your dumb faces

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*me with suspenders holding up my straight legged wool trousers typing*

@TheActualFDR:  .@AlbertCamus im hurling my muscle fucking hand at your dumb cuck face

Byun Baekhyun//Batter Up

Summary: Byun Baekhyun is the star player of your college’s baseball team - plenty of people have a crush on him, and of course you do too. But you have one thing they don’t have: a quiet friend who can’t pick up her damn phone and a head full of air.
Scenario: baseball!au, fluff
Word Count: 4,353

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the-prophet-on-acid  asked:

Right so have you ever played saints row 3? Specifically the opening mission where the saints rob a bank while all dressed as Gat "because who wouldn't wanna be johnny Gat" Cuz I keep thinking of the fakes pulling off a heist when someone (probably Gavin) has suggested they all do it dressed as the vagabond. Hilarity with the pre heist banter and then ridiculous news reports as 5 vagabonds pull of a heist accompanied by a 6th female vagabond

Oh man I haven’t but that is amazing. The Fake’s would be so into it too, the second someone floats the idea they’re all in, sourcing jackets and masks, debating pants, brainstorming the most appropriate heist to debut this beautiful nightmare. Best of all; they don’t tell Ryan. He’s off on some job, and even when he returns they keep their planning on the down low, too hyped up to cover the inevitable sniggers and pointed looks but no matter how creatively Ryan asks no one spills the beans.

When the fateful day finally comes around they let Ryan arrive at the meeting place first so they can truly appreciate the range of his reaction as the rest of the crew shows up one by one, all fully decked out and doing their best menacing Vagabond impersonations, complete with ridiculously puffed chests and comically deep grumbles. Ryan’s not exactly impressed at first, wary surprise moving to confusion then annoyance, flaring into a moment of true anger before crumbling into amusement, Ryan laughing just as hard as anyone else when he realises that the true butt of this particular joke isn’t him at all.

The Los Santos police don’t have a pleasant relationship with any of the Fake AH Crew, but there’s no denying that on any given day the mysterious Mercenary is their greatest antagonist. This is an LSPD who have never seen Ryan’s face, have never managed to catch him at all let alone long enough to rid him of that infernal mask, so of course pinning him down in an alley following his attempt to escape the FAHC’s latest bank heist leaves them thrilled. At least until the Vagabond rips off his skull and hurls it away, leaving nothing but a mess of red, white and black paint smeared across a grinning face, the momentary shock of recognition giving Geoff more than enough time to fight his way free.

To say police reports got hazy and confused from this point on is an understatement. A handful of officers are convinced the Vagabond doesn’t even exist, unknown for so long because he is not an individual at all, simply the alter ego of the Fake’s boss or perhaps even a rotation of their known members. Except then of course yet another Vagabond saunters out of the bank and into the street, mini gun whirring as he peppers the area and forces officers to duck for cover, masked head thrown back and cackling the unmistakable wild laughter of Mogar. 

In the face of that realisation it isn’t hard to identify the next pair to tumble out of the bank and flank Jones, both dwarfed by their jackets in different ways Dooley and Free are visibly thrilled to enter the fray. As the maskless Ramsey reappears and regroups they’re joined by another pair, one sporting the long flaming red-orange hair of the Firebird, the other making liberal use of Pattillo’s distinctive shotgun. Last but not least comes what can only be the true Vagabond, retrospectively unmistakable in direct comparison, all size and strength and seeping menace as he lifts his gun and joins his crew.

The FAHC are surrounded on all sides now, not that you’d know it from the crew’s attitude, audibly laughing and jeering, seemingly having the time of their lives as they swan about the street. They are all referring to each other as Vagabond, all stomping around and shouting vivid threats that would be horrifying if not for the strange inflections and stutters they’ve all adopted. At one point the true Vagabond stops shooting all together to stalk after Free, sending him scuttling behind Ramsey and cutting off a particularly graphic diatribe about being sexually attracted to diet coke of all things. For the most part though Vagabond prime seems to be enjoying the inexplicable farce as much as anyone in the crew, crowing about good looks and superior talents, assuring his team that he understands because honestly, who wouldn’t want to be the Vagabond?

Still, alarmingly playful interactions aside the tide has to turn eventually, pinned in the FAHC are certainly causing brutal damage but faced with wave after wave of LSPD reinforcements their ammo begins to dwindle, their bodies start to tire. Deadly they may be but at the end of the day they are, after all, only human. They can’t last forever.  

