you-see-how-lonely-the-doctor-is

TRAPPED - A Story I Wrote.

Trapped

By: —- ———

I can remember seeing the crying face of my daughter, as the men in black suits firmly grabbed me by my shoulder and pushed me into a black, mysterious car. It’s hard to believe that that moment was 15 years ago, it feels like I have been here for 30. My body has adapted to this place, my hair, a fringe of grey-white around my balding, mottled scalp. My hands have turned rough, like stones, with my every move I can hear the creak of old bones. My skin has turned pale white, I walk in a disturbing, hunched way, and I’m not sure of this, but I think you can see death, in my eyes.  My mood has adapted too, dull, vague, lonely, that’s how I feel. I know what they think of me, the doctors and nurses, I know what they think, and they’re wrong! They think that I am crazy, that I’m insane, that I need help, that I deserve to be here. How do they dare think that?! I’m sane, I’m normal, and I deserve freedom.

Every day it’s the same, the same old, sad, boring, pitiful routine. The nurses wake me up, they feed me with gallons of drugs and freeze-dried beef. Even though I have been here for a long time, I tend to forget what I do, probably because there’s never something significant I do these days. What I do remember – how could I forget – is how they, torture me.

The floor and walls in the torture room are broken, probably from a ‘’patient’’ who tried to break free. Whenever I enter the room I am hit with memories, memories of other people crying, bleeding, screaming, it’s petrifying. Whenever I start to think about how many people were tortured on that broken, grey chair, a piece of me dies. What makes me mad is the fact that the doctors say that it’s good for you. That it’s good for me?! How can they think that? How could they possibly think that sticking needles in me and shocking me is good for me?! And they call me crazy, they are the ones who are insane, they are the ones who need ‘’help’’, I don’t! I need freedom, that’s what I need. The one thing that makes me even madder is the fact that I don’t even know why I am here. Most of my life before this place has slowly faded away, probably because of all the drugs they give me.

Could you imagine how stressful and unfair that is? Being locked in a horrible place where they torture you, judge you and you don’t even know why you’re there. I’ve considered killing myself, what is there to live in this place? In fact, I have tried killing myself several times, however, those nurses, they always manage to bring me back to life. Why won’t they just let me die?! Don’t they understand how I feel? I’m sure they do, they probably know how I feel, they just want to make me mad.

My nurse escorts me back to my room, the nurse had

 short scarlet red hair, and olive green eyes. I wonder why would a person choose to work in a place like this. Just as the nurse unlocks the door to my room I hear the grey-haired doctors talk, ‘’By Monday some of the patients will be put down’’ one of them said. ‘Put down?’ do they mean, killed? The thoughts go rushing into my head ‘I can’t die here, I want to live, I want to be free’. I knew that if some people were going to be killed I was one of them. I have had so many violent outbursts and attempts of escaping, they’d be foolish not to kill me! Oh my god, but I’m not ready, I need, I just need more, this can’t be the end of me! I can’t be remembered as the crazy old man who spent the rest of his life in a horrible place.

The thought of this being the end of me is a thought my body and mind rejected, as if my mind and body couldn’t comprehend what it meant. ‘’I must escape!’’, is the thought that comes into my brain. I start thinking of all the things that could go wrong, however, I find that it is totally possible to escape. How did I not think of this before? I can escape! I will escape! I’ll escape and leave all of this mess behind, this is it, the chance of a happy life. I start thinking of how I’ll be able to escape. I know of only one exit, it’s at the end of a dark hall with rusted beige walls. My room isn’t so far away from the exit, however the doors of the exit are locked, I need a key. I have seen many nurses with a stack of keys in their pockets, maybe I could steal them. If I am doing this my plan has to be stealthy, if too many people notice they’ll call the police, and I’ll be escorted back to my room, to die.

Now I wait patiently for my plan to go into action. I’m waiting for the stars in the dark night sky to fade away. Suddenly, I hear a vague growl in my head ‘’I’ll be free’’ it says, the growl becomes louder ‘’I’ll be free’’ it says, ’’I’ll be free!’’ it screams. Yes! I will be free! I will have the freedom that I always wanted! No more doctors, no more nurses, no more disgusting people, I’ll be free. For the first time in a long time, my body fills up with happiness and excitement. I can’t believe it, after all this time, I have a chance, a chance at being free.

