you-told-me-i-was-wrong

ppinkmermaid  asked:

42. “I came here to win you back, and dammit, I’ll do whatever I have to.” With Steve?? Thank youu ❤️❤️

Originally posted by imaginesofeveryfandom

“You have someone waiting for you outside,” said your assistant right after she stuck her head into the room. 

Your brow furrowed. “W-What?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Didn’t even give me his name. All he said was that he needed to talk to you. Looked familiar, though. Oh, and he’s cute.” She winked at this, prompting you to roll your eyes. 

Sighing to yourself, you pushed your up to your feet and walked around your desk towards the door. 

Steve Rogers stood just a few feet away, holding a bouquet of flowers and a small smile. By now, he had taken off the hat he had been wearing and people in the office began to recognize him. 

“What are you doing here?” you demanded.

Steve looked momentarily shocked before a challenging look overcame his eyes. “We belong together.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Yeah, right. You yourself told me that-”

“I was wrong.”

Your eyebrows shot up your forehead at this. “Pardon?”

Steve stepped forward. “I don’t care. I don’t care if others see. And-And I came here to win you back, and dammit, I’ll do whatever I have to.”

You smirked. “Anything?”

He looked perfectly serious. “Anything.”

Nodding, you turned back to your office. “I have a few things in mind.”

Steve felt his heart jump as he followed you.


Drabbles CLOSED.

Until i die.

11pm;
I’ve been at the bar for hours, energy.
But I’ve not touched a drop since 10
I’ve just been sitting
Thinking.

Midnight;
Im walking down the street, lonely.
It’s Saturday night, slightly drunk
Cigarette in hand, off balance
I walk alone in the rain.

1am;
I’m home, cold.
I strip out of these wet clothes
Start running a bath
And climb into the burning water.

2am;
I’m dressed again, tired.
I pull back the bed covers
And enclose them around me
I am engulfed by silence.

3am;
Insomniac thoughts swallow me, trapped.
I’m stuck in my own mind
My own little world
Of sad voices and debilitating pain.

4am;
I’ve left my bed, wandering.
Into the bathroom I find my safety
Small and silver
I draw out the red from within.

5am;
I’m still a mess, depressed.
But I bet you’re wondering
Why?
I wish I could tell you.

6am;
The sun is rising, Sunday.
I haven’t slept
I take out another cigarette
But I do not light it, not yet.

7am;
I am my own hostage, insecure.
I’m not scarred of death
Not like most people
I fear living.

8am;
I take myself back to bed, fallen.
This time I do sleep
All through the day
To pass the time I should spend living.

•••

6pm;
I wake up, heavy.
My head hurts, everything hurts
I light that cigarette
And smoke it like a chimney.

7pm;
See none of you asked, selfish.
Who I was with last night
The answer, no one
Because in the end no one cares.

8pm;
I shared a big secret yesterday, bitter.
But even you didn’t care
The one person I trusted most
And now I’m certain, I know what I’m doing.

9pm;
I start to tidy my things, pristine.
I sent out letters In the post
Before my trip to the bar
My first and last.

10pm;
I leave my house, ready.
I sent a spare key to my mother
If she wants to collect and save my things
I doubt it.

11pm;
If it’s an accident, no one can be blamed.
It’s something I’ve wanted to do
Such a long time hurting, false promises
Alone, people coming and going.

Midnight;
I’m on top of the bridge, traffic.
I pull myself up and look over the edge
There’s nothing to hold me back
In the moment, i jump.

1am;
I’m in the back of an ambulance, lifeless.
I got my wish, I made it look like a tragedy
People never thought I’d do it
Although it’s all I talked about some days

2am;
My body is covered with a sheet, white.
But everything is black
I was alone now
And forever

•••

9am;
The doctors phoned last night, careless.
But the letter arrived first
If only you’d picked up, you never answered
Now all of you have to hear it from me.


