your backyard

WELCOME TO THE MONSTER FACTORY

THE FINAL PAM - EPISODE ONE

i do this. this is final pam. you remember how your backyard barbeque go, the smiths. pretty good it doesn’t seem. ha ha. i tell little joke. next time, you invite pam.

the year is 2017. a ufo lands in your backyard. out steps a group of aliens.

you gasp. “are you here to find our leader and kill him??”

the alien in front seems alarmed. “no, no, we all come in peace, why would you-”

“oh.” you sigh dejectedly. “i just- we have a really bad president. like really evil bad, i just thought-” you start to tear up.

the alien places a hand on your shoulder. “hey now, it’s okay, maybe you can tell us all about him and we’ll- we’ll see what we can do.”

GEMINI: It’s really easy for people to criticize the choices you’ve been forced to make when they’ve never worn shoes as tattered as yours. The ground never seems rocky to anyone until they’ve personally experienced its brutality, and you’ve been braving the blood and the bruises for years without complaint. It’s okay to feel proud of yourself, for that. It’s okay to acknowledge the things that have made you who you are, even if those things haven’t always been beautiful or easy to talk about. Everything’s easier to appraise once it’s been given a voice.

CANCER: Stop convincing yourself that you don’t deserve the treasure chests that keep arriving on your doorstep. You’ve spent so long attempting to find the reason in your misfortune that you’ve incorrectly deduced that the only commonality between every pitfall is yourself. But you haven’t been factoring in how cruel the universe is, how angry it gets whenever something with a warm heart tries to touch what’s frozen. You’re finding all of this gold and compassion because it’s finally time for you to get what you’ve been giving to others. Take it.

LEO: You know, more so than anybody else, that it’s time to let go of the things that have hurt you, but there’s no easy way to say that you don’t know how to get rid of people that you’ve held so close to your chest. And maybe this says something about how much you try to give to others, all of the parts of yourself you’ve sacrificed for the comfort of soon-to-be-strangers. But the thing about leeches is that they drain you more often than they rid you of disease, especially in this season. And maybe this isn’t a leech yet, but it could become one, with time. Don’t let it.

VIRGO: It’s easy for you to ignore how much people truly care for you when you don’t feel as though you deserve it. The difficulty with this arises whenever you need help, as you’ve never learned how to ask for anything. So you let yourself feel distant from open palms and words of encouragement because you know you can do this yourself. While that’s true, you’re more than strong enough to conquer what’s been eating at you, it’s also true that the love that keeps getting shoved under your door is yours for the taking. It’s okay to pick it up. It’s okay to save it.

LIBRA: You’ve been peering out the window, comparing your reflection to everybody that passes by, and you seem to be forgetting that there’s a mirror right behind you. The only person that you need to measure yourself against is the person you were yesterday. I know it’s frustrating that progress too often moves like honey, and it’s impossible to see growth when you’re always with the thing that’s growing, but slow-motion is still motion. You may not be the person you want to be right now, but you will be. So turn around. Say hello to them.

SCORPIO: You were born with a shovel in your hand and you’ve been spending every moment since then dredging up the past. This is another way of saying that you have a lot of corpses buried in your backyard and despite the passage of time you’re afraid that they’re going to get up and walk away. Maybe come back as ghosts and haunt you, a reminder of what you’ve had to leave behind. But just because you’ve always had the tools to create self-doubt, it doesn’t mean you have to keep them on you at all times. It’s never too late to invest in a toolshed or try out gardening.

SAGITTARIUS: Have you found what you’ve been searching for, yet? Or, maybe a better question is “do you know what you’re looking for?” Because you’ve become an expert at donating your energy to a cause, any cause at all, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s all a distraction. If you’re struggling in the deep end and aren’t comfortable saying so. If you’re calling yourself a lifeguard because every atom of you is begging to be pulled out of the water. Baby, you’re so much more than a body that tries its best to save people. You’re worth more than what you’ve dragged out of the pool.

CAPRICORN: So many people that you care about have been falling into bad luck recently and it makes you feel so powerless. It’s as though you’re a minor character in your own life and you have to just sit back and watch the protagonist fuck things up in order to learn a lesson, or something like that. And I’m not going to lie and say that you’re able to have full control over every aspect of your life, because you never will. But remember that, despite all of this, every little thing you do to combat the world’s anger is a brave sort of rebellion. You are more than enough to the people you love.

