your dreams are never too big

Have you ever felt a sudden and unexplained surge of happiness? Like, for an instant, everything is okay. Everything is peaceful.
_____________

I feel like we need to work on extending moments like this. Especially in today’s society when it’s all too easy to become rushed and too caught up in everything going on around us.

______________

During times when you are not fighting battles like the warrior you are, take a moment to be mindful. Reflect. Grow.

But I don’t think people really get what I mean when I say “I love musicals.”

I don’t just love a soundtrack with fancy tap numbers and great belting. I love it for so many other reasons. The cast is like a family to me. The songs speak words I’ve always wanted to hear but never could find a way to say. Watching musicals or singing them just for even a second makes me feel like I’m not alone. I’m not alone in the things I feel. I’m not alone because these characters, whether fictional of real, they’re there. They may not be real true people. But they’re there. Their voice speaks TO me. Especially Jack Kelly’s most of all. “Trapped where there ain’t no future/even at seventeen.” I’m 18. I’m still trying to figure out where my life is going. But I know I’m not alone. Because even if he’s not real, he is to me. And that’s all that matters. When I watch or perform a musical I don’t feel so hopeless anymore. I don’t feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m someone else. I’m involved in someone else’s story. If I can throw myself into something I’m so passionate about then it’s the perfect thing for me to do. At my first audition I was nervous. Crazy nervous. I figured I wouldn’t get the lead but might as well try. Afterwards the director asked me to come talk to her and of course I’m thinking “oh shit what did I do wrong” and she told me, “That was one of the best auditions I’ve seen in a long time.” And that has still stuck with me months later. Whether you’ve been doing this since you were 7 or 17 theatre is something for everyone. Yes, there will be people who will try to bring you down. They’ll tell you you’ll never make it, that your singing is awful, that you’re dreaming too big. Everyone starts somewhere. They may laugh but they won’t care anymore when you keep your head up high and with confidence knowing YOU. CAN. DO. THIS. OKAY? And even when you can’t, take a break. Not from singing. But a break to look back and see how far you’ve come and where you want to go. Because you can go far kid. You really can.

Don’t you ever shy away from something because you love it too much. I don’t care if it’s a person, or a passion, or a dream. We’re too afraid of our own hearts these days, too worried that we might wreck ourselves. But we were never born to hide from the things that could make us the happiest.  So take the job, kiss the girl, pour your heart out. Make mistakes, big mistakes, and live so fully that you know what it feels like to be in pain. To be in love. To be anything at all.

Coming Home - Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer gets released from prison and comes home to the reader and their daughter.

Y/N - Your name

Y/D/N - Your daughter’s name

Word Count: 1,169

Author’s Note: Sorry I’ve been gone for almost two weeks :( I went on vacation with my friend and then came back to so much make up work and ap testing. Hopefully you guys don’t hate me, here’s this! :)

It had been weeks since the three of you were together, hell, it had been two weeks alone since you visited him in there. Spencer looked absolutely horrible when you did, bruises aligned his jaw and he had a black eye that stuck out like a sore thumb.

It was obvious he was going out of his mind in that place when he snapped saying that he was capable of murder, even though you knew it wasn’t true. You worried about him almost every second after that moment and just wanted him to come home, but you couldn’t show your daughter how scared you really were.

She asked almost every night when daddy would be coming home and lately you were running out of excuses, but telling a seven year old what was really going on was just not an option.

Your thoughts ate you alive most nights, but you couldn’t stop blaming yourself until you would eventually fall asleep.

*phone vibrates*

It was four a.m when this was going on and you were usually passed out until at least seven, nothing was waking you up tonight.

After four missed calls, they gave up.

Once the sunshine hit the curtains Y/D/N came running in your room and hopped right next to you in bed. She seemed to always be full of energy in the mornings, which wasn’t a good thing on weekends.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Y/D/N was pushing you a little by now trying to get you up.

“What? I’m awake..” your eyes hadn’t opened because you were determined to get a few more hours of sleep. It was Saturday anyway, you had nowhere to be.

Y/D/N let out a loud sigh that made you open your eyes and laugh.

“Oh we’re pouting now, are we?”

Y/D/N nodded and crawled under the covers next to you. Her hair was long enough to be put into a tiny ponytail but it never seemed to stay tamed, especially after sleeping. Once she had turned four it was apparent she had gotten her daddies hazel eyes, which wasn’t a problem until now, when all you could see was him while looking at her.

“Someone was knocking at the door a few minutes ago but you and daddy told me not to answer to strangers, but I think they gave up.”

You looked at Y/D/N with confusion, it was 7 a.m, who was at the house this early? Oh no. What if something happened to Spencer? You jumped up and searched for your phone that was scattered somewhere in your sheets.

Four missed calls from Emily Prentiss. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

You didn’t even bother putting a sweatshirt over Spencer’s old t-shirt and walked as fast as you could to the front door. If something happened, you had no idea what you were going to do.

The peephole wasn’t even a thought before you yanked the door open to see Spencer standing there.

You were completely frozen seeing him, shock completely took over your body. This wasn’t real. You felt tears rolling down your cheeks but couldn’t move. For all the times you’d dreamed this, you never thought it would come true.

“Y/N.”

His voice felt like home, something that hadn’t been the same since he was gone. Relief washed over you but before you could get a word out Y/D/N came running past you and latched onto Spencer’s legs.

“Daddy! You’re home!” Y/D/N’s smile was as big as could be, as was his.

“I missed you so much goober.” you watched as Spencer kneel down and hug Y/D/N.

“I missed you too, I lost a tooth!” Y/D/N took a step back and smiled showing the hole inside her mouth. Spencer’s mouth dropped playing along as if it was the coolest thing he’s ever seen.

“No way! Wow, did you put your tooth under your pillow for the tooth fairy?”

“Yes, mommy helped me and I got five bucks the next morning!” Y/D/N pointed at you and giggled as Spence looked up at you.

“Well isn’t that awesome! Hey Y/D/N, wanna go get me some water while I talk to mom?”

