anonymous asked:

orchestra stereotypes - go!

piccolo: i don’t always play, but when i do, rip ur ears
flutes: can we please do something else than imitating birds
oboes: quack quack was that me warming up my reed or an actual melody who knows
clarinets: we have one melody in this entire piece and you can’t hear it over the trumpets so why would we not warm up with rhapsody in blue
saxophones: thank you lord for inventing maurice ravel. oh and while ur here lord can you stop the rest of the orchestra bullying me
bassoons: deep poot
horns: just when ur admiring us for our infinite hotness and gorgeous tone quality we’ll start playing mahler cuivré with 8 of us in unison watch out BAAAAAA
trumpets: *slides into violin 1 section* which one of u lovely ladies wants a night with me ay the trumpet isn’t the only thing i can double tongue alalalalalalala *puts two fingers up to mouth and starts imitating cunnilingus*
trombones: the bottle i’m clutching onto is definitely water and not vodka i promise. gotta stay hydrated. no you can’t have any why d-
tuba: *tips fedora* m’lady
timpani: i went through 4 years of music school just for this shit 1 5 1 5 1 5 1 5 1 oh tricky bit coming up there’s a triplet but don’t worry there’s 92 bars of rest for me to prepare for it
other percussion: 1 gay guy, 1 straight girl who’s his best friend, the rest just fuckboys
harp: you may not be able to hear me in the orchestra but you won’t be laughing anymore when i forcefully transport you into a dream sequence just watch
piano: why am i here. i chose this instrument to get away from other musicians wtf i can make all the notes by myself i don’t need you
organ: now i can really make all the notes by myself you want a trumpet here’s a trumpet you want a clarinet here’s a clarinet badabingbadaboom just give me a church and i’m invincible
concertmaster: bow down 2 me
other violin 1s: we promise we’re just as good as the concertmaster see here’s us warming up with the sibelius concerto look loOK LOOK
violin 2s: i tried so hard and got so far but in the end it didn’t even matter
violas: you think you have it bad violin 2s we have to come into every rehearsal just for pizzicato ostinati
celli: 70% boring basslines 30% passionate melodies 100% fuck me
basses: plonk plonk plonk
conductor: let’s have some fun this beat is sick everyone pay attention to me and my stick