AQUARIUS: There are a lot of people that you regret letting into your life and the memory of what you thought they’d be is making it hard for you to get out of bed. It’s okay to be sad, your feelings have only ever known the taste of validity, but know that nobody has the ability to ruin you. Someday they’re all going to regret setting fire to your bark when they realize how miraculous your leaves are in the summer heat, dancing in the breeze of late-night drives with people that want to keep you safe. Repeat after me: I am not damaged. I am not damaged. I am not damaged.

PISCES: I know that it’s hard to put faith in the moments of happiness you’ve been experiencing lately when so much of your life has been spent checking the clock and turning down the music, but you are not an airport or a train station. You’re a destination. And I know that you’re still getting used to the idea of being the subject of a travel brochure and that’s okay. It takes time to become comfortable with anything, even the good. Especially the good. The June air is buzzing and this is your time to shine. Don’t waste it.

ARIES: So, some eras of your life have been ending recently and that’s a little scary. Especially since you worked so hard to get what you’re holding. But they’re just making way for better adventures and happier moments and the only thing left for you to do is embrace that. Welcome change with open arms and it’ll be kind to you. I know there’s a voice in the back of your head saying “what if it all gets bad again” but you need to ignore that voice because it isn’t you. You are the person that’s endured and withstood and kept going. You’re the one that matters, here.

TAURUS: It’s been becoming more and more clear to you that out of all the people you’ve met and interacted with, there are very few you’d consider to be a “friend.” And I know that sometimes it feels like that’s all you’re ever going to get, but it isn’t. One’s hometown is, thankfully, never representative of the world in its entirety and there’s still so much you have left to see. Still so many souls that you’ll discover in the most mundane of places. You just have to keep your eyes open. I know it’s easier to sleep through the sadness, but you’re stronger than that urge, aren’t you? You are.
3

i do this. this is final pam. you remember how your backyard barbecue go, the smiths. pretty good it doesn’t seem. haha, i tell little joke.

.
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n͎̼̦̻̠͍͕̓̅͛̄͌̚͟͟e̴̛̟̫̬͉͔̫̊͂̉́̀̚x̴̨̤͖̹̜̜͖̮̪̲͒̂̐́̔̐͘̚͞t͕̩̹͍̥̅̐̍̓͑̕ ṱ̶̝͇͖̖́̈͊͋͘i̴̡̞̮̳̘̰̝̅͒̌͆͢͝͠m̢͚͉͈̫͔̞̼͗͐̅̏͊͢͡ͅe̶͚̦̖̩̳̳̳̝̯̔̄͒͑̆ ÿ̨̭̱̹͍͖̻̩́̊͋̽̄̋̑̂̔͡ơ̵̢̩͖̙̳̹͕͓̥͙̋̾̒̌̀́̕̕u̸̻̙̣̲̝̱̳̾̽̑̍̑̆̒̑͘͠ i̠͕̹̙͍̎̊̓̽̿̃́́͞͠ņ̴̻̱͈̭͚̾̿̈̓̃̄̿̕͝͝ͅv̸̱̠̫̭̩͔̫̰̽̔̈̽̆͆͒͟͜i̛̲͕͚̩͒́͊̈́͗̚͟t̡̨̛̻̲̩̲̬͐͐̌̋̍̂̈́̅͟ȩ̴̳̟̰̾̾͂̊̋͜͠ p͇̦̠̙̼̻̅̌͑̍̑͑̽̕ą̛̘̞̭̬̒̒̄͋̇̋̊̀͒m̡̪̬̖̓͐̈̋̽̽̇̒͜͟͝

I have a really dumb headcanon (or AU?) where the Final Pam was like…. an inside joke between Lup and Taako that they developed sometime in their teens and Lup and Taako constantly do “Final Pam” impersonations at each other and they think it’s the funniest fucking thing but no one else has any fuckign idea why these two are talking in this strong accent and saying dumb things at each other

like

(after recking shit in a particularly blood-thirsty and cruel cycle)
Lup: I DO THIS
Lup, admiring the wreckage: You remember how your go your backyard barbecue, the Smiths
Lup: PRETTY GOOD IT DOESN’T SEEM
Lup: I TELL LITTLE JOKE
Taako: NEXT TIME YOU INVITE PAM

Lup, goofing around with a deactivated robot: Hello metal husband
Lup: Do not tell Trash Hulk about our-
Barry, completely oblivious: Hey guys, what’s up? :)
Taako: (ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOSES IT)

Lup to Barry at any given moment: Stay safe honey. Many robo kisses in future Yes
Barry, crying: Please I don’t understand