She nodded and ran into the kitchen.

“I uh, um..” you tried saying something, anything really, but you had no idea what to say.

Spencer stepped towards you nodding, understanding everything that was going on in your mind. He knew you like the back of his hand, surprises were not your thing.

The height difference between you two was perfect for him to kiss the top of your head. You loved this, especially when you would get stressed.

“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry Spence.” you mumbled as your face was scrunched against his shirt, which smelled of faded cologne.

Spencer looked down at you confused, “You’re sorry? Baby, what do you have to be sorry about?”

“All of this is my fault, I never should’ve let you go across the border, especially alone.”

Before he could react to what you just said Y/D/N came running back in with the glass of water. You backed out of his arms and watched as your daughter and husband talked.

Spencer kept looking over at you to make sure you were okay and flashed a couple smiles until you got up to go to the bathroom, or just sit in there.

After a few minutes a light knock came on the door,”Y/N, could I come in?”

You quietly sighed saying yes and unlocked the door. You sat back down on the side of the tub as he walked in, staring at the floor once he shut the door behind him.

“Can we talk?”

You nodded, “About what?”

“About you feeling guilty, because you shouldn’t.. At all. I was going even if you hadn’t agreed Y/N. None of this was your fault.”

“Okay.” you mumbled so low that he could barely hear you.

“Y/N.. please look at me.”

You shook your head and wiped the tears that had fallen. Spencer bent down and took your hands in his.

“Baby..” his voice cracked, “please?”

You squeezed his hands then looked up for your eyes to meet, Spencer gave a slight smile as you realized how badly you missed his touch. Those puppy dog eyes were all you needed right now.

“What do you need me to do so you’ll feel safe again Y/N?.”

“I just.. I can’t lose you again.”

“You’ll never lose me Y/N.”Spencer leaned in and placed a kiss on your forehead still holding your hands.

You smiled at those words, “Good.”

Spencer leaned back and glimpsed at your shirt and messy hair smiling, “You’re beautiful Y/N but I think that shirt is pretty awesome too.”

You blushed and shoved his shoulder, “You’re too sweet to me Spence, but you know I always steal your shirts.”

“That’s okay, you wear them better than I ever did.”

Title: Dark Chocolate

Title: Dark Chocolate
Type: Slight angst, SecretAdmirer!Jaehyun
Characters: Reader X Jaehyun (ft. Johnny)
Word Count: 2,022

A/N: I don’t even know why I wrote this but please enjoy loves!

Summary: It’s definitely not your fault that you’re allergic to chocolates. But the problem is, he doesn’t know about it at all.


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ballade to the dawn (m)

idol & songwriter au | christmas collaboration 

pairing: taehyung | reader
genre: angst and fluff
word count: 11.014
warnings: sexual content


Even if the last vestiges of winter are faintly gracing the outside, the day feels colder than it has ever been.

The timing is painfully amusing, you think. Winter has always been a part of you and Taehyung — you first laid your eyes on him through a thick veil of twinkling snowflakes, the first words you exchanged were over a cup of hot chocolate, and the first kiss he gave you was under the umbrella that protected you from a gentle blizzard. You love him just like you love winter, with its stinging cold and achingly dry wind; and even if it burns you sometimes, you can’t help but long for the signs of sunlight, so graceful above the snow coated ground. So unearthly and exquisite, just like him.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer Meme

Season four edition

  • “It’s nice that you’re excited.”
  • “Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up, the line’s probably really long now too.”
  • “Oh, I’m not really into porn… I mean, I’m just trying to cut way back.”
  • “Nobody really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night, when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story.”
  • “And you thought your days of sneaking out of your room were over.”
  • “On the plus side you’ve killed the bench, which was looking shifty.”
  • “I can’t stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams, you’re all naked.”
  • “I like you. You’re funny and you’re nicely shaped.”
  • “And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.”
  • “I am the Dark Lord of Nightmares! The Bringer of Terror! Tremble before me! Fear me!”
  • “Nothing can defeat the penis!”
  • “I was under the impression that I was your big comfy blankie.”
  • “How come you didn’t tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?”
  • “My whole life, I’ve never loved anything else.”
  • “You’re being too hard on yourself. Why don’t we wait a half an hour and try again?”
  • “To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It’s a ritual sacrifice… with pie.”
  • “That’s one fun little hobby you’ve got there.”
  • “I know it’s nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting.”
  • “Yeah, well, I’m not the one who wanted Wind Beneath My Wings for the first dance.”
  • “This isn’t a relationship! You don’t need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.”
  • “Yeah, delivering melted cheese on bread. Doing your part to keep America constipated.”
  • “And you’re what? Shocked and disappointed? I’m evil!”
  • “Everyone’s getting spanked but me.”
  • “Make out with me.”
  • “That probably would’ve sounded more commanding if I wasn’t wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.”
  • “Don’t speak Latin in front of the books.”
  • “Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.”
  • “I’m just saying it’s a little strange to date someone who tries to eat you once a month!”
  • “No matter what, somebody’s going to get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest or it’s going to be a lot worse.”
  • “I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I’m gonna make it up to you. Starting right now.”
  • “Great plan. That’s right up there with duck and cover.”
  • “Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and…then I do a spell by myself.”
2

Some of you have noticed I haven’t been posting much lately, so I thought I’d share this here. I know this is pretty out of the ordinary for me, but I’d like to get extremely personal for a minute. This week my grandfather–the man who raised me, who taught me to ride a bike, who used to sneak me cookies from the kitchen, who checked my tire pressure every time I came over to visit, who pushed me on the back yard tire swing for hours at a time and never complained–passed away. It is impossible to express in words what his loss means to me, even more so since I am currently an ocean away from the rest of my family. Instead, I’d like to tell you a little bit about my grandparents because, while they were a regular part of my life, their lives were quietly extraordinary.

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And The Poets Are Just Kids Who Didn’t Make It

Written for NurseyWeek, prompt Mistake.