“Dear you, whoever you are, everyone got the same.
Just know that whatever you thought of me, how little of a priority you made me. You always meant the world to me.
I was always putting all of you first. I was always blaming myself even if we both knew the fault laid with you. You let me think I wasn’t good enough, you let me think that things were my fault, you never told me that I was wrong. Part of me always hoped you would. In the beginning it was easy to let people blame me. But as I became more depressed it seems like less and less of you cared and I was just falling out of your lives. None of you tried to save me. In the end none of you reassured me, none of you. And you know I didn’t want me either. I didn’t like me either and for sure didn’t love me. You may have seen confidence, that comes easy, I’ve been pretending for years, it’s not hard to flick your hair and say some fake self love for people to believe you.
If you’re reading this and you’re still thinking why? What did You do? You didn’t do anything. But sometimes it’s what people don’t do is what the problem is.
Maybe I spoke up too late, or maybe you just didn’t care. But I did. About all of you, until the very end. But in the end none of you were helping me. None of you took notice. None of you tried. So I did things for myself. A suicidal teen with suicidal dreams, you could say. I just hope you are happy. I know you won’t miss me, I know this probably won’t affect you at all. Live your life,
Just be more aware of what you say and do. Because people believe you care. You Give people hope and then rip it straight from them in their hour of need. I’m only being honest. And with that. That’s it from me, whether I was a friend, family member, daughter, niece, sister. I want you to know I loved you. No matter how you felt about me”

10am;
You arrived at the hospital, shocked.
You cried over my body
You blamed the doctors
You never took one look at yourself.

11am;
With this coming to an end, you realise.
That maybe you could’ve
Should’ve
Tried harder, done something better.

Midday;
Next time, there will be a next time.
There will be another me in your life
Help her, or at least try
Maybe you’ll be the one to convince her to stay.

Remembering Caminah
  • Camila: Happy Birthday, Cheechee! Please know that I'd still kick anyone for you if they try to take away your smile.
  • Dinah: OMG Mila! You remembered.
  • Camila: Of course!
  • Dinah: I am truly sorry, Chancho! You should have told me what I did wrong so I can make you feel better.
  • Camila: I'm sorry too. I promised I will fight for you to the ends of the earth.
  • Dinah: Walz, I'm here for you still and I apologize. Remember, don't matter what they say, don't matter what you do, I am so proud of you. I mean it!
Do you remember the day before we got together? When you first said you loved me. I told you that I was scared to love. I told you how I didn’t want to give a piece of myself to someone just so they drop me and destroy every fucking bone I have. I was scared to love again, but with you it was different, you told me, no you promised me, that you were never going to hurt me. You said you wouldn’t break my heart, that you were going to love and be there for me. Oh of course, stupid, silly me believed your little lies. I believed every single fucking thing you told me. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I gave you so many fucking chances. For what? Just so you could hurt me at every single chance you got? I still don’t understand how you could do that to me. All I ever wanted was to love you. I gave you my fucking all, I gave you my heart and you just fucking grabbed it and walked out on me. That’s when it hit me that I was still that nothing before I met you. So fuck you for making me feel like I was special. I was just nothing to you, while you were my fucking universe. The day you left me made my world fucking collapse. I love you you fuck, but fuck you for everything you did to me.
—  vagueality // the things that keep me awake #2
You hurt me and I suffocated myself by keeping it in. You scolded me for doing so, yet when the time came that I told you the truth, you told me I was wrong. You told me that no matter what I told you, you would always find a justification. You told me my feelings of being hurt were wrong. And you can’t do that. You can’t just tell somebody that you didn’t hurt them when you did. But you know what? I’m glad we ended that way. I’m glad you revealed the person you truly are, at the very end. Maybe what I feel for you isn’t exactly love anymore, but whatever it is, I’m letting go of it now, I’m finally letting go of you.
—  it’s been fourteen months.

anonymous asked:

You told me in detail everything I did wrong without explaining how and when I did it. I'm tired of being some nasty antagonist to you. I want you to die and leave my mind and let it heal, and I want to be better than the labels I have. I want to let go of past relationships and let go of what it induced in me and be normal again, or I shall have to go.

I convinced myself that I was paranoid. That i was overthinking things. I convinced myself that you loved me. That you wanted only me.
And then in just two words you told me I was wrong.
How foolish of me to think I was the only flower in your garden.
—  Emilia Voudouris
@aquarianmm I’m making a new post because OP is nice and doesn’t deserve this derailing. Anyway self-harm is EXCLUSIVELY physical, and saying otherwise is disingenuous.

And I don’t appreciate how I explained why I personally disliked the word allo and you told me I was wrong. Like. Gay ppl have said over and over why we dont like that word and you saying “you’re wrong” doesn’t suddenly make it okay.

Suspicions (Riarkle)

Summary: In which Riley and Farkle are secretly dating and try to cover it up but are too in love and have three incredibly smart people as their friends-

So this is my first time writing, seriously, so please don’t send hate. I know I’m not the best but any constructive criticism will do! Happy reading!

•••

Farkle stole a glance towards Riley, feeling a small smile come up as he saw her tug a small thread of hair behind her ear. He couldn’t even help it, he tried, but he couldn’t.