I look out the windows and see the dark blue clouds gather in the sky. I hear the first splatter of rain hitting the bottom of the broken window in my room. It’s the first time that I see rain since they locked me up in here. It never rains here, this place is always in dry isolation. The memories come rushing into my brain, all of these emotions start drowning my heart and senses. ‘’I remember!’’ I scream in my head. ‘’I remember!’’ I scream out loud. For a second I was happy, I finally remember why they put me in this horrendous place, however, that happiness quickly faded, as the reason why I am here isn’t joyful at all.

The house was rosewood pink and it must have been extremely old since the walls were slowly collapsing. The rain gave the house a gloomy and somewhat terrifying atmosphere. The walls in my room were gray, I was sitting in my oak wood desk as I hear the voice of a middle-aged women. ‘’I’m home!’’ the voice said. I remember slowly walking down the rusty stairs and sliding my hand across the wooden railing. I slowly turned around the corner and gazed at a middle-aged women with short, curly, dark blonde hair. She was wearing a pink sweatshirt and a pearl necklace. She was unpacking fruits from peanut brown bags. Behind me came a young teenager with light brown hair and honey eyes. ‘’Hi dad’’ said the teenagerl as she kisses my cheek. ‘’Could you cut the onions for me?’’ asked the women. I remember slowly walking up to a refrigerator and grabbing onions. After that, I opened the dark wood drawer and slowly took out a knife.

I’m not sure what was going through my head in that moment, however, I remember slowly lifting the knife and stabbing it in the neck of the middle-aged women. The women fell to the floor and blood slowly came out of the back of her neck onto the white floor of the kitchen. The teenage girl screamed as loudly as she could. ‘’What have you done?!’’ she screams at the top of her lungs. Her face morphed into an expression of fear. ‘’What have you done?!’’ she screams again. I let go of the knife in my hand, as it hits the floor the teenage girl runs up the stairs and into her bedroom. ‘’My dad killed my mom!’’ she screams into a phone. Moments later a police car and an ambulance arrives at my house. I opened my mouth but no words came out. A police officer put handcuffs on me and pushed me into a car. I remember looking out the back window and seeing the  crying, colorless face of my daughter.

After all of this years, I finally understand why I am here. This just makes me more eager to escape. I must redeem myself. When I get out of here I will live a giving and caring life, I will do my best to make everyone I meet happy. I slowly close my eyes and let sleep take over my body.

The creek of the rusty metal door wakes me up. My nurse comes into the room and hesitantly closes the metal door. She slowly walked to the metal counter and unlocked the bottom drawer and takes out what seems to be a drug in a small bottle. She injects the drug into a syringe ‘’What is that?’’ I ask. The nurse doesn’t reply. ‘’What is that?!’’ I scream with a fearful tone. This must be how they kill me. Perhaps this drug is their way to put me to sleep and then kill me!. ‘’This won’t hurt a bit’’ said the nurse as she prepares to inject the drug into my lower wrist. ‘’No!’’ I scream as I grab the syringe and punch her in the face. The nurse falls to the floor and I grab the keys in her pocket. One of the keys had a label saying ’Room 102’. ‘’This must be it!’’ I say while I insert the key into the door and slowly open it. ‘’No one is near’’ I murmur to myself as I peek outside. I open the door and run as fast as I can to the exit door. I know the door is only a couple meters away from my room but it feels like I have been running for ages.’

As I open the doors I continue running, my face and body is hit with millions of raindrops. I find peace in this rain, for the first time in a long time, I feel peaceful. ‘’I’m free!’’ I yell as I am filled with awe from the beautiful green hills and the dark blue sky. I look down and see that I am running on a stone passage. I look forward and I can see the wood houses of a small village. I admire the glowing light coming out of the windows of the houses. Every single inch of my body is filled with joy, after 15 years of pain and endless suffering, I am finally free. Suddenly, I feel an immense force on my chest. I fall to the ground and my body feels the wet stone and raindrops going down my eyes. ‘’What’s happening?’’ I murmur. Suddenly, the raindrops stop following, they disappear. I look around and see that what once a beautiful dark blue sky is now an empty white void. The green hills and wooden houses have disappeared too. ‘’This is not real’’ I murmur. I start saying it louder, ‘’This is not real’’, then I scream, ‘’This is not real!’’

The old man stood still in his bed, his eyes closed slowly as he slipped away to death’s hands . ‘’Time of death, 21:01,’’ said the doctor.  

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