Trigger warning for a panic attack

Nursey wasn’t sure where his day had gone to shit. He’d thought it was fine, he had his English Lit class in the morning, which he actually enjoyed, then a poetry workshop early in the afternoon.  Somehow, however, it had got to be too much, and he’d practically sprinted out of his workshop to go to the Haus, hoping for a piece of pie and a Bitty hug. He’d apparently forgotten that Thursdays were when everyone had class in the late afternoon except for him, meaning that he was now alone with his thoughts, which never ended well when he got to be like this.

Dropping to the ground, Nursey leaned against the back of the couch and drew his knees into his chest, closing his eyes and trying to breathe against the overwhelming sensation of everything going on around him and bearing too much weight and too many responsibilities down on him and he wasn’t good enough to deal with any of this and why did he think he possibly could succeed in life and why was he such a fuckup and why was everything he did a mistake-

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carry on asks!

sour cherry scones: what’s your favorite comfort food?
magickal record: do you keep up with current events?
violin: play any musical instruments?
sword of mages: name an item or skill that you consider to be your weapon of choice.    
mage’s men: dream career? 
numpties: do you prefer being too hot or too cold?
vampires: would you choose to live forever?
dragon: do you prefer working in a team or working alone?
magic words: favorite book? 
elocution: what languages do you speak? 
pitch mansion: how big is your family?
covent garden: where is somewhere you’ve been that you never want to go back to?
football pitch: play any sports?
mummers house: have any roommates? 
the cloisters: name a woman who inspires you. 
weeping tower: what’s your favorite fictional world?
white chapel: do you want to get married?
catacombs: where do you usually go to be alone?
wavering wood: do you enjoy hiking/camping/just being out in nature?watford: what place in the world feels most like home?

drumming song (m)

requestfantasy au ; dark faerie!tae. for @lthyl ♡

pairing: taehyung | reader
genre: angst, smut
word count: 7.048
warnings: none.


The shift in the atmosphere is thick and sharp the moment you enter the house. On the outside, there was barely a sound shifting the air — only an unsettling silence as you watched the magnanimous house rising right in front of you, tainted by the stutter of your heart that seemed to want to get out of your chest.

You were nervous, body buzzing before you opened the unlocked door and entered what looked like another dimension. From the outside, you’d guess it was just another abandoned house — with its darkened windows and unkempt garden, jagged walls and gloomy atmosphere; the ghost of a residence that stirred with past lives.

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Mall Gothic
  • A wind blows across the parking lot. It smells of the sea. You are nowhere near the sea. A seagull calls overhead.
  • In the lobby, a small dog walks forwards, then backwards, then forwards again - never progressing, always squeaking. You have heard this sound every time you’ve entered the mall. It is never the same dog.
  • A furniture store’s display begs you to enter, promising the softest cushions, the coziest chairs. You step forward, but the man behind the counter locks eyes with you, abject misery in his expression. You know that if you go inside, you will never be able to leave.
  • Music plays everywhere. Songs overlap into an unearthly cacophony. But whenever you enter a store, you can only hear one song. It was not playing outside the entrance.
  • An enticing smell wafts from the tea store. It is sweet, almost sickening, but you are helpless to resist. You drink from the samples at the front, and it is not enough. Your nose is so saturated with the scent that you can’t remember ever smelling anything else. Is it still blood that runs through your veins, or is it tea?
  • When you walk back to your car, it is gone, replaced by one of the same make and model. It is identical except for the hubcaps. You look across the parking lot, searching, but all you can see is a sea of gray SUVs that stretches from horizon to horizon. A seagull calls overhead.
  • One day you get lost and stumble into a store you’ve never seen before. Everyone inside is friendly, the prices are incredible, the atmosphere is perfect. You leave feeling high, elated, at peace. When you come back, you can’t find it, and no one you ask knows what you’re talking about. 
  • A store you admired as a child closed as soon as you were big enough to fit their clothes. Now that you are an adult, too big for their merchandise, it has returned. You wonder if your adolescence was a dream. Mocking laughter follows you as you walk past.
  • “Buy 3 get 3 free!” proclaims the red and yellow sign in the window of Claire’s (there is always a Claire’s, and it always has that sign). As you leave the store with a bag full of jewelry, you realize that you do not remember what you bought. You do not remember entering the store.
  • As you retrace your steps, you pass the dog. It is still moving. It is still squeaking. Does it ever stop? You look into the creature’s wide, dead eyes, and the question becomes, rather, can it?
  • A server asks if you’d like some chicken. You take it and move on. Another server asks you the same question, and then another, and another. Their faces begin to blur. How many pieces of chicken have you eaten? “Free sample?” you hear, over and over again. Capitalism is collapsing before your eyes. A seagull calls overhead.
Jared Leto x Reader ; Music Awards

Author’s Note; Sorry it seems like this took forever, I couldn’t find it in my inbox until now so yay! Thank you so much for the compliment omg! I have a section for reviews so please feel free to leave some feedback and some opinions. I need some !! Seriously I had a dream just like this request so this should be extremely interesting. I tried to make it a little bit shorter than the rest because I know I can get carried away so I hope this is ok! Thanks for the request. 

A gentle hand slid over the outside of your dress as you patted down the delicate places that deserved the most attention. It never really took you too long to get ready for anything, but this in particular was a big deal for you. In dating the infamous Jared Leto for more than 6 months you felt the need to always look your best when leaving the house to do simple errands such as going to the store, going on small dates with him, and just going out with your friends in general. However, this particular event required a bit more preparation, an award show designed to recognize actors, actresses, and amazing talents of the entertainment world, was the most important thing you’d ever really gone to. 

Previously, Jared went to these things alone or with some form of eye candy that he could strut around for photos and appearances, but no such event happened in your time together yet until now. This would be the first time you two actually attended a public appearance this big together, and you couldn’t stop the nerves from ripping through your entire body. Your hands were shaking, your palms were sweating, and you continued to fiddled with pieces of your dress that were already perfect. 