Which is, of course, when the final two Vagabond’s make their appearance; a giant, heavily armoured black truck crashing through police barricades like tissue paper, both driver and passenger masked but easy enough to identity for anyone who has spent time studying the FAHC. The driver, with Bragg’s shaggy dip-dyed hair emerging from his black skull, pulls the truck around as the passenger hangs half-way out the window and lays down a spray of covering fire. Collins’ cheerful voice rings out above the chaos, cajoling the Fake’s into the car like a soccer mum gathering her brood, all c’mon kids, say goodbye to the nice officers now it’s time to go home.  

By the time the troop of Vagabonds escape, truck packed like a clown car and busting out as easily as it burst in, only the enormous property damage, relentlessly replayed media footage and a truly staggering number of civilian selfies taken with all nine Vagabonds remain to convince the LSPD that the whole bizarre experience wasn’t a collective fever dream.


Headcanons for Anko dating a friend

“You’re not allowed to come until I get home. If you disobey, you’re not allowed to come at all.” “Did I say you could move?” (NSFW)
Headcanons for how Asuma would deal with being part of a threesome (NSFW)
Headcanons for Asuma with a s/o (SFW/NSFW)

Imagine of Choji having his first time with a female s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons for relationships with Choji (SFW/NSFW)

Headcanons for sex with Deidara (NSFW)
Angry sex with Deidara (NSFW)
Headcanons for jealous Deidara (NSFWish)
Headcanons for how Deidara would deal with being part of a threesome (NSFW)

Headcanons of how they’d react with their s/o wanting to dominate them in the bedroom (Slight NSFW)
“Shh, I’ve got you, just let go.” (NSFW)
“I want to mark you so everyone knows your mine.” (NSFW)
Headcanons for sick Gaara with a caring s/o
Headcanons for what would make Gaara jealous
Headcanons for blowjobs with Gaara (NSFW)
Headcanons for Gaara watching his s/o’s daughter
Headcanons for Gaara at the beach with his s/o

Headcanons for Gai in a relationship with another Sensei

Headcanons for Genma with a s/o (SFW/NSFW)

Headcanons for Hashirama with a short tomboyish s/o

Headcanons for relationships with Hidan (SFW/NSFW)
Headcanons for Hidan’s s/o taking care of him when he’s sick
Fluffy headcanons for Hidan
Headcanons for Hidan with a short s/o (SFW/NSFW)
Headcanons for jealous Hidan (SFW/NSFW)

Headcanons for Ibiki watching his s/o’s daughter

Headcanons for blowjobs with Iruka (NSFW)
Headcanons for Iruka watching his s/o’s daughter
Headcanons for Iruka as a pet owner
Iruka coming home to find his s/o asleep in one of his shirts

“I can’t stop thinking about you”
Headcanons of Itachi with a short s/o (SFW)
Headcanons for Blowjobs with Itachi (NSFW)
Headcanons for how Itachi would react to the modern world
“Lie back and let me take care of you” (NSFW)
Headcanons for relationships with Itachi (NSFW)
Headcanons for Itachi with a dominant s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons for Itachi with a submissive s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons for Itachi with a s/o with a British accent 
Scenario for Itachi’s s/o finding out he died.
Headcanons for Itachi with a short s/o (NSFW)
More headcanons for Itachi with a s/o with a British accent

The Heart Wants What It Wants
Headcanons for relationships with Kabuto (SFW/NSFW)

“Is that my shirt?”
[text] Fuck you and your dumb cute face
“Bend over my knee” “Don’t make a sound, or I’ll make you want to scream even louder” “Don’t cry, baby girl. It’s almost over” (NSFW)
“You belong to me” “I want to mark you so everyone knows you’re mine” “Don’t cover your face, I want to see you” (NSFW)
“Shh, I’ve got you. Just let go.” (NSFW)
“It’s an ice cube, kitten. Do you like it?” “Don’t cover your face, I want to see you.” (NSFW)
Headcanons of Kakashi dealing with a tired/grumpy s/o. (SFW)
“I want you to hurt me.” (NSFW)
Headcanons of Kakashi with a younger s/o (SFW/NSFW)
Headcanons of Kakashi with a submissive s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons of Kakashi with a taller s/o
Threesome with ObitoxreaderxKakashi (NSFW)
Headcanons for Blowjobs with Kakashi (NSFW)
Headcanons for Kakashi with a dominant s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons for Kakashi dealing with a virgin s/o (Slight NSFW)
Headcanons for Kakashi with a short s/o (SFW/NSFW)
Headcanons for Kakashi finding out his s/o writes adult literature (NSFW)
Headcanons for Kakashi with a s/o who’s new to relationships
Headcanons for Kakashi with a s/o with a British accent
Headcanons for how Kakashi would ask someone to be his girlfriend
Headcanons for how Kakashi would deal with his s/o getting sent on a honey trap mission
Kakashi and his s/o having an argument over intimacy
Kakashi with a daddy!kink
Headcanons for how Kakashi would deal with being part of a threesome (NSFW)
Headcanons for going from best friends to lovers with Kakashi
Headcanons for Kakashi with a s/o on their period