Angus: Hey Magnus, I’m feeling a bit hungry
Taako from the other room: BABY NEED SNACK

this is really dumb but this is really funny to me and i stand by it

bonus:

Lup: Shit, has anyone seen Davenport anywhere?
Taako: Nobody move! I’ve lost both a contact lens and our captain 

harry styles track by track aesthetic.
  • meet me in the hallway: wandering the streets at two am on a thursday morning. rain hitting against the windows. half remembered dreams. laying in bed with your headphones on.
  • sign of the times: the last warm day of the year. too hot coffee. sitting outside of a party listening to the muffled music playing coming through the door.
  • carolina: the hottest day of the year. dive bars. the feeling of being in the middle of a crowd at a concert with everyone singing along. a cold beer.
  • two ghosts: growing up. sitting on the roof of your house and crying. pretending to not notice an ex when you walk by them on the street. missing someone.
  • sweet creature: driving with the windows down on the first day of summer. seeing your loved ones for the first time in a long time. iced tea. petting your dog.
  • only angel: the build up right before you kiss someone you're into. walking down a city street. that sweet spot when you're drinking and you feel like you can fly.
  • kiwi: heartbeat going a little too fast. being on a roller coaster right before the drop. going to a twenty-four hour diner with your friends and laughing too loud.
  • ever since new york: watching the sunset. saying goodbye. the moment in between being asleep and being wide awake after a good night's sleep. sitting in your friend's backyard staring at the stars.
  • woman: ducks.
  • from the dining table: sitting on the floor with your knees against your chest. staring at your cell phone and waiting for a text. the day you realize all the holiday lights have been taken down. realizing that this chapter in your life is over.
Little things that remind me of the signs

Aries: bright eyes and a warm smile, drawing for hours on end, sharing a banana split with your friends, the scent of cherry blossoms in the spring, art classes

Taurus: a warm hug from your best friend, hazelnut cappuccinos on cool days, reading poetry books for hours on end, the scent of pears and vanilla, knowing you are going to be ok

Gemini: driving too fast down the freeway, studying till the wee hours of the morning, the scent of citrus, warm hoodies, vanilla milkshakes on warm summer nights

Cancer: morning sunlight coming through the windows, the last day of high school, cuddling with your cat, the scent of coconut sunscreen, iced tea with lemon

Leo: catching fireflies in your backyard, a setting sun that turns the clouds orange, the scent of fresh rhubarb pies, making wishes with dandelions, giggling with your best friend at 5 in the morning

Virgo: a slow moving river, roasting marshmallows with your friends, strawberry flavored candy, having a picnic on a warm day, playing with your dog, the scent of cinnamon

Libra: getting over your first heartbreak, the scent of coffee in the morning, the feeling of a cool breeze on your face, a social butterfly, hugging your mom, listening to your favorite song on repeat

Scorpio: the way traffic lights reflect off wet pavement, unscented candles, falling asleep during a thunderstorm, the feeling of a cold autumn breeze on your face, late nights in the city  

Sagittarius: the scent of fresh baked pastries, thick eyelashes, falling asleep on long car rides, watching the snow fall outside your bedroom window, the elegance of gold jewelry 

Capricorn: pulling an all-nighter, laughing and smiling at the littlest things, cuddling your dog, waking up to snow, the scent of freshly baked pumpkin pie, green tea lattes

Aquarius: hidden feelings, watching your favorite movie for the fifth time, the scent of fresh laundry, smiling with the girl you love, plain white t-shirts, homemade birthday cards

Pisces: freshly baked blueberry muffins, watching documentary films, the first warm day after a cold spell, reading fiction books under the covers, vanilla lattes, hugging your brother

This property is HOA-Free.

This is a long one, because it involves a growing escalation of actions. TLDR at the bottom. Some terms are translated because I don’t live in an English-speaking country.

We moved houses last year, to the ugliest in the street. The previous owners must have loved Mondriaan, because the front was red/blue/yellow in windowframes and door. One paintjob, many thankful neighbors and several months later, I get an invitation to a voluntary “Collective of inhabitants”, the terms read like an opt-in HOA that you can never leave. A long list of restrictions, and no benefits? No thanks.