Delicate thoughts of judgement clouded the forefront of your mind as you truly wondered if you were good enough to really stand at his side on the red carpet tonight. Perhaps you should change your mind, there was still time. You could easily just watch him tonight on the tv, waltz the carpet alone like he usually did, but you knew deep down that if you backed out now he would be hurt. Although he usually did have a good time at these events, he often dreaded the boredom behind most of them especially when his friends were not around. 

A gentle knock pulled you from your thoughts and a small jump rippled through you as you turned towards the door. A glance down to your watch revealed that it was indeed time for you two to make your departure, but were you ready? 

“Come in….” you trailed off, turning towards the door frame and slipping your hands behind the dress to watch the ends of it flare around the back of your knee caps. It was spring, and the gentle breeze of tonight’s air would make it absolutely perfect, at least, that’s what the designer told you.  

his smile was contagious and spread across his face like the plague and you couldn’t stop the blush that took over your features at his reaction. He hadn’t actually seen the dress that you had picked out for the event, and the overall construction of it surprised even you. You had never really been a dress person, blue jeans or tights with a nice shirt was always your go to unless you were working and it was slacks and a decorative blouse, but dresses were completely foreign to you. The original gown you had picked out was the very definition of plain jane which was the direct opposite of what you were going for. You were never the type to value the attention of other people, in fact, you did everything in your power to avoid it; too many eyes on you usually made you uncomfortable. Even now, you felt yourself coming a part at the seams with just his crystal blue orbs scanning you over, but the devastatingly enamored smile he flashed in your direction destroyed every thought you had in that moment.  With the help of the store’s designer you had truly picked out a dress that was unforgettable. 

the delicate ombre of the dress was slightly overshadowed by silver glittered texture that formed small patterns around the flared bottom and slimmed bosom decorating your chest. It was absolutely perfect. Short enough to give awareness to your slightly long but beautiful legs, flared at the bottom like you like, and no long train for you to accidently fall over. It was the impeccable combination of elegant, flirty and fun. 

“Are you just going to stand there, gawking?” You questioned shifting your weight slightly in discomfort. His lips pressed together as he looked off to the side in an expression that mocked deep thought. A slight nod rippled through his frame and he smiled. 

“Yeah.” he answered simply before slipping one of his hands into his pocket and leaning against the wall comfortably. 

“Are you sure I shouldn’t just…..stay here?” you question slipping your hands up to your ears in an attempt to remove your earrings. Turning to face the mirror you could see his reflection in the background. It radiated unease and disappointment and that was the last thing you wanted to do to him. 

“I mean, if you don’t really wanna go….” he trailed off and the poorly hidden disappointment in his voice sent a sharp pain through the left side of your breast. He was hurt. 

“I just….I don’t want to ruin it for you……” you started before holding your earring in your hand and glancing down at the floor. He was aware of your low levels of confidence, and he respected you enough not to force you to do things you didn’t want to do. You were stubborn in that regard, but he shrugged.

“It’s just another award show, there will be more…….I just….would hate to let all this pretty go to waste.” the shuffling sound of his feet growing closer to you made you smile, and before you were aware of it, his fingers were on your skin. 

“You really think it looks good enough?” you question finally looking up at him and his eyebrow quirked. Blue orbs slid from your eyes down to your shoes before returning back to your face, and you had half a mind to check if you were still clothed because it felt as if he had just visually undressed you. 

“Good enough?” he was genuinely confused. You didn’t want to explain, you felt as if it were a petty insecurity that he wouldn’t understand, but you couldn’t hide from those eyes. 

“Somebody like me ….” his hand raised and landed on your lips before you could continue and he sighed. 

“Stop.” he said simply before slowly letting his hand run down the delicate confines of your lips to your hands. 

“Where you come from, and who you are, are two completely different things. You’re just as good if not better than half those people that will be out there tonight. You’re important to me, and I want you there. You are the most interesting thing about tonight.” he admitted, and the confidence behind his words fueled you. his face grew closer to yours and you prepared yourself for his kiss only to feel the absence of his lips. 

There was a gentle air against your face as his frame moved away from yours, and his fingers were around the small clutch in your hands.

“I mean, but if you don’t wanna go I mean…” he went on walking away and turning his back to you playfully. You chased after him slightly, wrapping your hands around the back of his shoulders and resting them on his chest.

“I’m going, I’m going!” you laughed before watching him turn to you.

“Good, because you’re beautiful and people deserve to see you.” 

“You just say that because you want my goods.” You joked wrapping your arms around the back of his neck and pulling him closer.

“What? Did you hear that line I just laid on you? Oh I’m gettin’ your goods. I could have em’ now if I wanted them.” he urged.

“Oh you think so?” You questioned. 

“Mhm.” He nodded planting a small kiss on your lips before pulling you closer. His eyes flickered towards his watch before slipping his hand in yours. You followed along excitedly while practicing deep breathing in an effort to calm you raging anxiety.  

The ride was nearly excruciating as you stared out of the window in awe of the illuminating buildings that took up most of the night life. The distant sound of Jared having side conversations with the driver and a few of his band mates in the backseat went unnoticed to you. You had originally joined in on the conversation previously, but the realization of you growing closer and closer to the red carpet sent a tingle of discomfort through your spine. Were you sure this was a good idea. The tabloids hinted at Jared having a significant other, but you had done a good job of concealing yourself from them, but tonight was the night that you exposed the rumors for what they were and you didn’t know if you were ready. Would you be what they expected? 

The distant feeling of Jared’s fingers colliding against yours sent your eyes in his direction and he smiled. He was always a master at sensing your moods even when you didn’t let on what you were actually feeling, and the sensation of his concern forced you to smile. 

“You look hot by the way.” Shannon’s voice slid through the forefront of your mind, but you couldn’t help the laugh that fell through your lips at his eyes on your skin. The playful look on his face made it hard for you to take him seriously.

“Says the guy with the impossibly perfectly tied bow tie.” you spoke. 