Even before something happened, he already couldn’t. Every time Riley said something enthusiastically, with her chirpy voice, he just turned to her and smiled. It was one of the reasons he was happy that she was positioned in front of him, so he could grab a few glances.

Riley noticed him, so, in response, she smiled back. It was a normal smile, one that anyone would smile back to.

But Farkle found it special. Her head was tilted and her eyes were frozen to him, tied to his eyes. He immediately looked away, though, because Riley was talking to Maya. And Maya had incredible senses, she was aware something was going on but couldn’t pin point it.

Neither could Lucas. Or Zay.

On his side, Lucas was following Farkle’s eyes and eyeing them suspiciously.

“Hey, Lucas,” Zay called out, “if you’re thinking of replacing me with Farkle, man, you gotta be kidding…” his voice trailed off, causing Lucas to crack up. Zay turned his head to Farkle, too, his eyes squinted and his mind in all directions.

“No, come on, Zay, be serious.” He slightly nudged Zay, pointing at Farkle first, and then to Riley. “I think something’s going on,” he pointed out.

“You and Maya have been saying that for the past week.” Zay snored, attracting some of the attention at the back of the class. “What?” he turned to them, daring them to react, then back to Lucas. “You have to stop, you know that, right?”

“But, why? Maya’s right, Riley and Farkle, they’re-”

“Weird?”

Lucas nodded, sighing.

“They’re Riley and Farkle. They’re different, yeah, but it’s them, they’re acting the same. At least for me.”

“You think so?” he asked, still not budging.

“I do, because they’re Riley and Farkle, they’ve always been Riley and Farkle.”

Lucas stared at them intently, huffing a short, but heavy, puff of air. “That’s the problem, Zay,” he stopped for a minute, looking back to Zay, who was confused. “They’ve always been Riley and Farkle, individually…”

Zay felt that Lucas wasn’t completing his sentence deliberately, so he asked, “But?”

“But, for the past few weeks, it’s become Riley and Farkle. Riley and Farkle- the two of them together.”

•••

Maya’s eyes widened as Riley walked into class. As did Lucas, she noticed. She turned her body to face him only to see a face so much similar to hers.

“Are you…” he started, his finger slowly pointing to Riley.

“Yes, I think I am…”

“But how…”

“I told you, Huckleberry…”

“Are you sure?”

As Maya was about to respond, Riley saw them and approached. Maya quickly shut her mouth and shifted her attention towards Riley, who was oblivious to their reactions.

“Hey, guys!” Riley was chirpy as usual, waving both her hands to Maya, Lucas and Zay, who was just getting into the conversation.

“Hey,” Zay said, confused and a bit speechless at the same time. He looked at Lucas and Maya, who were both looking back with widened eyes and mouthing the words “No!” at him. “So, uh,” he continued, but Lucas stopped him tugging his shirt. Quite roughly, actually.

“Zay!” Maya said simultaneously, ready to attack if she needed to.

But, right then, Farkle walked in. “What’s up?” He walked up to them and immediately stood next to Riley. Then, ever so slightly, they shared a look.

Lucas stopped tugging and Maya closed her mouth, waiting for Riley, or Zay (if he was discreet enough), to start a conversation.

But the three of them noticed it.

“Is something wrong?” Farkle said in a panic tone, blinking rapidly and looking at the four faces who were just staring at him. “Riley?”

“I have no idea?” she said, unsure and, likewise, just looked at them. “Guys?” They waited for an answer, both her and Farkle.

“Uh, well,” Maya started nervously, looking at Lucas, who was just as nervous as she was, “I was just shocked.”

“About what?” Zay cut in, a smirk on his face.

“About how cute that beanie looks on you, Riley,” she finally answered, breathing out and smiling wider than usual as her eyes trailed to Farkle and Riley’s hands- both of which were hidden behind the table, intertwined.

•••

Zay saw them leaving the bay window, their eyes glued to each other as they passed him, unaware he was there.

He noticed them holding hands, their fingers so inseparably woven together that they couldn’t be taken apart even if they tried. He also noticed the smiles they were passing each other as they ran, making his legs feel jelly with sweetness.

Zay smiled as he went inside Riley’s room, quickly taking out his phone and calling Lucas’ number. When he didn’t pick up, however, he called Maya’s, instead.

“What’s up?” she answered.

“Hey, cutie,” he teased, “so I think I just saw Farkle and Riley sneak out of her room…together.” Zay exaggerated the last part, smiling wider than he ever did before.

“Why’d you call me a cutie?”

