youknowyourebritishwhen

You Know You’re British When: Spineless Simon

An update on what is happening in Britain:

There is fish called Spineless Simon on Springwatch (pictured here playing with a twig - thats the excellent banter you expect from Spineless Simon) :

He has no spine, looks a bit dull and isn’t very good with the ladies…what can I say we brits relate to that. 

He has his own twitter page with 1,633 followers

And a legion of fans - one who even embroidered him

But tonight something terrible happened (please sit down and grab some tissues before you read on) - he’s gone missing D: 

The whole nation is distraught, we’re anxiously hoping for spineless simons safe return.

Come home safe Spineless Simon we love you and hope you are happy and safe where ever you are

# Pray4SpinelessSimon2k15

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Who even sent you people
But yeah it’s ridiculous! For those of you who’re unaware, freddos are these tiny little slithers of frog shaped chocolate that sometimes contain a small amount of caramel or honeycomb, and they used to cost a few pence but not they cost about 20p or something, which is a stupid amount for a tiny little chocolate so I can see where the frustration comes from to be honest

50 words accent challenge for Youknowyourebritishwhen.

I’m from Suffolk originally, but currently live in Derbyshire. I have neither accent.

Excuse the fact I look like shit, it’s late and i’m unwell!

Aluminium, salmon,talk, caramel, lieutenant, mirror, scone, nearly, bath, grass, near, bacon, beer can, again, been, garage, process, hot, coffee, thought, not, tomato, potato, cheese,cake, Barbie, fond,duck, dog, cat, fish, chips, milk, friend, fried, disenchanted, sleep, dream, state, cinema, last ,lost, Raxocoricopalavitorious, antidisestablishmentarianism, dance, copper, win, one, on, herbs, rotten.

Well, my dear, let me take you on a little journey past British stereotyping and into the world of the wild chav

So when people think of British citizens, they most probably imagine

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or

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or 

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But the world of working class Britain is an entirely different place to where this charming lot are from. We only need to travel a short distance out of the capital before we hit… The Chavs.

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Distinguished by their rabid obsession with fake Burberry, love of Primark fashions and over-accessorised bodies, the chavs are usually found nesting on counsel estates all over Britain.

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This particular, delightful set of people are most commonly viewed by outsiders on the Jeremy Kyle Show. (YouTube it. It’s worth it.)

Remember: If faced with a pack of chavs, turn and run. Do not attempt to engage. 

You’re welcome.