young english poet

And some nights I think to myself
What is the point?
I mean really what is the point in being alive?
I hate myself.
And there’s nothing more and nothing less to it
—  pt 1 - 29/01/17
ID #27565

Name: Cayla
Age: 19
Country: South Africa

Hey. I’m currently a second year student at the University of Cape Town and my majors are English and History. I’m taking Xhosa as an elective because I’m completely monolingual and I’d like to change that.

A little about me:

I love reading. My favorite genres are speculative fiction and young adult. But I also read a bunch of other things too. If it interests me I’m in it for the long run.

I write prose and poetry. I also enjoy reading poetry. My favorite poets are Charles Bukowski, Shane Koyczan and Sarah Kay.

I play piano and I’m trying to learn to play guitar. I love playing covers of songs I like. I listen to a lot of indie rock and alternative rock. My favorite bands are The Killers, 30 Seconds to Mars and The 1975s. I also like a bunch of other bands like The Lumineers and Kings of Leon. I’d love to hear about the music you like too. It’s tough finding new music to listen to sometimes

I also enjoy doing different kinds of crafts when I have the time. I can knit a bit, and I love to journal.

Preferences: I’d like a pen pal who would be into sending snail mail. I’d love to get to know you and maybe we can become good friends.

I’m looking for penpals around my own age: 18-25

It would be lovely if you’re open to talking about lots of different things like music and life in general.

We can email or chat on Tumblr for a bit first and warm up to sending letters if that suits you.

I hope to hear from you

Wishlist
  • Single parent Tina, who is trying to balance a career of being an Auror with raising a kid, she gets help from Queenie sometimes and then she meets Newt, and her kid completely falls in love with him and wants to explore the case and learn about creatures
  • Ilvermorny Tina! All the Ilvermorny Tina
  • Game of Thrones style AU where Tina is the eldest of the Goldstein house after her parents Lord and Lady Goldstein were murdered by House Grindelwald. Tina and Queenie were supposed to be killed as well but, Queenie and Tina were separated like Sansa and Arya in the show
  • Moulin Rouge AU where Tina works at the Moulin Rouge, run by Percival Graves and they are pursued by Newt Scamander a young English poet who believes in love, and is helping out to try and get a play that is funded by the Duke Grindelwald. Grindelwald agrees but, in exchange he wants Tina as his escort, however Tina has fallen in love with Newt and they have a forbidden love
  •  Jurassic Park AU where Tina works at the park and then befriends Newt who works mostly with the dinosaurs.
  • New Girl style AU where it has the modern twist, and Tina has to share an apartment with Newt, Graves and Jacob
  • Anastasia AU, where as a girl Princess Porpentina and her family suffered an attack from the evil Grindelwald who put a curse on their family and tried to kill them all. Princess Porpentina escaped the palace with her Grandmother but, got lost along the way and suffered some memory loss. She leaves the orphanage at 18 as Tina, and wants to go to Paris because it’s the only clue she has about her family. A dog comes out of nowhere and leads her towards St. Petersburg where she finds the old palace, and little bits of memory are here and there. She then runs into Newt and Jacob who are trying to find someone to play the part of Porpentina, and they strike a deal with Tina. Meanwhile Grindelwald is hatching a plan to kill Tina. Tina travels with Newt and Jacob, falls in love with Newt along the way and discovers she is in fact the lost Princess when they get to Paris and she’s asked a series of questions.
  •  More to be added when I think of them

John Keats’ Tombstone, Rome, Italy “Keats traveled to Rome and died there, aged just 25, in February, 1821. He told his friend Joseph Severn that he didn’t want his name to appear on his tombstone, but merely this line: “HERE LIES ONE WHOSE NAME WAS WRIT IN WATER” Severn honoured that wish, as the gravestone shows. Keats is commemorated just as ‘A young English poet.“

And I’m still not sure why but the tears came falling-
First a gentle stream,
river
ocean
drowning


I was still
Painted in mud
Rain ricocheting off of my coat onto the cold, hard stone.


Grey- so much grey
Tripping on my own steps
A stranger to my body
knees folded by some other-worldly force

Wet; Ice; Hard; Pavement.

Feeble fingertips drawing patterns on the old rotting wood,
Slipping, slipping, blood.
The cracks became my thoughts.
Broken. Tarnished. Used.

The past and the present fold into one.
Free spirit. Young. Naive.
Trapped. Old. Wise.
Nostalgia I think they call it.

Hell I think I’ll call it.
I think we have grown.
I’m different.

It was a fence.
I climbed it once.
Once.
Someone broke it.
I don’t know who it was.
But I hate them.
A fence.
For Gods sake it was only a fence.
But it was my fence- my goddam fence- and someone broke it.

Maybe it was more than a fence. Maybe it was a metaphor. I don’t know.

And I’m still not sure why but the tears came falling-
First a gentle stream,
river
ocean
drowning

—  it was just a fence.

Calm.

You said it. But you didn’t spit it. Not like other people do. Well they don’t understand do they?

You spoke it. Long and slow. Holding on the vowel, extending the word.

Your voice filled my inhale. You advice, my exhale.

And you might not have know it then, but that’s all it took.

I was breaking.
No one cared.
You did, even if you didn’t,
Now I’m

Calm.

—  Calm.

Yes I’m loud. Yes I’m bold. Yes I’m a bit controversial.
But have you ever asked yourself why?
Why do I feel like need to make myself known in a group?

I’m depressed.

I’m so insecure,
my life is so dark that I think,
If other people can feel emotions
towards my actions,
Maybe it could compensate for the misery looming over my weighty shoulders.

My days are long, excruciatingly painful, agonisingly difficult
My sprinkle of drama, cravings to be given some sort of human recognition
Are only a disguise for my crippling depression.

I am so, so sad.

I’ve not felt emotion in such a long time- only the feeling of constant depression and all this time, I’ve been smiling.

—  confusion- from a book I’ll probably never write
It’s been so long. Not years. Just months. But God I didn’t think I would miss you this much. I didn’t think I loved you this much. I didn’t think I needed you this much. Because now, I’m left, empty handed. And without you I’m nothing. It’s not like we were in love or anything. At least, I didn’t notice it at the time. But the more distant you became the more I craved you. Why aren’t you here now? When I need you most? I want to feel your arms around my waist. Your hands in my hair. Your lips on my lips. I want to smell your cologne. Taste your shampoo. I want to be able to tell when you’re upset. Tell when you’re happy. I want to know you better than you know yourself. But right now you’re so distant. So out of reach. I’m on a train. Stopped on its tracks by your hurricane.
—  three months

Intoxiated.

I looked at you.

Drunk.
Incapable.
Slurring.
Shouting.
Sipping your drink.
And I realised-
You’re not the boy I thought you were,
And I can’t love a liar.

—  weekends with you