“Come on, there are more important matters! Cutie,” he teased again, laughing at his own antics. The other line turned silent silent, in response, Zay groaned.“So Lucas can call you cutie or baby or whatever, but I can’t?”

“You got that right!”

Zay rolled his eyes and cut straight to the chase. “As I said-”

“Yeah, yeah, cowboy, I got it.”

“So what do we do? They can’t keep it from us forever, right?” he pushed, now pacing the room in circles.

“Well-”

But, just as Maya was answering his question, his attention diverted to the voices below. He could hear Mr. and Mrs. Matthews’, Auggie’s, heck, even Ava’s.

“Didn’t Riley say her family was going to be home in, like, two days?” he asked suddenly, stopping Maya halfway through her answer.

“Yeah, but Topangga just texted me and said they decided to go home earlier. I was about to tell Riley, actually.”

After a second of processing the information, Zay’s mind lightened up. He smirked, an idea suddenly forming in his brain.

“Hey, Maya?”

“Yeah?”

“Wanna catch them?”

•••

Riley was on cloud nine the whole time, holding Farkle’s hand and resting her head on his shoulder as they walked side by side. She looked at him like he was always going to be there and he looked at her like he was sure he wouldn’t disappoint.

They were making their way towards Riley’s front door together for the first time, but they didn’t fret over it. Riley’s family was out for at least another day.

Farkle’s hand surrounded Riley’s head as he closed the distance between them. He neared her as they breathed in sync, the world around them disappearing.

“Did you like today?”

He kissed her gently, feeling the laugh on Riley’s lips. He laughed back, but didn’t let go of her face on pulled his lips away from hers.

“Why wouldn’t I?” she spoke through Farkle’s kisses, her neck slightly stretched up to match Farkle’s height. She returned his kisses by, well, kissing back.

“So…” Farkle started, still kissing her and trying to distract himself from actually opening the door.

“You have to open the door, you know,” she insisted when he didn’t want to. “We can’t get inside without using it.”

Farkle laughed, his head rested on her necks as he kissed her softly. “We should use the bay window,” he whispered.

“Yeah, but I want us to feel like a couple, you know?”

“We are, aren’t we?”

“Like Maya and Lucas, look at them. They can kiss in public while we can’t. And every time I want to come over, or if you want to come over, we have to pretend it’s for studying. And because we can’t tell them no, sometimes Maya or Lucas or Zay comes with us and it turns into a hangout,” Riley spoke, the pain and slight frustration evident in her tone.

Farkle chuckled for a bit, putting his face back to kiss her on the lips and then pulling his face away to talk to her. “But you were the one who wanted a secret relationship, weren’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I don’t want to go through what Maya and Lucas went through. I mean, they had to answer dad’s questions and our classmates’ and our other teachers’!” she whisper shouted, her eyes widening at every word.

“But you know I love you, Riley, I am so deeply in love with you I’m willing to do this just for you.”

“And I love you, Farkle, too much that I think they’re already noticing,” she said, paired with a few laughs.

“How come?”

“I accidentally wore your beanies yesterday, remember? And I think Maya can see us holding hands behind her desk, don’t you?”

He smiled as he approached her lips again, kissing it for multiple times. “Also, I think Maya noticed us looking at each other that time in Topanga’s”

“Oh, which one? ”

“When we almost kissed.”

“Oh, right, well, which one?”

He laughed at the absurdity of her sentence. It was true; they almost kissed a lot of times. But they stopped themselves. He claimed he didn’t want to stop himself because he wanted so badly to reach for her face and just kiss it.

She said she would never mind, but she stopped herself because she didn’t know if Farkle felt the same way.

Not on New Year’s when they dragged each other three times, not on the lab when they were holding the beaker, and not on Topanga’s when they were fighting.

But right now, she knew.

“The first day of high school? Even when we were fighting and even when you told me I was wrong for trusting strangers? Yeah, I remember,” she reminisced, smiling at the moment that seemed too far away from them.

“Well, we did get to kiss later that week, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, finally. So, ready?” she asked, smiling and looking up at him lovingly. To which he returned with a smile of his own and a kiss that he trailed on her neck.

“Of course.”

They slowly walked inside and at first, it was pitch black. Still kissing and their bodies almost pushing each other with little force, they closed the door.

And then, as they were laughing and Farkle’s hands were touching Riley’s face and her hands were on his waist, the lights suddenly turned on.

“Congratulations, Ri-”

They stopped, their eyes widened, and they hastily pulled each other away. They looked eye to eye for a few seconds, then turned to the people in front of them, only to be greeted by Riley’s family, Ava and, worst of all, Farkle’s father. And, of course, their friends.