Random headcanons for Kakuzu

“Touch yourself for me” “Good girl.” “You’re not allowed to come until I tell you to.” (NSFW)
Headcanons for dominant Kankuro (NSFW)
Headcanons for Kankuro as a boyfriend (SFW/NSFW)
Headcanons for relationships with Kankuro
Headcanons for spending the perfect day with Kankuro (SFW/NSFW)

Mature drabble (NSFW)
[text] I don’t want your dick, I want brunch.
“You’re so pretty when you’re begging” “Open your mouth for me” (NSFW)
[text] Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Headcanons of Kiba going from best friends to lovers
Headcanons of Kiba with a short s/o (SFW/NSFW)
Headcanons of Kiba being protective over his s/o

Random headcanons for Kisame

Headcanons for how Madara would react to the modern world
Headcanons for Madara with a short tomboyish s/o

Headcanons of how they’d react with their s/o wanting to dominate them in the bedroom (Slight NSFW)
Headcanons with Naruto with a sick s/o
Headcanons for Naruto with a taller s/o
Headcanons for Naruto with a submissive s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons for Naruto with a s/o on their period

“Stick that pretty ass up for me.” (NSFW)
[text] If you don’t want me to bust your window, I suggest you answer the phone. Now.
[texts] I’m only saying this because I love you and let me make dinner for you.
“You can handle more than that.” “I want you to ride me.” “Pull my hair.” “Don’t cover your face, I want to see you.” (NSFW)
Neji comforting his roommate who’s afraid of thunderstorms

“Lie back and let me take care of you.” “Shh, I’ve got you, just let go.” “Don’t cover your face, I want to see you.” (NSFW)
Threesome with ObitoxreaderxKakashi (NSFW)
Headcanons for Obito with a submissive s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons for Obito with a s/o with a British accent 

Headcanons for Orochimaru getting jealous/protective

Headcanons for Rin with a s/o with a British accent

“I want to hear you scream.” “Open your mouth for me.” (NSFW)
Headcanons for relationships with Sai (SFW/NSFW)
Fluffy Sai headcanons

Headcanons for Sakumo with a younger s/o who likes dating older men. (SFW)
Headcanons for how Sakumo would react to the modern world
Headcanons for Sakumo finding out Kakashi has a girlfriend for the first time

Headcanons for Sasori
Headcanons for sex with Sasori (NSFW)

Bad Blood
Clothes Off (AU)
Headcanons of how they’d react with their s/o wanting to dominate them in the bedroom (Slight NSFW)
[text] So this is it?
Headcanons of Sasuke with a short s/o (SFW)
Where babies come from~
“You can handle more than that.” (NSFW)
Headcanons for sex with Sasuke (NSFW)
Headcanons for Sasuke with a short s/o (NSFW)
Sasuke having make up sex with his s/o (NSFW)

“I’m not saying I want a threesome, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it”
“You belong to me” “I want to mark you so everyone knows you’re mine” (NSFW)
Imagine where you'r'e Asuma’s niece and end up hooking up with Shikamaru and Asuma finds out.
[text] Sex on a rooftop - trashy or adventurous?
Headcanons for sex with Shikamaru (NSFW)
Shikamaru and his s/o are in the middle of intimacy and he gets a text from Temari (Slight NSFW) Part 2 (SFW)