“Hey….I didn’t say you looked as good as me, but close.” He joked pulling at the bow tie attached to his dress shirt before everyone broke out in laughter. 

You two were on the red carpet before you knew it and the cascade of blinding flashes from the camera’s of the reporters nearly gave you a seizers. You stood there frozen as they threw questions in your direction. 

“Jared this way! Over here Jared! Flash a smile here Jared! Jared! Jared! Who’s your date!?” The questions fell from so many directions that you didn’t really know where to look and the tightening grip of Jared’s hand on yours wasn’t helping. In fact, it just made you more nervous. His voice was low in your ear as he directed you to smile at the camera’s on your left and to simply not stop smiling. He didn’t brief you on the expectations in the car, but it became simple after a while. Just don’t stop smiling. If they catch a picture of you without it, you’ll be misconstrued as the stuck up date with a bad attitude, or the weird mousey girl next to him that he probably didn’t even know. Your lips were on fire, and your cheeks felt as though they would fall from your face at any moment. 

“Maybe they’ll think i’m some sick person from the make a wish foundation and this is a one time thing.” you joked and his laugh radiated in your ear before he leaned down to whisper. 

“You don’t fuck like a sick person.” he teased. Your eyes flashed toward him with a look of pure shock and the smirk plastered on his lips nearly sent your lower half into a pooling mess of arousal. You imagined that the picture associated with the current reaction would be legendary. Your wildfire of a blush spread across your face, while his devilish smirk nearly overtook his features. You could see it now.

“JARED LETO WHISPERS SWEET NOTHINGS TO HIS RED CARPET DATE ;; WHAT DID HE SAY?” 

Your laugh turned into a small giggle as you tried to hide your reaction and suddenly his hand was gone from yours. An interviewer caught his attentions and began her questions with him, but instead of interrupting you attempting to continue smiling in the background. You assumed that with his absence you wouldn’t be the center of anyone’s attention anymore, but the camera’s continued to flash in your direction without warning. 

You could feel the growing anxiety in your abdomen reach its peak and the sudden panic attack you wanted to avoid began rippling through your spine. Your smile started to fade and you swallowed hard, only to find Shannon at your side. His frame stood in front of yours as his hand rested on your hip. His voice was low in your ear as he questioned you.

“You alright?” He was concerned and you had never heard his voice like that before. 

“I….I think so I just….I need a second?” You spoke and he smiled.

“Totally normal. I don’t think we could’ve warned ya about this enough.” He admitted. 

“Just breathe….” he trailed before his eyes connected with yours. It was easy and once you gained your breath, you smiled. 

“Just like that.” He instructed before moving aside and posed for some pictures with you. Jared’s eyes connected with yours as you were photographed and he stopped mid sentence. There was a look on his face that you couldn’t quite decipher; it mirrored awe and slight arousal. He had lost his train of thought and you were sure that the interviewer was probably confused. 

His hand slid against yours and before you knew it you were at his side with his arm around the back of your waist. 

“I can’t leave her alone too long.” He joked into the microphone as the interviewer laughed whole heartedly amused. You couldn’t help the smile that slid over your features as he continued to speak with her. 

“Have you looked into her eyes, I mean it’s insane. They’re like little gifts from the Gods.” He answered looking into your eyes and making her blush worse. 

“This man, knows how to speak to ladies.” You admitted before looking back towards the interviewer. Her blush nearly out weighed yours as you directed his attention back to her. 

He was finally attentive to her as she questioned him about tonight’s festivities as well as previous projects he’s worked on. As she finished up he leaned closer to you 

“You ok?” he questioned. 

“Perfect…..” you responded. 

anonymous asked:

What are your motivations behind the injections? Aside from the aesthetic changes to your penis and scrotum, what are the benefits? Does it make you feel more confident about yourself? I know it's not mine to understand as it's your thing but I'm trying to wrap my head around why you would do something so drastic.

This is another question I’ve had trouble answering succinctly, but this is a good opportunity to figure out a good way to do it. Forgive me if it’s not too cohesive.

To this day, I still can not tell you why I like what I like, and I don’t know that I ever will be able to. Regardless, it’s undeniable that I crave size and masculinity. Not a controversial position of course - it’s popular opinion that a guy with muscles is more attractive than not, a beer gut (while not mainstream attractive) is considered pretty manly, and of course everyone would like a bigger dick.

But for whatever reason, that’s never been enough for me. From day one, I found myself unsatisfied with what most people considered “big.” It’s not an accident that I found GReg’s videos in my early days, I sought them out. I wanted to see the biggest muscles, the fattest bodies and the biggest dicks. I was never satisfied, and a big reason I started drawing - no one even drew the sizes I wanted to see.

To me, it’s not enough to have muscles. I dream of being overburdened with mass; grotesquely huge, with arms so thick I could touch the peak of my own bicep, a chest swollen and protruding several feet forward, all muscles nearly useless from their own limited range of motion.

To me, it’s not enough to be fat. I dream of being on the cusp of immobility; forced to take slow, plodding, and thunderous steps wherever I go, constantly out of breath, limited in every way by the fat that envelops my entire body.

To me, it’s not enough to have a big dick. I dream of a package so big I could barely walk; with a shaft as thick as a can of paint, and balls so big and pendulous they hang down to my knees like beach balls.

That’s the common thread - excessive size. Overwhelming, impractical size. Size that is limiting and burdensome. Size turned up to 11. What nearly everyone would turn their nose up in disgust at, and declare stupid and “too big,” that’s what I like, and that’s what I want to be.

That’s where silicone ticks all the right boxes. It’s appealing because it’s freaky and unnatural-looking. Because it’s all thickness and no length in your shaft, you quickly look overinflated, and eventually engulf your own head with thickness. It’s the perfect combination of size and freakiness beyond the point of practicality. It’s unappealing to most people, but that’s exactly how I like it.

I know I’ll never live the dreams I have of the extreme sizes mentioned above (which is why I end up drawing it instead). Some men are capable of achieving pretty extreme sizes, but I know my genetic and (especially when it comes to silicone) practical limits. Still, I intend to come as close as I can.

Every time my bulge grows, I feel a little closer to my goal. Every pound I gain, every inch of new mass I measure, I feel more like the “me” I dream about. It does make me more confident in myself, not because I want everyone to envy me—quite the contrary, I want them to find me excessive and weird—but rather because I feel more comfortable in my own body. It feels right.

It’s a bit embarrassing to write out like this, because it seems shallow (and probably not all that unique of a mentality, from what I’m learning from you all), but it’s a part of me that I cannot deny. Growing in any way gives me immense fulfillment and satisfaction, and in the end that’s why I do this.

TEAPOT

[click to go to ao3]
dear evan hansen
evan hansen/jared kleinman
1755 words

WARNINGS & THINGS

suicide attempt mention
panic attack (really just one sentence that goes “evan has a panic attack.”)
angst
post-canon, canon compliant

SUMMARY

they tip each other and pour it all out / they talk about the forty-foot oak tree

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Sun x Moon Life Mottos, part 2/3
  • Aries Sun, Aquarius Moon: "I won't let you close enough to hurt me."
  • Taurus Sun, Virgo Moon: "The very things that hold you down are going to lift you up."
  • Gemini Sun, Aquarius Moon: "I already know I'm going to hell. At this point it's either go big or go home."
  • Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
  • Leo Sun, Aquarius Moon: "I'm almost never serious, and am always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I am like a collection of paradoxes."
  • Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon: "Don't just dream it, be it."
  • Libra Sun, Virgo Moon: "So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."
  • Scorpio Sun, Pisces Moon: "Some people just can't fit into your life, no matter how much you want them to."
  • Capricorn Sun, Aries Moon: "Stay close to anything that makes you glad you're alive."
  • Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon: "You were born an original, don't die a copy."
  • Pisces Sun, Pisces Moon: "So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."
So Far Away, My First Love

“Dream, I will be here to see your creation and be with you in the future. Keep dreaming. Don’t give up on me, Yoongi. I’ll fight this, and you’ll fight too. I believe in you.”

Warnings: Angst with a pinch of salt to go into the open wounds

AU: High School

Word Count: 1137


Min Yoongi was depressed.

He had so much talent inside of him that he felt he would never get recognized, his family never gave him a chance, his friends disapproved of his rapping. “It won’t bring you anywhere,” they always said. He needed to focus on getting a good career. It didn’t matter if he would be unhappy, it didn’t matter if he would turn out to be a bitter asshole. No, all that would matter is that he didn’t bring shame onto the Min family.

That’s all they cared about.

His parents loved him, they cared about him. But they didn’t believe in him. And that was one thing he didn’t know would hurt so much.

But then she came along.

Keep reading

Bad Girl: Sad Boy || Kim Namjoon (A)

Picture mine

Story dedicated to the lovely @norikoazami

Namjoon x reader

Genre: Some angst, served with a side of fluffy, sprinkled with a bit of smut, and drizzled with some more heartfelt angst.

Word Count: 3,560

~ Took a quick break from Summer Boy this weekend. Hope you all don’t mind! I wanted to write this story while it was still fresh and I had the motivation for it. Enjoy ♡


I made my way down the alley, short heels sliding on the wet pavement. The humidity after the rain lingered in the warm night. The air hitting through the ripped holes of my jet black jeans. The cars of the busy highway could be heard off in the distance, while everything around me was silent. The white street lights lit my path through the abandoned alleyway, leading to the abandoned lot after the buildings. I heard a small crash from one of the dumpsters at my right, followed by a black cat running from out of it.

Finally reaching the empty lot, almost empty except for a single car. His car only. I could already make of his tall figure sitting up on the hood of his old Chevy Malibu. My steps approaching him was the only nearby noise but he didn’t even try to look. He only moved every time he brought the dull cigarette from his lips. He was staring off into the distance of the city skyline, so far away and yet so close.

I ran my hand over the faded paint of his car, looking up at him as he was illuminated under the street light above us. The light made strong highlights and contours on his beautiful structured face. I walked over to the front of the car, leaning against it and took a look at what he gazed off to.

   “What are you doing?” His voice was deep and sounded dry of any emotions. Yet is was like silk to me and caused a feeling of shudder.

   “Wasting my time and wasting your life,” I answered over-honestly. I could see the smoke that had just left his mouth, die away in the air from the corner of my eye.

  “I meant here, with me.” I knew what he meant. He knew that too. I could feel his eyes burning a hole through me without having to look back. My body always naturally reacted that way from his stare.

   “Does the answer really change Namjoon?” His name tasted like old honey on my lips every time I pronounced it.

He wasn’t my boyfriend because we both hated titles. I did, however, love him, though. He lived for love and loved his addiction and me too. Being a lover on the side might not sound appealing to some but for me, I wouldn’t have any other way. He was worth having in your life in any way. He has a fire and he walks with it, he had a fire but talks with fame. He was a born philosopher and longed for anything and everything. He prayed for love and for peace and anything new. He created big dreams and still settled for small conditions. He never rejected the people he met, he once told me everyone was worthy and full of unknown knowledge and potential. Even someone like me. I don’t know if I believed all that but damn could that boy talk. Talk and talk like he knew it all but most of the timed talked about wanting to know more.

He walked into my workplace about seven months ago. The moment my eyes landed on him and his on mine, it was the first time I had that burning sensation. When I saw the fire he held around him. He sat and watched me through my entire performance, never had I been so distracted, five full songs later and he met me at the bar. Then my broken smile touched him unexpectedly. I was more of a hard rock and he grew up on hip-hop but I had never felt like I’ve gotten to know anyone so well by knowing nothing at all. That was the first night I dreamt of Kim Namjoon and after that, he was everywhere and he was everyone. I did not see him for almost a full month until he showed up once again outside of the bar I worked at. He had approached me with concern as to why my face of an angel was all he thought about. He had first come to the bar on his way to another town and when he got there, all he could think of was coming back. He was convinced there was something meant for him here and it started with me. I clung to him like safety and we could not be separated. I learned more about him and his lust for knowledge and everything he was deprived off as a child. He was full faith believer, opening up to the wonders of his mind and the world we shared.