Keep reading

The signs as Wikihow Article Titles

Aries: How to cope with having no friends

Taurus: 3 ways to join the mafia

Gemini: How to be a good telemarketer: 7 steps

Cancer: How to become a commercial pilot

Leo: How to wear orange lipstick

Virgo: How to make a baby laugh

Libra: How to model for Playboy

Scorpio: How to attract bats to your backyard

Sagittarius: How to fake your own death

Capricorn: How to pronounce ‘meme’

Aquarius: How to exorcise your house or dwelling

Pisces: How to breed beef cattle

Doing Your Own Research

Originally posted by teded

Or, more appropriately titled: Doing Your Own Research, Without Just Looking Up Someone Else’s Correspondence Lists. Because while those lists are very handy to get started or have a shorthand reference, it gives us memorization, stopping just short of real understanding. What’s more, most correspondence lists won’t have your local (overlooked) plant life, or whatever niche plant, rock, animal you need. Sometimes, you have to get your hands dirty and figure it out from scratch.

Anyway so here’s some stuff you can do to aid in that.

 The Science
Look into what it physically is. What family does it belong to? If that weird plant growing in your backyard is closely related to say, basil, it will likely have similar properties. Was that crystal formed under heat and pressure, or is it a sedimentary rock? What does this animal do? How does it live and survive? A lot of correspondences come from this level, and it’s the easiest level to research. Physical traits and fun science facts are all welcome here and fair game to use in magic.

The Folklore
Okay, so we know what the Thing is made of, but let’s look into its relationship with humans. There’s nothing demanding that roses be the Official Love Flower, but rather it’s a collective cultural thing. That has worked itself into magic as well. Are there any stories involving your object of choice? Local superstitions? Home remedies? What does this item get used for in wider culture? For some things, there may not be much here. But for those that do have lore, it’s a valuable resource.

The Vibes
The actual, spiritual sensations you get from holding or touching the Thing. (This is going to apply more to rocks and plants… please don’t go out and touch wild animals.) This will give you some better understanding beyond just what it does, but how it does it. Does the energy seem aggressive? Is it fast or slow moving? Does it give you the impression of being related to a certain element? Which brings us into the next…

The Voice
If you communicate with stuff or spirits at all, this is for you. Just ask the Thing for yourself! “Hello. I am ____. Tell me, what sort of things would you be able to help me with?” Prepare an interview, maybe. This will likely be more specific than “love” or “cleansing,” because they’re giving you a pitch and will know themselves very well. It may be “I help someone realize romantic feelings they already have but don’t know about,” or “I help other cleansing items so that cleansed spaces stay cleaner for longer, but I don’t work by myself.” If you get an answer, record it!

Experiment
Use the Thing! If you have a general idea of what it does, throw it into the mix for your next relevant spell and see how it changes the result. You can read a lot about something, but the research doesn’t stop when you start using it! As you discover things through repeated use, make note of that as well!

Happy researching!

One day you find an old computer mouse in your backyard. Jokingly, you point it at a rock and right-click only to find that an options menu popped up just like on a normal computer. Detail your first week with the mouse, then detail your life ten years and how it’s changed just by being able to right-click anything

six of crows aesthetics

inej - knives glinting in the moonlight, royal purple, small but sturdy boats, sitting on rooftops, hot tea and cool nights

nina - red lips, decadent sweets, a heartbeat, whispered secrets and knowing glances, pricking your finger on the thorns of a rose

matthias - icicles on gabled roofs, warm jackets, sitting by the fire with your dog, aurora borealis

jesper - crooked smiles, cool metal, warm hands, shooting stars, laughing until your stomach hurts, a deck of cards

wylan - cozy sweaters, sheet music, fireworks in your backyard, marble columns, sunlight peeking through on a cloudy day

kuwei - lighting a match and passing your hand through the flame, bell jars and vials, crushing hard, doodling in your homework

kaz - $$$CASH MONEY$$$

((Hey gang! I’m working on some asks right now but I wanted to announce that me and a couple of friends are in the process of making a new BMC ask blog that is a Peculiar Children Steampunk AU–so based off of Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children set in a Steampunk universe. All the kids are “peculiars” and have special powers, and the squip takes care of them all! It’s gonna be really fun °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

now that i’ve begun working more with energy, i wanted to share my methods of casting circles! when i first started working with energy, it was really hard to find references for casting circles, especially ones not dealing with the traditional Wiccan god/goddess. here are some methods and uses of casting circles!

Why Cast a Circle?

the primary reason i cast circles is to protect me from outside energy influences. most people associate circles to protection from ‘malevolent’ spirits, however, it’s just a great barrier in general!

here are some following scenarios i cast circles:

  • divination- to protect me from energies that might influence my cards or my interpretation o the cards
  • spellwork- pretty self-explanatory. i cast circles to protect from energies i don’t want in my spells, or from potential spirit attraction.
  • meditation- again, for energy use and to also not be disturbed from anything spiritual.

