit it. Own up to your dreams that got in the way of reality, acknowledge the danger of overanalysis. He makes you feel like home, but if he’s home, why does it feel like he just scraped out your insides?
And not for the first time. You feel hollow–cling to this. Maybe he is where your heart is, maybe he is your heart. Maybe he is everything to you, but you’re not to him. If you were, he wouldn’t have kissed her.

Four.

Remember all those things, one last time. After this, they are gone. They have to be gone. It’s the only way you’re going to survive. Remember the first time you met him and you knew you were going to fall in love with him and you knew it was going to break your heart. You always saw this coming. Deep down, you’ve just been waiting for the blow to fall.

Five.


I don’t know if you’re going to love anyone else. I don’t know if distance will finally solve what proximity cannot touch. I don’t know if you’re ever gonna really forget how much this hurts.
But one day, it will stop hurting. I promise

Look in the mirror, take a deep breath, and smile.
You are beautiful, you are brave. You love without regard for the consequences, and that is one of the best things about you.
You have amazing friends and a whole summer with them ahead of you.
Don’t miss out on that because you’re sad about him.
You are going to live through this, and you’re going to be better.

Walk out of here and don’t let them see those five seconds. Life’s too short to get all weak-kneed over some fuckboy who doesn’t care.

—  “Five Seconds in a Bathroom Stall”
When you look at me, I feel like I can’t breathe. When your lips curl into that smirk of yours, I feel like I could die. Anything you do makes me melt. Even the little things like smiling at me in the hallway. God, I love everything about you.
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #7