young mum

I can’t believe I’m posting. I never thought I’d have the confidence. I feel sick with nerves but if I can help just one lady feel better it is worth it. This does not mean I have no respect for myself.

Day to day I see girls with wonderful bodies posing in next to nothing, and see mums with wonderful bodies. I find myself feeling so low, wondering ‘why can’t my body look like that?’

Day to day I see mums looking beautiful and wonder how on earth they did it. But I realise that we don’t see mums like me because so many of them feel upset about their bodies.

I bought a new top today and looking in the mirror trying it on I didn’t feel upset, or embarrassed. I felt beautiful. This is a big thing for me as I also suffer with suspected body dysmorphia… And depression which generally makes you feel shit about yourself. So I had to take a picture. I thought my legs looked beautiful, my thighs… And then for once, my stomach. The stomach which was home to my beautiful daughter for nine months. The stomach which made her and conceived her. And the stomach which houses my iron liver, after all I’ve put it through.

Why am I posting this? Because girls, it has took me a long time to get to a point where I felt beautiful. It actually gave me tears in my eyes because after being teared down all my life, bullied about my mental condition, my looks, being hurt by men, I never thought I’d look in the mirror and think 'actually you aren’t half bad at all!’

All women are built in different shapes and sizes. Our bodies go through alsorts day in day out. We are all beautiful no matter how many scars we have, how many stories our body shows. Love your body, you only get one. You are a warrior, and if I can love myself so can you.

I can finally say I am a 'yummy mummy’ and I am proud.

8

Labour bag pt 2! 

See here for part one

Daisy’s labour bag is now officially packed. It actually took longer than I thought because I’d start and get a little confused as to how many sleep suits and vests was a good idea. It’s always so confusing with the different sizes. Tiny size, new born, 0 - 3 months. I took some new born and a tiny size just in case. 

I wanted a really soft and comfortable sleep suit for her to wear first so we picked the softest and smallest one we bought. It’s a white one with a cute collar and teddy bears on it. Everything else on the list kind of just speaks for itself! The only thing I’m really missing in the photos is the car seat, some more nappies (diapers) and an extra sleep suit just in case!

I feel so prepared now. Excited! If there’s anything I may have forgotten please let me know as I still have that feeling of forgetting something! 

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Becoming a young mum.

Yes I am 20 years old (21 next month!) so I am considered to be pretty young to become a first time mum.

But it feels like everywhere I go I have people asking me whether I mind that I have ‘given up my youth to become a mum?’

If my choices were between going out every night or staying at home and cuddling my son I know what I would choose..

If my choices were between spending my money on clothes and meals out for myself and clothes and food for my son I know what I would choose..

If I were given the option of spending a week partying and drinking, or a week with my little family.. I know what I would choose.

I don’t disagree with people wanting to live their lives whilst they are young, so why disagree with mine?

You may see me as a 20 year old who can no longer make 'spontaneous’ plans anymore..

But I see myself as mother.. whose son said 'momma’ for the first time yesterday and felt it was the most amazing moment of her life..

Who changes poopy nappies and wipes up sick.. but then gets the most amazing cuddles in return..

Who doesn’t get to go out everytime she wants to.. but gets to watch her son roll over for the first time, crawl for the first time and every single little moment in between.

I have not given up my life, I have just chosen to live it in a different way to you. Neither is wrong, neither is right.

But neither is less rewarding. I have not given up my life- I have created a life.

and nothing can compare to that..

Dear Daisy, 

How are you a month old already? What did I even live for before you were born? This past month I have lived and breathed for my little Daisy boo. I’ve lived for you. It feel as though that mess in my brain is slowly unraveling with the more I get to know you. and I’m here now. and I’m living for the warm summer evenings watching the sun say goodnight to the moon. watching the stars whilst I sleep next to you and wake to your smiling coo-ing little face every morning. What could be better than that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

You cry and I wish whatever pain you felt I could feel for you instead. When you gulp your milk too fast and get a little tummy ache i wish I could transfer it all over to my tummy so you can go back to sleep. I watch you sleep and awake to all your funny little noises; you are a very loud sleeper Daisy boo. I’d love to see inside your mind for the night.. to hold your hand while you dream of milk and cuddles.

Watching you kick out your little legs and feet whilst you lay under your play gym. I can’t help but waste hours watching how much fun you’re having.  The way you stare outside the window for minutes on end and your new found fascination with lights. It really is incredible.. the strength of a mother’s love. 

Every day you’re slowly finding yourself, 

whilst everyday I find myself falling more in love with you. 

All my love,

Mummy x 

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Bump update

Dear little Daisy,

Sleeping is hard right now. I think it’s a mix of anxiety and feeling very uncomfortable. I got a little stressed out today because none of my clothes fit me anymore. I know that’s to be expected but I do miss my little tops and wearing jeans! I’ve finished washing all your clothes so I think tomorrow I’ll wash my smaller clothes ready for when I can fit into them again. 

Every day is one day closer to meeting you. Every night I lay in bed next to the moses basket and find it hard to fathom that you’ll be sleeping (and waking me up) in there one day very soon. It’s just surreal. We’ve placed bets on the days we think you’ll come and everyone has guessed early! I really believe you’ll come early too - maybe this is just a little bit of wishful thinking though. 

Tomorrow mummy is doing some more nesting and a little baking whilst daddy is working 12 hours. Poor him! He works so hard, we are both very lucky girls to have such an amazing man in our lives. I know he’ll look after us through thick and thin! 

Maybe stop sitting on my bladder for a little while tonight so I don’t have to get up and out of bed so much? That would be lovely! But if not, then no worries I can put up with it for a little longer. As long as you are ok and healthy in there!

See you soon

Love mummy

xXx

Simple tasks us pregnant women should get gold medals for.

Since being pregnant I sometimes feel so silly when I think of the little things I struggle to do! It’s pretty funny when you think about it. Feel free to add your own to the end.

- Getting out of bed to pee every other hour.

- Putting on socks and shoes. 

- Bending down to pick something up. 

- Getting out of the car.

- Doing the washing up… just can’t get close enough to the sink with a bump.

- Walking up stairs.

- Shaving.. really should be an olympic sport for pregnant woman.

- Getting out of the bath.

- Turning over in bed. 

- Keeping emotions in control. 

- Standing for too long.

- Sitting in the same position for too long.