That’s when I knew he’s what I needed. He was that one percent of the world that didn’t follow the norm. He taught me what no school, no class ever could. He eased my impulsive behavior and made me want to become more like him. So since we’ve met, I’ve tried hard to not get into trouble but there was a war in my mind that I could not contain. I only ever wanted to have fun, letting my immature heart show me the way. I may not be the only one, who regrets the things they’ve done but seems to be only me, who can still stand that reflection that I see. It’s been so long since I’ve been able walked down the street where I grew up and smile at the people who once knew me. Most of them look away or just don’t recognize me during the light of day. I had created myself on pure sin and self-destruction long before Namjoon. He was Plato and I was his Bonnie on the side.

  “Shouldn’t you be working at this hour?” He asked more specifically. A cough erupted from his chest probably after a strong drag from his cigarette. He didn’t offer me any, knowing I would reject it anyway.

     “I quit.” I could hear the bottom of his shoe hit against the metal of the car. I took in a deep breath, the kind you take right before a doctor stabs you with an injection. Preparing for what was to come next.

   “What are you talking about?” His voice had cut off the monotone expression and spoke with angered worry. “You can’t be serious. You need that money (Y/n).”

   “I don’t want it!” He huffed behind me like he was about to laugh, that’s how I knew he was upset. He tossed the remains of his cigarette on the floor in front of me, the car was shifting as he made his way down from it.

   “Don’t be stupid (Y/n). How else are you going to pay for your education?” I rolled my eyes as he was going to begin to lecture me, which I had learned to usually love. but not when it came to this. “You’ve been saving up money to go back to school and now you’re just going to quit?” He took everything I did too personal. As if I were purposely trying to annoy him with my life choices.

  “Yeah okay. That’s how easy it is, right?” He was standing on his feet, facing me but I would only give him my profile. “I go to back school, graduate, get some shit job. Work all my life until I get pregnant, have a bunch of kids and then just wait to die old.” That’s what he wanted. The life everyone wanted and aspired too. “I don’t want that. I want to do more and live in other ways.”

   “You have the chance to go to school. Do you know how much I envy that?” I crossed my arms over my chest. I knitted my brows as my eyes began to water from anger. “Do you want to spend your life like me? Going from place to place, never having a home or a chance?”

   “Yes! I want to leave here Namjoon, go see what else is out there!” I turned to face him with pleading eyes. Pleading for him to understand me.

  “There is nothing out there for people like me, (Y/n). This is your best chance.” I stepped closer to him. Grabbing at the loose material of his shirt, clinging onto him and bringing him closer.

   “Take me with you.” He signed, gently taking my wrists in his hands. “There is nothing here for me Namjoon. Please.” He stopped trying to fight me for a moment, actually looking me in the eyes, not liking how they teared up.

    “What about your family? You can’t just leave them.” He was willing to play any card. Anything that he could think of to make me change my mind.

    “They don’t need me. I’m old enough to go on my own…” It was him who told me that I needed to my decisions for myself and not others, even if that meant causing others pain. I had already done that enough to my family.  “Their lives are better off without me anyway.”

His shirt slipped out of my softening grip, I turned away from his face in shame. It was true and he knew that, he would just never admit it. I was waiting for him to respond with another argument but I was surprised when he grabbed me by my arms and pulled me against him. He pressed his lips against mine, tasting like bitter tobacco and sweetened coffee. He kissed me slowly, like he always did, slow but warm and meaningful. His lips were just as soft and plump every time. His fire aura could be felt in my body when he touched me and kissed me like this. From the beginning, he warned me that he could get up and leave at any time, out of the blue with little to no warning. Which might be why he always kissed like it was the last time.

   “Don’t…Don’t ever say that again.” He had his nose brush against mine, foreheads connected. He hand cupped my cheek, using his thumb to clear my face from a tear, that I hadn’t even noticed slip out. I nodded my head lightly, leaning my cheek against the comforting softness of his palm. Namjoon leaned up and kissed my forehead, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me. I could hear his heartbeat, like a drum playing a beautiful melody. His cheek rested on top of my head and messy hair. He didn’t pull away not even when it began to pour rain. “I’ll take you home.”


I opened the door to my small and ragged studio apartment, the sound of our wet shoes muddying up the floor as we stepped in. It wasn’t a nice place but it was all mine and here no one could bother me or be bothered by me. Namjoon walked through my place already familiar with its structure and where everything was. Going straight to my wardrobe to pull clothes for the both of us, while I grabbed a towel from the bathroom.

There was already had a drawer of his clothes in there for him. Namjoon would usually stay in his car or in a motel but since coming here, there was one night where I trusted him enough to allow him to stay the night. That same night I found myself sneaking out of my bed to the couch with him as he laid awake. On that couch is where we made love for the first time. It was a feeling I won’t forget, the feeling of falling in love for the first time. He’s had me feeling everything, from hate to lust, from lust to love and love to truth, that’s where he has me now. Stuck between our fantasy love and the painful truth.

We both got changed into dry clothes before I asked him to spend the night with me. I’ve been growing undependable to not have him close since the first time. We both let ourselves enjoy each others company despite the effect it was having on our lives. He stopped traveling to stay here and I stopped living to keep him here. I was a nonbeliever with a foolish dream to start my life over by not doing anything at. Now believing that having him by side will show me the way out of my mind.

   “I don’t know what the hell is going on with you but,” He laid in my bed with me by his side, legs, and feet entangled under the sheets for warmth. “I will love you more than you will ever know.”

His voice soothed the severe thoughts in my head for a perfect moment. His hands ran up my back with my leg swung over his waist. My head rested next to his as I ran my hand through the thick stands of his hair.