Headcanons for sex with Shino (NSFW)
Headcanons for relationships with Shino

“You’re the best I’ve ever had” (NSFW)
Headcanons with Shisui with a short s/o. (SFW/NSFW)
“Does that feel good, baby girl?” (NSFW)
Headcanons for blowjobs with Shisui (NSFW)
Blowjob imagine (NSFW)
Headcanons for how Shisui would react to the modern world
Headcanons for Shisui with a submissive s/o (NSFW)
S/o walks in on Shisui masturbating (NSFW)
Headcanons for relationships with Shisui (NSFW)
Shisui takes a bath with his s/o (NSFW)
Shisui returns home and gets rough with his s/o (NSFW)
Headcanons for Shisui with a s/o with a British accent
Headcanons for how Shisui would ask someone to be his girlfriend
Headcanons for Shisui being protective over his s/o
Headcanons for Shisui with a younger s/o (SFW/NSFW)

Headcanons for Tobirama dealing with a tired/grumpy s/o
Headcanons for Tobirama showing his s/o his new jutsu

Headcanons for Blowjobs with Yagura (NSFW)

“Shh, I’ve got you, just let go.” (NSFW)
Yamato fluffy scenario
Yamato’s close female friend wanting to cuddle when drunk
Smutty continuation of the Yamato fluffy scenario (NSFW)

Crop top yuuri cosplay (ft my friend who took the photo) ignore my derpy face. Also @zephyrine-gale who gave me the idea and made me wanna wear croptops. Ty for the crop top yuuri revolution.

When you have mad crushes on someone but they have no idea so you just

Originally posted by satanariez

dad!yoong + contentment 

Yoongi was a highly intolerable person to be around. He was grouchy, precise about his work, wasn’t fond of people waking him up before three in the afternoon, didn’t like animals or small children, or people in general for that matter —however, all of that had changed when he met you. Don’t misunderstand, he was still a relatively prickly guy to be around, pretty much the only thing that had changed was your involvement to his life, even his friends had a hard time understanding what he had done to warrant your addition.

To Yoongi, the two of you were polar opposites, he was brash and blunt where you shied away from hurting people’s feelings, instead preferring to comfort and console —your field of expertise. He was hard where you were soft, cold where you warm, selfish where you were all too giving (something that annoyed the living shit out of him at times). And to his complete and utter surprise, and the surprise of literally everyone around him, it was you who had pursued him. An agonizing six months of insults and rejections hadn’t put off your warm smiles or offers for coffee and tea, your treat, until he had finally relented, deciding the best way to get rid of the annoying girl who kept showing up to his job and asking him out was to actually go out with her and be an ass —a simple feat really, all he had to do was be himself.

Only he hadn’t anticipated falling in love with you, or your moony eyes, or the way you stupidly seemed to always space out at the most inconvenient of times like at crosswalks to do the most unnecessary things like stare at a big star, which he had pointed out was not in fact a star it was probably a satellite because you two were in the city. Later that night he would convince himself he had grabbed your hand out of sheer obligation, so you wouldn’t get hit by a stupid car and he wouldn’t have to spend his night at the ER instead of watching Castle reruns and not because of the way your dumb face had lit up like a thousand Christmas lights just ‘cause he had grabbed your hand to pull you out of traffic.

Two days later he had decided he would take you out on another date because he couldn’t possibly let someone with so many stars in their eyes wander around the cruel streets of Seoul by themselves, you would probably take two wrong turns and get eaten by a shark or something. And it was definitely not because he liked you or the way you couldn’t stop staring at him when he talked about music or how you were so soft and pliable, or the way you had told him that Hawaii couldn’t be an island and a state it had to pick one. No, it was just his civil duty, he was too altruistic for his own good.

Three and half years later he had begrudgingly shoved a black velvet box in your hand, and it wasn’t because he liked you or anything it was only because it was too late to turn back now and he would look like a major ass if he like broke up with you this far down the road, and you were totally in love with him, because he had that affect on people (he had told you so too). To which you giggled and wiped at a stray tear asking if he would include that in his wedding vows.

It definitely was not because he was so desperately in love with you it almost hurt and the thought of not having you binded to him even by some stupid court document when you possessed every piece of his heart and soul made it hard to sleep at night and sometimes he would stay awake just to watch you sleep and that was saying a lot because he loved sleep more than anything but now he loved you more than anything. And it’s not that he thought that you would leave him because, hey, if you didn’t realize how much of an ass he was by now, there was no hope for you, but because you deserved the world and then some and some stupid big fancy wedding with an ugly cake and people fawning over the two of you even if Yoongi hated it and kept tugging at his tie because it was choking him….. and that still wasn’t enough.

