I want to inject bleach into my veins.
I want to jump in my car and drive to California.
I want to ditch whatever is here and live quietly alone.
Then there’s no more negativity.
Then I’ll have my secret hideout
And exile myself
I want to go back in time and shoot my vulnerable, innocent baby face.
I want to scream and throw him through every window and through every wall and dig his fucking hole to sleep in right outside the fucking hospital six feet under.
I want life to be simple
I want you to stop relying on substance to make you feel better.
I want nobody I know to see this, but it’ll happen.
These words will bite me.
But I’ll die for my expression.
I want the world to feel my discomfort
Like I’m typing with broken fingers.
Like the vessel my brain is in, cold and achy
The wars that my body has gone through
And the punishment I satisfied myself with
At the end of the tunnel, there is no light
Only more death.
But death isn’t shackling my throat tonight
he’s closer than you think.