   “I want your love and all of your love without having any regrets.” Namjoon’s hand ran down my back and to my leg that was hooked around him. He grabbed the back of my thigh and pulled me on top of his chest.

   “Baby I want you to know how much I love you,” He held me with no space between us, I was pressed against him by his own demanding hands. “How much I need you.” He guided my lips onto his. Running his mouth over mine with passionate longing. My eyes shut gently, taking in deep breaths through my nose, his hands making goosebumps form over my surface. Taking in the taste only his lips allowed.  I slid myself off his chest, to move up closer to his lips, afraid to disconnect them. He had me in flames.

He pulled off my clothes, positioning my legs on either side of his hips. Not pulling away from his kiss for even a moment. It took my breath away and was the most pleasant feeling of suffocation there was. He admired my body, worshiped it while I gave myself over to him like many times before. I could beg him for pleasure and would go to him blind after dreaming about his every night this week. His hands caressed and his fingers dug into the bare skin of my intimacy. Making every inch of my skin burn up at his command. Soft moans fell onto his lips while they still pressed against mine. They were moist and tender from all the physical friction. He pushed my hips to grind against his hard crotch. Namjoon was mellow when it came to be vocally honestly about how good he felt during our lovemaking sessions. He was loud, grunt and groaned at the feeling as our beautiful bodies collided, bumped, and grind.

He led me to sit on his length, everything in us stood still, our breaths and moans stopped, to enjoy the union of our bodies as one. He was part of me and I was part of him, and the fire that he had in his soul was burning up inside me. He held me close, closer than ever before, bringing my hips to the rhythm of our hearts. Our bodies mixed in sweat and arousal. I watched his eyes, big pools of warmth and mystery. They seem to draw you in, making you feel lost yet at ease. His tranquilizing voice only adding to his attraction and appeal, urging you to try and figure him out even if you can’t.

He spoke my name like is was a secret of the universe; like it was the only name he ever needed to know. His hands tightened around my hips driving me faster and harder to our climaxes. He wanted it more than anything, he searched for the feeling of ecstasy in our pleasure, sharing the high and feeding off each others euphoria. My whimpers became likes cries of pain. The pleasure ripping through my vocal cords as his encouragement. My hands scratched at his soft skin, making him grunt at the slight pain that he enjoyed.

  “N-Namjoon… my god!” I struggled to speak what I wanted. My head was feeling hazy and the words could just barely came out. I wanted to tell him how good he felt, how well he made me feel. How no one had ever taken me like he had but he already knew that.

   “Yes! That’s it (Y/n), baby. Yes!” He tossed his head back, his neck vein throbbing out and gripping my hand tightly. My body began to tremble over his, his fingers were locked with mine keeping me from escaping and only being with him. His fire spread through every inch of my body taking me high out of this world and to our own.

My legs laid numb against his, his arms kept my naked sweat glistening body warm without the covers that were kicked to the foot of the bed. I was back where I started the night, my head by his and leg swung around his waist. I watched how his chest rose and fell with his heavy breathing, how his hair stuck around his sweaty forehead, eyes being a muted high while sober. He was the most beautiful thing the universe could have created, an absolute dream. He once told me that everything that is beautiful had to be once broken to become that way, that’s what gave it value and worth. He was broken and I couldn’t fix him or make him better but I could wait, wait a million years if he needed. All he had to do was call for me and I would come running, through storms and oceans. One day the world would realize his worth and love him, so I loved him before they all did.

 “So can you love me?” He suddenly said. My hand rubbed on his chest, feeling how it vibrated as he spoke, “When my mystery fades and you’re used to my face, until you can’t love me?”

  “But until then,” I ran my hand down his cheek, turning his face to look at mine, stroking where his dimpled showed in a smile. “Baby I’ve got you.”


I woke up the next morning with the sheets tucked around me, a loud shutting sound is what brought me awake. The sun was barely coming up and it made a light gray color shine in through the blinds. I turned around onto my back in the empty bed to find Namjoon standing by my wardrobe, taking his clothes out of his drawer. He was changed into his dry clothes from last night and his actions seemed slow and hesitant. He stopped, as he felt me staring at him, his eyes found me reading an apologizing sorrow look on them. I felt my heart sink out of my chest and a painful feeling of dread overwhelmed me. Still, I brought myself to foolishly ask him,

   “W-what are you doing?” I gulped as my mouth seemed to dry. He looked down at the bag he clenched in his hand and let it drop to the floor, with a thud on the wood. He stepped over it and took a seat on my side of the bed. The sheets were pressed against my bare chest as he tried to take a hold of my hands. Like he always did, when he was about to speak the cold bitter truth.

   “(Y/n) I-” I yanked my hand away from his touch and bit my lip to keep it from letting out anything stupid. “You knew I couldn’t stay here…” He signed. Namjoon looked down to his lap and hands I had reject for the first time.

   “So you were just going to leave without-!” I stopped myself and shook my head, turning away from him. “Of course you were…” I mumbled to myself.

I knew of this. How love could be mean and how it hurt but it was only his love that burned and bled. So I sat and watched him gather all of this belongings. Packing everything that would ever remind me that he existed and was ever in my life. He was removing himself from me and could not leave anything that I could cling onto desperately.

   “I will love you till the end of time,” Namjoon mumbled against my ear, arms holding me like a python. I took in the scent of his skin, coffee, cigarettes, and honey. “Promise to remember that you’re mine (Y/n)…”

    “I could wait a million years.”

Someone like Kim Namjoon was a like a butterfly, beautiful and fragile. Could only be admired from afar and if you got too close, you risked destroying it. He flew away for his own safety and was a victim to his wanderlust. He left because he was sure he would come back, this was where he knew he was meant to be. But he got here too soon, there was still so much more he needed to see and learn about himself. He left now because now he was sure that he would have something to come back for. He will come back for me one day. He was giving me time to find my own safety and clarity without him. I might be just a low life bad girl but he too, was a sad boy with a lust for everything.