And he had drunkenly told you so on your honey moon, as you stood before, cheeks flushed and looking like a fucking a fairy, he couldn’t help but spill over, pouring out years worth of affection. He told you it wasn’t enough, not for the girl who had come into his life like a whirlwind, who he thought hung the moon and stars for him every fucking night, who made his heart balloon, who made him feel, just feel so much at once his entire being felt like it was vibrating with the sheer amount of energy. It would never be enough, but he wouldn’t stop until it was, he would never stop loving you until he met you at the top of the moon. You grinned at him like an idiot, because there was no response that was not of the physical nature that would be suitable.

Two years later he was here, in a grocery store looking very domestic as you wandered down some aisle doing God knows what and he muttered obscenities to his otherwise incapacitated passengers.

“Oh! Look at how precious they are!”

Min Yoongi was a highly intolerable person to be around. He was grouchy, precise about his work, wasn’t fond of people waking him up before three in the afternoon, and he hated when people crowded his children —

Yoongi blinked expectantly at the middle aged woman preening over the carrier, leaning in far too close for his liking, so close her obnoxiously scented perfume was choking him and he felt his blood pressure spike to an unreasonably high level. He cleared his throat, sending her a curt nod, to which she chose to ignore, instead taking it upon herself to rub a filthy hand over his child’s cheek. Min Yoongi reached in the baby bag for pocket bac—

“Babe?” Your voice caused a sense of euphoria he wasn’t yet willing to admit to and you smiled softly, “I was looking for you.”

You took note of Yoongi, who was so tense, you were sure if he were a cat his hackles would be risen and frowned in concern. All it took was one look at the woman with copious amounts of makeup leaning over the baby carrier to put two and two together. You sighed in understanding before letting out a tinkling laugh at his grimace.

You rubbed a hand soothingly over the small of his back and he loosened his muscles, leaning into your touch begrudgingly. He was always so grumpy.

“Are they twins?” The woman cooed and you didn’t miss the way Yoongi was currently disinfecting one of your children as you bit back a laugh.

“Triplets actually. I’m the third.” He sneered and you pinched his side so hard he actually yelped.

The woman coughed uncomfortably before smiling at you, a smudge of red lipstick staining her teeth, “You have a beautiful family.”

“Thank you.” You smiled, rubbing a hand over your already protruding stomach.

“They’re alright.” He shrugged and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Your husband has a very peculiar sense of humor.” She laughed awkwardly, but you were so used to Yoongi’s brash personality by now that you just sighed and waited.

“Husband? Oh no, I’m her brother.” He began.

You felt a hand on the back of your neck and you glanced up to see Yoongi staring at you with that look in his eye that meant—

He was kissing you, far too deeply, and far too passionately for broad daylight and in the middle of the feminine hygiene aisle at a grocery store, but you didn’t pull back because it was Yoongi and he was sweet. He tasted like mint gum and the Strawberry Apple baby puffs that he insisted he wasn’t sneaking when you weren’t looking and you felt a grin split your lips at the thought. There was distant mutterings of an excuse from Yoongi’s earlier companion but all you were focused on was the gentle way his thumbs coursed over your cheeks, and how as the kiss came to a close he kept placing gentle pecks against your own lips like he wasn’t ready to separate yet.

So as you took in your husband of going on two years, your partner of longer, the father of your children, Min Yoongi, in his black dad cap and distressed jeans with a baby bag strapped over chest and sporting a cat got the canary expression at you, you couldn’t help but grin. His actions were always so contradictory to his words, it was what made you fall in love with him all those years ago when you were but teens and he was working at a tech store. Min Yoongi was brash and blunt, could sometimes be cold but when it came to you and when it came to his children he was unbelievably soft hearted.

“Let’s go pay.” He sighed, gripping your hand, while using the other to steer the baby carrier, “Did you remember to pick up your prenatal pills?”

“Yes Yoongi.” You murmured.

“How about Gatorade,” he muttered, “the doctor said that you were getting dehydrated a lot quicker during this term.”

“Yes Yoongi.” You smiled to yourself.

“And don’t forget—”

You leaned up on your toes to press a peck on his check, “I love you, Yoongi.”

He froze for a moment, hating the way he cheeks flushed like a teenager as though he hadn’t just made out with you five minutes ago. He glared at you, “Let’s go home.”