“So,” Maya spoke up, “congratulations to you, huh?”

#57 He’s mad, gives you the silent treatment and you start crying (requested)
  • Ashton: Tour was coming up and everything was becoming stressful for him because he had to learn all his parts in each song and his mind was everywhere so far. “Ashton?” You called out, no response but you saw him there, pulling out a can of soda from the fridge. “How was your day?” You asked quietly and he didn’t look at you or respond back. You tried a lot of things to try and talk to him, but nothing was working. You felt like he was mad at you about something and you didn’t know what you did. “You know what, maybe you’re just not realizing that I’m trying to talk to you and you won’t respond back. God, what happened to you and your giggly-self!” You shouted running upstairs before locking the door. You heard footsteps coming up the stairs as you cried into your pillow. “Y/N, can I come in?” He asked speaking up. “Not unless you told me what I did wrong.” You cried as you heard him sigh and open the door. “You did absolutely nothing wrong!” He sighed. “I’m just stressed about the whole tour. I can’t get my parts right and my head is hurting. I had a bad day and I know you were trying to help but I can’t stop thinking about all of this.” He continued. “Babe, calm down.” You said pulling him down to your face. “Don’t worry, please. You’ll get it soon. I believe in you.” You said giving him a small smile. “You’re amazing, you know that?” He asked pressing a soft kiss on your lips. “Please don’t ever scare me like that again.” You said running your hands through his hair. “I promise.” He smiled kissing your nose before cuddling you.
  • Calum: A stupid argument caused him to be mad and he looked like he was done with everything. You didn’t know what to do because you didn’t want to make things worse. You locked yourself in your shared room, trying to piece everything together from what happened earlier. Tears fell down slowly knowing you really messed up and you heard a door slam which made you think that he left. You cried even harder that time and now you were just lying on his side of the bed, hoping some miracle would happen between you two. You remembered all the fun that you two had as a couple and soon, you realized yourself throwing pillows and wanting to punch the wall in anger. You decided to calm down and try to sleep to get your mind off of things which helped a little. When you woke up, you went downstairs to see him on the couch, on his phone. “I thought you left..” You said quietly, no response though, but just glares meaning he was giving you the silent treatment. A minute passed and you decided to speak up. “Look, I’m sorry, what happened okay?” You said crying in front of him. “I just want things to be good again but you’re making this so hard for me. I hate it when we fight! I hate it when you’re mad at me! I hate you but I love you!” You cried before running upstairs. “No, wait.” He said pulling your arm back before you could leave. “You don’t even love me anymore, you hate me!” You cried and he pulled you into his arms. “I do love you. Who said I didn’t?” He said crashing your lips to his into a deep kiss. “I’m sorry too, but I still love you, always have, always will, okay?” He said as you nodded, wiping a tear from his eye as he wiped your tears.
  • Luke: Both of you were at any typical high school/college party with your friends and he knew coming with you would be the best although he wasn’t fond of parties that much. You ended up losing Luke somehow and you weren’t drinking that much either, but you were a little scared being alone. You crashed into your best friend and asked if she knew where Luke was, but she didn’t know either. You groaned but kept looking for him anyways. While looking for him, you crashed into one of your old guy friends you used to be close with and dated for a couple months. You were so lost into catching up with him that you forgot about finding Luke, not until he found you talking to your old guy friend who he didn’t know at all. He was clearly upset and pulled your hand. “Um, she has to go now.” He muttered. “It was great to see you!” You said quickly, putting on a fake smile as you followed Luke out the door and back to your car. “What the hell was that for?” You snapped. He was already super mad and jealous which you could tell his anger was building up but you didn’t realize the jealousy side of him. “Why did you do that? You just came off as rude and you promised me you wouldn’t be that guy who’s always scared and protective. You promised me that you would understand that I can talk to guys too like you have fans that are girls!” You cried wiping your mascara stained tears away with your fingers. He was silent the entire time as you rambled on & on. He finally had enough and stopped the car on the side of the road then sighed as he leaned his head on the wheel. He took your hand in his and kissed it. “Stop trying to be sweet because it’s not gonna work.” You sniffled. “Y/N, I’m sorry, okay? Babe, I love you so much, you know that. I just don’t want to see you leave me right in front of my eyes.” He sighed as tears developed in his eyes. “Babe, I’ll never leave you. You’re crazy to think even think about some nonsense like that.” You sniffled intertwining your fingers with his. “I love you.” You said snuggling up to his shoulder. “Love you more.” He said kissing the top of your head, before starting the car to continue the car ride home.
  • Michael: “So you’re just gonna pass by me and not expect you to say hi & hug me or kiss me?” You asked him as he walked through the front door. He crashed on the couch, ignoring everything you were saying and you automatically knew something was wrong. You tried stroking his back lightly but he shoved your hand away repeatedly. “Fine, if you’re not gonna let me help you, then what’s the point of me being your girlfriend huh?” You huffed as tears formed in your eyes and you locked yourself in the bathroom. You cried knowing that he was angry at something, but you didn’t know what. Not until you felt a vibrate from your phone in your pocket and saw tons of notifications on your social media about you and this guy. Now you knew what he was mad about and decided to confront him about it. “Is this what you’re mad about?” You asked showing him your phone even though his body was slumped down onto the couch. His eyes looked up to see the headlines of an article about you and the unknown guy which happened to be someone you didn’t know at all. He sighed and muttered, “Maybe.” You looked at him and scoffed. “Maybe?” You asked. “Okay, fine…yeah, I’m mad about that.” He admitted feeling guilty that he gave you the silent treatment. “Hey,” You said laying on top of him before wrapping your arms around his side. “You know I love you and I wouldn’t do such a stupid thing, so you shouldn’t be mad.” You said kissing his neck. “But I know I’m not good enough for you…” He muttered that last part making your heart break. “Yes you are, Michael.” You said as a tear slipped and he flipped his body around to have you lying on top of his chest now. “Don’t cry please.” He mumbled. “You are my everything. You deserve me because you’re the one who stole my heart.” You said comfortingly before he kissed your lips. “I love you so much.” He whispered against your lips, deepening the kiss.

Two rings and i hear your voice.
“Yeah”
“Tell me that i didn’t just read that. Tell me that you are not breaking up with me like that. Through a fucking message. Through a message that says that you suggest we stay good friends.”
“No, i said that. If there is no other option and that’s the only solution, then that’s what we are gonna do.”
“You didn’t even search for another solution! And solution to what? To you getting bored?!”
Silence. You don’t talk. You knew i was right. All these months and you ending this just like that. Making me feel like all of this was nothing, like i was nothing, to you. And maybe it was, maybe i was. But i don’t know that for sure, cause you never told me where i was wrong, i asked you and you didn’t. So i don’t know that for sure. But what i do know, is that it wasn’t that i was too little for you, but that you aren’t for too much. You can’t handle big things, you play by safe staying in your comfort zone. And baby, i was so out of it.

You told me I was wrong, and in my head I realized it too. I thought it was love, but I was too busy looking forward to see that you were always looking behind you. Unfortunately, my heart is bad at sorting out misunderstandings.

mittensmorgul  asked:

Reading your summary of the episode, and re: Dean's confusion over who the next president was (as of 1942): That was a weird time in Presidential history, and he was right. Despite the stereotype of Americans not knowing our own history/government very well overall. FDR was our only 4 term president, and was succeeded by Truman as Dean corrected himself from Eisenhower (who followed Truman in 1953). FDR died in office in 1945, and Truman (as VP) took over. It's not really relevant, but yeah. :D

Okay cool! I was getting really worried about Dean’s general knowledge there. :P I mean admittedly probably only rabid sports fans could tell you 1940s stats off the top of their head, but the presidents thing sounded like something that might get hammered into you in school.

(since it is just useless school trivia I was giving it a pass because that’s the kind of knowledge Dean would reject and not care about and contribute to his “ugh school” attitude although combined with him not getting a literary reference at the start I’m still side-eyeing Berens overall. :P)

(Sorry, I’m replying like you told me he was wrong. I get that he was right, just in context it was played like he was taking wild stabs in the dark, so it’s good to know this :P) 

Can we just move on?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 3466

Category: Angst, Fluff kinda

Warnings: Ex-(I repeat EX) HYDRA reader, severe guilt, angst, unhealthy coping mechanism, fluff, Use of Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown, fluffy ending, 

Your name: submit What is this?


You were in the kitchen, buttering a bagel, when you heard Steve call you into the living room. You grabbed the plate, standing behind the others on the couch. You rip a chunk of bagel off with your teeth. You chewed as the others filed in.

“We have a new team member,” Steve tells you. “He’s really nervous, so if you could all be nice.” He looks directly at Tony as he talks.

“I am very nice,” Tony snips. You, along with the others, snort. You tear more bagel off, chewing as Steve continues.

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Axel

“It’s not my proudest moment,” he says, not meeting Tony’s eye in a way that kind of scares him.

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“…”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Tony insists, reaching out for those fragile looking hands. “I’ve seen all sides of you, and i’m still here. I’m here for all of your proudest moments and your major fuck ups.”

When Loki doesn’t answer him, he adds, “unless said fuck up is murdering me. I’m not here for that.”

“Anthony…” Loki breathes, finally meeting his gaze with that complicated expression that Tony still can’t categorize properly. Is he happy? Is he mad? God only knows. Literally.

“What?” Tony smiles innocently at him. “You don’t seriously think i’m going to stand by and let you gut me, do you?”

“You do not honestly think I would gut you, do you?”

“Maybe, if I pester you enough about that time with the lime-green sock and your—”

Nails dig into the palms of Tony’s hands in warning, making him giggle, because Tony has those things called callouses so good luck with that, and because Loki was hardly even trying.

Oh yeah, he was totally feeling threatened.

“You swore not to speak of that anywhere where those two may listen in.”

“I promised no such thing,” Tony replies, then winces when the nails dig in deeper, and quickly makes to amend himself. “Oh, yeah, right, I did say that. Yep. So, about this not-so-proud moment?”

Loki lets out another breath, this time some foreign-alien-probably-swear-word sliding out with it. His gaze hasn’t drifted away or lowered in shame again, which is a little more reassuring since Loki doesn’t usually do that. He meets you head on, challenges you even when he’s dead fucking wrong.

So to see the god duck his head, hide his eyes behind his hair, to shuffle his feet like a toddler caught climbing on top of the fridge was… okay, maybe that’s a bad example, Tony was an odd baby.

The point was, this kind of reaction from the one and only Loki, God of ‘Don’t Give a Fuck’ was absolutely terrifying.

So when Loki begins to talk, Tony sits right down and gives the nervous looking man his actual full-on attention.

“I have lived proudly, I shan’t deny that,” he admits, looking down at his thin fingers that had, at some point, curled around Tony’s instead of digging into his palms.

“I have lived less so, of course, under certain thumbs of powerful beings. A father, a king, a war lord…”

“SHIELD,” Tony adds with distaste.

Loki spares him a smile.
“The lesser of three evils.”

“Depends on the evils.”

“Odin? Th… Thanos? I should think they rate higher,” Loki points out, his lips pinched and white.

Tony stares at him, unblinking, mutters an, “You win,” and nods for him to continue.

But Loki doesn’t, not for a while. He sits back, keeping their hands connected, and stares down at Tony with another unreadable expression. Tony was undoubtably the best at reading Loki’s moods, next to Thor, who was the best at misinterpreting them, but the god still succeeded to hide everything in times likes these.

It was the small shift in posture, a drop of tension from his shoulders, that told Tony that Loki was about to dish it out at last.

“When I was younger, I believed strongly in justice. No—” Loki puts up a hand to silence him, “—not your mortal sense of justice. Something more… Ah, well, primitive, by one’s usual standards. I believe you once called it 'an eye for an eye’?”

Tony nods, more to himself than anything. He vaguely remembers that conversation, the sex afterward being much more memorable.

And eye for an eye, indeed.

“I believed in a balance, much more literal than your society’s systems have chosen. There was the people, the spirits, the politics, the power, and the truth.” Loki pauses, lips forming an odd smile with an old sadness to it. “Truth above all, and the rest trickled down to the things of a lesser importance. Politics had always been at the bottom of my tower, and along side it, people.”

“People weren’t important to you?”

“People did not provide this Justice accurately.,” corrects Loki. “Politics fail the balance, people abuse it, souls are lost to it, power corrupts it, and truth… truth was its only shining star amongst the murk. Because truth could always be balanced.”

At Tony’s incredulous snort, Loki pulls him closer and touches their hands to his chest.

“Truth is raw,” he says. “Do you feel my heart beating? That is truth. There is no lie in the most basic forms of life. A tree grows, snow falls on a mountain top, animals fight and eat and mate. These things thrive on their honesty, and are a part of the balance that we will never achieve… because we lie.”

“But aren’t you, like, the 'God of lies’? What are you telling me here?”

“I’m telling you my gravest mistake, Anthony. My largest 'fuck up’.”

“Go on…”

With a sharp sigh that sounded no where near relaxed, Loki begins more slowly.

“One day, many, many years ago, while I still believed in balance and truth above all else, I met an elf. He was no one special, in the end, simply a pivot on which my life would turn, but his name was Trill and he was clever.

He also found great amusement in this little, naive prince wandering out in the world, and decided to show him how to manipulate it to suit his needs.”

Loki clears his throat and glances away again.

“I have never told anyone this, and I wish to never have to repeat it again. So listen well, and I… can only hope you remain as you are. As I said, truth is balance when on equal ground. But even then, it can still destroy.”

“Would you just tell me already?” Tony huffs, freeing one hand to tip Loki’s head back to face him. “This was probably eons before I was even born, why would I care?”

“Because this is where that side of me came from.”

“The 'side’ of you that’s a part of you that I already know about and have gotten over along with the window throwing, almost-Coulson-killing, city ruining, poison-coffee-ing, lime green sock—”

“Stop it.”

And he does, but he smiles at Loki with more confidence than the god seems to expect. In fact, he really was under the impression Tony was going to up and leave him over whatever this was. It was equal parts fascinating and disturbing.

Oh well, he thinks, the truth will set you free. Or balance you, or whatever.

“I was told, by this elf, that things were not as it seemed. That a tree could lie, healthy bark hiding a rotten core. That animals could disrupt the balance, taking a life in needless violence…” His voice softens to nearly a whisper. “A father eating his young, for example.”

Tony’s heart does a painful thudding thing in his chest, and his grip tightens around Loki’s hands.

“Loki…”

“I told you he was a pivot, but I did not say that was the moment my life pivoted,” Loki says with a pained smile. “It wasn’t until that faithful day in the weapons vault, with my skin just changed back to what I knew to be my own, that I saw it. I saw that ugly, broken world at last, and I embraced it fully.”

“You lied before, though,” Tony interrupts. “You told me this before, you tricked the Frost Giants to break into Asgard or whatever.”

“Yes, I lied a lot, even as a child,” Loki agrees, shrugging awkwardly. It was a habit he seemed to be picking up from Tony—to both his horror and pride—and was slowly working it into his repertoire of gestures.

“I lied to complete the balance. A mound of gold for a girl? No, too unbalanced. Her life meant more and Odin thought not. But for the Ring? Yes, the Ring was worthy of her life, and so it was because I interfered. Was Thor ready for the throne? Was this an equal price to pay; his nativity, that would tear our realm apart, weighed against his honor?

I thought not.

A realm is not worth Thor’s trust, and certainly not his pride.”

Tony hums in agreement, finally beginning to understand where this was going.

“No wonder we get along. It really is an eye for an eye, or, you know, a ring for a girl, a back-stabbing, murdering, son of a bitch father figure for world sort-of-peace.”

“And Pepper,” he adds quickly, ignoring the way Loki’s eyes narrow at her name. Three years and he still did that, greedy much?

“Yes, we do share the same… Priorities at times. Myself, of course, having pivoted once again.”

“Oh?” Tony muses, wiggling his body a little. “Did a little personal do-si-do?”

At that, Loki smirks and leans in, yanking Tony nearly into his lap.

“No, I met you. I had gone beyond the balance and into a spiral of irreparable destruction and chaos. I had lost sight of truth and beauty and you, Tony Stark, showed up and told me the truth.”

“I did?”

You have no throne here,” Loki drawls. “Sound familiar?”

“A little more Shakespeare, but yeah, I was threatening you.”

“You were honest,” the god remarks, sliding his hands free to wrap around Tony’s back. “You told me why I was wrong, you walked up to me, foolishly, and told me I would lose… and I did.”

“So I was a pivot… Because I threatened you and you threw me out a window and went off to stab Thor and, sorry babe, lostmagnificently?”

“If you must put it in such simplistic terms, then yes, you were and still are, a turning point in my life.”

Tony lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding, and hides his face in Loki’s neck. It was his favorite hiding technique, perfect thanks to hight differences, and also because this way he could admit things without facing Loki head on.

Like the coward that he was.

“I’m here for this,” he whispers, hating how wobbly his voice sounds.

“You are here?” Loki replies, sounding equally as shaken, if not surprised. “I fear it is a rather grand responsibility, being so transformative.”

“I can handle it, you should have seen my metamorphosis. This isn’t even my final form.”

“Norns, what is?” Loki chuckles in his ear, lips brushing against the sensitive skin below it.

Tony thinks while he snuggles into Loki’s body to get comfortable. The god shifts, unasked, and suddenly it’s perfect and nothing’s in the wrong place.

Like puzzle pieces.

No, cogs working together in the grand machine.

“Probably a giant moth,” he mutters, eyes closing as Loki huffs with laughter.

He doesn’t reply, and he doesn’t need to.

They were just balanced like that.