Methods of Casting

1 - Invoking Elements

a very basic way, if not the go-to way, of casting is to place each of the four elements at each of the cardinal directions. Earth at the north, Air in the east, Fire at the south, and Water in the west.

fire

water

earth

  • stones or crystals (this is what i love to use! just be wary that some stones are aligned with other elements. clear quartz is a go-to.)
  • salt
  • dirt (from your backyard or specific, such as hospital or graveyard. make sure to cleanse it.)
  • herbs (especially roots)
  • brown or black colored items

air

alternatively, any of these could be replaced with a tarot card of the corresponding suit! (wands for fire, cups for water, pentacles for earth, and swords for air).

to close the circle, walk clockwise starting in the east (air) and complete a full walk around the circle. do this as many times as you feel needed to envision a complete circle! after your use for it is done, unwind it by walking the same number of times counter-clockwise.

note: if you live in the southern hemisphere, you may want to reverse fire and earth in your directions and walk counter-clockwise to close the circle, and clockwise to end it.

2 - Envisioning

this is a very, very simple way to cast a circle! if you have very little time, simply imagine a ring of light around your workspace. you could align color to purpose as well.

the only downsides to this method include the fact that it may not be as strong as a physical circle for beginners especially, as i have learned many times over as i find energy that i don’t want in the circle. on top of this, to make it very successful, you may have to keep this image in your head throughout your spell or energy work, which may distract or hurt your concentration.

however, like i said before, it’s very easy, discreet, and requires no clean up! with practice, it could be very easy to maintain.

3 - Salt Circle

by simply spreading salt in a circle clockwise (or counter-clockwise depending on your location), you can create a strong barrier. as you walk around, envision your purpose of protection and safety.

if you are working outside, do not use salt. it will kill plant life! instead, consider alternatives such as: egg shells, diluted salt water, crushed herbs, flower petals, etc.

if working inside, consider setting out foil, cloth, or a tarp for easy cleanup. 

4 - Cleansing the Room Itself

if you find that you for some reason cannot cast a circle, or maybe are just starting out, consider cleansing the entire room instead!

some methods include:

  • smoke cleansing (NOT smudging. please do not call this action smudging unless it is part of YOUR culture.)
  • salt or protective mixture
  • dance/song
  • salt/water spray
  • incense and candles

for smoke cleansing, light your bundle and start facing eastward, spreading the smoke and asking for protection from either the corresponding element or any deities/spirits/etc. you worship. move clockwise or counterclockwise.

for salt or protection mixtures, simply place a small pile in each corner of the room or at the cardinal directions.

dance and song can celanse the room when accompanied with smoke especially. 

the salt water spray can be used similar to the protection mixture – spray a little in each corner or at the cardinal directions.

incense and candles can be placed in corners, the directions, or just throughout the room to act as protective energy.

Final Notes

  • make sure to remove your circle after you’re done!! leaving it up isn’t safe and could be draining on your energy or health.
  • try not to leave the circle in the middle of your work, if it can be avoided. ive had to do it before and nothing bad happened, but sometimes it ocould break the circle, or bring unwanted energy or precense in.
  • do your absolute best to have all your materials in the circle before you cast it. bringing items that were not in the circle before could carry energy that you just do not want in your circle. i’ve messed up plenty spells because of it already. if it is really necessary, cleanse the item as thoroughly as you can (quickly if you need to), and enter the circle from the east.

if these methods don’t work right away, don’t worry! these take lots of practice. some easy ways to try casting daily include:

  • cast a circle before you meditate
  • cleanse your room before you do homework for a safe space to work
  • if you have a form of divination, cast a circle before drawing a daily reading (i do this in the morning to see how the day will go or seek advice for the day!).

good luck!

The signs as Monster Factory moments
  • Aries: The Arbys witch
  • Taurus: When The Boy Mayor could not stop dancing
  • Gemini: When the Bee Movie creation came back as an enemy
  • Cancer: Just Like Bart
  • Leo: "I think dogs should be able to vote!"
  • Virgo: Their reactions every time they find the similar face feature
  • Libra: "How does your backyard barbecue go, The Smiths? Pretty good, it does not seem. Haha. I tell little joke. Next time you invite Pam."
  • Scorpio: When they named a guard 'bookshelf' and put a book on him and said nothing
  • Sagittarius: Succotash gliding to 'On the Wings of Love'
  • Capricorn: Everyone started yelling "Totinos"
  • Aquarius: Shrek nipples
  • Pisces: A Chiquita Dave beach party